Before I Wake
Page 35
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This is my very favorite moment.
Ever? I said, staring down at him, watching the blues in his irises swirl.
Ever. Of every moment Ive ever not-lived through, this one is the best.
My heart beat faster and the endorphins felt wonderful, yet not as good as Tod felt beneath me, his chest firm under my hand, his fingers warm beneath the hem of my shirt. I leaned down to kiss him and his hand slid farther up my back.
Then my father cleared his throat behind me, and I froze. Tod, go to work. Kaylee, go to bed.
He cant see me, Tod whispered against my chin. Can he see you?
Nope. He cant hear me, either. I didnt dare move, for fear of confirming what was surely only a hunch for my father at the moment. And somehow, sharing that moment of stillness and silence with Tod made me feel closer to him than ever.
My father sighed. Its suspiciously quiet in here, and theres a Tod-shaped dent in the bean bag. For the sake of both my sanity and my temper, Im going to pretend I cant tell that youre in his lap, so could you pretend that this is still my house and you are still my daughter, and Im within my parental rights to kick your boyfriend out after 11:00 p.m.?
Shit, I whispered, and Tod laughed out loud.
I could feel my face flame as I crawled off his lap and stood, and only then did I let my father see me. He may have known what we were doing, but that didnt mean he needed to see it.
Sorry, I said as Tod stood behind me, and when my dads gaze focused on him, I knew he was visible, too.
Sorry, Mr. Cavanaugh, Tod said, and at first, I didnt think my dad was going to answer.
Then he took a deep breath and his gazed narrowed on Tod. Ive been avoiding this conversation for a while now, because considering the circumstances, and the fact that my daughter is technically dead, it seems a little ridiculous for this to even be an issue. But she is still my daughter. So here goes
He took another deep breath, and I wanted to interruptto somehow stop what we all knew was comingbut I didnt want to make the whole thing any more awkward than it already was.
I like you, Tod. There was a time when I couldnt have pictured myself saying that, but I know what you went through for Kaylee, and I cant tell you how much it means to me that you refused to reap her soul, knowing what that would cost you. But none of that changes the fact that if you were still alive youd be, what? Twenty?
Tod nodded, and I squirmed.
Thats still a kid, by bean sidhe standards, but twenty is considered fully grown in the world we live in, and Kaylees not even seventeen. Under normal circumstances, I would have alreadycontemplated a dozen different ways to make sure your body never surfaces. Now, Im not saying Id kill any other twenty-year-old who touched my daughter. But Id probably let the fantasy play out in my head. Just food for thought.
I wanted to let myself fade from sight. Permanently.
Shes not a kid anymore, Mr. Cavanaugh, Tod said.
I know. My father nodded. But shell always be my little girl, and I expect you to respect that fact, at least while youre in my house. Okay?
To his credit, Tod only hesitated for a second. We didnt mean any disrespect.
I know that, too. My dad crossed his arms over his chest. Now please go to work.
Tod nodded and gave me an awkward hug, and neither of us bothered pointing out that his shift didnt start for another half hour. See you in, what, an hour?
I nodded, and Tod disappeared.
Why will he see you in an hour? My father settled into my desk chair as I sank onto the bed, trying to pretend the past few minutes never happened.
Because according to the newspaper, Scott Carter died around twelve hours before we saw him possessed by Avari, and even considering all the impossibilities that make up my own afterlife, I cant figure out how thats possible. So I need to go verify that he is indeed dead. By one definition or another.
Any particular reason you have to be the one to do that?
I shrugged. Through no choice of my own, Im a central figure in this madcap little adventure, and Ive got nothing better to do with my time. My homeworks all done. See? I pointed to the stack of books on the desk behind him. And Im not gonna let Tod take all the risks by himself. Hes already died for me once.
My father sighed. Being dead doesnt make you invincible, Kaylee.
I know. It hasnt made Tod invincible, either, which was kind of my point. Death hadnt made me stronger, or smarter, or faster, except for that whole blinking in and out thing. It had also failed to improve my stealth, as wed all just discovered. But being dead makes it much easier for me to get in and out of restricted spaces.
Somehow, that fails to comfort me.
Sorry. But Ill be fine. Ill be with Tod. Hes a good guy, you know. He just hides it under all the sarcasm and curls.
I know. I also know that he would do anything to be with you, and that kind of limitless devotion tends to snub caution in favor of action, and that is enough to scare a poor father to death.
I dont get it. How could devotion to each other be bad?
Ever? I said, staring down at him, watching the blues in his irises swirl.
Ever. Of every moment Ive ever not-lived through, this one is the best.
My heart beat faster and the endorphins felt wonderful, yet not as good as Tod felt beneath me, his chest firm under my hand, his fingers warm beneath the hem of my shirt. I leaned down to kiss him and his hand slid farther up my back.
Then my father cleared his throat behind me, and I froze. Tod, go to work. Kaylee, go to bed.
He cant see me, Tod whispered against my chin. Can he see you?
Nope. He cant hear me, either. I didnt dare move, for fear of confirming what was surely only a hunch for my father at the moment. And somehow, sharing that moment of stillness and silence with Tod made me feel closer to him than ever.
My father sighed. Its suspiciously quiet in here, and theres a Tod-shaped dent in the bean bag. For the sake of both my sanity and my temper, Im going to pretend I cant tell that youre in his lap, so could you pretend that this is still my house and you are still my daughter, and Im within my parental rights to kick your boyfriend out after 11:00 p.m.?
Shit, I whispered, and Tod laughed out loud.
I could feel my face flame as I crawled off his lap and stood, and only then did I let my father see me. He may have known what we were doing, but that didnt mean he needed to see it.
Sorry, I said as Tod stood behind me, and when my dads gaze focused on him, I knew he was visible, too.
Sorry, Mr. Cavanaugh, Tod said, and at first, I didnt think my dad was going to answer.
Then he took a deep breath and his gazed narrowed on Tod. Ive been avoiding this conversation for a while now, because considering the circumstances, and the fact that my daughter is technically dead, it seems a little ridiculous for this to even be an issue. But she is still my daughter. So here goes
He took another deep breath, and I wanted to interruptto somehow stop what we all knew was comingbut I didnt want to make the whole thing any more awkward than it already was.
I like you, Tod. There was a time when I couldnt have pictured myself saying that, but I know what you went through for Kaylee, and I cant tell you how much it means to me that you refused to reap her soul, knowing what that would cost you. But none of that changes the fact that if you were still alive youd be, what? Twenty?
Tod nodded, and I squirmed.
Thats still a kid, by bean sidhe standards, but twenty is considered fully grown in the world we live in, and Kaylees not even seventeen. Under normal circumstances, I would have alreadycontemplated a dozen different ways to make sure your body never surfaces. Now, Im not saying Id kill any other twenty-year-old who touched my daughter. But Id probably let the fantasy play out in my head. Just food for thought.
I wanted to let myself fade from sight. Permanently.
Shes not a kid anymore, Mr. Cavanaugh, Tod said.
I know. My father nodded. But shell always be my little girl, and I expect you to respect that fact, at least while youre in my house. Okay?
To his credit, Tod only hesitated for a second. We didnt mean any disrespect.
I know that, too. My dad crossed his arms over his chest. Now please go to work.
Tod nodded and gave me an awkward hug, and neither of us bothered pointing out that his shift didnt start for another half hour. See you in, what, an hour?
I nodded, and Tod disappeared.
Why will he see you in an hour? My father settled into my desk chair as I sank onto the bed, trying to pretend the past few minutes never happened.
Because according to the newspaper, Scott Carter died around twelve hours before we saw him possessed by Avari, and even considering all the impossibilities that make up my own afterlife, I cant figure out how thats possible. So I need to go verify that he is indeed dead. By one definition or another.
Any particular reason you have to be the one to do that?
I shrugged. Through no choice of my own, Im a central figure in this madcap little adventure, and Ive got nothing better to do with my time. My homeworks all done. See? I pointed to the stack of books on the desk behind him. And Im not gonna let Tod take all the risks by himself. Hes already died for me once.
My father sighed. Being dead doesnt make you invincible, Kaylee.
I know. It hasnt made Tod invincible, either, which was kind of my point. Death hadnt made me stronger, or smarter, or faster, except for that whole blinking in and out thing. It had also failed to improve my stealth, as wed all just discovered. But being dead makes it much easier for me to get in and out of restricted spaces.
Somehow, that fails to comfort me.
Sorry. But Ill be fine. Ill be with Tod. Hes a good guy, you know. He just hides it under all the sarcasm and curls.
I know. I also know that he would do anything to be with you, and that kind of limitless devotion tends to snub caution in favor of action, and that is enough to scare a poor father to death.
I dont get it. How could devotion to each other be bad?
