Before I Wake
Page 3
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I need to go. They all know todays the day.
They were my teachers, classmates, and the local television stations. I was big newsthe girl whod survived being stabbed by her own math teacher. My father had stopped answering the home phone, and wed had to change my cell number when someone leaked it to the press. They all wanted to know what it was like to nearly die. To kill the man whod tried to kill me. They wanted to know how Id survived.
None of them could ever know the truththat I hadnt survived. That was part of the dealallowing me to live my afterlife like my murder had never happened. Protecting my secret meant keeping up with schoolwork and work-work, in addition to my new duties extracting souls from those who shouldnt have them.
If anything goes wrong, I want you to call me, my father said, and I nodded. I wasnt going to tell him that if anything went wrong, I could blink out of school and into my own room before he could even get to his car in the parking lot at work. He knew that. He was just trying to help and to stay involved, and I loved him for it. For that, and for the pancakes, even if I had no real desire to eat them.
We both sipped our coffee, and I noticed that his appetite seemed to have disappeared, too. Then he set his mug down and picked up a strip of bacon. You know, Ive been thinking about this Friday . He left the sentence hanging while he took a bite.
Whats this Friday? I asked, and my father frowned.
Your birthday, Kaylee.
For a moment, I could only blink at him, mentally denying the possibility, while I counted the days in my head. Time had lost all meaning over the past month. Tod said that was normalsomething about absent circadian rhythmsbut it didnt seem possible that I could have forgotten my own birthday.
Im turning seventeen I whispered.
Except that I wasnt. The anniversary of my birth would come and go, but Id still be sixteen and eleven-twelfths. Id be sixteen and eleven-twelfths foreverat least physically. I would always look too young to vote. Too young to drink. Too young to drive a rental car, should that urge ever strike. And none of those limitations had ever seemed more pointless. What did it matter?
What did any of it matter, anymore?
So, who do you want to invite to the party? My dad picked up his mug and sipped, waiting for my answer.
I frowned. I dont want a party. Very few people knew I hadnt really lived, and of those, Nash and Sabinemy ex and his excurrently hated me for framing Nash for my murder. Id had no choice, and Id accepted the duties of my afterlife mostly to unframe Nashif I wasnt dead, he couldnt have killed me. But I couldnt blame him for hating me.
Still, even if Nash and Sabine both came, therewouldnt be enough of my real friends to constitute a party, and I didnt want to have to talk to anyone else.
So, what do you usually do on your birthday? He didnt know the answer to his own question because hed left me with my aunt and unclehis brotherafter my mother died. Id only had him back for seven months.
He regretted leaving meI knew that for a factand that regret was infinitely heavier for him, now that I was dead.
Em and I usually rent movies and binge on junk food. But that wouldnt work this year. Id never had a boyfriend on my birthday before, and Id never had a father on my birthday before. And Id certainly never been dead on my birthday before.
My dad looked so disappointed I wanted to hug him. So I did the next best thing. Fine. A party. But a small one. Friends and family only.
He gave me half a smile. Decorations?
No. But you can get a cake. Chocolate, with cream cheese frosting. And I get a corner slice. If my appetite ever came back, I planned to eat whatever the hell I wanted, for the rest of my afterlife. Calories mean nothing to the dead. And I wouldnt turn down a couple of presents.
Done. He gave me a real smile that time, and I was relieved to see it. Im sorry I missed all the other birthdays, Kay.
I shrugged. You didnt miss much.
My dad opened his mouth to protest, but before he could speak, a tall woman in a brown suit skirt appeared in the kitchen in sensible low heels, her short brown hair perfectly arranged. Jeez, Madeline. My dad half choked, then gulped from his mug to clear his throat. Ever hear of knocking?
Madeline raised one perfectly arched brow at him. Mr. Cavanaugh, Im doing you a courtesy by letting you see and hear me at all. If that isnt good enough for you, I can appear to Kaylee alone.
Madeline was my boss in the reclamation departmentshe was the one whod okayed the cover-up that hid my death and kept Nash from going down for my murder. She was also the only department member Id met so far. My dad didnt like her. She hadnt bothered to form an opinion of him one way or another.
Its fine. Would you like some coffee? He held up the untouched mug hed fixed for me.
This is not a social visit, Mr. Cavanaugh. Madeline turned to me, arms crossed over her white blouse. Kaylee, theres some question about whether or not youre ready to begin work on your own as an extractor. Four weeks is a rather short training period, we admit, but the soul thief you were restored to deal with has killed again, and we cant let this continue if theres any chance youre ready to take him or her on now.
They were my teachers, classmates, and the local television stations. I was big newsthe girl whod survived being stabbed by her own math teacher. My father had stopped answering the home phone, and wed had to change my cell number when someone leaked it to the press. They all wanted to know what it was like to nearly die. To kill the man whod tried to kill me. They wanted to know how Id survived.
None of them could ever know the truththat I hadnt survived. That was part of the dealallowing me to live my afterlife like my murder had never happened. Protecting my secret meant keeping up with schoolwork and work-work, in addition to my new duties extracting souls from those who shouldnt have them.
If anything goes wrong, I want you to call me, my father said, and I nodded. I wasnt going to tell him that if anything went wrong, I could blink out of school and into my own room before he could even get to his car in the parking lot at work. He knew that. He was just trying to help and to stay involved, and I loved him for it. For that, and for the pancakes, even if I had no real desire to eat them.
We both sipped our coffee, and I noticed that his appetite seemed to have disappeared, too. Then he set his mug down and picked up a strip of bacon. You know, Ive been thinking about this Friday . He left the sentence hanging while he took a bite.
Whats this Friday? I asked, and my father frowned.
Your birthday, Kaylee.
For a moment, I could only blink at him, mentally denying the possibility, while I counted the days in my head. Time had lost all meaning over the past month. Tod said that was normalsomething about absent circadian rhythmsbut it didnt seem possible that I could have forgotten my own birthday.
Im turning seventeen I whispered.
Except that I wasnt. The anniversary of my birth would come and go, but Id still be sixteen and eleven-twelfths. Id be sixteen and eleven-twelfths foreverat least physically. I would always look too young to vote. Too young to drink. Too young to drive a rental car, should that urge ever strike. And none of those limitations had ever seemed more pointless. What did it matter?
What did any of it matter, anymore?
So, who do you want to invite to the party? My dad picked up his mug and sipped, waiting for my answer.
I frowned. I dont want a party. Very few people knew I hadnt really lived, and of those, Nash and Sabinemy ex and his excurrently hated me for framing Nash for my murder. Id had no choice, and Id accepted the duties of my afterlife mostly to unframe Nashif I wasnt dead, he couldnt have killed me. But I couldnt blame him for hating me.
Still, even if Nash and Sabine both came, therewouldnt be enough of my real friends to constitute a party, and I didnt want to have to talk to anyone else.
So, what do you usually do on your birthday? He didnt know the answer to his own question because hed left me with my aunt and unclehis brotherafter my mother died. Id only had him back for seven months.
He regretted leaving meI knew that for a factand that regret was infinitely heavier for him, now that I was dead.
Em and I usually rent movies and binge on junk food. But that wouldnt work this year. Id never had a boyfriend on my birthday before, and Id never had a father on my birthday before. And Id certainly never been dead on my birthday before.
My dad looked so disappointed I wanted to hug him. So I did the next best thing. Fine. A party. But a small one. Friends and family only.
He gave me half a smile. Decorations?
No. But you can get a cake. Chocolate, with cream cheese frosting. And I get a corner slice. If my appetite ever came back, I planned to eat whatever the hell I wanted, for the rest of my afterlife. Calories mean nothing to the dead. And I wouldnt turn down a couple of presents.
Done. He gave me a real smile that time, and I was relieved to see it. Im sorry I missed all the other birthdays, Kay.
I shrugged. You didnt miss much.
My dad opened his mouth to protest, but before he could speak, a tall woman in a brown suit skirt appeared in the kitchen in sensible low heels, her short brown hair perfectly arranged. Jeez, Madeline. My dad half choked, then gulped from his mug to clear his throat. Ever hear of knocking?
Madeline raised one perfectly arched brow at him. Mr. Cavanaugh, Im doing you a courtesy by letting you see and hear me at all. If that isnt good enough for you, I can appear to Kaylee alone.
Madeline was my boss in the reclamation departmentshe was the one whod okayed the cover-up that hid my death and kept Nash from going down for my murder. She was also the only department member Id met so far. My dad didnt like her. She hadnt bothered to form an opinion of him one way or another.
Its fine. Would you like some coffee? He held up the untouched mug hed fixed for me.
This is not a social visit, Mr. Cavanaugh. Madeline turned to me, arms crossed over her white blouse. Kaylee, theres some question about whether or not youre ready to begin work on your own as an extractor. Four weeks is a rather short training period, we admit, but the soul thief you were restored to deal with has killed again, and we cant let this continue if theres any chance youre ready to take him or her on now.
