Craving Constellations
Page 22

When I got back into the living room, Dragon was sitting on my couch, bent over with his elbows on his knees. I stood for a moment at the edge of the hallway taking him in. He had taken off his cut, and it was thrown over the back of the couch. His boots were sitting by the front door. It made me a bit nervous to see that he was making himself comfortable in my place. His powerful shoulders and arms were on full display in a greasy white T-shirt, and I had to consciously stop myself from imagining them naked…and braced above me. He looked dejected, sitting there like that, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I took one quiet step closer to try and get a look at his face, and that was when he noticed me standing there.
“Get your ass out here, Brenna.” He didn’t raise his head when he continued, “You’re not putting this shit off. We gotta talk.”
I tentatively walked toward him, wondering where I should sit. We only had the ugly ass couch in the living room, and I really, really didn’t want to sit next to him. I guessed that put me on the floor. I didn’t like it, but the alternative was standing, and I knew I needed to sit for this conversation. As soon as I got close enough to him, he reached out, grabbed my hand, and yanked me down next to him.
“Quit fuckin’ stallin’!”
Now, I could see his face. He wasn’t dejected; he was pissed.
I scooted as close as I could to the edge of the couch and pulled my feet up, so I could wrap my arms around my knees. “I’m not stalling,” I told him wryly. “I know we need to have this out. I’m just not looking forward to it.”
“Trix asleep?” His face softened at Trix’s name, but it immediately went back to the stern expression I was beginning to expect.
“Yeah, she crashed out on my bed before I even got in there. It’s been a busy day, and she was exhausted.” I couldn’t meet his eyes, so I looked over his shoulder to the kitchen as I spoke. “About what she said at the table—”
He cut me off before I could finish. “Tony say that shit to you? Tell Trix she was fat?”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t ever hear him say it to Trix. He’s said it to me. It’s not a big deal. He’s a dick. We both know he’s a dick.” I laughed nervously. I didn’t want to discuss my relationship with Tony to Dragon. I already felt like a complete moron for staying so long. I didn’t need him to think it, too.
“It’s a big deal, Brenna. You’re tiny. You’ve always been fuckin’ tiny. Trix doesn’t need that shit in her head. What’s she gonna think when she looks at you and how small you are, and then thinks she’s gotta be fuckin’ smaller than that?” He looked at me incredulously. “She’s got a bit of me in her, too. No way she’s gonna be as small as you.”
“Well, let’s be honest here. If that’s the worst thing she remembers from Tony, we’re good.” I was trying to reassure him, but I noticed immediately that it was the wrong thing to say.
The tension in the room amped up considerably, and it was emanating from Dragon. He was wearing the same look I had seen during the confrontation in the yard—complete and utter fury. My heart started pounding in my ears as I waited for the blowup.
When he spoke, his voice was so low it was almost a whisper. “You better explain that, Brenna. Right fuckin’ now. Seems like tonight is the night for explanations.”
I swallowed hard and curled into myself even more. “You know he had a heavy hand—”
“Trix around when he did that shit?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Not always but enough. She knew to get safe when he started, so she only saw the beginning most of the time. I tried to keep her away from it. I knew she shouldn’t see it, but sometimes, I didn’t have time to prepare,” I continued, desperately trying to explain myself, speaking faster and faster until my words were tumbling over each other. “Sometimes, he didn’t give me time to get her out of the room. She knew to leave once it started and to stay out of his way. I just didn’t have any warning! There was no reason for it. Sometimes, he just came home and started in. Other times, it would be the middle of the day or at night after dinner. There weren’t any signs. He wouldn’t even seem angry!”
“Our daughter had to learn how to hide?” he questioned, throwing his arms up in the air for emphasis.
I instinctively jerked back into the couch, wrapping my arms around my head. I couldn’t help it. I started sobbing. My chest started to ache with all of the pressure that had been building since I’d come back to the compound. I knew it was my fault our daughter had such horrendous memories. I’d stayed there, waiting it out, thinking Trix would forget as soon as we could leave. I’d thought it wouldn’t be forever, and we could manage until I figured something else out. I’d put our daughter in danger because I didn’t know where I would go if we left. I deserved Dragon’s anger, but I didn’t know if I could handle it. I was already on the edge of becoming useless. How much could a person take before she completely fell apart?
I was so ashamed that I had cowered like some weakling. Where was my backbone? I wasn’t afraid of Dragon. What the hell was wrong with me? Once I’d started crying, it was like everything hit me head-on—the fear for Trix, the stress of our escape, the relief of feeling safe for the first time in five years, and the fear of Tony when he’d come to the compound. It all left me overwhelmed with conflicting emotions.