“I didn’t tear apart your family.” I can’t speak to her accusations about my mother, but this I know for sure. “You weren’t even with Max when he started dating me.”
“You know what I got to hear that year he was f**king around with your mom? You were in his history class, and I was out of cosmetology school and trying to build my client list. ‘Why can’t you be more like Hanna? Why can’t you be smart like her? Why can’t you be sweet like her? Why do you have to be such a dumb slut?’ You were everything he wanted in a daughter, and I was everything he was ashamed of.”
“Meredith, I had no idea.” Suddenly, all of her cruelty makes a little sense. It’s not okay, and she’s still a bad person, but sometimes badness is easier to take when you understand the why behind it.
“Because you’re so self-involved you can’t see beyond your own nose.” She releases her breath in a huff. “Max and Claire and I could be happy, you know. If it weren’t for you.”
“You didn’t want him, Meredith. You had your chance.” But her words still burn because they’re probably true.
Just like Vivian was right when she said I would be standing in the way of her, Nate, and Collin being a family. I’m not sure if I get a family of my own or if I’m doomed to ruin everyone else’s.
“You’re no better than me. Look at you, playing house with that rocker while Max just waits for you. You think Nate Crane is going to move to New Hope?”
My stomach turns sour at the question. I already know the answer, and just because I understand why he can’t doesn’t make it hurt any less. I want the guy who will turn his world inside out for me.
No. I don’t. Max was that guy. What I want is Nate to be the guy who will turn his world inside out for me. And it’s not fair for me to want it.
“You really think he ever stopped f**king his actress?” she adds.
“Don’t,” I growl.
“Whatever. I didn’t push you down the stairs,” Meredith says quietly. “I don’t care for you, and I don’t think you deserve Max, but I would never intentionally injure someone that badly.”
I take a breath and nod, but I don’t apologize. Considering all she’s done and said to me, I don’t think my suspicion was unreasonable.
“But I wasn’t the last person there that night either.”
That gets my attention and I look up at her.
She’s frowning. “I only remember because I didn’t know about Nate then, but I was convinced you were sleeping around on Max, and this guy came up the stairs.”
“What guy?”
She shrugs. “He kind of looked like Fabio, I guess.”
My breath catches. “Was anyone with him?”
She shrugs. “We were in your apartment talking—fighting—and then you looked out your window and the Fabio guy was out there. You said you needed me to go because you had company.” She frowns for a minute. “I assumed you knew who it was. Actually”—she shakes her head—“I assumed it was your lover—whoever you were cheating on Max with.”
“I have to go,” I whisper, grabbing my purse. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Hanna,” she calls as I reach for the door. “You’re lucky. Anyone who receives Max’s love is lucky.”
I face the door and close my eyes for a moment. “I know.”
20
“I NEED to talk to you,” I say.
Nate’s in his room, packing his suitcase. He’s heading back to California for Christmas. It only makes sense that he’d spend Christmas with Collin since this is the last Christmas that he won’t have to choose between his children.
He looks up from his luggage and grins at me. He’s seemed so damn happy lately, and I’m about to ruin everything by telling him what I suspect.
He throws some socks into the luggage and opens his arms for me. “Come here.”
I step forward and let him wrap me in his arms. For a moment, I close my eyes and revel in the comfort of his nearness, his warmth, and his scent.
“Nix has never thought I fell down the stairs.”
Nate straightens and pulls back to look at my face. “What does she think happened, then?”
“She’s always believed I was pushed.”
I feel his whole body tense and his arms tighten around me. “Who the f**k would do that?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.”
“Shit, Hanna. Someone almost killed you and you haven’t said a word about it to me? What if they’re still out there? What if—”
“I’m telling you now.”
He relaxes a bit and pulls my head against his chest. “I’m sorry. I just can’t handle the idea of anyone hurting you.”
I swallow. “I knew you’d feel that way.”
“Do you remember anything? Has any of that day come back to you?”
“Not really.” I step back—out of his arms so I can look at his face while I talk. “But some memories from the days before have, and I think I know who pushed me.”
He raises a brow, and I can tell he has no idea why it’s taking me so long to spit it out.
“I think Vivian did it.”
He actually smiles. Smiles. “That’s funny. What else ya got?”
I shake my head. “I’m serious. She wanted me out of your life. She came here specifically to ask me to let her have a chance with you.”
“You know what I got to hear that year he was f**king around with your mom? You were in his history class, and I was out of cosmetology school and trying to build my client list. ‘Why can’t you be more like Hanna? Why can’t you be smart like her? Why can’t you be sweet like her? Why do you have to be such a dumb slut?’ You were everything he wanted in a daughter, and I was everything he was ashamed of.”
“Meredith, I had no idea.” Suddenly, all of her cruelty makes a little sense. It’s not okay, and she’s still a bad person, but sometimes badness is easier to take when you understand the why behind it.
“Because you’re so self-involved you can’t see beyond your own nose.” She releases her breath in a huff. “Max and Claire and I could be happy, you know. If it weren’t for you.”
“You didn’t want him, Meredith. You had your chance.” But her words still burn because they’re probably true.
Just like Vivian was right when she said I would be standing in the way of her, Nate, and Collin being a family. I’m not sure if I get a family of my own or if I’m doomed to ruin everyone else’s.
“You’re no better than me. Look at you, playing house with that rocker while Max just waits for you. You think Nate Crane is going to move to New Hope?”
My stomach turns sour at the question. I already know the answer, and just because I understand why he can’t doesn’t make it hurt any less. I want the guy who will turn his world inside out for me.
No. I don’t. Max was that guy. What I want is Nate to be the guy who will turn his world inside out for me. And it’s not fair for me to want it.
“You really think he ever stopped f**king his actress?” she adds.
“Don’t,” I growl.
“Whatever. I didn’t push you down the stairs,” Meredith says quietly. “I don’t care for you, and I don’t think you deserve Max, but I would never intentionally injure someone that badly.”
I take a breath and nod, but I don’t apologize. Considering all she’s done and said to me, I don’t think my suspicion was unreasonable.
“But I wasn’t the last person there that night either.”
That gets my attention and I look up at her.
She’s frowning. “I only remember because I didn’t know about Nate then, but I was convinced you were sleeping around on Max, and this guy came up the stairs.”
“What guy?”
She shrugs. “He kind of looked like Fabio, I guess.”
My breath catches. “Was anyone with him?”
She shrugs. “We were in your apartment talking—fighting—and then you looked out your window and the Fabio guy was out there. You said you needed me to go because you had company.” She frowns for a minute. “I assumed you knew who it was. Actually”—she shakes her head—“I assumed it was your lover—whoever you were cheating on Max with.”
“I have to go,” I whisper, grabbing my purse. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Hanna,” she calls as I reach for the door. “You’re lucky. Anyone who receives Max’s love is lucky.”
I face the door and close my eyes for a moment. “I know.”
20
“I NEED to talk to you,” I say.
Nate’s in his room, packing his suitcase. He’s heading back to California for Christmas. It only makes sense that he’d spend Christmas with Collin since this is the last Christmas that he won’t have to choose between his children.
He looks up from his luggage and grins at me. He’s seemed so damn happy lately, and I’m about to ruin everything by telling him what I suspect.
He throws some socks into the luggage and opens his arms for me. “Come here.”
I step forward and let him wrap me in his arms. For a moment, I close my eyes and revel in the comfort of his nearness, his warmth, and his scent.
“Nix has never thought I fell down the stairs.”
Nate straightens and pulls back to look at my face. “What does she think happened, then?”
“She’s always believed I was pushed.”
I feel his whole body tense and his arms tighten around me. “Who the f**k would do that?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.”
“Shit, Hanna. Someone almost killed you and you haven’t said a word about it to me? What if they’re still out there? What if—”
“I’m telling you now.”
He relaxes a bit and pulls my head against his chest. “I’m sorry. I just can’t handle the idea of anyone hurting you.”
I swallow. “I knew you’d feel that way.”
“Do you remember anything? Has any of that day come back to you?”
“Not really.” I step back—out of his arms so I can look at his face while I talk. “But some memories from the days before have, and I think I know who pushed me.”
He raises a brow, and I can tell he has no idea why it’s taking me so long to spit it out.
“I think Vivian did it.”
He actually smiles. Smiles. “That’s funny. What else ya got?”
I shake my head. “I’m serious. She wanted me out of your life. She came here specifically to ask me to let her have a chance with you.”
