She opened the door and looked back at him. He stood there, feeling an odd panic in his gut. He didn’t understand how this had gotten so out of hand, and he couldn’t make sense of how much it hurt him watching her cry. “I want to talk about this. I don’t want to leave it like this. I don’t feel right.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “Well, how you feel is a mystery to all. I guess that’s how you like things—in secret, huh? Well, I won’t be your secret fuck or whatever you wanted from me.”
“I just wanted you—”
But he paused when a sob left her lips. “I’m such a fucking idiot. I shared all kinds of things, I opened up to you, I began to care for you, and you never shared anything. I should have known better.”
“It wasn’t like that. I don’t talk about anything, really. To anyone. I’m private.”
“All the signs were there, flashing in my face, but I got distracted by your stupid words and your huge cock!”
“Brie, please—”
“What, Vaughn? What are you going to say? Sorry? Will that fix this? No. Will that change how you feel? No. How I feel? Fuck no.”
“But I am sorry. I didn’t know what you wanted—”
“I wanted you, and if you would have spoken to me instead of just fucking me, you would have known that.”
“You were fucking me too—”
“Yeah, but I thought you were feeling what I was.”
“Brie—”
“No. Fucking whatever, just leave.”
“Brie.”
“No.”
“Listen, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you’re getting real good at saying that word to me, yet it means fucking nothing.”
“No, it does. I mean it. I am.”
“Heard you.”
“Can we talk? I don’t want this to end.”
“What, us fucking?” She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face, and his heart stopped. Right there. Dead. “That ended the moment you said you didn’t want more than that. I don’t fucking sleep around, Vaughn. I want more. I fucking deserve more, and I won’t let you cause me to question my self-worth.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“But you did, and now I’m sitting here wondering what’s wrong with me. Why I’m not good enough for the secretive Vaughn Johansson. So thank you very much. Can you please leave so I can pick myself up like I always do and move on? Because you honestly tilted my world here, and it’s not for the good.”
It was like she’d stabbed him. Panic filled him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Trying to salvage something, he wasn’t sure what, he tried, “It’s not you—”
“Leave. Now, Vaughn. Please, just go.”
Looking away, he pulled in a breath through his nose and took a step toward her. But she took a step back, trying to get away. His heart collapsed in his chest as he watched her. Why did this hurt so bad? He didn’t mean for this to happen; he honestly just thought they were fucking around. But as soon as he thought that, he knew it was a lie. Jensen had warned him, and he didn’t listen. He just did what he wanted, and now he had hurt someone he had truly started to feel something for.
Clearing his throat, he whispered, “You’re right about everything. I should have spoken to you about my intentions after the first time.”
“Yeah, that would have been great.”
As he studied the side of her beautiful face, he shook his head. “But, Brie, you deserve the world. I’m sorry I can’t give it to you.”
Her lips twitched as her tears fell, and he knew there was nothing else he could say or do. So, he walked out, and when the door slammed shut, he closed his eyes. Even though his heart begged him to go back, he knew he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
It wasn’t what he wanted.
Really, he had no clue what he wanted.
As he walked back to his room, he considered going back to tell her he did want more. But he had already said he didn’t. And he didn’t. Or did he? God, he was so confused. There was just this pull, and it wanted him to go back. But there would be no point. As he walked away, with each step, he missed her more and more. He’d meant everything he had said, even when he said he didn’t do relationships. But for the first time in a while, he felt this overpowering feeling that he wanted to try.
He had no clue what that meant.
Or what to do.
One thing was for sure, he knew Brie would never speak to him ever again.
“Ms. Lemiere, Vaughn Johansson is here for his appointment.”
When Vaughn poked his head into Wren’s office, her eyes widened as suspicion filled her face. “What in the world? I didn’t think you’d come, for the hundredth time this month.”
Walking into her very welcoming office, he knew damn well she hadn’t decorated. Wren wouldn’t pick the sunny yellow walls or the happy flowers that decorated the space. Sometimes when he entered, he found a grin on his face, but that wasn’t happening today.
Meeting her in the middle, he kissed her cheek as she patted his shoulders. “What brings you by? I know it’s not your standing appointment—the one you continually ignore.”
He scoffed as he looked around. He wasn’t sure why he was there. He hadn’t even been planning to come. He was going to head straight to the Adlers, but then he found himself outside of her office. Looking at her desk for a distraction, he saw a picture of her along with him, Wells, and Jensen the day all of the guys got drafted. Then a picture of her with just Wells and one of her with her mom and dad. That was it. He suddenly wondered if she wished she had other pictures. Like of her and someone special. Or was that just his fucked-up mind and his confused feelings?
“This will be quick, I’ve got lunch with the Adlers,” he found himself saying. “I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
Concern filled her face. “Oh, okay. Have a seat. What’s up? Are you okay?”
Sitting down on the chair that sat opposite hers, he shook his head because he couldn’t admit he wasn’t. He was so good at hiding his feelings, keeping everything down deep inside of him. But, Brie, she’d shaken him. To the core. A place he hadn’t even known existed. It had been a week since the blowup in San Jose. The next night, he played like shit; he was a mess. But he wasn’t the kind of player to dwell. He left his fucked-up feelings at home and played the game, but he’d be lying if he said she wasn’t in the back of his mind. He just couldn’t shake her. All he did was think of that night, of her, and how he could have handled that situation so much better. How he should have listened to Jensen, been honest from the beginning. But then…he wondered if maybe he could have tried.
She laughed, shaking her head. “Well, how you feel is a mystery to all. I guess that’s how you like things—in secret, huh? Well, I won’t be your secret fuck or whatever you wanted from me.”
“I just wanted you—”
But he paused when a sob left her lips. “I’m such a fucking idiot. I shared all kinds of things, I opened up to you, I began to care for you, and you never shared anything. I should have known better.”
“It wasn’t like that. I don’t talk about anything, really. To anyone. I’m private.”
“All the signs were there, flashing in my face, but I got distracted by your stupid words and your huge cock!”
“Brie, please—”
“What, Vaughn? What are you going to say? Sorry? Will that fix this? No. Will that change how you feel? No. How I feel? Fuck no.”
“But I am sorry. I didn’t know what you wanted—”
“I wanted you, and if you would have spoken to me instead of just fucking me, you would have known that.”
“You were fucking me too—”
“Yeah, but I thought you were feeling what I was.”
“Brie—”
“No. Fucking whatever, just leave.”
“Brie.”
“No.”
“Listen, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you’re getting real good at saying that word to me, yet it means fucking nothing.”
“No, it does. I mean it. I am.”
“Heard you.”
“Can we talk? I don’t want this to end.”
“What, us fucking?” She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face, and his heart stopped. Right there. Dead. “That ended the moment you said you didn’t want more than that. I don’t fucking sleep around, Vaughn. I want more. I fucking deserve more, and I won’t let you cause me to question my self-worth.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“But you did, and now I’m sitting here wondering what’s wrong with me. Why I’m not good enough for the secretive Vaughn Johansson. So thank you very much. Can you please leave so I can pick myself up like I always do and move on? Because you honestly tilted my world here, and it’s not for the good.”
It was like she’d stabbed him. Panic filled him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Trying to salvage something, he wasn’t sure what, he tried, “It’s not you—”
“Leave. Now, Vaughn. Please, just go.”
Looking away, he pulled in a breath through his nose and took a step toward her. But she took a step back, trying to get away. His heart collapsed in his chest as he watched her. Why did this hurt so bad? He didn’t mean for this to happen; he honestly just thought they were fucking around. But as soon as he thought that, he knew it was a lie. Jensen had warned him, and he didn’t listen. He just did what he wanted, and now he had hurt someone he had truly started to feel something for.
Clearing his throat, he whispered, “You’re right about everything. I should have spoken to you about my intentions after the first time.”
“Yeah, that would have been great.”
As he studied the side of her beautiful face, he shook his head. “But, Brie, you deserve the world. I’m sorry I can’t give it to you.”
Her lips twitched as her tears fell, and he knew there was nothing else he could say or do. So, he walked out, and when the door slammed shut, he closed his eyes. Even though his heart begged him to go back, he knew he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
It wasn’t what he wanted.
Really, he had no clue what he wanted.
As he walked back to his room, he considered going back to tell her he did want more. But he had already said he didn’t. And he didn’t. Or did he? God, he was so confused. There was just this pull, and it wanted him to go back. But there would be no point. As he walked away, with each step, he missed her more and more. He’d meant everything he had said, even when he said he didn’t do relationships. But for the first time in a while, he felt this overpowering feeling that he wanted to try.
He had no clue what that meant.
Or what to do.
One thing was for sure, he knew Brie would never speak to him ever again.
“Ms. Lemiere, Vaughn Johansson is here for his appointment.”
When Vaughn poked his head into Wren’s office, her eyes widened as suspicion filled her face. “What in the world? I didn’t think you’d come, for the hundredth time this month.”
Walking into her very welcoming office, he knew damn well she hadn’t decorated. Wren wouldn’t pick the sunny yellow walls or the happy flowers that decorated the space. Sometimes when he entered, he found a grin on his face, but that wasn’t happening today.
Meeting her in the middle, he kissed her cheek as she patted his shoulders. “What brings you by? I know it’s not your standing appointment—the one you continually ignore.”
He scoffed as he looked around. He wasn’t sure why he was there. He hadn’t even been planning to come. He was going to head straight to the Adlers, but then he found himself outside of her office. Looking at her desk for a distraction, he saw a picture of her along with him, Wells, and Jensen the day all of the guys got drafted. Then a picture of her with just Wells and one of her with her mom and dad. That was it. He suddenly wondered if she wished she had other pictures. Like of her and someone special. Or was that just his fucked-up mind and his confused feelings?
“This will be quick, I’ve got lunch with the Adlers,” he found himself saying. “I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
Concern filled her face. “Oh, okay. Have a seat. What’s up? Are you okay?”
Sitting down on the chair that sat opposite hers, he shook his head because he couldn’t admit he wasn’t. He was so good at hiding his feelings, keeping everything down deep inside of him. But, Brie, she’d shaken him. To the core. A place he hadn’t even known existed. It had been a week since the blowup in San Jose. The next night, he played like shit; he was a mess. But he wasn’t the kind of player to dwell. He left his fucked-up feelings at home and played the game, but he’d be lying if he said she wasn’t in the back of his mind. He just couldn’t shake her. All he did was think of that night, of her, and how he could have handled that situation so much better. How he should have listened to Jensen, been honest from the beginning. But then…he wondered if maybe he could have tried.
