Blake and I leaned against the car and watched the scene, taking it in. After my sister's little indiscretion of not coming home a month ago, our father had laid down the rule of no more parties. He had given her one option, to take me as her companion, which translated into chaperone. He had bet on the fact that I would never go, and clearly he had bet wrong. I knew deep down that he wanted to see me out socializing with someone beyond Blake. Not to mention, he was probably relieved I would be there to keep an eye on Alise.
I looked at Blake and noticed he looked handsome. I realized he didn’t have his glasses on, which was odd. I wasn’t sure if he even owned contacts or if he had come blind, hoping to look less like a nerd. Either way, he looked good without glasses and a gadget in his hands.
I grinned at him. He looked nervous but like he was excited to be there. I was the opposite; I wasn’t nervous and didn’t want to be anywhere near the popular people. Except one. But alas, Satan had spit on him, like he was the last donut on the plate, so my option became viewing him from a distance.
“You want to go in?”
Blake nodded. “Yeah.” He swallowed hard and we walked up to the house. He seemed massive with nothing in his hands to make him stoop over until he was my height. He looked put together in his beige cords and blue t-shirt with a science-camp logo. I smiled knowing no one there would even come close to recognizing the logo. I felt short next to him as we walked along the concrete slab walkway to the front door.
“You cold?” he asked. I felt a warm wind hit me and I shivered. I shook my head, frowning. I wondered if the wind was really my mom telling me not to go in. I felt her wind a second time and told myself she meant for me to have a good time.
My heart couldn’t help but beat harder as my skin craved feeling that wind again.
I looked to the right and saw a guy I had never seen around town. He was tall and thick with dark-blond hair and the most stunning blue eyes I had ever seen. They looked like a husky dog's. White blue but bright, like there was a light shining out from behind his eyes. He looked like an actor in a movie, not a guy at a teenager party. His face was like something you didn’t see in such a small town. I felt my breath taken away as I locked eyes with him. I wanted to walk to him. I knew him from somewhere. He looked at me for a moment. When our eyes met, I had the distinct feeling that I knew him from somewhere. He smiled at me and my legs felt like they went to goo.
He seemed surprised when I pointed to him. “Who is that guy?”
I looked up at Blake and nudged him. When I looked back, he was gone.
Blake shrugged. “I didn’t see him.”
"There was a big, tall blond guy right there a second ago. I think I know him."
"He's not there now."
"Thanks, Captain Obvious."
A girl beside me spoke, “This place is packed with kids from Port Handley. They’re friends with Shane.” I recognized her as I turned around. My sister's bff, Giselle. Not only the most beautiful girl in the world, but also the most exotic. Her parents were French and Filipino. She staggered as she entered the house.
“Clearly not her first drink of the evening,” Blake whispered as we walked into the house.
I looked out the window again, hoping to see the guy from the neighboring town. His eyes had mystified me. He had seemed so familiar to me, like I had dreamed of him. The guy was stunningly handsome. Adding an air of mystery didn’t help my curiosity.
Shaking it off, I looked around the house at the drunken teenagers everywhere.
“Want a drink, little sister?” Alise was beside me with a glass.
I took it, suspicious of anything she ever gave me. I looked into the glass. It appeared to be lemonade.
“It's lemonade, Aimee—remember the deal we made,” she laughed as I eyeballed her. “Besides, I might need you to drive home.”
"I don’t want to drive."
She walked away.
“Thanks, Alise.” Blake beamed after her. I frowned at him and watched as he looked into the glass she had given him and took a drink. I waited a few seconds for the foam to start pouring out of his lip. He sipped from the glass and remained standing. I drank when I was sure I would live. I was surprised by the flavor. It was a great glass of lemonade. I was shocked Alise was holding up her end of the bargain, shocked and suspicious.
“It’s loud in here; want to go to a quieter room?” I asked Blake, who nodded.
People who saw us took a second look, when it registered that nerds had crashed the party. They maintained a steady glare in our direction as they conversed.
“Not in the least bit obvious, are they?” Blake asked, sipping his drink and looking around the room. His grumpy face was back. I wondered if, deep down, he had hoped to be accepted by them. I had never seen Blake care about what the popular kids thought or did until that moment.
We walked past the kitchen where Shane stood in a group of the popular kids. He looked over at me and smiled. I loved how his face lit up when he saw me. I wanted to talk to him, but Alise put a hand on his arm and laughed with the group of football players and girls that looked like my sister. Shane looked embarrassed and dropped his gaze, blushing as they all continued to talk.
I glanced up at Blake and decided it was time to start making some of my dreams come true. Blake was the answer to the question of who would make me happy. We were the same in every way. We could play World of Warcraft in a room and not even need to speak. There was a cozy comfort between us that I would never find in anyone else.
We found a sunroom off the back of the house, where there were couches and a few couples making out in the muted light. The lights were dimmed and the music seemed a lot quieter. To me, it would be the perfect place to pass a few hours till we got to go home.
I sat on the older floral couch and admired the pictures of Shane and his sister that lined the walls of the sunroom, above where a large fireplace sat. Only on the Northwest Coast would there be a wood stove in a sunroom.
Blake sat down beside me. He seemed to be uncomfortable and nervous in the make-out room. I decided to go with the flow of the room and take my sister's advice.
I turned to look him in the eyes, and I took a deep breath. “Blake, I need to tell you something. I like you.” It shot from my lips like a bullet from a gun.
He smiled. “I like you too, Aimes; you’re my best friend—pink shirt or no pink shirt. At least it isn’t black or one of the variations. I've never seen anyone find as many different ways to depress their wardrobe as you have.”
I shook my head and started to feel a little breathless. “No, I mean I really like you, like how they like each other.” I pointed to the couples making out that, clearly were, fond of one another. I took another deep breath. “I’ve thought about this long and hard, and we make sense for each other. We’re both smart, we both want to go to university, and we both love intellectually challenging and advancing experiences. I've thought about it, and if we sit down, I believe we can come up with a reasonable, five-year plan.” My spiel didn't sound as good as I had hoped it would.
He frowned. “Like them—you like me like them?” He pointed and seemed to look panicked, if not flabbergasted.
I nodded, gulping as he looked around at each of them and then back to me.
“Aimee, you are the most incredible girl I have ever met. You’re my favorite person in the whole world. You are graduating with advanced placement in literature, but at the same time, rock at trig and advanced chemistry. You’re funny and really pretty--” he started to fret.
I interrupted. “But…” My heart dropped into my stomach.
Embarrassment flushed across his face, as he grasped at straws. “I think the world of you. You must know that.”
I crossed my arms. “Blake, I told you how I feel—just say what you need to say.” I felt myself getting angry, as he flailed in front of me. My stomach weakened, waiting for the final crushing blow.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I wish you had never said those words. I need you in my life, the way things are. I don’t feel the same way. You are the sister I always wanted. I love you, but it's not the same.”
I knew it was coming, but it hurt more than I thought it would. I had counted on him liking me to feel like a normal girl. He had always been my back-up plan for love. I thought that as long as he liked me, it didn’t matter that all the other boys didn’t.
I knew that to be a girl who felt good about her body image, I didn’t need the approval of boys. I knew it to be a truth, but at the same time, I had wanted Blake to like me. Somehow believing that Blake liked me in the romantic way made me just a little more confident. I felt that confidence leave my body like air leaving a balloon.
None of my fantasy would ever come true, and I truly would always be an unlovable monster.
I nodded, trying to avoid the weight of the discovery. “I need some air, Blake. I’ll be right back.”
He put his hand out to stop me, but I burst past him, leaving him in the make out room.
I didn’t hate him—I couldn’t hate him. I hated myself for banking on him being the one I could fall back on in my time of desperation and loneliness. I felt so frustrated and embarrassed. I had been so certain. He had led me to believe it. I thought of the million times he touched my hand or smiled at me. The way he kept his gaze after he smiled, lingering. He came to my house everyday. I thought about when my mom died and how he had slept in my bed with me for two weeks, holding me. Had I misread it all?
Tears threatened to spring from my eyes, but I looked around at the ridiculous group of drunken teenagers and knew I would never cry in front of them.
I rushed through the back door in the kitchen and felt the refreshing wind hit me, like a beacon of safety. I ran down the back steps of the deck onto the back lawn. Shane had a massive yard with a small amount of oceanfront. Really though, the whole town had either oceanfront or ocean view.
I walked to the far side of the lawn, where I sat down on the cool grass. I lay back and looked up at the sky as it darkened and the first few stars became visible.
