I was worried about it though. That hadn’t been a friend thing to do. It had been intimate and something I never imagined I would do with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with. But with Krit, I forgot about all that and took whatever I could get.
Not having a mother to talk to growing up and not having a father who made me feel secure had warped me somehow. That was all that made sense. This intense feeling I had for Krit. This need to be touched by him. To belong to him. I had always wanted to belong to someone.
When I was fourteen, a girl in our church had been tragically killed in a car accident. I had sat at her funeral watching as her mother had bent at the waist as sobs had racked her body. The girl’s father hadn’t been much better. He had fallen on his knees and rested his head against the girl’s casket as his shoulders shook. It had been heartbreaking to watch. But the entire time I’d sat there, I’d wondered what that girl’s life must have been like. She had known a love like I had only dreamed about.
Then it had hit me. No one would cry if I died. No one would care. I wouldn’t have parents who were so overcome from their grief that they couldn’t stand up. I wouldn’t even have friends who had tissues wadded up in their fists as they stood and silently sobbed in their seats. That day had marked me.
Krit didn’t know any of this. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into with me. I wasn’t like the girls who threw their panties at him hoping for one night of pleasure in his arms. I couldn’t get up the next day and walk away like he meant nothing to me. I wasn’t wired that way. All my life I had been alone and isolated. Would I love naturally? Or would my love be a twisted, broken love? Would I love in a way that smothered and made people run away?
Was I even lovable? There was a reason Pastor Williams and Mrs. Williams didn’t love me. There was a reason no one ever got close to me or showed me love. Had I tried to love when I was younger and had it been wrong?
I glanced up from the spot on the floor I had been staring at while I was lost I my thoughts to see Krit walking toward me. Had they finished the set? He had said they did three tonight with twenty minute breaks in between.
Glancing behind Krit, I saw Green scowling as he followed Krit offstage. Was something wrong? I hadn’t been watching them. Did I miss a fight?
Krit was in front of me, immediately taking my hands and pulling me up. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a concerned frown etching his beautiful face.
“What’s . . . I don’t know? I—” I stopped talking when Green grabbed Krit’s shoulder and jerked him around.
“What the hell was that? We had five more minutes. We could have done another song. We were scheduled to do another song. Did you not look over the f**king lineup?”
Krit took a step and got in Green’s face. “Don’t. Fucking. Interrupt. Her.” He snarled then shoved him back, causing Green to stumble.
The instant fury that lit up Green’s eyes sent me into motion. He was going to hit Krit. I wasn’t going to let him hurt Krit. I jumped up as Green got in Krit’s face.
“We are working! She was fine. You could see her. What the f**k is wrong with you? This is our job, ass**le. You can’t go doing shit like that when we have a packed house!”
Krit shoved him again. “Don’t tell me what the f**k to do.”
I had to stop them. This was about me. I wasn’t sure why Krit had come offstage, but I knew it was about me. I had to fix this. I didn’t want Krit fighting with his best friend.
“Stop f**king shoving me, you pansy-ass motherfucker!” Green roared, and lunged for Krit.
I moved fast, putting up two hands and jumping in front of Krit to stop him. The force of impact when Green didn’t stop hit me directly in the chest. It was as if someone had put a vacuum in my lungs and sucked all the oxygen from the room. Nothing was getting in, and panic gripped me when I realized I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck!” Krit yelled, and his arms were around me. He was doing something to my chest as he begged me to breathe. I was trying to breathe. It wouldn’t work.
“Baby, please breathe,” he was pleading, and I wanted nothing more than to do that, but I couldn’t. It hurt, and the terror that I was about to die settled over me.
“She got the air knocked out of her. She’s gonna be okay,” Matty said in an calmer voice.
And then the vacuum left, and the air I had been fighting for filled my chest as I gasped loudly and bent over. Krit was holding me against him as me muttered sweet things over and over while he rocked me back and forth.
“Take him out of here,” Matty said.
I couldn’t look up to see who he was talking to, but I grabbed Krit’s arms to hold onto him in case they were talking about him.
“Not me, baby. I’m not leaving you,” he said as his hand began running down my hair as if he were petting me. “Not going anywhere.”
“I was going for him. I didn’t mean to hit her,” Green said, sounding panicked.
“When Krit is sure she’s okay, he is going to beat the motherfucking hell out of you. Go with Legend and let him calm down first.” Matty’s words were more of an order this time.
“I’m so sorry. God, baby. What were you doing? You . . . God.” He took a shaky breath. “You couldn’t breathe. He hit you so hard and you went down and f**k, sweetheart. I’ve never been that scared in my life.”
I was able to breathe again without pain, and I had to fix this. This wasn’t Green’s fault. I didn’t know he wasn’t going to be able to stop. I thought he would stop from hitting Krit if I was in front of him. “He was gonna hit you,” I said, wincing from the pain in my throat.
Krit went still a minute, then his hold on me tightened.
KRIT
“Fuck,” Matty whispered.
He’d heard her.
It was me who couldn’t breathe now. I had thought it was an accident. But she’d f**king done it on purpose. To protect me. Holy hell.
“I’m gonna go . . . ,” Matty trailed off. I listened to his footsteps until he was gone before pulling back and looking down at Blythe.
“You got in front of six-foot-three one hundred and eighty pounds of muscle because he was going to hit me?”
She nodded. “It was my fault he was going to hit you. I was just going to stop him.”
She was going to stop him. This girl. Never in all my life did I imagine there was anyone like her. Never.
“Sweetheart, how did you intend to stop him? I could handle him. I’ve kicked his ass many, many times.” I cupped her chin in my hand. “I had rather had him kick my ass than to have anything happen to you. That was f**king unbearable. You can’t do that to me. If you get hurt, I won’t be able to handle it.”
She sighed, and her eyes looked back toward the stage. “I made this worse. I’m sorry. Can you go fix things with the two of you so you can get back onstage?”
The distressed look on her face meant I wasn’t going to be able to leave. I wanted nothing more than to take her back home and hold her all night. But she was really upset about this. I had overreacted. She had been sitting over here staring at the floor with the saddest lost expression, and I couldn’t think straight. I had to get to her.
“I’ll get Green, and we’ll go back onstage. But you have to promise me that you won’t try and save me again. I take care of you. Not the other way around,” I told her.
She reached up and touched my face. “Then who will take care of you?”
No one had ever cared about that before. That wasn’t something I was going to tell her, though. “You safe in my arms is all I need. Okay?”
She frowned and glanced away from me. “I’m not agreeing to that,” she said.
God, she was adorable. I pressed a kiss to her head. “Come with me to get the guys,” I told her as I stood up and brought her with me.
“You won’t do anything to Green then?” she said, sounding hopeful.
“No.” Until you’re asleep tonight. And then I’m beating his ass.
* * *
The look on their faces when Blythe apologized to Green and explained she was just trying to keep him from hitting me was priceless. Green looked like he might be sick, he was so upset over hurting her. If I hadn’t held her in my arms as she fought to breathe that could have possibly been enough punishment for him. I wasn’t going to feel better until I busted up something on his body. Preferably something that Blythe couldn’t see. I’d have to be careful with his face. She wouldn’t understand.
When we walked back onto the stage, Green whispered. “I would’ve never hurt her on purpose.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t responding.
“This ain’t over, is it?” he asked.
He knew me better than that.
“You hurt her. She was f**king protecting me. What do you think?”
Green hung his head, and the pained look on his face made me feel a little better. But he still had no idea what seeing her like that had put me through. Then the fact that she had defended me again and been hurt for it. I was to hurt someone, and Green was number one in line.
Matty took over the mic, knowing Green and I needed time to adjust to what had just gone down before we were ready to entertain the crowd.
The girls chanting my name and throwing panties and papers with their phone numbers on them normally made me get that rush in my system. Tonight I had to keep from cringing, knowing that Blythe saw all this. She heard it. When I had looked back at her and she’d been so lost in her thoughts, I had been worried that she’d heard or seen something that upset her.
Getting to her and reassuring her had been all I could think about. I glanced back at her, and she smiled at me. The excited gleam in her eyes was all I needed. I wanted to entertain her. I wanted her to enjoy watching me. I turned off the anger simmering inside and focused on that sweet smile.
When we finished the song and Matty had taken over to give me time to calm down, I turned back to the band and nodded. They knew that meant it was time for the new song. The one I’d written since Blythe had come into my life. It was hard and real. Fans would love it, and every time I sang it, Blythe’s face would be the only thing I saw. She had inspired it, even if I intended to change the bitter facts in the lyrics. She was changing everything for me.
I’ve always had an addictive personality—
Take a little then want a little more.
Being told no isn’t okay with me.
They call it obsession, but I know it’s more.
I know they tell you to stay away from the devil,
But, baby, come a little closer, open my door.
I turned and held her gaze. Her eyes were sparkling with something I didn’t understand, but damn, it felt like it was all mine.
They say I’m bad for you.
They say I’m wrong for the innocent, I’ll only burn you up.
But I’m addicted now, and there’s no changing that.
I just may be bad for you, but this lesson you’re gonna learn.
Accuse me of insanity or desire to possess.
I’ve heard it before but never like this.
I’d tell you not to fear this, but then I’d be a liar.
You lost your free will right after our first kiss.
I know they tell you to stay away from the devil.
But, baby, come a little closer. Open my door.
They say I’m bad for you.
They say I’m wrong for an angel, I’ll only burn you up.
But I’m addicted now, and there’s no changing that.
I just may be bad for you, but this lesson you’re gonna learn.
Good girls should stay away from the dark corners.
Temptation will always lurk within the turn.
Keeping you pure may be the only thing that redeems me.
But I never asked not to burn.
Chapter Sixteen
BLYTHE
There were a lot of them. All of them had tiny tops and tinnier bottoms. I stepped back from the women being let backstage by a large guy dressed in black. I could feel several of them looking at me.
“Who is she?” one of them asked in an annoyed tone.
I turned to the large guy who had the muscles of a bodybuilder and a T-shirt on that was so tight, it was in danger of ripping. He frowned at me. “How did you get back here? I don’t let the girls in until last song.”
Nervously, I glanced back at the stage, but I had moved so that I couldn’t see Krit anymore. Swinging my gaze back to the man, I told him, “I came in with the band.”
His frown turned into a disbelieving smirk. “Yeah, right. Heard that before.” He stepped toward me and held out his hand. “Come on, sugar. I bring back the girls the guys pick out, and you weren’t one of them. I didn’t even see you around the stage all night.”
Uh-oh. Glancing back at the stage, I knew Krit would be done soon, and he would inform the guy I was really with the band. Problem was it didn’t look like I was going to be able to keep this guy from sending me away.
“Come on,” he said, motioning me to take his hand. “This isn’t something you want in on. I have no doubt they’d have picked you out of a crowd, but you look terrified. This isn’t where you need to be. These boys like to play.”
“I really did come with the band. I’m a friend of Krit’s,” I explained.
One of the girls burst out laughing, and several others joined her. My face felt like it was on fire.
“You are so not Krit’s type,” one of the girl’s said in an amused tone.
“Nice try,” another one piped up.
The guy gave me a pity smile. “Come on now. Let’s get you out of here.”
Not having a mother to talk to growing up and not having a father who made me feel secure had warped me somehow. That was all that made sense. This intense feeling I had for Krit. This need to be touched by him. To belong to him. I had always wanted to belong to someone.
When I was fourteen, a girl in our church had been tragically killed in a car accident. I had sat at her funeral watching as her mother had bent at the waist as sobs had racked her body. The girl’s father hadn’t been much better. He had fallen on his knees and rested his head against the girl’s casket as his shoulders shook. It had been heartbreaking to watch. But the entire time I’d sat there, I’d wondered what that girl’s life must have been like. She had known a love like I had only dreamed about.
Then it had hit me. No one would cry if I died. No one would care. I wouldn’t have parents who were so overcome from their grief that they couldn’t stand up. I wouldn’t even have friends who had tissues wadded up in their fists as they stood and silently sobbed in their seats. That day had marked me.
Krit didn’t know any of this. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into with me. I wasn’t like the girls who threw their panties at him hoping for one night of pleasure in his arms. I couldn’t get up the next day and walk away like he meant nothing to me. I wasn’t wired that way. All my life I had been alone and isolated. Would I love naturally? Or would my love be a twisted, broken love? Would I love in a way that smothered and made people run away?
Was I even lovable? There was a reason Pastor Williams and Mrs. Williams didn’t love me. There was a reason no one ever got close to me or showed me love. Had I tried to love when I was younger and had it been wrong?
I glanced up from the spot on the floor I had been staring at while I was lost I my thoughts to see Krit walking toward me. Had they finished the set? He had said they did three tonight with twenty minute breaks in between.
Glancing behind Krit, I saw Green scowling as he followed Krit offstage. Was something wrong? I hadn’t been watching them. Did I miss a fight?
Krit was in front of me, immediately taking my hands and pulling me up. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a concerned frown etching his beautiful face.
“What’s . . . I don’t know? I—” I stopped talking when Green grabbed Krit’s shoulder and jerked him around.
“What the hell was that? We had five more minutes. We could have done another song. We were scheduled to do another song. Did you not look over the f**king lineup?”
Krit took a step and got in Green’s face. “Don’t. Fucking. Interrupt. Her.” He snarled then shoved him back, causing Green to stumble.
The instant fury that lit up Green’s eyes sent me into motion. He was going to hit Krit. I wasn’t going to let him hurt Krit. I jumped up as Green got in Krit’s face.
“We are working! She was fine. You could see her. What the f**k is wrong with you? This is our job, ass**le. You can’t go doing shit like that when we have a packed house!”
Krit shoved him again. “Don’t tell me what the f**k to do.”
I had to stop them. This was about me. I wasn’t sure why Krit had come offstage, but I knew it was about me. I had to fix this. I didn’t want Krit fighting with his best friend.
“Stop f**king shoving me, you pansy-ass motherfucker!” Green roared, and lunged for Krit.
I moved fast, putting up two hands and jumping in front of Krit to stop him. The force of impact when Green didn’t stop hit me directly in the chest. It was as if someone had put a vacuum in my lungs and sucked all the oxygen from the room. Nothing was getting in, and panic gripped me when I realized I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck!” Krit yelled, and his arms were around me. He was doing something to my chest as he begged me to breathe. I was trying to breathe. It wouldn’t work.
“Baby, please breathe,” he was pleading, and I wanted nothing more than to do that, but I couldn’t. It hurt, and the terror that I was about to die settled over me.
“She got the air knocked out of her. She’s gonna be okay,” Matty said in an calmer voice.
And then the vacuum left, and the air I had been fighting for filled my chest as I gasped loudly and bent over. Krit was holding me against him as me muttered sweet things over and over while he rocked me back and forth.
“Take him out of here,” Matty said.
I couldn’t look up to see who he was talking to, but I grabbed Krit’s arms to hold onto him in case they were talking about him.
“Not me, baby. I’m not leaving you,” he said as his hand began running down my hair as if he were petting me. “Not going anywhere.”
“I was going for him. I didn’t mean to hit her,” Green said, sounding panicked.
“When Krit is sure she’s okay, he is going to beat the motherfucking hell out of you. Go with Legend and let him calm down first.” Matty’s words were more of an order this time.
“I’m so sorry. God, baby. What were you doing? You . . . God.” He took a shaky breath. “You couldn’t breathe. He hit you so hard and you went down and f**k, sweetheart. I’ve never been that scared in my life.”
I was able to breathe again without pain, and I had to fix this. This wasn’t Green’s fault. I didn’t know he wasn’t going to be able to stop. I thought he would stop from hitting Krit if I was in front of him. “He was gonna hit you,” I said, wincing from the pain in my throat.
Krit went still a minute, then his hold on me tightened.
KRIT
“Fuck,” Matty whispered.
He’d heard her.
It was me who couldn’t breathe now. I had thought it was an accident. But she’d f**king done it on purpose. To protect me. Holy hell.
“I’m gonna go . . . ,” Matty trailed off. I listened to his footsteps until he was gone before pulling back and looking down at Blythe.
“You got in front of six-foot-three one hundred and eighty pounds of muscle because he was going to hit me?”
She nodded. “It was my fault he was going to hit you. I was just going to stop him.”
She was going to stop him. This girl. Never in all my life did I imagine there was anyone like her. Never.
“Sweetheart, how did you intend to stop him? I could handle him. I’ve kicked his ass many, many times.” I cupped her chin in my hand. “I had rather had him kick my ass than to have anything happen to you. That was f**king unbearable. You can’t do that to me. If you get hurt, I won’t be able to handle it.”
She sighed, and her eyes looked back toward the stage. “I made this worse. I’m sorry. Can you go fix things with the two of you so you can get back onstage?”
The distressed look on her face meant I wasn’t going to be able to leave. I wanted nothing more than to take her back home and hold her all night. But she was really upset about this. I had overreacted. She had been sitting over here staring at the floor with the saddest lost expression, and I couldn’t think straight. I had to get to her.
“I’ll get Green, and we’ll go back onstage. But you have to promise me that you won’t try and save me again. I take care of you. Not the other way around,” I told her.
She reached up and touched my face. “Then who will take care of you?”
No one had ever cared about that before. That wasn’t something I was going to tell her, though. “You safe in my arms is all I need. Okay?”
She frowned and glanced away from me. “I’m not agreeing to that,” she said.
God, she was adorable. I pressed a kiss to her head. “Come with me to get the guys,” I told her as I stood up and brought her with me.
“You won’t do anything to Green then?” she said, sounding hopeful.
“No.” Until you’re asleep tonight. And then I’m beating his ass.
* * *
The look on their faces when Blythe apologized to Green and explained she was just trying to keep him from hitting me was priceless. Green looked like he might be sick, he was so upset over hurting her. If I hadn’t held her in my arms as she fought to breathe that could have possibly been enough punishment for him. I wasn’t going to feel better until I busted up something on his body. Preferably something that Blythe couldn’t see. I’d have to be careful with his face. She wouldn’t understand.
When we walked back onto the stage, Green whispered. “I would’ve never hurt her on purpose.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t responding.
“This ain’t over, is it?” he asked.
He knew me better than that.
“You hurt her. She was f**king protecting me. What do you think?”
Green hung his head, and the pained look on his face made me feel a little better. But he still had no idea what seeing her like that had put me through. Then the fact that she had defended me again and been hurt for it. I was to hurt someone, and Green was number one in line.
Matty took over the mic, knowing Green and I needed time to adjust to what had just gone down before we were ready to entertain the crowd.
The girls chanting my name and throwing panties and papers with their phone numbers on them normally made me get that rush in my system. Tonight I had to keep from cringing, knowing that Blythe saw all this. She heard it. When I had looked back at her and she’d been so lost in her thoughts, I had been worried that she’d heard or seen something that upset her.
Getting to her and reassuring her had been all I could think about. I glanced back at her, and she smiled at me. The excited gleam in her eyes was all I needed. I wanted to entertain her. I wanted her to enjoy watching me. I turned off the anger simmering inside and focused on that sweet smile.
When we finished the song and Matty had taken over to give me time to calm down, I turned back to the band and nodded. They knew that meant it was time for the new song. The one I’d written since Blythe had come into my life. It was hard and real. Fans would love it, and every time I sang it, Blythe’s face would be the only thing I saw. She had inspired it, even if I intended to change the bitter facts in the lyrics. She was changing everything for me.
I’ve always had an addictive personality—
Take a little then want a little more.
Being told no isn’t okay with me.
They call it obsession, but I know it’s more.
I know they tell you to stay away from the devil,
But, baby, come a little closer, open my door.
I turned and held her gaze. Her eyes were sparkling with something I didn’t understand, but damn, it felt like it was all mine.
They say I’m bad for you.
They say I’m wrong for the innocent, I’ll only burn you up.
But I’m addicted now, and there’s no changing that.
I just may be bad for you, but this lesson you’re gonna learn.
Accuse me of insanity or desire to possess.
I’ve heard it before but never like this.
I’d tell you not to fear this, but then I’d be a liar.
You lost your free will right after our first kiss.
I know they tell you to stay away from the devil.
But, baby, come a little closer. Open my door.
They say I’m bad for you.
They say I’m wrong for an angel, I’ll only burn you up.
But I’m addicted now, and there’s no changing that.
I just may be bad for you, but this lesson you’re gonna learn.
Good girls should stay away from the dark corners.
Temptation will always lurk within the turn.
Keeping you pure may be the only thing that redeems me.
But I never asked not to burn.
Chapter Sixteen
BLYTHE
There were a lot of them. All of them had tiny tops and tinnier bottoms. I stepped back from the women being let backstage by a large guy dressed in black. I could feel several of them looking at me.
“Who is she?” one of them asked in an annoyed tone.
I turned to the large guy who had the muscles of a bodybuilder and a T-shirt on that was so tight, it was in danger of ripping. He frowned at me. “How did you get back here? I don’t let the girls in until last song.”
Nervously, I glanced back at the stage, but I had moved so that I couldn’t see Krit anymore. Swinging my gaze back to the man, I told him, “I came in with the band.”
His frown turned into a disbelieving smirk. “Yeah, right. Heard that before.” He stepped toward me and held out his hand. “Come on, sugar. I bring back the girls the guys pick out, and you weren’t one of them. I didn’t even see you around the stage all night.”
Uh-oh. Glancing back at the stage, I knew Krit would be done soon, and he would inform the guy I was really with the band. Problem was it didn’t look like I was going to be able to keep this guy from sending me away.
“Come on,” he said, motioning me to take his hand. “This isn’t something you want in on. I have no doubt they’d have picked you out of a crowd, but you look terrified. This isn’t where you need to be. These boys like to play.”
“I really did come with the band. I’m a friend of Krit’s,” I explained.
One of the girls burst out laughing, and several others joined her. My face felt like it was on fire.
“You are so not Krit’s type,” one of the girl’s said in an amused tone.
“Nice try,” another one piped up.
The guy gave me a pity smile. “Come on now. Let’s get you out of here.”
