Before I Wake
Page 2

 Rachel Vincent

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Both. They both make me feel better. I pulled him close for a kiss, then didnt want to let him go. I dont wanna go back to school today.
So dont. Come hang out with me at work. Tod dropped back into my desk chair and swiveled to face me while I knelt to grab my sneakers from beneath my bed. We can play naughty dress up with the hospital gowns and rearrange the supply closets.
Isnt that dangerous? What if they cant find some important drug or equipment in an emergency?
Tod shrugged. Nobodys gonna die without my help, anyway, so whats the harm?
The harm? Potential brain damage. Paralysis. And all kinds of other nonlethal catastrophes. Fortunately, his grin said he was kidding, so I didnt have to go through with the lecture.
Kaylee! my dad shouted, and Tod sniffed in the direction of the hall.
Is that bacon?
And pancakes. I shoved my foot into the sneaker and tugged on the laces to tighten it. He thinks I should start my first day back at school with a healthy breakfast. I think hes been spending too much time with your mom. In addition to being an amazing amateur baker, Harmony Hudson was the only fellow female bean sidhe I knew.
Its not a bad idea, Tod said. Breakfast is my third favorite meal of the day.
Not today. Standing, I tugged him closer so I could slide my hand behind his neck, my fingers playing in the soft curls that ended there. I think he needs some father-daughter time.
As grateful as my father was for everything Tod had done to try to save my life, hed had his fill of houseguests for a while. Tod and I had spent nearly every waking moment together since my death, and for two people who didnt need sleep, that was a lot of moments, even with his jobs and my training standing in the way.
Oh, fine. Enjoy your pancakes and homework.
Thanks. Enjoy your sick people. Will I see you at lunch?
The blues in his irises swirled like cobalt flames, and something deep inside me smoldered. Youll be the only one who sees me. You dont need to eat, anyway, right?
Oh, now I dont need to eat .
He pulled me close again, and that kiss was longer, deeper. Hotter. Touching Tod made me feel more alive than anything else had since the moment my heart stopped beating.
Kaylee, please come eat something! my dad yelled, and Tod groaned in frustration. He held me tighter for just a second, then stepped back and let his hand trail down my arm slowly. Then he was gone, and for a moment, I felt empty.
That was a scary moment, but one I couldnt quite shake. Id thought that being dead-but-still-there would feel a lot like being alive, but I was wrong. I felt like I was out of sync with theworld. Like the planet had kept spinning while I was gone, and now that I was back, I couldnt catch up.
I grabbed my latte and headed for the kitchen, where I dropped into my chair at the card table wed been meaning to replace with a real one since my dad had moved back to town seven months ago. The plate in front of me held four pancakes andI swearhalf a pound of bacon. Fried, not microwaved, as evidenced by the grease splattered all over the stove and adjacent countertop. My dad was serious about this traditional home-life thing.
It was kinda cute.
My father pulled out his own chair and started to hand me one of the coffee mugs he held, but then he noticed the latte, and his smile slipped a little. Tod?
Yeah, but hes gone. He was just trying to help.
He set both mugs in front of his own plate and picked up his fork. Im going to assume the steaming cup of Starbucks means he wasnt here all night?
Translation: Your undead boyfriend is supposed to be gone by eleven so you can pretend to sleep.
He works nights, Dad. But we both knew that didnt mean anything, when the commute was instantaneous.
For the first couple of days after my death, my father had tried to stay up all night to make sure there were no unauthorized visits, and I didnt bother to point out how futile his efforts were. If Tod and I didnt want to be seen or heard, we wouldnt be. Both reapers and extractorsmy official new title with the reclamation departmenthad selective visibility, audibility, and corporeality. Basically, we could choose who saw and heard us, and whether or not we existed physically on the human plane.
Sounds cool, I know, but it comes with a hell of a price.
My dad set his fork down and I caught a rare glimpse of the concern swirling in his eyes. Im worried about you, Kaylee.
Dont be. Nothings changed. But that wasnt true, and even if it had been, it wouldnt have set him at ease. My life wasnt exactly normal before I died, and death had done nothing to improve that.
You dont eat. You hardly ever talk anymore, and I havent seen you watch TV or pick up a book in days. I walk into your room, and half the time youre not there, even when youre there.
Im working on that, I mumbled, swirling a bite of pancake in a puddle of syrup. Corporeality is harder than it looks. It takes practice. And concentration.
Are you sure youre ready for school? We could give it another week. But he seemed to regret the words as soon as hed said them. Another week off would mean another week of me sitting around the house doing nothing when I wasnt training as an extractor, and thats what was worrying him in the first place.