A Dance with Darkness
Page 16
- Background:
- Text Font:
- Text Size:
- Line Height:
- Line Break Height:
- Frame:
“She kills us!”
“She’s only protecting human souls!” I cried. “When the demonic take souls, they’re sent to Hell—even the righteous and pure! That is a terrible, horrible thing that can’t be allowed to happen. Don’t you understand that? You can’t—”
The back of his hand struck my jaw so hard and so suddenly that I hit the floor, cracking my knees. I cried out in agony, but clamped my mouth shut in fear when he knelt over me and his hot breath blasted my ear.
“Do not tell me what I can and can’t do,” he snarled.
“Bastian,” I whimpered, and looked up to meet his eyes.
Life seemed to come back to him all at once. He straightened as I pushed myself off the ground and he blinked several times before stepping away from me. “I’m—I’m sorry,” he stammered, finally snapping awake. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I cupped my jaw as it throbbed. “It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not. You still hurt me.”
His expression began to slowly draw cold and vacant, as if all the feeling in him had been spent and there was nothing left. No reaction, no emotion. Nothing. “I’m sorry,” he said flatly. Then he turned his back to me, crossed the room, and was gone.
Bastian did not trust me, and I no longer trusted him. He wanted to use Antares’s grimoire to destroy the Preliator, and I could never let him do that. He was right that I killed the demonic and could not condemn him for killing the angelic. And I could not sit idly by while he killed our last hope to protect humanity. I did not want him to be my enemy, but if he made himself so, then I had no choice.
I grabbed the satchel containing the grimoire and clutched it to my chest. I fled, spreading my wings in the night air, and left the manor as quickly as I could.
I burst through Nathaniel’s door and let out a sigh of relief when I found him home. He grinned at me, happy to see me, but his face quickly changed when he realized that something was wrong. I threw the satchel on the wooden table.
“You have to destroy this,” I said, my voice and entire body shaking.
He gave me a puzzled look and dragged the satchel toward him. He flipped open the leather flap and pulled out the ancient book. He examined the worn cover, running his fingers over the pressed seal written in Enochian, the language of the divine. “What is this?”
“The grimoire of Antares.”
He dropped the book and it hit the table with a heavy thud. “Where in Hell did you find this?”
“It’s the reason London has been crawling with the demonic for months,” I said, but my voice was quickly breaking into a pathetic, devastated thing as tears burned my eyes. “They’ve been after this. It had a guardian and a cadre of angelic protecting it, but they’re gone now. Their blood is on my hands.”
A vice suddenly tightened around my lungs and I couldn’t breathe. Gasping, I slumped into a chair and brought my knees to my chin. Nathaniel pulled up a chair beside me as I buried my face into my palms. His hand settled on my back and he rubbed very gently and soothingly. He offered me food, but I declined. I was so nauseated that just the thought of eating made my stomach turn.
“Maddie,” he murmured. “Please talk to me.”
I wanted to. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t. Perhaps it was because I was ashamed of myself for falling for Bastian. He and I were over. I could not forgive him for what he did and why he did it. This was bigger than some angelic and demonic spat in London. Destroying the Preliator was dragging Heaven into the equation. I had loved him so much, so hard that my heart had not simply been broken. It had been shattered so completely and I hadn’t even realized it’d been made of glass. I’d spent my entire life, a hundred years, erecting an iron cage around my heart and I hadn’t bothered to strengthen the heart I’d tried to protect. Now I was entirely unraveled from within.
I became aware that I’d begun to weep only when Nathaniel drew me into his arms, cradling me in his lap like a child. He murmured into my hair, touched my cheek, and held me close. He let me weep until I was empty and there was nothing left inside of me. I looked into his face, into his beautiful copper eyes, which were so vivid they reminded me of a vermillion sunset. Now that I was really looking, I noticed the flecks of violet in those metallic depths. He gazed back at me, his brow furrowed with concern and fear, and I felt something begin to fill the hollowness inside of me. The backs of his fingers brushed the spot on my jaw that Bastian had struck. While the bruises had healed, I was still tender there and in my heart. Nathaniel’s touch seemed to erase the ache. He pushed my hair away from my face and leaned over me as his arm around my waist tugged me closer to him. I didn’t shy away when he kissed me. It was a soft brush of his lips on mine, but the kiss grew quickly into something more desperate and passionate as his fingers threaded through my hair and I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to me. I’d known him for my entire life, but he felt so new and different, yet so familiar. Like home. He felt like home. He’d always been there for me—even when I didn’t return for weeks or months. He always left the door open for me and welcomed me back with a smile. I wondered for how long he’d been in love with me and suddenly I was sick with shame. Even if I wanted to open my heart to him, I couldn’t. It was unfair of me to use him to take my mind off the things I wanted so desperately to run away from.
“She’s only protecting human souls!” I cried. “When the demonic take souls, they’re sent to Hell—even the righteous and pure! That is a terrible, horrible thing that can’t be allowed to happen. Don’t you understand that? You can’t—”
The back of his hand struck my jaw so hard and so suddenly that I hit the floor, cracking my knees. I cried out in agony, but clamped my mouth shut in fear when he knelt over me and his hot breath blasted my ear.
“Do not tell me what I can and can’t do,” he snarled.
“Bastian,” I whimpered, and looked up to meet his eyes.
Life seemed to come back to him all at once. He straightened as I pushed myself off the ground and he blinked several times before stepping away from me. “I’m—I’m sorry,” he stammered, finally snapping awake. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I cupped my jaw as it throbbed. “It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not. You still hurt me.”
His expression began to slowly draw cold and vacant, as if all the feeling in him had been spent and there was nothing left. No reaction, no emotion. Nothing. “I’m sorry,” he said flatly. Then he turned his back to me, crossed the room, and was gone.
Bastian did not trust me, and I no longer trusted him. He wanted to use Antares’s grimoire to destroy the Preliator, and I could never let him do that. He was right that I killed the demonic and could not condemn him for killing the angelic. And I could not sit idly by while he killed our last hope to protect humanity. I did not want him to be my enemy, but if he made himself so, then I had no choice.
I grabbed the satchel containing the grimoire and clutched it to my chest. I fled, spreading my wings in the night air, and left the manor as quickly as I could.
I burst through Nathaniel’s door and let out a sigh of relief when I found him home. He grinned at me, happy to see me, but his face quickly changed when he realized that something was wrong. I threw the satchel on the wooden table.
“You have to destroy this,” I said, my voice and entire body shaking.
He gave me a puzzled look and dragged the satchel toward him. He flipped open the leather flap and pulled out the ancient book. He examined the worn cover, running his fingers over the pressed seal written in Enochian, the language of the divine. “What is this?”
“The grimoire of Antares.”
He dropped the book and it hit the table with a heavy thud. “Where in Hell did you find this?”
“It’s the reason London has been crawling with the demonic for months,” I said, but my voice was quickly breaking into a pathetic, devastated thing as tears burned my eyes. “They’ve been after this. It had a guardian and a cadre of angelic protecting it, but they’re gone now. Their blood is on my hands.”
A vice suddenly tightened around my lungs and I couldn’t breathe. Gasping, I slumped into a chair and brought my knees to my chin. Nathaniel pulled up a chair beside me as I buried my face into my palms. His hand settled on my back and he rubbed very gently and soothingly. He offered me food, but I declined. I was so nauseated that just the thought of eating made my stomach turn.
“Maddie,” he murmured. “Please talk to me.”
I wanted to. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t. Perhaps it was because I was ashamed of myself for falling for Bastian. He and I were over. I could not forgive him for what he did and why he did it. This was bigger than some angelic and demonic spat in London. Destroying the Preliator was dragging Heaven into the equation. I had loved him so much, so hard that my heart had not simply been broken. It had been shattered so completely and I hadn’t even realized it’d been made of glass. I’d spent my entire life, a hundred years, erecting an iron cage around my heart and I hadn’t bothered to strengthen the heart I’d tried to protect. Now I was entirely unraveled from within.
I became aware that I’d begun to weep only when Nathaniel drew me into his arms, cradling me in his lap like a child. He murmured into my hair, touched my cheek, and held me close. He let me weep until I was empty and there was nothing left inside of me. I looked into his face, into his beautiful copper eyes, which were so vivid they reminded me of a vermillion sunset. Now that I was really looking, I noticed the flecks of violet in those metallic depths. He gazed back at me, his brow furrowed with concern and fear, and I felt something begin to fill the hollowness inside of me. The backs of his fingers brushed the spot on my jaw that Bastian had struck. While the bruises had healed, I was still tender there and in my heart. Nathaniel’s touch seemed to erase the ache. He pushed my hair away from my face and leaned over me as his arm around my waist tugged me closer to him. I didn’t shy away when he kissed me. It was a soft brush of his lips on mine, but the kiss grew quickly into something more desperate and passionate as his fingers threaded through my hair and I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to me. I’d known him for my entire life, but he felt so new and different, yet so familiar. Like home. He felt like home. He’d always been there for me—even when I didn’t return for weeks or months. He always left the door open for me and welcomed me back with a smile. I wondered for how long he’d been in love with me and suddenly I was sick with shame. Even if I wanted to open my heart to him, I couldn’t. It was unfair of me to use him to take my mind off the things I wanted so desperately to run away from.
