Come A Little Bit Closer
Page 51
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As numb and lifeless as her heart.
From what seemed like a long distance, through a lens darkened on the edges with jealousy and self-disgust, she watched Smith make her sister laugh and the two of them hug each other before shrugging on their clothes. And as she watched them tease each other, it struck her just how perfect they were together, the ultimate beautiful couple, two actors who complemented each other both on screen and off.
Smith hadn’t looked her way one single time during filming and she’d been glad. If he’d tried to connect with her while seducing her sister in front of her, it would have been the final straw.
It had been easier, better, to simply be forgotten.
At least, that’s what she’d told herself over and over again as the pain from each kiss, each caress, dug another knife in so deep that she wasn’t even capable of bleeding anymore.
Finally, Smith turned and when he looked at her, his frown came swift and deep. All she could do was stare as he came toward her, purpose in every step.
She had no idea what she’d say to him, not when every instinct screamed at her to hurt him the way he’d repeatedly hurt her today. Worse still, she wasn’t strong enough to keep it inside out of fear of being heard by the crew. If he tried to speak to her here, if he tried to touch her, she’d explode.
Even knowing the additional pain it would bring in the future, the way people would talk about how she’d been foolish enough to believe Smith Sullivan could have wanted more from her than just a couple of rolls in the hay, she couldn’t possibly have kept her emotions from bubbling up and over.
All this time she’d thought that if she kept him from getting too close, she’d be protected from the inevitable pain of losing him later. Only, every second that she watched him act the sex scene out with her sister made it more and more clear that not only had she not protected herself from anything at all...but also that she had no idea how to let him go.
Because he’d already gotten past every single one of the barriers she’d tried to erect.
The closer he got, the louder the blood rushed in her ears. This was it, the end to a beginning that should never have happened. And, really, it was for the best, wasn’t it? Not only was he so far out of her league it wasn’t even funny, but how could she possibly withstand a lifetime of scenes like this, where he was kissing and touching beautiful women on other sets?
Ice settled in over the flames that had been burning her up from the inside out as she prepared herself to cut every single emotional tie to the only man who had ever found his way past the walls around her heart.
“Uncle Smith!” Summer, his eight-year-old niece-to-be, barreled into his midsection. “I wanted to come on set earlier, but they said I couldn’t because you were filming inappropriate stuff. No one will tell me what it was you were doing. But you will, right?”
The air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in burst from Valentina’s lungs, leaving her feeling so dizzy she had to put both hands on the arms of her chair.
“Val?” Her sister was suddenly there in front of her with a cup of cold water. “You don’t look good.”
Valentina drank from the plastic cup as if she’d spent a week in the desert.
“You look like you need to lie down.” With a strong arm around her waist, Tatiana had her up off the chair and heading toward her own trailer as the sun set.
As Tatiana got her settled on the leather couch with a blanket tucked over her, it was the first time Valentina could remember her sister taking care of her, rather than the other way around. Sure, she’d had the flu or a cold a couple of times over the years, but even then she’d made sure not to be a burden when her sister had to hold focus on whatever job she was currently working.
Tatiana sat next to her, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”
Oh God, how could she admit that she’d finally had a good night’s sleep, but only because Smith was there with her?
But she was already lying to her sister by her omissions, so rather than add to those lies, she simply shook her head. “Last night was good, but the past few weeks, no, I haven’t.”
How badly had she wanted to stay in his arms this morning? More than she’d ever wanted anything before.
Knowing she was blowing it on a day when she should have been there a hundred and ten percent for her sister, she somehow focused enough on Tatiana’s wellbeing to ask, “How are you feeling? I know today was hard on you.”
“I feel fine,” her sister said in a soft voice, one with a note of something that had Valentina’s senses coming back to life from where they had been beaten into submission by pure, unfettered jealousy. “You’re the one I’m worried about, Val.”
Valentina tried to smile, tried to raise a hand to brush off her sister’s concerns. But her lips wouldn’t curve in the right direction. And when she lifted her hand, she saw dozens of little crescent-moon cuts from holding her hands so tightly fisted all day long.
Tatiana took her hand and gasped. “Oh Val, I was so wrapped up in myself today, that it never even occurred to me to think of what watching the scene would do to you.” Her sister lifted deeply concerned eyes to hers as she curled her hands around Valentina’s. “Smith is great, but he’s like a brother to me. Everything you saw between us today was acting and nothing more than that, I swear.”
Valentina felt her mouth opening, then closing on words she didn’t know how to say. All she could do was shake her head and try to deny the emotions that had grown deeper with every passing second she spent with Smith.
“I can’t—” She tried again. “He shouldn’t—”
But when Tatiana squeezed her hands and smiled so gently at her, she knew there was no point in even trying. Less so when her sister softly said, “I know how you feel about him.” When Valentina’s eyes widened in surprise, Tatiana said, “You haven’t told me, but I’m your sister and I know you better than anyone else. You’ve never looked at a man the way you look at him.”
Even knowing how useless the knee-jerk reaction was, weeks of telling herself lies had Valentina saying, “Everyone looks at him like that.”
“No. They all look at him with stars in their eyes. They all want him for the fantasy, for the star, for everything but the man he really is. You’ve never seen anything but the man, Val.”
Oh God, it was true. And even worse than having to face it was the fact that she hadn’t managed to hide even the smallest of her feelings from her sister. Who else had seen it? More to the point, who could possibly have missed it?
From what seemed like a long distance, through a lens darkened on the edges with jealousy and self-disgust, she watched Smith make her sister laugh and the two of them hug each other before shrugging on their clothes. And as she watched them tease each other, it struck her just how perfect they were together, the ultimate beautiful couple, two actors who complemented each other both on screen and off.
Smith hadn’t looked her way one single time during filming and she’d been glad. If he’d tried to connect with her while seducing her sister in front of her, it would have been the final straw.
It had been easier, better, to simply be forgotten.
At least, that’s what she’d told herself over and over again as the pain from each kiss, each caress, dug another knife in so deep that she wasn’t even capable of bleeding anymore.
Finally, Smith turned and when he looked at her, his frown came swift and deep. All she could do was stare as he came toward her, purpose in every step.
She had no idea what she’d say to him, not when every instinct screamed at her to hurt him the way he’d repeatedly hurt her today. Worse still, she wasn’t strong enough to keep it inside out of fear of being heard by the crew. If he tried to speak to her here, if he tried to touch her, she’d explode.
Even knowing the additional pain it would bring in the future, the way people would talk about how she’d been foolish enough to believe Smith Sullivan could have wanted more from her than just a couple of rolls in the hay, she couldn’t possibly have kept her emotions from bubbling up and over.
All this time she’d thought that if she kept him from getting too close, she’d be protected from the inevitable pain of losing him later. Only, every second that she watched him act the sex scene out with her sister made it more and more clear that not only had she not protected herself from anything at all...but also that she had no idea how to let him go.
Because he’d already gotten past every single one of the barriers she’d tried to erect.
The closer he got, the louder the blood rushed in her ears. This was it, the end to a beginning that should never have happened. And, really, it was for the best, wasn’t it? Not only was he so far out of her league it wasn’t even funny, but how could she possibly withstand a lifetime of scenes like this, where he was kissing and touching beautiful women on other sets?
Ice settled in over the flames that had been burning her up from the inside out as she prepared herself to cut every single emotional tie to the only man who had ever found his way past the walls around her heart.
“Uncle Smith!” Summer, his eight-year-old niece-to-be, barreled into his midsection. “I wanted to come on set earlier, but they said I couldn’t because you were filming inappropriate stuff. No one will tell me what it was you were doing. But you will, right?”
The air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in burst from Valentina’s lungs, leaving her feeling so dizzy she had to put both hands on the arms of her chair.
“Val?” Her sister was suddenly there in front of her with a cup of cold water. “You don’t look good.”
Valentina drank from the plastic cup as if she’d spent a week in the desert.
“You look like you need to lie down.” With a strong arm around her waist, Tatiana had her up off the chair and heading toward her own trailer as the sun set.
As Tatiana got her settled on the leather couch with a blanket tucked over her, it was the first time Valentina could remember her sister taking care of her, rather than the other way around. Sure, she’d had the flu or a cold a couple of times over the years, but even then she’d made sure not to be a burden when her sister had to hold focus on whatever job she was currently working.
Tatiana sat next to her, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”
Oh God, how could she admit that she’d finally had a good night’s sleep, but only because Smith was there with her?
But she was already lying to her sister by her omissions, so rather than add to those lies, she simply shook her head. “Last night was good, but the past few weeks, no, I haven’t.”
How badly had she wanted to stay in his arms this morning? More than she’d ever wanted anything before.
Knowing she was blowing it on a day when she should have been there a hundred and ten percent for her sister, she somehow focused enough on Tatiana’s wellbeing to ask, “How are you feeling? I know today was hard on you.”
“I feel fine,” her sister said in a soft voice, one with a note of something that had Valentina’s senses coming back to life from where they had been beaten into submission by pure, unfettered jealousy. “You’re the one I’m worried about, Val.”
Valentina tried to smile, tried to raise a hand to brush off her sister’s concerns. But her lips wouldn’t curve in the right direction. And when she lifted her hand, she saw dozens of little crescent-moon cuts from holding her hands so tightly fisted all day long.
Tatiana took her hand and gasped. “Oh Val, I was so wrapped up in myself today, that it never even occurred to me to think of what watching the scene would do to you.” Her sister lifted deeply concerned eyes to hers as she curled her hands around Valentina’s. “Smith is great, but he’s like a brother to me. Everything you saw between us today was acting and nothing more than that, I swear.”
Valentina felt her mouth opening, then closing on words she didn’t know how to say. All she could do was shake her head and try to deny the emotions that had grown deeper with every passing second she spent with Smith.
“I can’t—” She tried again. “He shouldn’t—”
But when Tatiana squeezed her hands and smiled so gently at her, she knew there was no point in even trying. Less so when her sister softly said, “I know how you feel about him.” When Valentina’s eyes widened in surprise, Tatiana said, “You haven’t told me, but I’m your sister and I know you better than anyone else. You’ve never looked at a man the way you look at him.”
Even knowing how useless the knee-jerk reaction was, weeks of telling herself lies had Valentina saying, “Everyone looks at him like that.”
“No. They all look at him with stars in their eyes. They all want him for the fantasy, for the star, for everything but the man he really is. You’ve never seen anything but the man, Val.”
Oh God, it was true. And even worse than having to face it was the fact that she hadn’t managed to hide even the smallest of her feelings from her sister. Who else had seen it? More to the point, who could possibly have missed it?
