Clipped by Love
Page 116

He wanted me to tell him I loved him.
Dropping my face in my hands, I sob, completely and utterly disgusted in myself. I had the chance. All I had to do was tell him that he was right, that I did love him. But I never did. I just stood there, trying to prove my point instead of being honest about how I felt. I’m such a fucking idiot, but I can make this right.
Getting out my phone, I call him, but he won’t answer. He keeps sending me to voice mail. Opening my text, I write it out very quickly.
Me: I’m so sorry, Jayden. Where are you? I need to say something to you.
Jayden: Nothing else to say, just leave me alone.
That makes the tears fall faster as I type back quickly.
Me: Please, where are you?
But he doesn’t answer me, so I text him again.
Me: Please I’m sorry.
Me: Meet me somewhere.
Me: We need to work this out.
Me: Please. I need you.
Me: I’m sorry.
I should just type it. Tell him I love him, but I don’t think that’s right. I need to do it in person. Tucking my phone in my pocket, I take off, running across the parking lot to the quad and then to the Bullies house. When I get there though, Jayden isn’t there. Neither is Jace. Running back up the stairs, I run into Markus, who grabs ahold of me.
“Are you okay? I just heard!”
“I’m fine, I promise. He didn’t hurt me,” I say quickly, huffing for breath. “Where is Jayden?”
“Your mouth is busted,” he throws back, but I shake my head.
“It’s fine. I promise, Markus. Please tell me where Jayden is.”
“I don’t know,” he says skeptically. “They have that wedding this weekend. I think they went home.”
Oh, shit, that’s right. They are staying in Nashville for the weekend since the wedding is there. Dropping my head, I know there is no way I’ll be able to catch him before the wedding. I have no clue where he is staying. He was gonna get me the hotel information once he got there because he wasn’t sure where they were staying.
“Why, what’s wrong? I thought he was there and took care of it?”
“He did,” I say as the tears start to fall down my cheeks. “But I’m pretty sure he just broke up with me.”
“What? Why? It wasn’t your fault that dick came after you!”
I shake my head though, wiping my face free of the tears. “No, because I didn’t tell him I love him.”
I then explain what happened, and Markus listens like I need him to. When everything is out of me, the words, the tears, Markus looks at me with his caramel eyes and shakes his head.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I look at him, confused, and he says, “With the McCarthy shit?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Jesus! If he would have raped me, completely understand your worry, but he just beat me up a bit. I’m not a normal girl, remember?”
“True,” he agrees. “But yeah, you done fucked up.”
Laughing without the humor, I nod. “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“You got to fix it,” he reminds me. “Because he makes you a better person, and you do the same for him.”
“Again, Captain Obvious, I know all this.”
“Then why didn’t you just say it?”
Biting into my lip, I look away, not wanting to admit that was I was too concerned with proving my point and not giving into what I really feel that I didn’t realize that all I had to do was tell him the truth. I love him. With everything inside me.
Looking over at Markus, I shrug. “Because I’m emotionally hindered and I’m too big of a control freak to allow myself to just tell the truth. I am too worried that my dad will be disappointed in me, that he won’t be proud. And I need to stop that. I can’t live for him; I have to live for me. I’m too obsessed with winning, with proving a point, when, really, what’s winning when you don’t have anyone to share it with?”
“It isn’t winning,” he supplies, and I nod.
“Right, and the person I want to share it with, the person who wants to protect me and love me, is Jayden. I fucked up, I’ve been fucking up, and now I need to fix it. Because I can’t lose him.”
Looking at me, he smiles before saying, “See, was that so hard?”
Scoffing, I nod. “You have no idea.”
“If that’s the way you felt, Baylor, then why didn’t you just tell me?”
Whipping around, I find my dad standing in the middle of the stairs. “Dad.”
“And I’m out,” Markus says, looking between us.
“Coward,” I call at him as he runs up the stairs and slams the door at the top.
Dad laughs before lowering himself on the step and looking at me. “Well, today has been eventful.”
“To say the least,” I add.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh my God, please stop asking me that!” I yell, leaning back against the wall. “It’s fine. I’ve forgotten it. McCarthy can’t bring me down.”
“I was talking about Sinclair,” he says softly. “I know you’re okay with the McCarthy thing. I know how you work.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “But no, I’m not okay with the Sinclair thing.”
“Why did you try to lie to me, Bay? You know you can’t lie, right? I see right through you,” he reminds me and I shrug.
“Because I thought you couldn’t handle it.”
“I can handle a lot. Try again.”
Shaking my head, my lips wobble. “I was worried you would try to make me break up with him, and I can’t. So then I would be stuck choosing between you and him, and I can’t do it. I love you both.”
“So you do love him?”
Closing my eyes, tears leak out the sides as I agree. “So much, Dad, so damn much.”
“So apparently, you haven’t told him? Why?” he asks, holding my gaze, and I look away.
“Because I’m scared. When I love someone, they leave me or hurt me.”
“I haven’t left you or hurt you, have I?”
Meeting his gaze, I shake my head. “No, Daddy, but Mom and Seth did.”
He slowly nods his head, his eyes holding mine. “Baby, you got to let that go or you will forever be held back. Don’t let those relationships define you or who you are. You used to be wound so tight, so worried about getting ahead, and I never saw you relax. You came back from Florida, and I saw a little crack in that. Then we came here and you completely changed. You still have your drive, your talent, but you aren’t so tied up inside, you’ve mellowed, and you seem to be enjoying life instead of just living it,” he says, pausing to look at me. “Sinclair, I assume?”