Before I Wake
Page 83
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I shook my head slowly. It doesnt feel right. He deserves better than to be found by a stranger.
Tod tucked one arm around me, his fingers curling over my hip. Kaylee, theres nothing more we can do for Alec, so I did what needed to be done for you. And Id do it again in a heartbeat.
Thank you. I wrapped my arms around him again and he held me so tight breathing wasnt an option. But maybe you could not alter any more crime scenes on my behalf? At least, not until Ive had a fair chance to talk you out of it? The whole ask for forgiveness rather than permission approach to our relationship doesnt really work for me.
So, what? Im just supposed to let you get arrested, which would force you into hiding, which means you wouldnt see your friends and family, and the two of us would be all alone together? Tod faked a frown. Hmm Maybe I should have thought that one through a little more.
Thats not the conclusion I was headed toward, but if it works I kissed him, desperately trying to see through the dark to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay, seriously, it was bad enough the first time. I dont need the instant replay, Nash said, and I pulled away from Tod reluctantly.
Sorry.
Someone take me back. Now.
Tod stood. Ill take you both. Kaylees dads going to call in the cavalry if shes not back in half an hour, and since I can only assume that when he says the cavalry, he means Levi and Madeline We should probably all go.
I dont want to go yet. I still hadnt figured out how to tell my dad what had happenedI didnt want him to look at me and see a murderer. Ill call him and tell him Im staying here. Unless you want me to go?
I want you to stay forever. But if you want to stay here tonight, you need to tell him that in person. If he doesnt see you in the flesh very soon, hes going to lose it. Hes worried, Kaylee.
I nodded reluctantly, and Tod turned to Nash. You cant tell anyone what she told you, he said, and Nash bristled under the command.
Im not going to tell anyone because it wasnt her fault and I dont want to ruin her life. Not because of anything you say. But I cant promise Sabine wont find out. Because her fear-reading ability was often eerily like mind reading.
Then make sure she wont say anything, Tod said.
Wait, Im not going to lie to everyone, guys. Not to my friends and family. They deserve to know how Alec really died. He deserves that.
No, Tod said, and behind him, Nash was shaking his head.
Now how is that fair? The only thing you both agree on is disagreeing with me.
We agree about protecting you, Nash clarified.
Well, thats not your call to make, and I dont need to be protected.
Yes, you do. Tod crossed his arms over his chest. And dont try to turn this around and call us sexist. This isnt a damsel-in-distress moment. We all need to protect one another, and youve done your fair share of that.
Yeah. We protect one another from Avari and Thane, and anything else that goes bump in the Netherworld. Not from our own friends and family.
Hes not worried about Em and your dad, Nash said. Hes worried about Levi and Madeline.
There are rules in the afterlife, Kaylee. Tod looked scared. And killing innocent people is against most of them.
You were there. You know it was an accident!
He took both of my hands and looked right into my eyes. And I will die shouting it from the rooftops, if I have to. But at the end of the day, the bottom line is that you couldnt tell the difference between a hellion wearing a human soul and a hellion wearing a human body, and its your job to know the difference. And if youre not competent in your job, they have no reason to keep youalive.
You think Im incompetent? My chest felt sore. Bruised. I knew Alecs death was my fault, but it hurt to think that he agreed with me.
No. I think Madeline would have done the same thing you did. The same thing I would have done in your position. But if you tell them what really happened, there will be incident reports, and inquisitions, and eventually a hearing. Madeline cant afford to lose you right now, but once all this is over and theyve recovered from a massive personnel shortage, someone will have to be held accountable for a mistake that cost the life of an innocent man. And when Madeline comes to take you, well have to run, and well be on the run for the rest of forever with only each other, and nothing to do but explore the youthful perfection eternity has blessed us with, and Tod frowned. Okay, that makes it sound better than it will actually be.
Dont you think thats a bit overblown? I asked.
Well, I guess we could skip straight to the young lovers on the run part, but do you really want to leave all your friends and family behind?
He was jokinghopefullybut his point was as serious as the fear in his eyes. Fear for me.
Im not going to lose you, Kaylee. No matter what I have to do, or whom I have to fight. Even if that means quashing your vexing tendencies toward self-sacrifice.
Tod tucked one arm around me, his fingers curling over my hip. Kaylee, theres nothing more we can do for Alec, so I did what needed to be done for you. And Id do it again in a heartbeat.
Thank you. I wrapped my arms around him again and he held me so tight breathing wasnt an option. But maybe you could not alter any more crime scenes on my behalf? At least, not until Ive had a fair chance to talk you out of it? The whole ask for forgiveness rather than permission approach to our relationship doesnt really work for me.
So, what? Im just supposed to let you get arrested, which would force you into hiding, which means you wouldnt see your friends and family, and the two of us would be all alone together? Tod faked a frown. Hmm Maybe I should have thought that one through a little more.
Thats not the conclusion I was headed toward, but if it works I kissed him, desperately trying to see through the dark to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay, seriously, it was bad enough the first time. I dont need the instant replay, Nash said, and I pulled away from Tod reluctantly.
Sorry.
Someone take me back. Now.
Tod stood. Ill take you both. Kaylees dads going to call in the cavalry if shes not back in half an hour, and since I can only assume that when he says the cavalry, he means Levi and Madeline We should probably all go.
I dont want to go yet. I still hadnt figured out how to tell my dad what had happenedI didnt want him to look at me and see a murderer. Ill call him and tell him Im staying here. Unless you want me to go?
I want you to stay forever. But if you want to stay here tonight, you need to tell him that in person. If he doesnt see you in the flesh very soon, hes going to lose it. Hes worried, Kaylee.
I nodded reluctantly, and Tod turned to Nash. You cant tell anyone what she told you, he said, and Nash bristled under the command.
Im not going to tell anyone because it wasnt her fault and I dont want to ruin her life. Not because of anything you say. But I cant promise Sabine wont find out. Because her fear-reading ability was often eerily like mind reading.
Then make sure she wont say anything, Tod said.
Wait, Im not going to lie to everyone, guys. Not to my friends and family. They deserve to know how Alec really died. He deserves that.
No, Tod said, and behind him, Nash was shaking his head.
Now how is that fair? The only thing you both agree on is disagreeing with me.
We agree about protecting you, Nash clarified.
Well, thats not your call to make, and I dont need to be protected.
Yes, you do. Tod crossed his arms over his chest. And dont try to turn this around and call us sexist. This isnt a damsel-in-distress moment. We all need to protect one another, and youve done your fair share of that.
Yeah. We protect one another from Avari and Thane, and anything else that goes bump in the Netherworld. Not from our own friends and family.
Hes not worried about Em and your dad, Nash said. Hes worried about Levi and Madeline.
There are rules in the afterlife, Kaylee. Tod looked scared. And killing innocent people is against most of them.
You were there. You know it was an accident!
He took both of my hands and looked right into my eyes. And I will die shouting it from the rooftops, if I have to. But at the end of the day, the bottom line is that you couldnt tell the difference between a hellion wearing a human soul and a hellion wearing a human body, and its your job to know the difference. And if youre not competent in your job, they have no reason to keep youalive.
You think Im incompetent? My chest felt sore. Bruised. I knew Alecs death was my fault, but it hurt to think that he agreed with me.
No. I think Madeline would have done the same thing you did. The same thing I would have done in your position. But if you tell them what really happened, there will be incident reports, and inquisitions, and eventually a hearing. Madeline cant afford to lose you right now, but once all this is over and theyve recovered from a massive personnel shortage, someone will have to be held accountable for a mistake that cost the life of an innocent man. And when Madeline comes to take you, well have to run, and well be on the run for the rest of forever with only each other, and nothing to do but explore the youthful perfection eternity has blessed us with, and Tod frowned. Okay, that makes it sound better than it will actually be.
Dont you think thats a bit overblown? I asked.
Well, I guess we could skip straight to the young lovers on the run part, but do you really want to leave all your friends and family behind?
He was jokinghopefullybut his point was as serious as the fear in his eyes. Fear for me.
Im not going to lose you, Kaylee. No matter what I have to do, or whom I have to fight. Even if that means quashing your vexing tendencies toward self-sacrifice.
