So it wasn’t about Charlene, as such.
It was about me.
I’d miss her.
Back in the day, when Creed disappeared and I found myself owned by Richard Scott, all my girlfriends abandoned me. I didn’t really blame them. Suddenly, without an explanation, I was what the town saw as the local pimp and drug dealer’s girlfriend. Although Jason Dixon had been telling people for ages he banged me, no one believed him and no one but no one, not even my girlfriends, knew about Creed.
Needless to say, being with Richard did not do wonders for my reputation.
People talked about me. People speculated. People said shit things behind my back, gave me ugly looks, sometimes even said things straight to my face. I’d learned to live with it and I’d learned to live without friends.
That didn’t mean having one again didn’t mean everything to me.
Fortunately, two days after Knight released Creed, Hawk Delgado called me. He had a job and not only was he interested in contracting with me, he also asked if Creed was still in town. Since Creed was and since Creed was good with hanging around longer and taking another job, Hawk hired both of us.
The job paid well and Hawk expected it to last a month so I had a reprieve. More time with Creed in Denver. More time to get my shit sorted. A couple more weekends with his kids before I moved in completely.
But I had to tell Charlene. She had to prepare.
And I had to prepare to lose her and the kids.
“Creed and I are trying for a baby,” I repeated what I’d said two seconds before.
Charlene blinked at me.
Then she turned her head to the window and stared blankly out of it.
I turned my head that way too and saw Creed’s tee drenched in sweat, the ends of his hair wet and curling around his neck. He had mirrored shades on and they looked really f**king good on him.
My mouth started watering.
“It’s been three weeks, honey.”
Charlene’s words came at me and I looked at her again.
“I know,” I replied.
She shook her head and reached out to curl her hand around my leg. “I get this. I get him. He’s a good guy. I get that. I get your history. I get it all, but, Sylvie, listen to me. A baby is a big deal.”
“I know that too, Charlene.”
“It changes your whole life. It changes the whole world.”
I put my hand on hers, leaned in and repeated, “I know, Charlene.”
Her hand turned and her fingers curled around mine. “I know you know but I also know you don’t. A baby changes your body. It changes your relationship. It changed the rhythm of your day. You have a child, you can’t drink as much as you do. You absolutely can’t smoke. He’s got two kids. They’ve met you once. They –”
I cut her off, “Creed loves them and they love him and they like me. They’ll be cool. He’ll take care of them. We both will.”
Her hand gave mine a squeeze. “You haven’t even settled into there being a you two again. Nine months, ten months, a year, most of that pregnant, you won’t be able to do that.”
She knew, I explained after we had our drama and got back together that Creed and me were, well, back together. Charlene was Charlene, she said little except she was happy for me.
But, right now, she didn’t get it so I explained, “There was never a time when we weren’t settled into the two of us being the two.”
Her head tipped to the side. “What?”
I leaned closer, lifting her hand and holding it to my chest. “This is Creed.”
“I know, but –”
I shook her hand before I pressed it to my chest. “Charlene, babe, this is Creed.”
She held my eyes as her lips parted.
She was getting me.
So I helped her get the rest of the way. “There’s no one but him. No one. I want our future, the one that was stolen from us. I want it for me and I need to give it to him. He was…” I hesitated, having shared a bit but not entirely and deciding not to, for Creed. “I can’t say. What I can say is that I explained it all came out and we worked it out. What you can guess is, we’re together so the reason he disappeared was understandable. So understandable, there’s not even anything to forgive.”
She sucked in breath.
Yeah, she was getting me.
I went on.
“It’s debatable who suffered worse,” I told her and she closed her eyes. She opened them when I continued, “And now that’s done. I want his baby growing inside me. I want a home. I want a family. I want to let Creed give that to me because Creed needs to give it to me. It’s what we’d planned. It’s what we’d dreamed. It’s what we went through hell for and it’s what we’re gonna have and we’re not going to wait. Not a month. Not a year. Now.”
“Your Dad did something to him,” she whispered her guess.
“My Dad did something to him,” I replied.
She licked her lips and turned her face back to the window but she held my hand tight. This time, I watched her face work instead of looking outside to watch my man work.
It took some time but finally she said quietly, “You should move to Phoenix. He should be close to his kids and your baby should be close to his or her brother and sister.”
See?
So totally told you that Charlene would want that for me.
“I am,” I said quietly back and her eyes came to me, they were stunned but they were also assessing. “It’s decided. Creed’s going to transfer his admin to you so you won’t feel that financial hit and –”
I stopped talking when her eyes filled with tears.
Then I started talking fast, holding her hand still to my chest, I leaned close and said gently, “I’ll come up. So will Creed. I mean, he can’t come up every two weeks to mow your yard but we’ll come up. Take the kids so you have time and –”
Charlene interrupted me.
“You’re happy.”
I blinked and asked, “What?”
“I didn’t see it or, I should say, I didn’t believe it.” She swallowed. “Now, I see it.”
“Charlene –”
She yanked her hand from mine but then grabbed me by the shoulders, pulled me close, wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hard hug.
I felt her body jerk with her sob as her voice broke with it when she said, “Always, I saw it, that hurt in the back of your eyes. Like you were lost in a way you couldn’t get found.” She gave me a squeeze. “Now it’s gone. You’re found and I’m so happy you’re happy, Sylvie.”
It was about me.
I’d miss her.
Back in the day, when Creed disappeared and I found myself owned by Richard Scott, all my girlfriends abandoned me. I didn’t really blame them. Suddenly, without an explanation, I was what the town saw as the local pimp and drug dealer’s girlfriend. Although Jason Dixon had been telling people for ages he banged me, no one believed him and no one but no one, not even my girlfriends, knew about Creed.
Needless to say, being with Richard did not do wonders for my reputation.
People talked about me. People speculated. People said shit things behind my back, gave me ugly looks, sometimes even said things straight to my face. I’d learned to live with it and I’d learned to live without friends.
That didn’t mean having one again didn’t mean everything to me.
Fortunately, two days after Knight released Creed, Hawk Delgado called me. He had a job and not only was he interested in contracting with me, he also asked if Creed was still in town. Since Creed was and since Creed was good with hanging around longer and taking another job, Hawk hired both of us.
The job paid well and Hawk expected it to last a month so I had a reprieve. More time with Creed in Denver. More time to get my shit sorted. A couple more weekends with his kids before I moved in completely.
But I had to tell Charlene. She had to prepare.
And I had to prepare to lose her and the kids.
“Creed and I are trying for a baby,” I repeated what I’d said two seconds before.
Charlene blinked at me.
Then she turned her head to the window and stared blankly out of it.
I turned my head that way too and saw Creed’s tee drenched in sweat, the ends of his hair wet and curling around his neck. He had mirrored shades on and they looked really f**king good on him.
My mouth started watering.
“It’s been three weeks, honey.”
Charlene’s words came at me and I looked at her again.
“I know,” I replied.
She shook her head and reached out to curl her hand around my leg. “I get this. I get him. He’s a good guy. I get that. I get your history. I get it all, but, Sylvie, listen to me. A baby is a big deal.”
“I know that too, Charlene.”
“It changes your whole life. It changes the whole world.”
I put my hand on hers, leaned in and repeated, “I know, Charlene.”
Her hand turned and her fingers curled around mine. “I know you know but I also know you don’t. A baby changes your body. It changes your relationship. It changed the rhythm of your day. You have a child, you can’t drink as much as you do. You absolutely can’t smoke. He’s got two kids. They’ve met you once. They –”
I cut her off, “Creed loves them and they love him and they like me. They’ll be cool. He’ll take care of them. We both will.”
Her hand gave mine a squeeze. “You haven’t even settled into there being a you two again. Nine months, ten months, a year, most of that pregnant, you won’t be able to do that.”
She knew, I explained after we had our drama and got back together that Creed and me were, well, back together. Charlene was Charlene, she said little except she was happy for me.
But, right now, she didn’t get it so I explained, “There was never a time when we weren’t settled into the two of us being the two.”
Her head tipped to the side. “What?”
I leaned closer, lifting her hand and holding it to my chest. “This is Creed.”
“I know, but –”
I shook her hand before I pressed it to my chest. “Charlene, babe, this is Creed.”
She held my eyes as her lips parted.
She was getting me.
So I helped her get the rest of the way. “There’s no one but him. No one. I want our future, the one that was stolen from us. I want it for me and I need to give it to him. He was…” I hesitated, having shared a bit but not entirely and deciding not to, for Creed. “I can’t say. What I can say is that I explained it all came out and we worked it out. What you can guess is, we’re together so the reason he disappeared was understandable. So understandable, there’s not even anything to forgive.”
She sucked in breath.
Yeah, she was getting me.
I went on.
“It’s debatable who suffered worse,” I told her and she closed her eyes. She opened them when I continued, “And now that’s done. I want his baby growing inside me. I want a home. I want a family. I want to let Creed give that to me because Creed needs to give it to me. It’s what we’d planned. It’s what we’d dreamed. It’s what we went through hell for and it’s what we’re gonna have and we’re not going to wait. Not a month. Not a year. Now.”
“Your Dad did something to him,” she whispered her guess.
“My Dad did something to him,” I replied.
She licked her lips and turned her face back to the window but she held my hand tight. This time, I watched her face work instead of looking outside to watch my man work.
It took some time but finally she said quietly, “You should move to Phoenix. He should be close to his kids and your baby should be close to his or her brother and sister.”
See?
So totally told you that Charlene would want that for me.
“I am,” I said quietly back and her eyes came to me, they were stunned but they were also assessing. “It’s decided. Creed’s going to transfer his admin to you so you won’t feel that financial hit and –”
I stopped talking when her eyes filled with tears.
Then I started talking fast, holding her hand still to my chest, I leaned close and said gently, “I’ll come up. So will Creed. I mean, he can’t come up every two weeks to mow your yard but we’ll come up. Take the kids so you have time and –”
Charlene interrupted me.
“You’re happy.”
I blinked and asked, “What?”
“I didn’t see it or, I should say, I didn’t believe it.” She swallowed. “Now, I see it.”
“Charlene –”
She yanked her hand from mine but then grabbed me by the shoulders, pulled me close, wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hard hug.
I felt her body jerk with her sob as her voice broke with it when she said, “Always, I saw it, that hurt in the back of your eyes. Like you were lost in a way you couldn’t get found.” She gave me a squeeze. “Now it’s gone. You’re found and I’m so happy you’re happy, Sylvie.”
