A Dance with Darkness
Page 15

My smile was small and sad. “You read minds too, I see.”
“No,” he replied. “And I don’t have to read people well to know those things about you. You’re as obvious as I am.”
“You’ve never reaped a soul in your life, have you?”
His eyes were soft, but the color was bright and the flames danced in his irises. After what felt like an eternity, he replied, “No.”
“Don’t be ashamed. That’s a very good thing.”
“Aren’t you repulsed by him? By what he’s done—still does?”
I wouldn’t lie to him and tell him no. “I love him and I hope he will change.”
“I hate to be the one who says this to you, but he won’t change.”
I pushed myself to my feet, my body heavy as if it were full of stones, and I leaned over him. I dipped my head and spoke in a low voice. “Aren’t you changing? There’s always hope for people to embrace the goodness in themselves, Cadan. It takes an extraordinary character for someone to win that tug-of-war with darkness. You’re winning right now. Why can’t that be possible for Bastian too? He just has to want it, like you do.”
I left him sitting before the bowl of water and his own blood, and I went to find his father.
9
BASTIAN LEANED OVER THE DESK IN THE LIBRARY, his fists closed tight, surrounded by the books he’d once told me to consider my own, inside the house I’d dared to call home. He looked at me with sharp eyes, gleaming with anger, his mouth a tight, uninviting line. I couldn’t even imagine kissing him now. This was not the man I’d fallen in love with. This was not someone I could be in love with. I wanted back the Bastian I knew. All couldn’t be lost already.
“What happened tonight?” I asked him, though my voice was strangled and pathetic. “You must be honest with me, Bastian.”
He tilted his head, his features unchanging. “I killed a relic guardian.” He was completely unapologetic.
I ground my teeth together to keep myself from lunging at him, screaming at him, hitting and kicking him. My pulse hammered beneath my skin as furiously as a fist beat against a closed door. “How could you do such a thing?”
“To save my brethren and our future,” he replied. “Do you condemn me for killing to save lives? How many of the demonic have you killed? How am I the villain when you are no better than me?”
“If we angelic were not here, the demonic would overrun humanity,” I said.
“And?”
I shook my head in disgust. “What are you planning with that dagger of Belial’s and now this book? Is that truly the grimoire of Antares? Will you use it to kill even more of my kind?” The book written by Antares was said to contain all known angelic magic. One could do anything if in possession of this grimoire. If a spell existed, Antares had scrawled it on those ancient pages.
He looked right at me. “This book is not meant for you.”
“Then who is it for?”
He took a deep breath and rounded the desk to walk straight toward me. “Cadan was to find the grimoire on his own,” he told me in a low voice. “He decided it was wise to question Evantia’s underlings about it, because he thought she had it. He thought that it wasn’t hidden where I said it was, that the relic guardian did not have it. Now these underlings know who was looking for it and they know exactly who to go to. That’s me.”
“He loves you,” I said. “He was only trying to please you.”
“He’s a moron,” Bastian scowled. “Now that Evantia knows about you and that I wanted the grimoire, she will be knocking down my door this very night.”
“If you’re stronger than her, then what does it matter?”
He sighed in frustration. “The plan was to take her down alone and when she isn’t looking, not when she ambushes me with a dozen or more of her thugs. My chance of survival will drop drastically.”
I stepped close to him, shaking my head in sadness for him, and I brushed my fingertips over his cheek soothingly. “You don’t have to fight her. Come away with me, away from this horror.”
He loosed an ugly noise that was not quite a laugh. “And do what? Forsake my people for yours?”
“It doesn’t have to be about people—”
“As if the angelic would welcome me with open arms?” He scoffed. “Don’t be a fool. I don’t need protection and I’m not afraid of fighting her. I want to fight her. I want what she has.”
“What does she have that you don’t? You have family and someone who believes in you with all her heart. You don’t need Evantia’s power and position to feel worthy of anything. You have everything you need right here in front of you.”
His eyes dimmed and grew cold. “No. I don’t.”
My lips trembled and I swallowed, fighting back tears. “Is my love not enough?” I asked him. The words came out thick and strangled.
His jaw clenched and his gaze broke from mine. “No. It is not enough.”
A pang of despair hit my heart like a fist, but I refused to show how much he hurt me. “Why do you need this book so badly that you’re willing to kill for it?”
“The Preliator,” he said. “I’ve discovered a way to destroy her soul for good so she can no longer be reincarnated.”
“Bastian, no,” I moaned, feeling my heart break. “If you destroy her, then the demonic will devour the human race. Why would you wish that?”