Come A Little Bit Closer
Page 66

In the back of her mind, she noted how easy it was—and how easy it had always been—to allow herself to be innately sensual with Smith. For so long she’d worked to suppress that side of herself, to make sure no man ever “took advantage” of her need to be touched, kissed, held. But she’d always felt safe with Smith, despite the dangerous hunger that was so often in his eyes when he looked at her. Was it because she felt the hunger, too, that the danger seemed not only okay...but was, in fact, a shockingly lovely bonus?
He brought over the shirt he’d been wearing the night before. She slipped her arms through the long sleeves, but she didn’t button it, simply rolled up the sleeves and wrapped the fabric around herself as they went to sit on the couch together.
He didn’t reach for food and neither did she. Instead, he took her hands in his just as she was reaching for him.
“Hungry?” he asked her, his deep voice at once soothing and arousing.
She nodded in answer, but knew she wouldn’t be able to eat a thing until they talked. Even the biggest stars in the world needed food and sleep just like anyone else. But when it came to the ones those stars loved, and to the potential damage fame could do to their relationships, “normal” came to a crashing halt.
And yet, Smith made her want to believe. Not just in love—she already knew that was real, knew that what she felt for him couldn’t possibly be merely the result of close proximity and great sex—but that their love could withstand not only the pressures of life, but of his fame, too.
For so long, she’d thought being strong meant not letting herself be vulnerable. But all this time had she had it backward? Instead of being a weakness, was risking everything to love actually the strongest, bravest thing she’d ever do?
She looked down at their hands entwined together, and knew he already held so much more of her than she thought she’d ever be able to give him.
Now—finally—she wanted to give him even more.
She looked up into his dark eyes, so beautiful, and so full of love. For her. “I don’t want to be a mystery anymore. Not with you.”
His hands didn’t tighten on hers. Instead, his thumbs stroked over her palms, sending both warmth and shivers through her at the same time.
“I’m here, Valentina. Now and always.” He continued to stroke over her skin, slowly, surely, steadily. “All you have to do is let me in.”
He made it sound so simple.
And then, suddenly, she realized it was.
“My mother was different when my father was alive.” As she began to speak, he pulled her closer, so that her legs came over his and she could feel his heart beating from where he was holding her hands against his chest. “She was always beautiful, but she was warm, too. It wasn’t until my father died that I realized just how much of that warmth had come through him.” She made herself keep thinking back to those first months after her father had died. “And after he was gone, it was like she crumbled away, one layer at a time, until she was gone, too.”
“You lost them both.”
Smith’s gentle words surprised her, then a moment later, resonated, even as she said, “She was still there, just—” She took a shaky breath. “The first actor she dated was barely a few years older than me. That was weird enough, but then one time when she was taking a long time getting ready, he—”
She stopped and shuddered as Smith scowled.
“What did he do? Who is he?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. And no one. He was all talk, innuendo. But I think if I had been willing...” Disgust came at her now just as hard and fast as it had those times her mother’s too-young actor boyfriends had come on to her.
“Did you tell your mother what he said? What he tried to take from you?”
“No,” she said softly, “I couldn’t figure out how or what I would have said. And I didn’t want her to feel bad, not when she was just doing her best to deal with her own grief. It was easier—” She paused for a moment, hating to have to use that word, but she wouldn’t hide the truth from Smith anymore, not even for pride’s sake. “—easier just to pull back. And to focus on my worries about Tatiana, about all those strange men my mother was dating coming in and out of the house. My sister was so pretty even then, and so innocent, that it was a relief to leave school and the dorms to move back in with them and take over managing her business affairs so that I could get her to all of her auditions and jobs.” She reassured Smith, “No one ever tried anything with Tatiana. Honestly, the only reason I think they ever came on to me was because I was their age.”
“You know that’s not the only reason, Valentina. You told me once that I could have any woman in the world.” He stared into her eyes with such intensity that she couldn’t possibly look away. “I want you.”
Valentina couldn’t have possibly held back the words, “I want you, too. I just wish—”
Again, she knew it would be easier not to say any of this to Smith, but painful experience with her mother had taught her that easier wasn’t better. All trying to avoid pain in the short run did was make everything hurt worse later...and become pretty much impossible to fix.
Only, while her mother had flitted around her and her sister’s lives, Smith was right here, holding her hand, letting Valentina spill everything out.
“I would never ask you to change what you do, or who you are,” she told him. “I love you too much to even think of stopping you from sharing your incredible gifts with the world. But I’ve been on plenty of sets over the past ten years. And I’ve seen what happens, how inevitable it all seems when men and women who’ve professed their love to other people end up falling for their co-stars, how marriages happen too fast and then end even quicker once they move on to other projects on other sides of the world.”
“You’re right, my work is important to me,” he told her. “So are you. So important that I don’t want to make big life and career decisions all alone anymore. From here on out, I want to make them with you.”
Even as his words had warmth filling her from head to toe, she had to tell him, “But it scares me that we met on a film set. And that it all happened so fast. It’s so hard to keep a normal relationship together. I don’t know how many Hollywood relationships have ever really worked apart from Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t believe he could want her. She could no longer deny his desire for her, or hers for him. No, she was simply trying to make sure that both of them went into this relationship with their eyes wide open.