A Beautiful Mess
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He raised himself up to her mouth and crushed his lips to hers, forcing his tongue in her mouth. Taking the blindfold off, he gazed into her eyes. He smiled at the beautiful woman laying underneath him. It worked. The spark was back.
But so was that voice.
TIME TO GO
THE following morning, Olivia woke up early, thinking about what the day would bring. The voice returned the day before and she knew she couldn't stay. It became louder and louder. The only way to silence it was to go far away.
Throughout the previous day, she went through the motions, giving Alexander what he needed so that he didn't become suspicious. She smiled during the extravagant celebration dinner he had arranged on the veranda of the yacht. She giggled at his affectionate words as they shared a bottle of champagne. She was playful during the multiple times they had sex throughout the course of the evening. She played the part she had to play so that she could run. Her survival depended on it.
During the night, while Alexander was fast asleep, she wrote him a letter explaining everything. She planned to slip it into his suitcase after they were done packing. She didn’t want to leave him with no explanation. She just couldn’t do it face to face. She knew it was cowardly, but she didn’t care.
She looked over at Alexander and ran her fingers up and down his chest, playing with the little tufts of hair. It was the last morning she would be waking up next to him and the thought broke her heart.
“Mmmmm…” Alexander groaned sleepily.
“Ssshhhhh…” Olivia whispered, placing her finger over his mouth. “Don’t talk.” She climbed on top of him. “I’m in control this time.”
She wanted one last time with Alexander, but she needed to be in control. It was the only way she could distance herself from her feelings. She knew she cared deeply for him and that made leaving him even more difficult. But she had to. There was no choice. He said it himself. She would only destroy him, too, and she could not have that on her conscience.
Her hips circled Alexander’s waist and she felt his erection grow. She slowly eased herself onto Alexander, taking him inside of her, relishing the feeling of completeness. She began to move against him, trailing kisses down his chest and grabbing his hands in hers, holding on as she said good-bye to him the only way she knew how. She took her time with him, wanting to cherish every feeling.
Alexander looked at her and noticed there was something different about Olivia that morning. She was slow and deliberate in her motions. There was a closeness that had never been there before, but when he looked into her eyes, they seemed distant and empty again. He held on for as long as he could, but once he felt Olivia shatter around him, he joined her. There was no screaming or moaning of names as there usually was when they had sex. This time it was quiet, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing.
Olivia stared down into Alexander’s eyes for several minutes, neither one of them speaking. Alexander knew there was something wrong, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He wasn’t ready for that conversation. He just wanted to get Olivia back to Boston.
“Come back over later, Love?” Alexander asked, helping Olivia bring her luggage up to her house. “I’ve had Nepenthe brought over so he’d be here when you got back.”
“Thanks. Maybe I’ll just stay the night here if you don’t mind. I’d like to spend some time with Kiera. I feel like I’ve been a bad friend lately.”
Alexander pulled her into him, kissing her forehead. “Of course. I understand. Thompson is out front, keeping an eye on things. I’ll miss you terribly, but you deserve some time to yourself.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” Olivia whispered. Alexander had no idea how much she would miss him. This was the final good-bye and she couldn’t really even say everything she wanted to. No. She put all that in the letter. If she didn’t do it this way, he would convince her to stay, only to leave her broken hearted later. This had to happen.
She punched her code into the keypad and opened her front door, quickly disarming the alarm system. “I’ll see you in my dreams,” Olivia said, turning to Alexander as he was getting into his car.
Alexander blew her a kiss before she closed her front door. She leaned against the door and all of her emotions over the past few months came flooding forward as tears began to flow.
She cried for all the missed kisses. All the nights she decided to stay at her house instead of going over Alexander’s place. All the times she could have gone up to his office to see him but instead stayed in her own office. All those missed opportunities to be close to him. She cried for herself. But mostly, she cried for Alexander. Her beautiful Alexander.
She wasn’t in love with him, but even if she was, she didn’t know what love felt like. If it felt like the way she was feeling at that moment, she was okay with running from it. She had never been in so much pain in her life. But if she stayed and got even closer, that pain would be even worse. She needed to leave before the pain became so unbearable that she couldn’t survive.
Nepenthe came up to Olivia, purring as he rubbed against her. “Ready for a new adventure?” she asked, drying her eyes with her sleeve. Nepenthe continued to rub against her, purring even louder. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Olivia went up to her room and grabbed some clothes and her running sneakers. She packed up her acoustic guitar and left everything else as it was. She made a mental note to let her money manager know she would be out of town and to take care of her bills until further notice.
Looking out the front window, she saw a black SUV sitting watch. She didn't recognize the person behind the wheel. Grabbing her bags, she walked down to her basement and out the back door to her Audi sitting in the back alley, loading the few items she chose to take into the car. She went back inside and put Nepenthe in his large cat carrier, packing his food and some toys. Placing her cell phone on the kitchen counter, she left behind the only life she knew.
She drove her car down the back alley, her heart beating wildly that her protection detail would notice her. When she finally merged onto the Mass Pike and determined that no one had followed her, she let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.
Looking at the city she had grown to love in the rear-view mirror, she knew that she had made such a mess of everything.