Before I Wake
Page 45

I didnt realize my eyes had watered until tears trailed down my face to soak into my pillow. Its enough, I whispered, pushing myself upright. Youre enough, even without all the rest of that. I wrapped my arms around my dad and laid my head on his shoulder, and more tears soaked into his shirt. Im sorry. I just get lost in it, in the middle of the night. Its so quiet, and theres nothing here but my thoughts, and even those start to repeat after a few hours of nothing else, and then they stop making sense.
But its better now? he asked, his arms so tight around me that my ribs ached. I could hear it in his voice, how badly he needed me to say yes. Even if it wasnt true.
Yes, I lied, and more tears fell. Its better now.
I still didnt want to go to school. I didnt want to shower, or brush my teeth, or dry my hair, but I did all of that because every time I looked up, I saw my father watching me, and he looked scared. He looked like he wanted to help me, but didnt know how. Like he wanted to save me, but couldnt see the threat.
He looked like hed already lost me.
I blinked into the bathroom at school to save time, and slid into my desk in Advanced Math just as Mr. Cumberland started calling roll. Are you okay? Emma whispered, and I wondered if that death warmed over descriptor was more accurate than Id thought.
Yeah. I just dont want to be here today.
She gave me a sympathetic smile. That makes all of us. Her smile faded and her eyes narrowed. You guys didnt do it, did you?
No. Turns out privacys kind of hard to come by when theres a hellion and his psychotic reaper minion out to steal your soul.
Emma frowned, but before she could demand details, Mr. Cumberland cleared his throat and started class.
Fifteen minutes into the lesson, I would have sworn the clock on the wall was stuck. The hands hadnt moved in ages. I swear, time was deader than I was.
Sure, my previous math teacher was an evil, soul-stealing pedophile, but hed never once bored anyone to sleep, which was more than I could say for Cumberland and his Bueller-esque monotone.
Halfway through the fifty-minute period, Emma kicked my desk, and I sat upright, startled. I can see through your arm! she mouthed, exaggerating each mimed word.
Crap! Id forgotten to concentrate on being solidId forgotten to concentrate on anythingand had nearly disappeared in the middle of class. I narrowed my focus and solidified my form, but it took every bit of willpower I had to make my physical form stick. Seriously, if Mr. Cumberland couldnt summon any enthusiasm for the lesson, how were we supposed to summon the will to be there? Some of us literally
Sabine was waiting in the hall after class. Alone.
Hey, have you seen Nash today? she asked, falling into step beside us.
Em shook her head, and I glanced at Sabine in surprise. You didnt pick him up this morning?
I decided to let him stew a little longer, but how am I supposed to know when hes had enough, if hes not here where I can see him stew?
Trouble in paradise? Em asked, and Sabine glowered at her.
He failed to save her from the clutches of evil, I explained, and Ems brows rose.
Sabine stopped walking and grabbed my arm, pulling us all to a halt in the middle of the hall. He would have stepped up. Thane just caught him by surprise.
I hate it when evil doesnt send fair warning in advance, Em said, and the hall dimmed as Sabines eyes grew darker.
Hows this for warning? the mara growled at Emma. Get lost, or Im having your pretty little human boyfriend for lunch.
She doesnt mean that, I said as Ems expression cycled through anger and horror before settling somewhere in between.
The hell I dont. I havent had a decent meal in ages, since someone insisted I stop feeding at school. She glanced pointedly at me.
Well, if youd feed at night, like any normal Nightmare But I realized the problem as soon as Id said it, even if she wouldnt admit it. She couldnt feed most nights because she was watching Nash. Almost twenty-four hours a day, since his relapse the day before I died.
With a heavy sigh, I turned to Em. Dont worry, Ill make sure she doesnt snack on Jayson. See you both at lunch.
Em headed for class reluctantly, and I turned back to Sabine, but she started talking before I could. This is your fault, Kaylee. He needs me and he loves me. I can see that in him when were alone, and hed see it, too, if you werent always there, giving him something else to look at. If youd stayed buried like any decent dead girl, none of this would have happened.
I didnt even know where to start. Im not going to apologize for my own existence, Sabine. Besides if I werent here, Nash wouldnt be, either. Hed be sitting in jail awaiting trial for murder.
Because you framed him! she whispered fiercely, dark eyes flashing. No matter how you look at it, this is all your fault. So take me to him, now, so I can smack some sense into him. Assuming Thane didnt go back for him last night.
Thane. Shit. I hadnt thought of that. And Harmony wouldnt think to tell anyone he was missing, if she thought he was at school.