Before I Wake
Page 34
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You know what tonight is? I said when Tod settled into the big bean-bag chair in the corner of my room. That was the only place he could sit without giving away his presence with the loud creak of springs or the squeal of metal.
Tod tugged me down into his lap, facing him, and his hands settled at my waist. What is tonight? And by the way, whatever it is, it cant top this. He pulled me down for a kiss and I lingered there, enjoying the moment.
Tonight is take-your-girlfriend-to-work night, I whispered into his ear as his hand slid beneath my shirt and splayed across my back. So You should take your girlfriend to work.
Why would my girlfriend want to spend all night in the company of the sick and dying?
She wouldnt. I kissed my way up his neck, and he craned his head to give me better access.
Should I assume the lure is a certain attractive young dead man?
Yup. Scott Carters in the morgue. But maybe after Ive made sure hes resting in peace, Ill come visit you, too.
His hands slid higher and we settled deeper into the bean bag. Change your mind about playing doctor?
No, but I hear candy-striper uniforms are pretty cute.
We dont have candy stripers. Tod frowned. Why dont we have candy stripers?
Emma was a candy stripper for Halloween. I thought I might borrow her costume for next year, but I doubt itll look the same on me as it did on her. I shrugged. Maybe after were done in the morgue I could try the costume on, and you could help me decide whether or not it fits .
Tods eyes widened, and his irises swirled in tight twists of blue Well, I dont see that I have much choice, considering thats part of Reaper Law.
Theres a Reaper Law?
Of course. A reaper is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous He shrugged. It gets boring after that. But this situation is clearly covered under the helpful category.
I rolled my eyes. I think thats the Boy Scout law.
They took it from us. But they left out all the good stuff. The point is that I am both honored and obligated to take an early peek at your Halloween costume. A thorough peek. A good long look, just to be safe. Dont want to be accused of shirking my duties.
I laughed. This wasnt like me. I hadnt even dressed up on Halloween, and now I was considering it for purely recreational purposes, because everything Id enjoyed before I diedbooks, movies, musichad lost most of its appeal. It all seemed pointless, and those long hours between the time Tod went to work and the time my alarm clock went off for school had become almost unbearable.
The oldwasnt working, so I needed to try something new.
Tell Em we wont need the costume for very long. And tell her I owe her. And
I arched both brows at him in amusement. Im not telling her any of that. Just come with me to ID the body, and afterward, well take a break from all the morbid for a few minutes of teenage normal.
On what planet is it normal to prance around the hospital in a sexy Halloween costume with your undead boyfriend?
I wont be prancing, and Im only considering trying it on at all because no one else will see me. Besides, normal is a relative term. And I desperately need some normal.
Tod frowned. Whats wrong?
Its just I feel so good when Im with you. I feel alive, and normal, and real. But then you go to the hospital every night, and my dad goes to bed, and I cant sleep, and I start feeling like Im all alone, and that feeling gets stronger and stronger. It feels like the air around me is heavy, and it takes too much effort to breathe, much less move. I dont want to do anything. I dont want to watch anything. I dont want to eat anything. Im alone with my thoughts, and my head feels like a radio playing at top volume, while everything else around me is justdead. It happens every night, several hours before dawn, and when its time to go to school in the morning, Ive forgotten why I ever wanted to go back in the first place.
Thats pretty normal, Kaylee, Tod insisted. But I could see concern swirling slowly in his eyes. Youre still adjusting to being dead. When I was new at this, I noticed that in the middle of the night, when work got really slow, I kept forgetting to breathe. Which should be no big deal. I dont need the air, anyway, right? he said, and I nodded. I knew where this was going. Except it is a big deal, because when Im not breathing, I feel extra-dead. And the dead dont fit in here. He spread his arms to indicate the entire human world.
Exactly. But last night, with Nash and Sabine here, none of that happened. I had a problem to think about, and someone to talk toeven if it was Sabineand that 3:00 a.m. melancholy never came. In the morning, I didnt even think about skipping school. I just got dressed and went, because I felt alive again, and thats what living sixteen-year-olds do. I felt almost normal for the first time since I was brutally stabbed to death in my own bed.
The first time? Tod frowned, and I realized what Id said.
You dont make me feel normal. You make me feel amazing, like Im more alive now than I was back when my heart beat on its own. I leaned down to kiss him, and he leaned back in the bean bag until we were almost horizontal.
Tod tugged me down into his lap, facing him, and his hands settled at my waist. What is tonight? And by the way, whatever it is, it cant top this. He pulled me down for a kiss and I lingered there, enjoying the moment.
Tonight is take-your-girlfriend-to-work night, I whispered into his ear as his hand slid beneath my shirt and splayed across my back. So You should take your girlfriend to work.
Why would my girlfriend want to spend all night in the company of the sick and dying?
She wouldnt. I kissed my way up his neck, and he craned his head to give me better access.
Should I assume the lure is a certain attractive young dead man?
Yup. Scott Carters in the morgue. But maybe after Ive made sure hes resting in peace, Ill come visit you, too.
His hands slid higher and we settled deeper into the bean bag. Change your mind about playing doctor?
No, but I hear candy-striper uniforms are pretty cute.
We dont have candy stripers. Tod frowned. Why dont we have candy stripers?
Emma was a candy stripper for Halloween. I thought I might borrow her costume for next year, but I doubt itll look the same on me as it did on her. I shrugged. Maybe after were done in the morgue I could try the costume on, and you could help me decide whether or not it fits .
Tods eyes widened, and his irises swirled in tight twists of blue Well, I dont see that I have much choice, considering thats part of Reaper Law.
Theres a Reaper Law?
Of course. A reaper is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous He shrugged. It gets boring after that. But this situation is clearly covered under the helpful category.
I rolled my eyes. I think thats the Boy Scout law.
They took it from us. But they left out all the good stuff. The point is that I am both honored and obligated to take an early peek at your Halloween costume. A thorough peek. A good long look, just to be safe. Dont want to be accused of shirking my duties.
I laughed. This wasnt like me. I hadnt even dressed up on Halloween, and now I was considering it for purely recreational purposes, because everything Id enjoyed before I diedbooks, movies, musichad lost most of its appeal. It all seemed pointless, and those long hours between the time Tod went to work and the time my alarm clock went off for school had become almost unbearable.
The oldwasnt working, so I needed to try something new.
Tell Em we wont need the costume for very long. And tell her I owe her. And
I arched both brows at him in amusement. Im not telling her any of that. Just come with me to ID the body, and afterward, well take a break from all the morbid for a few minutes of teenage normal.
On what planet is it normal to prance around the hospital in a sexy Halloween costume with your undead boyfriend?
I wont be prancing, and Im only considering trying it on at all because no one else will see me. Besides, normal is a relative term. And I desperately need some normal.
Tod frowned. Whats wrong?
Its just I feel so good when Im with you. I feel alive, and normal, and real. But then you go to the hospital every night, and my dad goes to bed, and I cant sleep, and I start feeling like Im all alone, and that feeling gets stronger and stronger. It feels like the air around me is heavy, and it takes too much effort to breathe, much less move. I dont want to do anything. I dont want to watch anything. I dont want to eat anything. Im alone with my thoughts, and my head feels like a radio playing at top volume, while everything else around me is justdead. It happens every night, several hours before dawn, and when its time to go to school in the morning, Ive forgotten why I ever wanted to go back in the first place.
Thats pretty normal, Kaylee, Tod insisted. But I could see concern swirling slowly in his eyes. Youre still adjusting to being dead. When I was new at this, I noticed that in the middle of the night, when work got really slow, I kept forgetting to breathe. Which should be no big deal. I dont need the air, anyway, right? he said, and I nodded. I knew where this was going. Except it is a big deal, because when Im not breathing, I feel extra-dead. And the dead dont fit in here. He spread his arms to indicate the entire human world.
Exactly. But last night, with Nash and Sabine here, none of that happened. I had a problem to think about, and someone to talk toeven if it was Sabineand that 3:00 a.m. melancholy never came. In the morning, I didnt even think about skipping school. I just got dressed and went, because I felt alive again, and thats what living sixteen-year-olds do. I felt almost normal for the first time since I was brutally stabbed to death in my own bed.
The first time? Tod frowned, and I realized what Id said.
You dont make me feel normal. You make me feel amazing, like Im more alive now than I was back when my heart beat on its own. I leaned down to kiss him, and he leaned back in the bean bag until we were almost horizontal.
