A Soldier of Shadows
Page 46

I pushed her back against the pillows. Crouching down over her, I closed my mouth around hers and brushed my tongue against the tip of hers. The soft moan she let out, followed by her hands pulling me closer, electrified me. Kneeling on the bed in the space between her thighs, I relished exploring her body, kissing around the outline of her bra, making my way down her abdomen, and stopping just above the line of her panties.
The desire I felt for her was burning within me. I wanted nothing more than to spend all night exploring every part of her.
But as she reached behind her to unclasp her bra, I caught them and held them in place.
I couldn’t allow her to give me this. Not when I had no idea whether I’d even see her after tonight.
I loved her too much to take this from her.
She gazed up at me, her lips and cheeks flushed with passion. A look of confusion played across her face, her dark brows frowning slightly.
I couldn’t offer her an explanation. Instead, running my hands from her ribcage down the curve of her waist, I caressed the softness of her chest with my lips before raising my head and meeting her eyes.
It killed me to think that she might be doubting herself, that she could be thinking that I didn’t want her, or that I was rejecting her for some fault of her own.
As much as every fiber of my being raged against the decision, I lay back down against the pillows next to her and spooned myself around her.
I felt her disappointment as she sighed against me.
I planted a soft kiss against the back of her head and began brushing a palm over her forehead, hoping that it would aid sleep. Her muscles relaxed against me as I continued stroking her.
It was a couple of hours before sleep finally took her, and just before it did, as she was half in, half out of consciousness, she whispered those words again.
“I love you.”
Chapter 26: Ben
As River’s steady breathing became deeper, I slipped out of bed. I picked up the shirt she’d removed from me and put it on. Then I moved noiselessly to the door that I had left slightly ajar to avoid creaking. Before heading out of the room completely, I allowed my eyes to linger on her beautiful, almost-bare form one last time.
She was curled up in a fetal position, the same position she’d been in while my body had been enveloping her. As if she never wanted to let go of me.
She would’ve come with me in a heartbeat wherever this path would lead me, and that was precisely why I couldn’t warn her I was leaving. I had allowed her to stay with me once, but this time… this time I just couldn’t.
For all I knew, in a matter of days I might not even recognize her anymore. Heck, I might not even recognize myself. I didn’t know exactly how it would happen. But even though I would try to avoid drinking more blood, I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I could do that for long. I doubted I’d be able to keep it up for more than a few days—at the very most. That was when my bloodlust usually took hold of me and turned me into a wild animal, willing to do anything and murder anyone until I got my fill.
Although River was a half-blood, for all I knew, once the oracle’s prediction came true I might become a danger even to her.
Leaving the bedroom, I swept along the corridor, trying to figure out which of the spare rooms Corrine had retreated into. I caught the witch’s scent and stopped outside one that had an orange glow emanating from the crack beneath its door.
My knuckles made contact with the wood in the softest knock. I heard footsteps, and a moment later, Corrine had eased the door open and stood before me in a nightgown.
Clearly, she hadn’t been able to sleep. I stepped into the room with her, pushing the door softly behind me.
I cleared my throat, bracing myself for her reaction. “Corrine. I need you to go back to The Shade with River. I need you to leave and not come back.”
Her mouth fell open, a mixture of anxiety and confusion in her eyes. “But Ben, River and I already told you that we’re staying with you through this.”
As a much as I appreciated Corrine’s loyalty, I wished that she would just agree and not fight me on this. After the evening with River, I felt emotionally drained.
“Things are different now,” I said. “I’ve already made up my mind.” I reached out and touched Corrine’s shoulder. “Please,” I said. “Just return with River.”
She bit down hard on her lower lip. Then she stepped away from me, clasping a palm to her forehead. “I’m so terrified for you, Benjamin,” she said, sinking down on the bed. “I just wish that there was some way I could use my magic to help you in all this.”
“Corrine.” Crouching down until my face was level with hers, I reached for her hands. I held them, giving them a small squeeze. “You couldn’t do more for me than you already have. Thank you for staying with me this far.”
She looked teary as she nodded, then drew me in for a hug, planting a kiss against the top of my head.
She stood up, drawing in a deep breath.
“Okay,” she said, her voice uneven. “I’ll take River back now. Do we have permission to leave this place?”
I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “I already made sure of that. Listen, River is sleeping in my bed. She’s in her underwear, so if you could take her dress with you so she can change once you arrive…”
“Of course.” Corrine moved toward the exit of the room, still eyeing me with uncertainty. Then just as she was about to grip the handle, she breathed out sharply and hurried back toward me, pulling me in for another hug. “Oh, Ben, what do you plan to do?”