Which made me feel like shit. She deserved more than this.
“You get any sleep?” Green asked as he walked into the living room in a pair of boxers and his hair sticking up all over the place.
“Yeah, some.”
Green squinted against the sun coming in through the blinds I had opened. “You must not have come up with an answer you like,” he said, then yawned. “ ’Cause you look like you’ve been punched in the stomach. Ain’t no man who has had sexy little Blythe in their arms should look like that.”
Green was an even better choice for Blythe. I hated to admit it, but it was true. He was going to be a lawyer. He wasn’t terrified of commitment, and he didn’t screw around as much as me. He’d actually done a relationship before. One that worked. Not one he’d f**ked up.
Banging on the door jerked me out of my thoughts.
“What the hell?” Green growled as he stalked to the door.
His angry snarl immediately evaporated as my sister pushed him aside. “Go put on clothes,” Trisha ordered him, then swung her gaze to me. Shit. She was pissed.
“You,” she said, pointing a finger at me like I was five f**king years old, “had better tell me you fixed that mess from last night.”
“Not your business, Sis,” I replied. She didn’t have her scary-as-hell husband there to stare me down and dare me to be a smart-mouth.
“Maybe it’s not. But I’m making it my business because I love you,” she snapped.
“How do you figure that you barging into my place and yelling at me means you love me?”
She glared at me and shook her head. “Sometimes I want to slap your face and knock some sense into you.”
I would threaten her in return, but we both knew I wouldn’t lay a hand on her. I loved her bossy ass too much. “What do you want? To know I took Blythe home and apologized? Well, I did. I brought her home. We talked, and I told her I was sorry even if her stubborn ass thinks it was her fault, which I can’t for the f**king life of me figure out why she is convinced of that. She took up for me, Trisha. She f**king took up for me. Who the hell does that? What is wrong with her?” I could see by the look in my sister’s eyes that she saw too much. So I shut up. I was talking more than I should.
Trisha let out a deep sigh and then laughed. “It happened,” she said as tears started filling her eyes. “I didn’t think it would. I knew it wasn’t Jess. I love that girl, but I knew it wasn’t Jess. I even told Jess that one day the right girl would come along and you’d know. She’d rock your world. That she would heal you. Fix what they did to us.” A tear slid down her face, and she sniffed.
“We deserve to be loved, Krit. I got that a lot younger than you did when Rock came into my life. He showed me unconditional love, and he healed me before I was jaded and hard. But you”—she covered her mouth as a sob escaped—“you didn’t. I left with Rock to get away from it all, and there was no one to save you. No one to show you that you were worthy of love. I was too young to know what you needed. I failed you, and you got jaded. You built walls. You learned to use all those good looks to charm girls out of their panties and good sense, but it meant nothing to you. They weren’t filling your void.” She stopped and wiped her face.
I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to accept this. She was wrong. This was wrong. My past and what I was were too twisted for anyone to fix. I didn’t want to be fixed.
“She fills your void,” Trisha said when I didn’t say anything. “Don’t lose this. Fight for it.”
“I’ll only hurt her,” I said because it was true. “And I’d rather die than hurt her.”
“Oh, Krit. She sees it. Why can’t you?”
I didn’t want to hear this anymore. My head was already a mess.
“She sees what?” I asked.
“She sees where she belongs.”
I shook my head. Only my sister would think that I was worthy of Blythe. Anyone else who knew me knew that wasn’t true. “I can’t.”
Trisha looked like I had kicked her puppy. We stood there in silence for several minutes. I expected her to fight me more, but she had given up already.
Green cleared his throat, and I turned to see him standing there with clothes on and his arms crossed over his chest. “Well, I sure hope that preacher’s son is worthy of her then, because if you don’t snatch her up, he’s waiting in line. If it’s up to her, you’re the winner, but if you bow out, then Linc has an easy in.”
Once I had thought I understood jealousy. I had seen the girl I was sure I loved in the arms of another man. One she wanted. One who she deserved. But that hadn’t been jealousy. It had been loss. Jess had been a lot like me. Hell, Jess may have been just like me. When life had felt lonely, I knew Jess was there.
This burning possessive fury that was pumping in my veins at the thought of Linc touching Blythe or seeing her orgasm or kissing her lips was all consuming. I’d never felt this before.
“Krit, meet jealousy. It’s a bitter bitch,” Green said with an amused grin.
Chapter Fourteen
BLYTHE
Pastor Keenan had just stepped out to go to lunch with his wife, when a white paper bag was placed in front of me. I had been so focused on typing up the letters that Pastor Keenan had left for me that I didn’t hear Linc come in.
“You’re back,” I said as the smell of fresh doughnuts hit my nose. “And you brought treats.”
Linc’s smile seemed off, but I didn’t mention it or ask him if he was okay. We weren’t that close yet. “I figured if I was going to abandon you for a few days without warning, I should come with a peace offering.”
It was hard to believe so much had happened in just a few short days. Why did I feel guilty when I looked at him? I had no reason to feel guilty. We had been on two dates, and he had brought me some sweets to the office. Nothing more.
But what if he asked me out again? Did I say yes? Did I want to say yes? No. I didn’t want to say yes. I wanted Krit. Problem was, Krit didn’t want just me. He wanted to see how it went. There was no request that I not see Linc anymore. If this ended badly with Krit, I didn’t want to have lost a friendship with Linc because of my feelings for Krit. There had to be a way to juggle both.
“Okay, those thoughts are way to deep for a doughnut,” he said as he sat down on the edge of my desk.
I looked up at him and his handsome face. He didn’t scare me. He was very safe. I wasn’t in danger of getting hurt by him. That all sounded like the better choice.
But it was the easy choice.
Krit had the power to hurt me because I cared about him. I wanted him. I craved being close to him and hearing his laugh. I didn’t feel all that when I was with Linc. Did that mean Linc was the friend and Krit was the one I could love?
“Deep thoughts again,” Linc said, leaning down to cup my face in his hand. “Why the deep thoughts? Are you okay?”
He was so sweet.
“I’m sorry. I was lost in work when you came in and—” I stopped. I was lying. I didn’t like lying, but that was exactly what I was doing. I shook my head and let out a sigh. “No. That’s not true,” I admitted.
Linc’s concerned frown deepened. “What is it?”
I had to lay it out there for him. He deserved to know. Keeping him on the side for when Krit dumped me was wrong. I wasn’t going to be evil. I refused to believe I was evil, and I wasn’t about to start doing bad things now. “You met Krit,” I said, and when he nodded slowly, I decided not to give him time to say anything. I had to talk, and if he said anything bad about Krit, I would immediately go on the defensive mode. He would judge Krit without knowing him.
“Well, he’s a friend. A good friend. We eat dinner together most nights. He brings takeout over before he goes to sing at whatever club he’s at that night. Anyway, I like him. I like him more than he likes me. I like him as more than a friend, and he isn’t that kind of guy. He likes to stay free and doesn’t do relationships. I knew and I still know this, but I still can’t help the way I feel about him. So, I’m dealing with how to keep my friendship with him from being harmed because I let myself care about him in a way he wasn’t asking for.”
Linc didn’t say anything. He turned his gaze to stare at the wall across from him, and the muscles in his jaw tightened. I had needed to talk to someone about this, but Linc wasn’t the person I should have unloaded on. But at least he knew the truth now. I wasn’t lying to him.
“Has he kissed you?” Linc asked in a deep even voice. One would never guess he was upset in any way unless they knew he didn’t normally talk in a voice that deep.
“Uh.” Again I didn’t want to lie, but I was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to kiss and tell. Should Linc have even asked me that question? I didn’t ask him who he had kissed. This wasn’t a fair thing to ask me. “I don’t think that is the point of this conversation. You asked me if I was okay, and I didn’t want to lie to you.”
“So he has,” Linc said, and stood up from the desk.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he replied almost too calmly.
I wasn’t sure what to say then. I didn’t expect this reaction.
“I need to go. I’ll see you later,” he said without looking at me, then left the office with long fast strides.
Well, that was great. Now I had to work with his dad and deal with that awkwardness. Guess that friendship was over, but at least I had been honest. I wasn’t going to lie and hurt someone to benefit myself. That would never be me.
* * *
Standing in front of the mirror, I stared at myself. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to dress to even go to this club. I didn’t have the kind of clothes I had seen Krit’s normal dates wear. This was the closest thing I had to sexy. Maybe. The dark blue sundress was strapless, so that was something at least. The flowers on it, however, had made me feel pretty in the store but didn’t really seem like something you would see at a club. It was short, and the girls at Live Bay the other night had been wearing short skirts. So, that might make up for the fact that it was a floral print. Looking down at my feet, I had on a pair of blue ankle boots. They seemed to give more of an edge to my dress. This was the best I could do. I just hoped Krit wouldn’t be embarrassed by me.
I glanced back at my closet and looked at the jeans hanging there. It was still eighty degrees most nights. The idea of being in a packed club in this heat wearing jeans seemed miserable. But maybe they would be sexier.
A knock on the door told me my time was up.
“Where you at?” Krit’s voice filled the apartment. “And why isn’t this door locked?”
Smiling, I stepped out of the bedroom. “I like the riffraff who finds their way in here.”
Krit turned to look at me with a grin that froze on his face. He let his eyes trail down my body slowly and back up again. Then he let out a low whistle. “Damn, love. You make innocent and sweet sexy as f**king hell.”
I let out the breath I was holding. I passed inspection. He wasn’t embarrassed. “Oh, good. I wasn’t sure what to wear to this,” I admitted.
He walked toward me, and the tight black jeans he was wearing with black combat boots made my mouth water. “Truth is, little dancer, you could wear a granny gown and turn heads.” He reached for my waist and pulled me close to him. “You ready to do this?”
If he meant kiss, then, yes, I was very ready.
He kissed the tip of my nose and stepped back, a playful grin on his face. “Let’s go. The guys are waiting on us downstairs, and Matty, like the dickhead he is, will start blaring the horn in a minute.”
I grabbed my purse and followed him to the door. He stepped back and let me go first, then he held out his hand for my keys. I gave them to him and watched as he locked the door up tight and then handed the keys back to me. “Time to party,” he said with a sexy wink.
KRIT
Green was standing outside the black Escalade that we had bought from Matty’s dad. It was our traveling vehicle. It was roomy enough and had the power needed to pull our trailer with the instruments.
“Whose car is that?” Blythe asked when she saw Green standing there, arms crossed and looking annoyed.
“The band’s. It’s what we travel in,” I explained.
“Nice,” she said, smiling.
“Glad y’all could join us,” Green drawled when we got to the door.
“Shut up,” I snarled, and held Blythe’s hand as she climbed inside. They had left the back for us. Normally, I rode up front, but being tucked in the back with Blythe and everyone else in the front sounded pretty damn good.
The short little dress she was wearing rode up as she bent over to climb in the back, and the blue satin of her panties peeked out. I heard Green’s sharp intake of breath and shoved him back so he couldn’t see her ass. Then I climbed in behind her to make sure no one else saw her either.
Green was laughing as he climbed in after me and sat down in the middle. Legend was sitting up front in the passenger seat, and Matty was driving. Legend glanced back. “What’d I miss?” he asked as Green continued to be entirely too amused.
“Nothing,” I snarled.
Legend’s eyebrows went up, and he nodded before turning back around. “Got that,” he mumbled.
“You always make him this testy?” Matty called back, looking at Blythe through the rearview mirror.
Blythe tensed up beside me, and I was ready to get out and smash all their faces in. Leaning back, I slid my arm around the back of the seat and pulled her closer to me. “Ignore them. They get like this before we perform,” I told her.
“You get any sleep?” Green asked as he walked into the living room in a pair of boxers and his hair sticking up all over the place.
“Yeah, some.”
Green squinted against the sun coming in through the blinds I had opened. “You must not have come up with an answer you like,” he said, then yawned. “ ’Cause you look like you’ve been punched in the stomach. Ain’t no man who has had sexy little Blythe in their arms should look like that.”
Green was an even better choice for Blythe. I hated to admit it, but it was true. He was going to be a lawyer. He wasn’t terrified of commitment, and he didn’t screw around as much as me. He’d actually done a relationship before. One that worked. Not one he’d f**ked up.
Banging on the door jerked me out of my thoughts.
“What the hell?” Green growled as he stalked to the door.
His angry snarl immediately evaporated as my sister pushed him aside. “Go put on clothes,” Trisha ordered him, then swung her gaze to me. Shit. She was pissed.
“You,” she said, pointing a finger at me like I was five f**king years old, “had better tell me you fixed that mess from last night.”
“Not your business, Sis,” I replied. She didn’t have her scary-as-hell husband there to stare me down and dare me to be a smart-mouth.
“Maybe it’s not. But I’m making it my business because I love you,” she snapped.
“How do you figure that you barging into my place and yelling at me means you love me?”
She glared at me and shook her head. “Sometimes I want to slap your face and knock some sense into you.”
I would threaten her in return, but we both knew I wouldn’t lay a hand on her. I loved her bossy ass too much. “What do you want? To know I took Blythe home and apologized? Well, I did. I brought her home. We talked, and I told her I was sorry even if her stubborn ass thinks it was her fault, which I can’t for the f**king life of me figure out why she is convinced of that. She took up for me, Trisha. She f**king took up for me. Who the hell does that? What is wrong with her?” I could see by the look in my sister’s eyes that she saw too much. So I shut up. I was talking more than I should.
Trisha let out a deep sigh and then laughed. “It happened,” she said as tears started filling her eyes. “I didn’t think it would. I knew it wasn’t Jess. I love that girl, but I knew it wasn’t Jess. I even told Jess that one day the right girl would come along and you’d know. She’d rock your world. That she would heal you. Fix what they did to us.” A tear slid down her face, and she sniffed.
“We deserve to be loved, Krit. I got that a lot younger than you did when Rock came into my life. He showed me unconditional love, and he healed me before I was jaded and hard. But you”—she covered her mouth as a sob escaped—“you didn’t. I left with Rock to get away from it all, and there was no one to save you. No one to show you that you were worthy of love. I was too young to know what you needed. I failed you, and you got jaded. You built walls. You learned to use all those good looks to charm girls out of their panties and good sense, but it meant nothing to you. They weren’t filling your void.” She stopped and wiped her face.
I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to accept this. She was wrong. This was wrong. My past and what I was were too twisted for anyone to fix. I didn’t want to be fixed.
“She fills your void,” Trisha said when I didn’t say anything. “Don’t lose this. Fight for it.”
“I’ll only hurt her,” I said because it was true. “And I’d rather die than hurt her.”
“Oh, Krit. She sees it. Why can’t you?”
I didn’t want to hear this anymore. My head was already a mess.
“She sees what?” I asked.
“She sees where she belongs.”
I shook my head. Only my sister would think that I was worthy of Blythe. Anyone else who knew me knew that wasn’t true. “I can’t.”
Trisha looked like I had kicked her puppy. We stood there in silence for several minutes. I expected her to fight me more, but she had given up already.
Green cleared his throat, and I turned to see him standing there with clothes on and his arms crossed over his chest. “Well, I sure hope that preacher’s son is worthy of her then, because if you don’t snatch her up, he’s waiting in line. If it’s up to her, you’re the winner, but if you bow out, then Linc has an easy in.”
Once I had thought I understood jealousy. I had seen the girl I was sure I loved in the arms of another man. One she wanted. One who she deserved. But that hadn’t been jealousy. It had been loss. Jess had been a lot like me. Hell, Jess may have been just like me. When life had felt lonely, I knew Jess was there.
This burning possessive fury that was pumping in my veins at the thought of Linc touching Blythe or seeing her orgasm or kissing her lips was all consuming. I’d never felt this before.
“Krit, meet jealousy. It’s a bitter bitch,” Green said with an amused grin.
Chapter Fourteen
BLYTHE
Pastor Keenan had just stepped out to go to lunch with his wife, when a white paper bag was placed in front of me. I had been so focused on typing up the letters that Pastor Keenan had left for me that I didn’t hear Linc come in.
“You’re back,” I said as the smell of fresh doughnuts hit my nose. “And you brought treats.”
Linc’s smile seemed off, but I didn’t mention it or ask him if he was okay. We weren’t that close yet. “I figured if I was going to abandon you for a few days without warning, I should come with a peace offering.”
It was hard to believe so much had happened in just a few short days. Why did I feel guilty when I looked at him? I had no reason to feel guilty. We had been on two dates, and he had brought me some sweets to the office. Nothing more.
But what if he asked me out again? Did I say yes? Did I want to say yes? No. I didn’t want to say yes. I wanted Krit. Problem was, Krit didn’t want just me. He wanted to see how it went. There was no request that I not see Linc anymore. If this ended badly with Krit, I didn’t want to have lost a friendship with Linc because of my feelings for Krit. There had to be a way to juggle both.
“Okay, those thoughts are way to deep for a doughnut,” he said as he sat down on the edge of my desk.
I looked up at him and his handsome face. He didn’t scare me. He was very safe. I wasn’t in danger of getting hurt by him. That all sounded like the better choice.
But it was the easy choice.
Krit had the power to hurt me because I cared about him. I wanted him. I craved being close to him and hearing his laugh. I didn’t feel all that when I was with Linc. Did that mean Linc was the friend and Krit was the one I could love?
“Deep thoughts again,” Linc said, leaning down to cup my face in his hand. “Why the deep thoughts? Are you okay?”
He was so sweet.
“I’m sorry. I was lost in work when you came in and—” I stopped. I was lying. I didn’t like lying, but that was exactly what I was doing. I shook my head and let out a sigh. “No. That’s not true,” I admitted.
Linc’s concerned frown deepened. “What is it?”
I had to lay it out there for him. He deserved to know. Keeping him on the side for when Krit dumped me was wrong. I wasn’t going to be evil. I refused to believe I was evil, and I wasn’t about to start doing bad things now. “You met Krit,” I said, and when he nodded slowly, I decided not to give him time to say anything. I had to talk, and if he said anything bad about Krit, I would immediately go on the defensive mode. He would judge Krit without knowing him.
“Well, he’s a friend. A good friend. We eat dinner together most nights. He brings takeout over before he goes to sing at whatever club he’s at that night. Anyway, I like him. I like him more than he likes me. I like him as more than a friend, and he isn’t that kind of guy. He likes to stay free and doesn’t do relationships. I knew and I still know this, but I still can’t help the way I feel about him. So, I’m dealing with how to keep my friendship with him from being harmed because I let myself care about him in a way he wasn’t asking for.”
Linc didn’t say anything. He turned his gaze to stare at the wall across from him, and the muscles in his jaw tightened. I had needed to talk to someone about this, but Linc wasn’t the person I should have unloaded on. But at least he knew the truth now. I wasn’t lying to him.
“Has he kissed you?” Linc asked in a deep even voice. One would never guess he was upset in any way unless they knew he didn’t normally talk in a voice that deep.
“Uh.” Again I didn’t want to lie, but I was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to kiss and tell. Should Linc have even asked me that question? I didn’t ask him who he had kissed. This wasn’t a fair thing to ask me. “I don’t think that is the point of this conversation. You asked me if I was okay, and I didn’t want to lie to you.”
“So he has,” Linc said, and stood up from the desk.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he replied almost too calmly.
I wasn’t sure what to say then. I didn’t expect this reaction.
“I need to go. I’ll see you later,” he said without looking at me, then left the office with long fast strides.
Well, that was great. Now I had to work with his dad and deal with that awkwardness. Guess that friendship was over, but at least I had been honest. I wasn’t going to lie and hurt someone to benefit myself. That would never be me.
* * *
Standing in front of the mirror, I stared at myself. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to dress to even go to this club. I didn’t have the kind of clothes I had seen Krit’s normal dates wear. This was the closest thing I had to sexy. Maybe. The dark blue sundress was strapless, so that was something at least. The flowers on it, however, had made me feel pretty in the store but didn’t really seem like something you would see at a club. It was short, and the girls at Live Bay the other night had been wearing short skirts. So, that might make up for the fact that it was a floral print. Looking down at my feet, I had on a pair of blue ankle boots. They seemed to give more of an edge to my dress. This was the best I could do. I just hoped Krit wouldn’t be embarrassed by me.
I glanced back at my closet and looked at the jeans hanging there. It was still eighty degrees most nights. The idea of being in a packed club in this heat wearing jeans seemed miserable. But maybe they would be sexier.
A knock on the door told me my time was up.
“Where you at?” Krit’s voice filled the apartment. “And why isn’t this door locked?”
Smiling, I stepped out of the bedroom. “I like the riffraff who finds their way in here.”
Krit turned to look at me with a grin that froze on his face. He let his eyes trail down my body slowly and back up again. Then he let out a low whistle. “Damn, love. You make innocent and sweet sexy as f**king hell.”
I let out the breath I was holding. I passed inspection. He wasn’t embarrassed. “Oh, good. I wasn’t sure what to wear to this,” I admitted.
He walked toward me, and the tight black jeans he was wearing with black combat boots made my mouth water. “Truth is, little dancer, you could wear a granny gown and turn heads.” He reached for my waist and pulled me close to him. “You ready to do this?”
If he meant kiss, then, yes, I was very ready.
He kissed the tip of my nose and stepped back, a playful grin on his face. “Let’s go. The guys are waiting on us downstairs, and Matty, like the dickhead he is, will start blaring the horn in a minute.”
I grabbed my purse and followed him to the door. He stepped back and let me go first, then he held out his hand for my keys. I gave them to him and watched as he locked the door up tight and then handed the keys back to me. “Time to party,” he said with a sexy wink.
KRIT
Green was standing outside the black Escalade that we had bought from Matty’s dad. It was our traveling vehicle. It was roomy enough and had the power needed to pull our trailer with the instruments.
“Whose car is that?” Blythe asked when she saw Green standing there, arms crossed and looking annoyed.
“The band’s. It’s what we travel in,” I explained.
“Nice,” she said, smiling.
“Glad y’all could join us,” Green drawled when we got to the door.
“Shut up,” I snarled, and held Blythe’s hand as she climbed inside. They had left the back for us. Normally, I rode up front, but being tucked in the back with Blythe and everyone else in the front sounded pretty damn good.
The short little dress she was wearing rode up as she bent over to climb in the back, and the blue satin of her panties peeked out. I heard Green’s sharp intake of breath and shoved him back so he couldn’t see her ass. Then I climbed in behind her to make sure no one else saw her either.
Green was laughing as he climbed in after me and sat down in the middle. Legend was sitting up front in the passenger seat, and Matty was driving. Legend glanced back. “What’d I miss?” he asked as Green continued to be entirely too amused.
“Nothing,” I snarled.
Legend’s eyebrows went up, and he nodded before turning back around. “Got that,” he mumbled.
“You always make him this testy?” Matty called back, looking at Blythe through the rearview mirror.
Blythe tensed up beside me, and I was ready to get out and smash all their faces in. Leaning back, I slid my arm around the back of the seat and pulled her closer to me. “Ignore them. They get like this before we perform,” I told her.
