Oh. That's where he's going with this conversation. Some kind of parental 'does he respect you' second-guessing. I'm twenty-one. I don't need this from him.
"Maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about me." I'm angry now. Who is he to question me about any of this? And why am I answering him? Because of my misplaced lust?
A car honks outside and my attention is diverted from Luke's face. Mike is outside, idling in the no-parking lane, trying to get my attention.
"Is that him?" Luke is standing even closer than he was before.
"Yes."
"Sophie—"
I cut him off. I've had enough of this. "Thanks, Dr. Miller, for everything. I'll use the condoms, I promise. I'll even YouTube directions so I don't screw it up, okay? So don't worry about me. I've got it covered." I laugh. "Literally, I'll make sure it's covered, okay?"
He looks surprised. Does no one call him on his bullshit?
"My ride is here." I shake my head. "My boyfriend is here." I correct myself. "Thank you for your help with my grandfather and your repeated safe-sex talks. I promise you I will not show up at the clinic knocked up."
"Sophie." Now Luke sounds pissed. What the hell is he pissed about? I don't care for his tone. Who is this man to me? No one. Mike is outside waiting for me. Mike who never gives me mixed signals. Mike who makes it clear he wants me. Mike who is not an inappropriate match.
"Thanks, Dr. Miller. Goodbye." I walk away.
Chapter 7
"Let's go!" Everly sings out as the door swings shut behind her. She's grinning at me as if we have exciting plans. She's just walked into my dorm room unannounced, coat on, black hair pulled into a low pony tail. She's ready to go.
I'm lying across my bed cuddling a textbook for my business ethics class. I'm ready to go nowhere.
"Where are we going?" I ask. I'm pretty sure I know, but I am the queen of denial.
Incidentally, my ex-boyfriend Scott is now very happily dating. A personal trainer, named James. I saw them once on 34th Street, holding hands and laughing about some shared joke. They'd looked happy and I'd felt a wave of jealousy. Not over Scott. I'd always known on some level that we were just coasting together—Scott until he came out of the closet and me until I felt willing to take the next step. Because that step? It's a risk.
My mom got pregnant at sixteen. I have no idea how careful she was or wasn't. From what I remember of her she wasn't careful about anything. All I know is that I never want to be her. I never want to repay my grandparents for taking me in and raising me by repeating that cycle. And I never want to put myself in a position where I'd have to choose between abortion, adoption or asking for help.
Sex was one big risk. Is that paranoid? To avoid sex on the small chance that the pill would fail and I'd end up pregnant? Maybe. But my early years left a big impact on me. I’m not going there, so Luke can shove his safe-sex speeches up his ass. I’m the last girl who needs to hear it.
So when I saw Scott and his boyfriend on the street that day I felt a little wistful over what they had together. Who doesn't want that?
Mike has been flirting with me since junior year. I ignored him, mostly. It wasn't that serious. He was always with one girl or another. When we started classes this fall we ended up in Business Ethics together and this time when he flirted, I encouraged it.
"You know where we're going, Sophie. Your pubes are not going to wax themselves,” Everly says, interrupting my thoughts.
"Please never say the word pubes again."
Everly grabs a hoodie off the back of my chair and tosses it at me. "Let's go. We have appointments."
"How'd you get in the building anyway?" I ask as I pull on my old Uggs and grab my bag.
"I bumped into Jeannie out front, she buzzed me in."
Exiting the front door of Jacobsen, we take the sidewalk towards the nearest university bus stop. It's a beautiful afternoon in Philadelphia. The air has that crisp fresh smell that only comes with fall.
I pull the sweatshirt over my head as we walk, stuffing my cell phone into the front pocket. "Anything I need to know before this appointment?" I ask, glancing at Everly as we walk.
"No. Stop being a pussy. You're gonna get naked with Leah. She's gonna apply wax to your lady bits and then rip the hair out by the root until you're as smooth as a baby's ass."
"Huh. It's strange how apprehensive I am about this based on your vivid description." I swerve to avoid a cyclist. "I mean, it sounds great. It must just be me."
"Clearly it's just you," Everly responds as we board the student bus. We can take this to the edge of campus and then walk down Sansom Street.
"What are you doing this weekend?" I ask Everly as she frowns at her cell phone.
"Going home," she replies, thumbs flying over the touch screen of her phone, tapping out a text. "My brother is getting married."
"Oh! That sounds fun." I think it would have been fun to grow up with siblings. Everly's brother is quite a bit older than her, but still, a big brother would have been nice. "Are you taking the train?" I know Everly grew up somewhere outside of New York City. The train between Philadelphia and New York is a common way to travel.
"I better not be taking the train," she replies with a final tap to her phone. She smiles.
I'm confused by her response. "Is someone driving down to pick you up?"
"No." She crosses her legs and rests the phone on her thigh. "Professor Camden is driving me home."
I'm never sure how seriously to take this crush she has on Professor Camden. Though lately it's bordering on an obsession. She's mentioned him on and off for years, but she's never lacked a boyfriend. Plus he's a professor.
"Really?" I ask. "Professor Camden is driving you to New York?" I know I sound dubious. Professor Camden is really good-looking and ten years older than us. At least. Not to mention a professor. So completely off limits.
I'm not judging. My crush on Luke turned out to be even more inappropriate than I'd imagined. I just don't want Everly to get hurt. Everly tends to get what she wants, but I'm afraid this time she wants something she just can't have.
Everly opens her mouth to respond when her phone rings. She glances at the screen and smirks before giving me a huge smile. "Yes, he is." She presses the green answer button and brings the phone to her ear. In a sweet voice I’m not familiar with she answers, "Yes, Professor Camden?"
"Maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about me." I'm angry now. Who is he to question me about any of this? And why am I answering him? Because of my misplaced lust?
A car honks outside and my attention is diverted from Luke's face. Mike is outside, idling in the no-parking lane, trying to get my attention.
"Is that him?" Luke is standing even closer than he was before.
"Yes."
"Sophie—"
I cut him off. I've had enough of this. "Thanks, Dr. Miller, for everything. I'll use the condoms, I promise. I'll even YouTube directions so I don't screw it up, okay? So don't worry about me. I've got it covered." I laugh. "Literally, I'll make sure it's covered, okay?"
He looks surprised. Does no one call him on his bullshit?
"My ride is here." I shake my head. "My boyfriend is here." I correct myself. "Thank you for your help with my grandfather and your repeated safe-sex talks. I promise you I will not show up at the clinic knocked up."
"Sophie." Now Luke sounds pissed. What the hell is he pissed about? I don't care for his tone. Who is this man to me? No one. Mike is outside waiting for me. Mike who never gives me mixed signals. Mike who makes it clear he wants me. Mike who is not an inappropriate match.
"Thanks, Dr. Miller. Goodbye." I walk away.
Chapter 7
"Let's go!" Everly sings out as the door swings shut behind her. She's grinning at me as if we have exciting plans. She's just walked into my dorm room unannounced, coat on, black hair pulled into a low pony tail. She's ready to go.
I'm lying across my bed cuddling a textbook for my business ethics class. I'm ready to go nowhere.
"Where are we going?" I ask. I'm pretty sure I know, but I am the queen of denial.
Incidentally, my ex-boyfriend Scott is now very happily dating. A personal trainer, named James. I saw them once on 34th Street, holding hands and laughing about some shared joke. They'd looked happy and I'd felt a wave of jealousy. Not over Scott. I'd always known on some level that we were just coasting together—Scott until he came out of the closet and me until I felt willing to take the next step. Because that step? It's a risk.
My mom got pregnant at sixteen. I have no idea how careful she was or wasn't. From what I remember of her she wasn't careful about anything. All I know is that I never want to be her. I never want to repay my grandparents for taking me in and raising me by repeating that cycle. And I never want to put myself in a position where I'd have to choose between abortion, adoption or asking for help.
Sex was one big risk. Is that paranoid? To avoid sex on the small chance that the pill would fail and I'd end up pregnant? Maybe. But my early years left a big impact on me. I’m not going there, so Luke can shove his safe-sex speeches up his ass. I’m the last girl who needs to hear it.
So when I saw Scott and his boyfriend on the street that day I felt a little wistful over what they had together. Who doesn't want that?
Mike has been flirting with me since junior year. I ignored him, mostly. It wasn't that serious. He was always with one girl or another. When we started classes this fall we ended up in Business Ethics together and this time when he flirted, I encouraged it.
"You know where we're going, Sophie. Your pubes are not going to wax themselves,” Everly says, interrupting my thoughts.
"Please never say the word pubes again."
Everly grabs a hoodie off the back of my chair and tosses it at me. "Let's go. We have appointments."
"How'd you get in the building anyway?" I ask as I pull on my old Uggs and grab my bag.
"I bumped into Jeannie out front, she buzzed me in."
Exiting the front door of Jacobsen, we take the sidewalk towards the nearest university bus stop. It's a beautiful afternoon in Philadelphia. The air has that crisp fresh smell that only comes with fall.
I pull the sweatshirt over my head as we walk, stuffing my cell phone into the front pocket. "Anything I need to know before this appointment?" I ask, glancing at Everly as we walk.
"No. Stop being a pussy. You're gonna get naked with Leah. She's gonna apply wax to your lady bits and then rip the hair out by the root until you're as smooth as a baby's ass."
"Huh. It's strange how apprehensive I am about this based on your vivid description." I swerve to avoid a cyclist. "I mean, it sounds great. It must just be me."
"Clearly it's just you," Everly responds as we board the student bus. We can take this to the edge of campus and then walk down Sansom Street.
"What are you doing this weekend?" I ask Everly as she frowns at her cell phone.
"Going home," she replies, thumbs flying over the touch screen of her phone, tapping out a text. "My brother is getting married."
"Oh! That sounds fun." I think it would have been fun to grow up with siblings. Everly's brother is quite a bit older than her, but still, a big brother would have been nice. "Are you taking the train?" I know Everly grew up somewhere outside of New York City. The train between Philadelphia and New York is a common way to travel.
"I better not be taking the train," she replies with a final tap to her phone. She smiles.
I'm confused by her response. "Is someone driving down to pick you up?"
"No." She crosses her legs and rests the phone on her thigh. "Professor Camden is driving me home."
I'm never sure how seriously to take this crush she has on Professor Camden. Though lately it's bordering on an obsession. She's mentioned him on and off for years, but she's never lacked a boyfriend. Plus he's a professor.
"Really?" I ask. "Professor Camden is driving you to New York?" I know I sound dubious. Professor Camden is really good-looking and ten years older than us. At least. Not to mention a professor. So completely off limits.
I'm not judging. My crush on Luke turned out to be even more inappropriate than I'd imagined. I just don't want Everly to get hurt. Everly tends to get what she wants, but I'm afraid this time she wants something she just can't have.
Everly opens her mouth to respond when her phone rings. She glances at the screen and smirks before giving me a huge smile. "Yes, he is." She presses the green answer button and brings the phone to her ear. In a sweet voice I’m not familiar with she answers, "Yes, Professor Camden?"
