A Soldier of Shadows
Page 45
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“How exactly do you think your symptoms will worsen? She said that you’d become… practically unrecognizable.”
I felt his chest heave against me as he let out a deep sigh. Then he placed his hands on my hips and created a distance between us. His face was ashen, but otherwise unnervingly unreadable.
“It’s late,” was all he responded with. “We both should get some rest.”
Rest? I didn’t understand how he could think about rest. At that moment I’d rather do anything in the world other than sleep.
But I didn’t argue with him. Instead I just nodded, gulping.
Perhaps the events of the day really had taken a toll on Ben’s stamina. After those visions Aisha had given him, and then the trauma he’d just been through in the cave of the oracle, I guessed that I shouldn’t have been surprised if he was exhausted. I thought that perhaps he might want to sleep without me, have some time on his own to collect his thoughts, but before I could suggest that I sleep in one of the spare bedrooms, he gathered me to him and stood up. He carried me around the bed and laid me gently down against the pillows. Then he lowered himself next to me and enveloped me in his arms. I twined my legs with his and raised a hand to his cheek, my fingers brushing against the roughness of his jawline.
My face level with his, I stared deep into his green eyes. He moved his head closer to me on the pillow and pressed his lips against mine in a slow, tender kiss. I shut my eyes, wanting to lose myself in that kiss. Wanting this moment to be ingrained in my memory forever. And wanting to wake up tomorrow by his side only for this to all have been a horrible dream.
His thumb brushed against my cheek as he wiped away a tear that had slipped from the corner of my eye.
His voice was hoarse as he spoke. “I can’t tell you that I know what I’m going to do. I don’t. I haven’t the slightest clue where we go from here, or even if there is anywhere to go but in the same direction I’ve been veering toward ever since I tasted my first drop of human blood.” His voice lowered. “But River…” His lips moved closer until they grazed mine as he whispered, “I need to tell you that I’m in love with you.”
My breath hitched. His words were a shot of ecstasy straight to my heart. The joy that erupted in my chest spread through my entire body, making my skin tingle, my blood pound. I felt like I was soaring above the waves of fear I’d been drowning in since our visit to the oracle and up toward a never-ending sky.
I gazed into Ben’s intense green eyes as they bored into mine. And I revealed the depths of my own heart for the first time.
“I love you, Ben,” I whispered.
Chapter 25: Ben
Hearing the same words from her own lips was something I hadn’t been prepared for. Although they filled me with a level of euphoria I’d never experienced before, I wished she hadn’t said it back. A part of me even wished that she didn’t feel the same way. That she could have just absorbed my words and nodded politely.
Because now that she’d bared her feelings to me, it would make what I had to do all the harder.
I shouldn’t have told her, but I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t know when, or if, I would see her again after that night. And after everything we’d been through, and after falling for her so hard, I just couldn’t bring myself to leave without telling her the truth. Even if it would only cause the two of us more pain.
As she held my face, pushing her lips against mine, I wanted nothing more than to just lose myself in her. Even if only for the next hour.
But even in this, I knew that I could only go so far.
Sliding my hands through her silky brown hair, I gazed into the depths of her beautiful turquoise eyes. Tears moistened the sides of them, but deep within them burnt desire. Need. Her hands left the sides of my face and she began unbuttoning my shirt. I was too consumed by her kiss to bring myself to stop her. She loosened the shirt and tugged it off my shoulders. As our lips broke apart for a few seconds, she whispered, “Don’t leave me, Ben. I need you.”
My throat felt dry. Although I’d been trying to hide my intention, it seemed she knew me too well to not have picked up on my mood.
Leave River.
Hearing those words spoken out loud made it seem real. Cemented. No longer just a plan in my head, but something inevitable, almost something that had already happened. Although I knew I had no choice, I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.
I felt an ache deep inside as I saw the pain behind her eyes.
Dipping down, I kissed her intensely, with more heat than ever before. She planted her palms against my shoulders and pushed until we were both kneeling upright on the bed. Catching my hands, she placed them behind her neck, over the top of her dress zipper. As I brushed my lips beneath her ear, I gripped the zipper and glided it down her back until she was free from the dress.
I knew that I needed to stop somewhere about here, but River was like a drug to me. Her smooth skin. Her captivating gaze. Her soft, intense breathing… I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her as she lay down against the pillows, looking up at me through her long dark lashes with her hair splayed out beneath her.
I lifted her up and turned her around so that her back pressed against my chest, the graceful shape of her melding against the front of me.
Sweeping aside her hair, I rested a hand over her bare navel, while my other arm wrapped around her midriff. I pressed slow kisses against the back of her neck, trailing them down the backs of her shoulders. I felt her shiver as my lips passed over the bump of her bra and grazed the length of her spine.
I felt his chest heave against me as he let out a deep sigh. Then he placed his hands on my hips and created a distance between us. His face was ashen, but otherwise unnervingly unreadable.
“It’s late,” was all he responded with. “We both should get some rest.”
Rest? I didn’t understand how he could think about rest. At that moment I’d rather do anything in the world other than sleep.
But I didn’t argue with him. Instead I just nodded, gulping.
Perhaps the events of the day really had taken a toll on Ben’s stamina. After those visions Aisha had given him, and then the trauma he’d just been through in the cave of the oracle, I guessed that I shouldn’t have been surprised if he was exhausted. I thought that perhaps he might want to sleep without me, have some time on his own to collect his thoughts, but before I could suggest that I sleep in one of the spare bedrooms, he gathered me to him and stood up. He carried me around the bed and laid me gently down against the pillows. Then he lowered himself next to me and enveloped me in his arms. I twined my legs with his and raised a hand to his cheek, my fingers brushing against the roughness of his jawline.
My face level with his, I stared deep into his green eyes. He moved his head closer to me on the pillow and pressed his lips against mine in a slow, tender kiss. I shut my eyes, wanting to lose myself in that kiss. Wanting this moment to be ingrained in my memory forever. And wanting to wake up tomorrow by his side only for this to all have been a horrible dream.
His thumb brushed against my cheek as he wiped away a tear that had slipped from the corner of my eye.
His voice was hoarse as he spoke. “I can’t tell you that I know what I’m going to do. I don’t. I haven’t the slightest clue where we go from here, or even if there is anywhere to go but in the same direction I’ve been veering toward ever since I tasted my first drop of human blood.” His voice lowered. “But River…” His lips moved closer until they grazed mine as he whispered, “I need to tell you that I’m in love with you.”
My breath hitched. His words were a shot of ecstasy straight to my heart. The joy that erupted in my chest spread through my entire body, making my skin tingle, my blood pound. I felt like I was soaring above the waves of fear I’d been drowning in since our visit to the oracle and up toward a never-ending sky.
I gazed into Ben’s intense green eyes as they bored into mine. And I revealed the depths of my own heart for the first time.
“I love you, Ben,” I whispered.
Chapter 25: Ben
Hearing the same words from her own lips was something I hadn’t been prepared for. Although they filled me with a level of euphoria I’d never experienced before, I wished she hadn’t said it back. A part of me even wished that she didn’t feel the same way. That she could have just absorbed my words and nodded politely.
Because now that she’d bared her feelings to me, it would make what I had to do all the harder.
I shouldn’t have told her, but I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t know when, or if, I would see her again after that night. And after everything we’d been through, and after falling for her so hard, I just couldn’t bring myself to leave without telling her the truth. Even if it would only cause the two of us more pain.
As she held my face, pushing her lips against mine, I wanted nothing more than to just lose myself in her. Even if only for the next hour.
But even in this, I knew that I could only go so far.
Sliding my hands through her silky brown hair, I gazed into the depths of her beautiful turquoise eyes. Tears moistened the sides of them, but deep within them burnt desire. Need. Her hands left the sides of my face and she began unbuttoning my shirt. I was too consumed by her kiss to bring myself to stop her. She loosened the shirt and tugged it off my shoulders. As our lips broke apart for a few seconds, she whispered, “Don’t leave me, Ben. I need you.”
My throat felt dry. Although I’d been trying to hide my intention, it seemed she knew me too well to not have picked up on my mood.
Leave River.
Hearing those words spoken out loud made it seem real. Cemented. No longer just a plan in my head, but something inevitable, almost something that had already happened. Although I knew I had no choice, I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.
I felt an ache deep inside as I saw the pain behind her eyes.
Dipping down, I kissed her intensely, with more heat than ever before. She planted her palms against my shoulders and pushed until we were both kneeling upright on the bed. Catching my hands, she placed them behind her neck, over the top of her dress zipper. As I brushed my lips beneath her ear, I gripped the zipper and glided it down her back until she was free from the dress.
I knew that I needed to stop somewhere about here, but River was like a drug to me. Her smooth skin. Her captivating gaze. Her soft, intense breathing… I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her as she lay down against the pillows, looking up at me through her long dark lashes with her hair splayed out beneath her.
I lifted her up and turned her around so that her back pressed against my chest, the graceful shape of her melding against the front of me.
Sweeping aside her hair, I rested a hand over her bare navel, while my other arm wrapped around her midriff. I pressed slow kisses against the back of her neck, trailing them down the backs of her shoulders. I felt her shiver as my lips passed over the bump of her bra and grazed the length of her spine.
