Kate lets out a faltering breath as she processes what I’m saying. “You can’t feel guilty about following your own gut, Zack. You had to do what was right for you.”
I give her a small smile. “I know. I’m coming to grips with that and I’m starting to let that go.”
“That’s good,” she praises me.
“But I figured it out,” I tell her softly as I realize that the last few notes of the song are coming to an end. The band immediately breaks into a rousing Green Day song, and thankfully we’re far enough away from the speakers that my voice isn’t drowned out. Our bodies stay locked together, but we no longer sway to the music. “I finally figured out what was missing.”
“You did?” she asks with surprise.
I nod at her, my eyes roaming over her face briefly before I release my hold on her waist and bring my own hands up to grasp on to the sides of her head. I don’t want her for a moment to look away from me.
“I figured out what was missing…was you.”
Kate blinks several times, her eyes confused and uncertain at first. But then I see the moment when she truly understands what I’ve said, because a thin sheen of tears starts to sparkle and she whispers, “Oh.”
“You were what was missing from my life, and I didn’t even recognize it when I had it right in front of me. I started to figure it out after you left, but then it really became clear when I saw you the other night at Ryker’s…with Ben. It was then that I knew. You were what has been missing all my life.”
The first tear slides out of her eyes, so I drag a thumb over her cheek to catch it. If she’s going to cry, I need to hurry up and get it all out.
“Kate…you touch me in a way that no other human being ever has. I’m not sure if it’s your spirit and determination or your kindness. The way you care for Ben. Hell, maybe it’s your dorky ways, because all I know is that you make me laugh. You make my world bright again. You make it brighter than it ever has been before. You were what was missing from my life and I’m not going to let that get away.”
Kate stares at me for a moment, considering my words. I sort of expected her to maybe fall into me with an equal declaration or something, but instead her eyes sweep out over the backyard. She looks around, her lower lip pulled between her teeth telling me she’s deep in thought. I hold my breath waiting to see what she’ll do.
Finally, those baby blues come back my way and her lower lip pops free. Her lips curve into a smile and finally she says, “So…right now might be a good time to kiss me.”
My lips tip up and I snake one hand behind her head to hold her tight. “Oh, yeah? In front of all these people?”
“It would probably cause a scandal,” she quips with a cheeky grin.
“Then I say let’s shock the shit out of them,” I tell her, just before bringing my mouth to hers.
I do nothing but first just touch our lips together, softly and hesitantly, wanting to memorize everything about the moment. Then Kate’s mouth opens, inviting me back in…all the way in.
I seize and conquer, wrapping both arms around her again and pulling her flush in to my body. I slowly roll my tongue against hers and I bend her backward in an attempt to sink deeper into her.
We kiss, and kiss, and then kiss some more. Oblivious to the music, not caring about the people who are watching us right now. Even when someone whistles and yells, “Get a room,” we ignore it and then kiss some more.
It’s not until I feel a tugging on my pants leg that I finally pull away from Kate and look down. Ben is standing there, looking up at both of us with wide eyes.
“Hey, buddy,” I say nonchalantly, trying to convey to him that this wasn’t a big deal. But fuck…it’s a big deal. I have Kate. She’s mine.
Kate squats and comes down eye level to Ben. “Hey, Squeaky-Clean Jelly Bean…can I tell you a secret?”
Ben puts his little hands on Kate’s shoulders and nods at her, his eyes glowing with excitement.
“Okay,” she says as she reaches up a hand to me. I take hers and she tugs me down until I’m squatting next to her. “So…I kind of really like your daddy. I mean really like him. And he likes me as well.”
“Is that why you were kissing?” Ben asks solemnly.
“Yeah,” Kate says. “Is that okay with you?”
Ben’s eyes cut to mine for reassurance. “Are you cool with me liking Kate?”
Damn, it feels weird to talk to an almost-four-year-old like this. I mean…how do you explain a kiss like that?
Choosing not to answer my question, Ben instead asks, “Can Kate come back and live with us?”
I look over at Kate and she looks at me blankly, shrugging. I turn back to Ben and pull him into my arms, then stand up from my squat. Kate follows. “She’s living with Ryker now and watching Violet and Ruby, but I promise you…she is going to be around a lot. Okay?”
“Okay,” Ben says with a smile, and then we are forgotten. “Can I go play with Violet and Ruby again?”
“Sure thing,” I tell him, after giving him a kiss on the head. I lower him to the ground and he scampers off.
As Kate and I watch him, I slide my arm around her waist to pull her in to me. “That was a weird conversation.”
“I thought it went quite well,” she says with a laugh before turning into my arms and pressing in to hug me.
I hold on to her tight, laying my cheek to the top of her head, and finally…finally I feel complete. There isn’t one thing missing in my life.
I give her a small smile. “I know. I’m coming to grips with that and I’m starting to let that go.”
“That’s good,” she praises me.
“But I figured it out,” I tell her softly as I realize that the last few notes of the song are coming to an end. The band immediately breaks into a rousing Green Day song, and thankfully we’re far enough away from the speakers that my voice isn’t drowned out. Our bodies stay locked together, but we no longer sway to the music. “I finally figured out what was missing.”
“You did?” she asks with surprise.
I nod at her, my eyes roaming over her face briefly before I release my hold on her waist and bring my own hands up to grasp on to the sides of her head. I don’t want her for a moment to look away from me.
“I figured out what was missing…was you.”
Kate blinks several times, her eyes confused and uncertain at first. But then I see the moment when she truly understands what I’ve said, because a thin sheen of tears starts to sparkle and she whispers, “Oh.”
“You were what was missing from my life, and I didn’t even recognize it when I had it right in front of me. I started to figure it out after you left, but then it really became clear when I saw you the other night at Ryker’s…with Ben. It was then that I knew. You were what has been missing all my life.”
The first tear slides out of her eyes, so I drag a thumb over her cheek to catch it. If she’s going to cry, I need to hurry up and get it all out.
“Kate…you touch me in a way that no other human being ever has. I’m not sure if it’s your spirit and determination or your kindness. The way you care for Ben. Hell, maybe it’s your dorky ways, because all I know is that you make me laugh. You make my world bright again. You make it brighter than it ever has been before. You were what was missing from my life and I’m not going to let that get away.”
Kate stares at me for a moment, considering my words. I sort of expected her to maybe fall into me with an equal declaration or something, but instead her eyes sweep out over the backyard. She looks around, her lower lip pulled between her teeth telling me she’s deep in thought. I hold my breath waiting to see what she’ll do.
Finally, those baby blues come back my way and her lower lip pops free. Her lips curve into a smile and finally she says, “So…right now might be a good time to kiss me.”
My lips tip up and I snake one hand behind her head to hold her tight. “Oh, yeah? In front of all these people?”
“It would probably cause a scandal,” she quips with a cheeky grin.
“Then I say let’s shock the shit out of them,” I tell her, just before bringing my mouth to hers.
I do nothing but first just touch our lips together, softly and hesitantly, wanting to memorize everything about the moment. Then Kate’s mouth opens, inviting me back in…all the way in.
I seize and conquer, wrapping both arms around her again and pulling her flush in to my body. I slowly roll my tongue against hers and I bend her backward in an attempt to sink deeper into her.
We kiss, and kiss, and then kiss some more. Oblivious to the music, not caring about the people who are watching us right now. Even when someone whistles and yells, “Get a room,” we ignore it and then kiss some more.
It’s not until I feel a tugging on my pants leg that I finally pull away from Kate and look down. Ben is standing there, looking up at both of us with wide eyes.
“Hey, buddy,” I say nonchalantly, trying to convey to him that this wasn’t a big deal. But fuck…it’s a big deal. I have Kate. She’s mine.
Kate squats and comes down eye level to Ben. “Hey, Squeaky-Clean Jelly Bean…can I tell you a secret?”
Ben puts his little hands on Kate’s shoulders and nods at her, his eyes glowing with excitement.
“Okay,” she says as she reaches up a hand to me. I take hers and she tugs me down until I’m squatting next to her. “So…I kind of really like your daddy. I mean really like him. And he likes me as well.”
“Is that why you were kissing?” Ben asks solemnly.
“Yeah,” Kate says. “Is that okay with you?”
Ben’s eyes cut to mine for reassurance. “Are you cool with me liking Kate?”
Damn, it feels weird to talk to an almost-four-year-old like this. I mean…how do you explain a kiss like that?
Choosing not to answer my question, Ben instead asks, “Can Kate come back and live with us?”
I look over at Kate and she looks at me blankly, shrugging. I turn back to Ben and pull him into my arms, then stand up from my squat. Kate follows. “She’s living with Ryker now and watching Violet and Ruby, but I promise you…she is going to be around a lot. Okay?”
“Okay,” Ben says with a smile, and then we are forgotten. “Can I go play with Violet and Ruby again?”
“Sure thing,” I tell him, after giving him a kiss on the head. I lower him to the ground and he scampers off.
As Kate and I watch him, I slide my arm around her waist to pull her in to me. “That was a weird conversation.”
“I thought it went quite well,” she says with a laugh before turning into my arms and pressing in to hug me.
I hold on to her tight, laying my cheek to the top of her head, and finally…finally I feel complete. There isn’t one thing missing in my life.
