“Hi, Ford.” It comes out fine, but a moment later, she’s crying. She takes off her mitten and wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I tell her back. “It’s a hard thing to do to leave the people you love.”
She nods her head but the tears stream down her cheeks. “I don’t know what you want from me. James says I have to learn to be a normal teenager. But I’m just not sure I can be that person.” She sniffs and wipes her tears again. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Ford. Because if you left me, or dropped me off somewhere…” She shakes her head and more tears fall down her face.
“That’s not what James is doing, Sasha. He’s not dropping you off. He’s bringing you home. To me.”
She removes her other mitten and drops them both on the ground so she can wipe her eyes. I grab her present, then stand up and walk down the stairs, picking her mittens up for her, before sitting back down on a lower step. “You wanna know what’s new for me this year?” I grab her hand and tug a little. Just enough to get her to step forward and then sit down on the step next to me.
“Sure,” she says, hugging her coat close to keep warm.
“Last year when we met, I had no girlfriend, remember?”
That makes her smile and nod. “You were so clueless.”
“And you were so smart. I owe you big for the lessons I learned from you, Sasha. Because this year, I have a wife, two children, and another on the way.” She looks up at me, surprised. “No. You, Sasha. You’re the one on the way.”
“Oh.” She tucks her hands into her pockets and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not a good candidate for a daughter. I don’t really follow directions. And I’m opinionated and not willing to bend.” She looks up at me. “I’m kinda stuck in my ways and my ways are keeping me stuck. Does that make sense?”
“Sure. It makes sense. I’m not expecting you to act a certain way. I just want you to find yourself, Sasha. Find the girl you want to be, instead of the girl you left behind, as Rook would say.”
“Rook, the girl-who-is-a-friend?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “Rook. She’s inside waiting for you. So is everyone else. My mother. Ashleigh’s father. My friends and children. We’re all here for you, kid. I told you I don’t celebrate Christmas. But now I have kids. So I do. And I don’t have parties, either. But today you came, so I felt a celebration was in order.”
She stares up at me with those blue eyes. “What if they don’t like the girl I am now? What if I can’t find the girl I want to be fast enough for them to like me? I’ve killed people, Ford. I’ve seen things. I’ve lost so much.” She starts crying again. “And I’m angry. OK? There. I said it. I’m pissed off because this life sucks. And I always get screwed over. And just when I get attached to James and Harper and think, OK, this is my family, then they don’t want me anymore.”
“They love you enough to accept the fact that they can’t give you what you need, Sasha. And we can.”
“You guys want me to go to school. And be normal. But I’m not normal. I’m a really fucked-up kid.” She looks over at me. “A really fucked-up person, Ford. I’m probably not even safe to be around other kids my age.”
“Don’t be silly. And besides, I start filming in New Zealand for that show I’m producing. We leave in a few weeks. So you won’t even go to school this year. We’re gonna go bum around Down Under for six months. Enjoy two summers. Get to know each other. And then next fall, we’ll come home and be a normal family. So we have three whole seasons to practice.”
She’s silent after that. And we just sit in the cold saying nothing for several minutes. “What’s in the box?” she finally asks, her curiosity getting the best of her.
I pick it up and place it on her lap.
“What is it?” Her face turns up to mine when she feels the shuffling inside. And then she laughs and lifts the lid off.
The little gray kitten is just stretching out her paws inside the blanket. “Oh my God,” Sasha says. “A kitten. I’ve never had a kitten.”
“I wanted another dog, but Ashleigh, pfftt.” I hike my thumb behind me in the direction of the house. “She put her foot down on that one. We have three face-eaters. So I figured it was fine to get something cuddly.” She lifts up the kitten and brings it to her chest. “For you.”
She nuzzles the kitten’s soft fur and smiles. Her shoulders relax. My heart swells with her change in behavior. That a kitten can do this for a sad and broken child, well. It’s touching. “Merry Christmas,” I say.
She snuggles the kitten once more, and then takes a deep breath. Like maybe she can do this after all. “Merry Christmas, Ford.”
I stand up and offer her my hand.
She accepts it.
And then we walk up the front stairs to her new home together.
I stop at the front door and turn to her. “You’re officially part of the Team now, Cherlin. But first things first. I need you to hate Ronin. No matter how charming he is, you must not fall for it. He may be on the Team too, but we’re mortal enemies till the end.”
“Got it,” she says, laughing, as I open the door and wave her inside.
She walks into the room and everyone greets her while I stand back and take off my coat and hang it up in the closet.
I watch my friends and family as they fuss over her like I told them to. She never had a chance against Ronin’s charms, but that pretend indifference gives us something to plot about. Making Ronin miserable is good times.
Sasha greets everyone and shows James and Harper her kitten. I can physically detect the moment when James sighs with relief.
Not because he’s getting rid of her, as Sasha thinks.
But because she’s getting a second chance at a normal life.
Last Christmas Eve I was sad. I was sad that Rook didn’t want me in the way I wanted her. I was sad that the women I thought were fulfilling a need for me really weren’t. And I was sad that I let my life become so meaningless after my father died.
And that night, Rook told me she changed her life by wishing on a star the year before. She went from a sad abused girl to a strong and confident woman. In one year.
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I tell her back. “It’s a hard thing to do to leave the people you love.”
She nods her head but the tears stream down her cheeks. “I don’t know what you want from me. James says I have to learn to be a normal teenager. But I’m just not sure I can be that person.” She sniffs and wipes her tears again. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Ford. Because if you left me, or dropped me off somewhere…” She shakes her head and more tears fall down her face.
“That’s not what James is doing, Sasha. He’s not dropping you off. He’s bringing you home. To me.”
She removes her other mitten and drops them both on the ground so she can wipe her eyes. I grab her present, then stand up and walk down the stairs, picking her mittens up for her, before sitting back down on a lower step. “You wanna know what’s new for me this year?” I grab her hand and tug a little. Just enough to get her to step forward and then sit down on the step next to me.
“Sure,” she says, hugging her coat close to keep warm.
“Last year when we met, I had no girlfriend, remember?”
That makes her smile and nod. “You were so clueless.”
“And you were so smart. I owe you big for the lessons I learned from you, Sasha. Because this year, I have a wife, two children, and another on the way.” She looks up at me, surprised. “No. You, Sasha. You’re the one on the way.”
“Oh.” She tucks her hands into her pockets and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not a good candidate for a daughter. I don’t really follow directions. And I’m opinionated and not willing to bend.” She looks up at me. “I’m kinda stuck in my ways and my ways are keeping me stuck. Does that make sense?”
“Sure. It makes sense. I’m not expecting you to act a certain way. I just want you to find yourself, Sasha. Find the girl you want to be, instead of the girl you left behind, as Rook would say.”
“Rook, the girl-who-is-a-friend?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “Rook. She’s inside waiting for you. So is everyone else. My mother. Ashleigh’s father. My friends and children. We’re all here for you, kid. I told you I don’t celebrate Christmas. But now I have kids. So I do. And I don’t have parties, either. But today you came, so I felt a celebration was in order.”
She stares up at me with those blue eyes. “What if they don’t like the girl I am now? What if I can’t find the girl I want to be fast enough for them to like me? I’ve killed people, Ford. I’ve seen things. I’ve lost so much.” She starts crying again. “And I’m angry. OK? There. I said it. I’m pissed off because this life sucks. And I always get screwed over. And just when I get attached to James and Harper and think, OK, this is my family, then they don’t want me anymore.”
“They love you enough to accept the fact that they can’t give you what you need, Sasha. And we can.”
“You guys want me to go to school. And be normal. But I’m not normal. I’m a really fucked-up kid.” She looks over at me. “A really fucked-up person, Ford. I’m probably not even safe to be around other kids my age.”
“Don’t be silly. And besides, I start filming in New Zealand for that show I’m producing. We leave in a few weeks. So you won’t even go to school this year. We’re gonna go bum around Down Under for six months. Enjoy two summers. Get to know each other. And then next fall, we’ll come home and be a normal family. So we have three whole seasons to practice.”
She’s silent after that. And we just sit in the cold saying nothing for several minutes. “What’s in the box?” she finally asks, her curiosity getting the best of her.
I pick it up and place it on her lap.
“What is it?” Her face turns up to mine when she feels the shuffling inside. And then she laughs and lifts the lid off.
The little gray kitten is just stretching out her paws inside the blanket. “Oh my God,” Sasha says. “A kitten. I’ve never had a kitten.”
“I wanted another dog, but Ashleigh, pfftt.” I hike my thumb behind me in the direction of the house. “She put her foot down on that one. We have three face-eaters. So I figured it was fine to get something cuddly.” She lifts up the kitten and brings it to her chest. “For you.”
She nuzzles the kitten’s soft fur and smiles. Her shoulders relax. My heart swells with her change in behavior. That a kitten can do this for a sad and broken child, well. It’s touching. “Merry Christmas,” I say.
She snuggles the kitten once more, and then takes a deep breath. Like maybe she can do this after all. “Merry Christmas, Ford.”
I stand up and offer her my hand.
She accepts it.
And then we walk up the front stairs to her new home together.
I stop at the front door and turn to her. “You’re officially part of the Team now, Cherlin. But first things first. I need you to hate Ronin. No matter how charming he is, you must not fall for it. He may be on the Team too, but we’re mortal enemies till the end.”
“Got it,” she says, laughing, as I open the door and wave her inside.
She walks into the room and everyone greets her while I stand back and take off my coat and hang it up in the closet.
I watch my friends and family as they fuss over her like I told them to. She never had a chance against Ronin’s charms, but that pretend indifference gives us something to plot about. Making Ronin miserable is good times.
Sasha greets everyone and shows James and Harper her kitten. I can physically detect the moment when James sighs with relief.
Not because he’s getting rid of her, as Sasha thinks.
But because she’s getting a second chance at a normal life.
Last Christmas Eve I was sad. I was sad that Rook didn’t want me in the way I wanted her. I was sad that the women I thought were fulfilling a need for me really weren’t. And I was sad that I let my life become so meaningless after my father died.
And that night, Rook told me she changed her life by wishing on a star the year before. She went from a sad abused girl to a strong and confident woman. In one year.
