Her eyes met the paper as her shoulders dropped and her breathing started to slow. “What?”
“Yeah.”
Biting on her lip, she reached for the paper and nodded. “Sorry to bother you.” But when she turned, he took ahold of her arm, which she shook out of his hold. “I told you not to touch me.”
“I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said, louder this time as she started to walk off, but he followed.
“You just attacked me in the hallway. You owe me at least two minutes.”
“No, I don’t,” she threw back at him as she entered her apartment. She went to slam the door, but he blocked it, pushing it open. “Don’t make me call the police on you.”
He groaned. “Yeah, don’t do that.”
“Leave.”
But he didn’t move. Ignoring her command, he said, “I would never ever go back on my promise about Rodney. He will live at NateWay for free for as long as he wants.”
She held his gaze. “So you only lied about hurting me?”
“I didn’t lie,” he said, holding his hands up. “I fucked up. I did. You’re right, I can say sorry until I’m blue in the face, but it won’t change anything.”
“You’re right about that.”
“But I am. I’m so fucking sorry. I fucked up. I did lead you on, and I never meant for that to happen. But, Brie, I’m fucked up, and I should have been honest with you since the beginning. I wasn’t because I didn’t know what I felt. I wanted you so damn bad, but I thought I didn’t want a relationship. And then, I don’t know, it all just blew up in my face. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, but I did. And I’m sorry, so incredibly sorry for that.”
She just looked up at him, her little chin tipped up as her eyes held his. With a shrug, she whispered, “Vaughn, please, just leave me alone.”
“No, come with me.”
Her face wrinkled up. “Not even no, but fuck no.”
He held his hands out, his heart pounding in his chest. He had never wanted something as badly as he did at that moment. “You know I didn’t intentionally hurt you, don’t you?”
She hesitated, shaking her head as she looked away. “That doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
His heart was in his throat and he didn’t know what he was doing, but he had to do something. “I know, but can you give me some of your time? I don’t want promises, I don’t want to try to convince you about me otherwise. I just want to share something with you.”
“Lies?”
“No, the truth.”
“The truth about what?” She was annoyed. He could see that all over her face, and he didn’t blame her. He’d fucked her over. But he needed this chance. He wanted this.
“About me.”
“You?”
“Yeah, you don’t owe me anything, and I owe you more than you realize because I’ve been a douche to you. I can’t begin to apologize, but please, just give me some of your time.”
“I don’t know, Vaughn,” she said as an exhale. “I said I didn’t want this. I don’t want a fixer-upper guy, if that’s even what you’re offering. I mean, Jesus, do you hear me? I’m still wanting you, and that’s not fair. I’m so fucking pathetic.”
“No, you’re not.”
Her eyes filled with tears as her lips started to twitch from her trying to hold them back, and she wrapped her arms around herself. Taking a step toward her, he reached for her, bringing her into his arms. She didn’t go willingly and he was worried she’d try to hit him, but she didn’t. She just held herself as he held her. It felt beyond amazing to have her in his arms once again. He knew he missed her, but nothing could have prepared him for feeling her again like that.
Kissing the top of her head, he whispered, “I just need a bit of your time.”
Covering her face, she wiped away her tears and shook her head. “If I go, it doesn’t mean anything. Just that I’m nosy, and hopefully, whatever you want to tell me will give me some kind of closure. Who knows? I’m an idiot.”
He didn’t want closure, not even a little bit, but he said, “Okay.”
“And if you try something, I’ll kick you.”
“I know.”
“And I want food since my Chipotle is cold.”
“Done, I’ll get you some pizza.”
“I do love pizza,” she muttered as she moved out of his arms, grabbing her jacket.
“I know, I do too.”
She ignored that, walking past him to grab her keys and wallet. He walked out first as she followed, locking the door. They walked in silence, neither of them willing to start talking as they headed downstairs and into his car. When Johnny Cash started to croon on the radio, he noticed that she smiled. “Rodney sounds like Johnny Cash when he sings.”
Vaughn grinned. “Does he?”
“Yeah, it’s amazing.”
He hesitated. His heart ached, but he wanted this. She was the reason he wanted to change, to become the person he was inside. So as his lips started to move, he found his eyes drifting shut. “Nathan loved Johnny Cash. It kept him calm when he’d have episodes. So, now, it keeps me calm, and it’s all I listen to in the car.”
When he opened his eyes, he looked over to find her watching him. She looked so small in his car, but when she smiled, all he saw was beauty. “It’s nice to have stuff like that to hold on to.”
“Yeah,” he said as he started the engine and pulled out, heading toward NateWay. They rode in silence. She kept her eyes out the window, and he stole glances every chance he got. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen when he got out there, and his heart hadn’t slowed. He hadn’t thought this through; he just knew he had to do it. He had to tell her the truth. She deserved it. Before they got to NateWay, he stopped by the pizzeria and ran in for a hot-and-ready with two bottles of water. Getting back in the car, he handed it to her and she opened the box.
“Good job. Sausage is my favorite.”
“I know, I’ve seen you eat it.”
She smiled. Though, he knew she didn’t want to. With a smile of his own, he pulled out, and when he turned into NateWay, she shook her head. “I don’t want Rodney seeing us together.”
“Yeah.”
Biting on her lip, she reached for the paper and nodded. “Sorry to bother you.” But when she turned, he took ahold of her arm, which she shook out of his hold. “I told you not to touch me.”
“I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said, louder this time as she started to walk off, but he followed.
“You just attacked me in the hallway. You owe me at least two minutes.”
“No, I don’t,” she threw back at him as she entered her apartment. She went to slam the door, but he blocked it, pushing it open. “Don’t make me call the police on you.”
He groaned. “Yeah, don’t do that.”
“Leave.”
But he didn’t move. Ignoring her command, he said, “I would never ever go back on my promise about Rodney. He will live at NateWay for free for as long as he wants.”
She held his gaze. “So you only lied about hurting me?”
“I didn’t lie,” he said, holding his hands up. “I fucked up. I did. You’re right, I can say sorry until I’m blue in the face, but it won’t change anything.”
“You’re right about that.”
“But I am. I’m so fucking sorry. I fucked up. I did lead you on, and I never meant for that to happen. But, Brie, I’m fucked up, and I should have been honest with you since the beginning. I wasn’t because I didn’t know what I felt. I wanted you so damn bad, but I thought I didn’t want a relationship. And then, I don’t know, it all just blew up in my face. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, but I did. And I’m sorry, so incredibly sorry for that.”
She just looked up at him, her little chin tipped up as her eyes held his. With a shrug, she whispered, “Vaughn, please, just leave me alone.”
“No, come with me.”
Her face wrinkled up. “Not even no, but fuck no.”
He held his hands out, his heart pounding in his chest. He had never wanted something as badly as he did at that moment. “You know I didn’t intentionally hurt you, don’t you?”
She hesitated, shaking her head as she looked away. “That doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
His heart was in his throat and he didn’t know what he was doing, but he had to do something. “I know, but can you give me some of your time? I don’t want promises, I don’t want to try to convince you about me otherwise. I just want to share something with you.”
“Lies?”
“No, the truth.”
“The truth about what?” She was annoyed. He could see that all over her face, and he didn’t blame her. He’d fucked her over. But he needed this chance. He wanted this.
“About me.”
“You?”
“Yeah, you don’t owe me anything, and I owe you more than you realize because I’ve been a douche to you. I can’t begin to apologize, but please, just give me some of your time.”
“I don’t know, Vaughn,” she said as an exhale. “I said I didn’t want this. I don’t want a fixer-upper guy, if that’s even what you’re offering. I mean, Jesus, do you hear me? I’m still wanting you, and that’s not fair. I’m so fucking pathetic.”
“No, you’re not.”
Her eyes filled with tears as her lips started to twitch from her trying to hold them back, and she wrapped her arms around herself. Taking a step toward her, he reached for her, bringing her into his arms. She didn’t go willingly and he was worried she’d try to hit him, but she didn’t. She just held herself as he held her. It felt beyond amazing to have her in his arms once again. He knew he missed her, but nothing could have prepared him for feeling her again like that.
Kissing the top of her head, he whispered, “I just need a bit of your time.”
Covering her face, she wiped away her tears and shook her head. “If I go, it doesn’t mean anything. Just that I’m nosy, and hopefully, whatever you want to tell me will give me some kind of closure. Who knows? I’m an idiot.”
He didn’t want closure, not even a little bit, but he said, “Okay.”
“And if you try something, I’ll kick you.”
“I know.”
“And I want food since my Chipotle is cold.”
“Done, I’ll get you some pizza.”
“I do love pizza,” she muttered as she moved out of his arms, grabbing her jacket.
“I know, I do too.”
She ignored that, walking past him to grab her keys and wallet. He walked out first as she followed, locking the door. They walked in silence, neither of them willing to start talking as they headed downstairs and into his car. When Johnny Cash started to croon on the radio, he noticed that she smiled. “Rodney sounds like Johnny Cash when he sings.”
Vaughn grinned. “Does he?”
“Yeah, it’s amazing.”
He hesitated. His heart ached, but he wanted this. She was the reason he wanted to change, to become the person he was inside. So as his lips started to move, he found his eyes drifting shut. “Nathan loved Johnny Cash. It kept him calm when he’d have episodes. So, now, it keeps me calm, and it’s all I listen to in the car.”
When he opened his eyes, he looked over to find her watching him. She looked so small in his car, but when she smiled, all he saw was beauty. “It’s nice to have stuff like that to hold on to.”
“Yeah,” he said as he started the engine and pulled out, heading toward NateWay. They rode in silence. She kept her eyes out the window, and he stole glances every chance he got. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen when he got out there, and his heart hadn’t slowed. He hadn’t thought this through; he just knew he had to do it. He had to tell her the truth. She deserved it. Before they got to NateWay, he stopped by the pizzeria and ran in for a hot-and-ready with two bottles of water. Getting back in the car, he handed it to her and she opened the box.
“Good job. Sausage is my favorite.”
“I know, I’ve seen you eat it.”
She smiled. Though, he knew she didn’t want to. With a smile of his own, he pulled out, and when he turned into NateWay, she shook her head. “I don’t want Rodney seeing us together.”
