His face has gone deadly serious. “That’s a far cry from pushing you down the stairs.”
“Listen, I never thought about it until today, but when she was in town last time, I went over to Asher’s, and you and Vivian were fighting in the basement. Drake was at the top of the stairs and he said that, the last time he saw me, I was wearing Max’s ring. Which means they must have been here the day of the accident.”
“Vivian didn’t push you down the stairs. She wouldn’t do that.” He drags a hand through his hair and cracks a sardonic smile. “Christ, have you seen the woman? She’s half your size.”
I wince. “Thanks.”
“Jesus, Hanna. Seriously? You’re accusing a sweet, loving woman of a serious crime and you’re going to take offense to a reference to your size differences?”
“You don’t have any idea how hard it was for me to tell you this,” I whisper.
“She didn’t do it, so let it go.”
“Meredith was here that day too,” I say.
“Well, there’s a more likely suspect.”
“She said I asked her to leave when a guy who looked like Fabio showed up at my apartment.” When he looks at me blankly, I say, “Drake. Drake looks like Fabio in his romance cover days, and everyone knows Vivian doesn’t go anywhere without Drake.”
“So you’re saying Vivian wanted you away from me so badly that she came to your apartment and, when she saw you were wearing his ring, she pushed you down the stairs?” He shakes his head. “Come on, Hanna. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I just know she wanted me away from you. She told me as much.”
“Of course she did. Do I wish she wouldn’t have come here and asked you to stay away? Sure, but that’s not that unreasonable. She wanted me back. She wanted our family back together. That’s no crime.”
“No. But pushing me down the stairs is.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Let it go. Please. It wasn’t her.”
“How do you know that? How do you know?”
“Other than the fact that I’ve known her most of my life and I know better than anyone that she’s not capable of hurting someone like that?”
“Yeah. Other than that.”
“She was in London the day of your accident. She didn’t push you down the f**king stairs.”
“What if she just told you she was in London? What if that was her cover because she was really here trying to make me forget—”
“I know,” he says, and his words are so quiet that I finally believe him. “I know because she was in my bed.”
My heart plummets because surely he doesn’t mean… “You really think he ever stopped f**king his actress?” Of course that’s what I thought. Why would I have believed anything else when I was so convinced I was the one he wanted?
“What?”
“You’d cut me out of your life and wouldn’t even talk to me about it.”
“So you took her to London with you?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like, then? You took my virginity, told me you wanted me to leave Max for you, and by the way, a future with you meant a life in LA with no kids. And then, while I went home to search my heart and figure out if I could sacrifice everything I ever wanted for you, while I fought every instinct that said I should be with you no matter the cost, you were in London with your ex, trying to make sure you really meant the very f**king little you promised me. Fuck you, Nate. Fuck. You.”
“You chose him, Hanna.” His shoulders sag and he studies me for a beat. “He’s the one you were so sure was right for you. I’m just the guy who knocked you up.”
We stare at each other, and my heart hurts so badly that I expect it to stop working at any minute. The silence pulses around us like an angry, living thing.
“I have to leave. Collin’s expecting me tonight.”
“Nate…”
“I have to leave. You and I…” He shrugs, and I feel like pieces of my heart have fallen into my stomach and are decomposing inside me. “Vivian’s always going to be part of my life because Collin’s always going to be part of my life. And you will always be a part of my life too. We’re going to figure this out.”
“That’s what you keep saying.”
Nate leaves the room, suitcase in hand. I feel broken and empty.
I need to go to the bakery. With the holiday rush, I have plenty there to keep me busy, and if the simple chemistry of baking can’t busy my mind, nothing can.
I head downstairs to change. I’m halfway down the hallway when I hear footsteps behind me.
“Hanna.”
Then Nate is spinning me around and pressing his mouth against mine. I’m so scared this is goodbye. I cling to him as I kiss him back. Our mouths are open, greedy, and demanding, and when he pulls back, he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let you go. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise not to fight for you. Maybe you’d be better with him. He’s the better guy, but I’m the right guy and you’re mine.”
“What about her?” I ask. “Are you sorry for sleeping with her?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t even remember it. I remember her showing up. I was lonely. I was pissed. I missed you more than I ever thought I could miss someone. She showed up in the bar, and I wasn’t alone anymore.”
“Listen, I never thought about it until today, but when she was in town last time, I went over to Asher’s, and you and Vivian were fighting in the basement. Drake was at the top of the stairs and he said that, the last time he saw me, I was wearing Max’s ring. Which means they must have been here the day of the accident.”
“Vivian didn’t push you down the stairs. She wouldn’t do that.” He drags a hand through his hair and cracks a sardonic smile. “Christ, have you seen the woman? She’s half your size.”
I wince. “Thanks.”
“Jesus, Hanna. Seriously? You’re accusing a sweet, loving woman of a serious crime and you’re going to take offense to a reference to your size differences?”
“You don’t have any idea how hard it was for me to tell you this,” I whisper.
“She didn’t do it, so let it go.”
“Meredith was here that day too,” I say.
“Well, there’s a more likely suspect.”
“She said I asked her to leave when a guy who looked like Fabio showed up at my apartment.” When he looks at me blankly, I say, “Drake. Drake looks like Fabio in his romance cover days, and everyone knows Vivian doesn’t go anywhere without Drake.”
“So you’re saying Vivian wanted you away from me so badly that she came to your apartment and, when she saw you were wearing his ring, she pushed you down the stairs?” He shakes his head. “Come on, Hanna. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I just know she wanted me away from you. She told me as much.”
“Of course she did. Do I wish she wouldn’t have come here and asked you to stay away? Sure, but that’s not that unreasonable. She wanted me back. She wanted our family back together. That’s no crime.”
“No. But pushing me down the stairs is.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Let it go. Please. It wasn’t her.”
“How do you know that? How do you know?”
“Other than the fact that I’ve known her most of my life and I know better than anyone that she’s not capable of hurting someone like that?”
“Yeah. Other than that.”
“She was in London the day of your accident. She didn’t push you down the f**king stairs.”
“What if she just told you she was in London? What if that was her cover because she was really here trying to make me forget—”
“I know,” he says, and his words are so quiet that I finally believe him. “I know because she was in my bed.”
My heart plummets because surely he doesn’t mean… “You really think he ever stopped f**king his actress?” Of course that’s what I thought. Why would I have believed anything else when I was so convinced I was the one he wanted?
“What?”
“You’d cut me out of your life and wouldn’t even talk to me about it.”
“So you took her to London with you?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like, then? You took my virginity, told me you wanted me to leave Max for you, and by the way, a future with you meant a life in LA with no kids. And then, while I went home to search my heart and figure out if I could sacrifice everything I ever wanted for you, while I fought every instinct that said I should be with you no matter the cost, you were in London with your ex, trying to make sure you really meant the very f**king little you promised me. Fuck you, Nate. Fuck. You.”
“You chose him, Hanna.” His shoulders sag and he studies me for a beat. “He’s the one you were so sure was right for you. I’m just the guy who knocked you up.”
We stare at each other, and my heart hurts so badly that I expect it to stop working at any minute. The silence pulses around us like an angry, living thing.
“I have to leave. Collin’s expecting me tonight.”
“Nate…”
“I have to leave. You and I…” He shrugs, and I feel like pieces of my heart have fallen into my stomach and are decomposing inside me. “Vivian’s always going to be part of my life because Collin’s always going to be part of my life. And you will always be a part of my life too. We’re going to figure this out.”
“That’s what you keep saying.”
Nate leaves the room, suitcase in hand. I feel broken and empty.
I need to go to the bakery. With the holiday rush, I have plenty there to keep me busy, and if the simple chemistry of baking can’t busy my mind, nothing can.
I head downstairs to change. I’m halfway down the hallway when I hear footsteps behind me.
“Hanna.”
Then Nate is spinning me around and pressing his mouth against mine. I’m so scared this is goodbye. I cling to him as I kiss him back. Our mouths are open, greedy, and demanding, and when he pulls back, he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let you go. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise not to fight for you. Maybe you’d be better with him. He’s the better guy, but I’m the right guy and you’re mine.”
“What about her?” I ask. “Are you sorry for sleeping with her?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t even remember it. I remember her showing up. I was lonely. I was pissed. I missed you more than I ever thought I could miss someone. She showed up in the bar, and I wasn’t alone anymore.”
