"Look in the top drawer on the right," he called out.
Was he trying to distract me from thinking about all the brunettes he'd been photographed with - including Magdalene?
I left the dress on the bed and opened the drawer. Inside were a dozen Carine Gilson lingerie sets, all in my size, in a wide range of colors. There were also garters and silk stockings still in their packages.
I looked up at Gideon as he reappeared with his clothes in hand. "I have a drawer?"
"You have three in the dresser and two in the bathroom."
"Gideon." I smiled. "Working up to a drawer usually takes a few months."
"How would you know?" He laid his clothes on the bed. "You've lived with a man other than Cary?"
I shot him a look. "Having a drawer isn't living with someone."
"That's not an answer." He walked over and brushed me gently aside to grab a pair of boxer briefs.
Sensing his withdrawal and darkening mood, I replied before he moved away. "I haven't lived with any other men, no."
Leaning over, Gideon pressed a brusque kiss to my forehead before returning to the bed. He paused at the footboard with his back to me. "I want this relationship to mean more to you than any others you've had."
"It does. By far." I tightened the knot of the towel between my br**sts. "I'm struggling with that a little. It's become important so quickly. Maybe too quickly. I keep thinking it's too good to be true."
Turning, he faced me. "Maybe it is. If so, we deserve it."
I went to him and let him pull me into his arms. It was where I wanted to be more than anywhere else.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of my head. "I can't stand the thought that you're waiting for this to end. That's what you're doing, isn't it? That's what you sound like."
"I'm sorry."
"We just have to make you feel secure." He ran his fingers through my hair. "How do we do that?"
I hesitated a moment, then went for it. "Would you go to couples therapy with me?"
The stroking of his fingers paused. He stood silently for a moment, breathing deeply.
"Just think about it," I suggested. "Maybe look into it, see what it's about."
"Am I doing this wrong? You and me? Am I f**king it up that much?"
I pulled back to look at him. "No, Gideon. You're perfect. Perfect for me, anyway. I'm crazy about you. I think you're - "
He kissed me. "I'll do it. I'll go."
I loved him in that moment. Wildly. And the moment after that. And all through the ride to what turned out to be a dazzling, intimate dinner at Masa. We were one of only three parties in the restaurant and Gideon was greeted by name on sight. The food we were served was otherworldly good and the wine too expensive to think about or I wouldn't have been able to swallow it. Gideon was darkly charismatic; his charm was relaxed and seductive.
I felt beautiful in the dress he'd chosen and my mood was light. He knew the worst of what there was to know about me, but he was still with me.
His fingertips caressed my shoulder...drew circles on my nape...slid down my back. He kissed my temple and nuzzled beneath my ear, his tongue lightly touching the sensitive skin. Beneath the table, his hand squeezed my thigh and cupped the back of my knee. My entire body vibrated with awareness of him. I wanted him so badly I ached.
"How did you meet Cary?" he asked, eyeing me over the lip of his wineglass.
"Group therapy." I set my hand over his to still its upward slide on my leg, smiling at the mischievous glimmer in his eyes. "My dad's a cop and he'd heard of this therapist who supposedly had mad skills with wild kids, which I was. Cary was seeing Dr. Travis, too."
"Mad skills, huh?" Gideon smiled.
"Dr. Travis isn't like any other therapist I've ever met. His office is an old gymnasium he converted. He had an open door policy with 'his kids' and hanging out there was more real to me than lying on a couch. Plus he had a no-bullshit rule. It was straight up honesty both ways or he'd get pissed. I've always liked that about him, that he cared enough to get emotional."
"Did you choose SDSU because your dad's in Southern California?"
My mouth twisted wryly as he revealed another bit of knowledge about me that I hadn't given him. "How much have you dug up on me?"
"Whatever I could find."
"Do I want to know how extensive that is?"
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back. "Probably not."
I shook my head, exasperated. "Yes, that's why I attended SDSU. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my dad while I was growing up. Plus my mother was smothering me to death."
"And you never told your dad about what happened to you?"
"No." I rolled the stem of my wineglass between my fingers. "He knows I was an angry troublemaker with self-esteem issues, but he doesn't know about Nathan."
"Why not?"
"Because he can't change what happened. Nathan was lawfully punished. His father paid a large sum for damages. Justice was served."
Gideon spoke coolly. "I disagree."
"What more can you expect?"
He drank deeply before replying. "It's not fit to describe over dinner."
"Oh." Because that sounded ominous, especially when paired with the ice of his gaze, I returned my attention to the food in front of me. There was no menu at Masa, only omakase, so every bite was a surprise delight, and the dearth of patrons made it seem almost as if we had the whole place to ourselves.
After a moment, he said, "I love watching you eat."
I shot him a look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You eat with gusto. And your little moans of pleasure make me hard."
I bumped my shoulder into his. "By your own admission, you're always hard."
"Your fault," he said, grinning, which made me grin, too.
Gideon ate with more deliberation than I did and didn't bat an eye at the astronomical check.
Before we stepped outside, he slid his jacket over my shoulders and said, "Let's go to your gym tomorrow."
I glanced at him. "Yours is nicer."
"Of course it is. But I'll go wherever you like."
"Someplace without helpful trainers named Daniel?" I asked sweetly.
He looked at me with an arched brow and a wry curving of his lips. "Watch yourself, angel. Before I think of a suitable consequence for mocking my possessiveness where you're concerned."
I noted he didn't threaten me with a spanking again. Did he understand that administered pain with sex was a major trigger for me? It took me back to a mental place I never wanted to return to.
On the ride back to Gideon's place, I curled into him in the back of the Bentley, my legs slung over one of his thighs and my head on his shoulder. I thought about the ways Nathan's abuse still affected my life - my sex life in particular.
How many of those ghosts could Gideon and I exorcise together? After that brief glimpse of toys I'd seen in the hotel room drawer, it was clear he was more experienced and sexually adventurous than I was. And the pleasure I'd derived from the ferocity of his lovemaking on the couch earlier proved to me that he could do things to me no one else could.
Was he trying to distract me from thinking about all the brunettes he'd been photographed with - including Magdalene?
I left the dress on the bed and opened the drawer. Inside were a dozen Carine Gilson lingerie sets, all in my size, in a wide range of colors. There were also garters and silk stockings still in their packages.
I looked up at Gideon as he reappeared with his clothes in hand. "I have a drawer?"
"You have three in the dresser and two in the bathroom."
"Gideon." I smiled. "Working up to a drawer usually takes a few months."
"How would you know?" He laid his clothes on the bed. "You've lived with a man other than Cary?"
I shot him a look. "Having a drawer isn't living with someone."
"That's not an answer." He walked over and brushed me gently aside to grab a pair of boxer briefs.
Sensing his withdrawal and darkening mood, I replied before he moved away. "I haven't lived with any other men, no."
Leaning over, Gideon pressed a brusque kiss to my forehead before returning to the bed. He paused at the footboard with his back to me. "I want this relationship to mean more to you than any others you've had."
"It does. By far." I tightened the knot of the towel between my br**sts. "I'm struggling with that a little. It's become important so quickly. Maybe too quickly. I keep thinking it's too good to be true."
Turning, he faced me. "Maybe it is. If so, we deserve it."
I went to him and let him pull me into his arms. It was where I wanted to be more than anywhere else.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of my head. "I can't stand the thought that you're waiting for this to end. That's what you're doing, isn't it? That's what you sound like."
"I'm sorry."
"We just have to make you feel secure." He ran his fingers through my hair. "How do we do that?"
I hesitated a moment, then went for it. "Would you go to couples therapy with me?"
The stroking of his fingers paused. He stood silently for a moment, breathing deeply.
"Just think about it," I suggested. "Maybe look into it, see what it's about."
"Am I doing this wrong? You and me? Am I f**king it up that much?"
I pulled back to look at him. "No, Gideon. You're perfect. Perfect for me, anyway. I'm crazy about you. I think you're - "
He kissed me. "I'll do it. I'll go."
I loved him in that moment. Wildly. And the moment after that. And all through the ride to what turned out to be a dazzling, intimate dinner at Masa. We were one of only three parties in the restaurant and Gideon was greeted by name on sight. The food we were served was otherworldly good and the wine too expensive to think about or I wouldn't have been able to swallow it. Gideon was darkly charismatic; his charm was relaxed and seductive.
I felt beautiful in the dress he'd chosen and my mood was light. He knew the worst of what there was to know about me, but he was still with me.
His fingertips caressed my shoulder...drew circles on my nape...slid down my back. He kissed my temple and nuzzled beneath my ear, his tongue lightly touching the sensitive skin. Beneath the table, his hand squeezed my thigh and cupped the back of my knee. My entire body vibrated with awareness of him. I wanted him so badly I ached.
"How did you meet Cary?" he asked, eyeing me over the lip of his wineglass.
"Group therapy." I set my hand over his to still its upward slide on my leg, smiling at the mischievous glimmer in his eyes. "My dad's a cop and he'd heard of this therapist who supposedly had mad skills with wild kids, which I was. Cary was seeing Dr. Travis, too."
"Mad skills, huh?" Gideon smiled.
"Dr. Travis isn't like any other therapist I've ever met. His office is an old gymnasium he converted. He had an open door policy with 'his kids' and hanging out there was more real to me than lying on a couch. Plus he had a no-bullshit rule. It was straight up honesty both ways or he'd get pissed. I've always liked that about him, that he cared enough to get emotional."
"Did you choose SDSU because your dad's in Southern California?"
My mouth twisted wryly as he revealed another bit of knowledge about me that I hadn't given him. "How much have you dug up on me?"
"Whatever I could find."
"Do I want to know how extensive that is?"
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back. "Probably not."
I shook my head, exasperated. "Yes, that's why I attended SDSU. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my dad while I was growing up. Plus my mother was smothering me to death."
"And you never told your dad about what happened to you?"
"No." I rolled the stem of my wineglass between my fingers. "He knows I was an angry troublemaker with self-esteem issues, but he doesn't know about Nathan."
"Why not?"
"Because he can't change what happened. Nathan was lawfully punished. His father paid a large sum for damages. Justice was served."
Gideon spoke coolly. "I disagree."
"What more can you expect?"
He drank deeply before replying. "It's not fit to describe over dinner."
"Oh." Because that sounded ominous, especially when paired with the ice of his gaze, I returned my attention to the food in front of me. There was no menu at Masa, only omakase, so every bite was a surprise delight, and the dearth of patrons made it seem almost as if we had the whole place to ourselves.
After a moment, he said, "I love watching you eat."
I shot him a look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You eat with gusto. And your little moans of pleasure make me hard."
I bumped my shoulder into his. "By your own admission, you're always hard."
"Your fault," he said, grinning, which made me grin, too.
Gideon ate with more deliberation than I did and didn't bat an eye at the astronomical check.
Before we stepped outside, he slid his jacket over my shoulders and said, "Let's go to your gym tomorrow."
I glanced at him. "Yours is nicer."
"Of course it is. But I'll go wherever you like."
"Someplace without helpful trainers named Daniel?" I asked sweetly.
He looked at me with an arched brow and a wry curving of his lips. "Watch yourself, angel. Before I think of a suitable consequence for mocking my possessiveness where you're concerned."
I noted he didn't threaten me with a spanking again. Did he understand that administered pain with sex was a major trigger for me? It took me back to a mental place I never wanted to return to.
On the ride back to Gideon's place, I curled into him in the back of the Bentley, my legs slung over one of his thighs and my head on his shoulder. I thought about the ways Nathan's abuse still affected my life - my sex life in particular.
How many of those ghosts could Gideon and I exorcise together? After that brief glimpse of toys I'd seen in the hotel room drawer, it was clear he was more experienced and sexually adventurous than I was. And the pleasure I'd derived from the ferocity of his lovemaking on the couch earlier proved to me that he could do things to me no one else could.
