He shook his head. “We aren’t going anywhere near the main house.”
Pulling through the gate after putting in the code, he entered the property and then pulled off the road by the trail. When his phone rang, he laughed. “It’s Dawn.”
When he answered, Dawn said, “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I’m not. I going to Nathan’s spot.”
“Oh, okay, honey. Love you.”
“Love you.” Hanging up, he shut the car off and then took the pizza from Brie. “We have to walk from here.”
She only nodded as she got out of the car, and they started down the trail. It was chilly, but they both had bundled up pretty well. He hoped the sun was shining down on his spot. As they entered the woods, Brie looked over at him. “Taking me out here to kill me?”
He laughed. “Nah. Not today,” he said with a wink, and she rolled her eyes, a grin playing on her lips.
It took another five minutes before they came to another set of gates. They weren’t locked, though, and he pushed them open, letting her in first. When she saw the pergola and the garden that was covered in rose bushes, her breath caught and he smiled. In the middle of the enclosed area sat a birdbath with a beautiful statue of a woman holding a child. Vaughn knew that inside the bath it said, “For Freya and Nathan Johansson.” Flower bushes were everywhere, though they weren’t blooming at this time of year.
Brie looked back at Vaughn, and her eyes were wide as she said, “This is stunning.”
He smiled. “It’s prettier in the spring, but yeah, it was the first thing I built when I got here. There is a matching spot at NateWay One where I buried my mom’s and Nathan’s ashes with a statue just like that above it.”
“Wow. It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.” He watched as she moved around the birdbath, her lips curved as she took in the statue of his mother and brother. It was like seeing Brie with fresh eyes. She was so breathtaking, and he wanted nothing more than to try. Try to be hers. Try to be in a relationship, even if it scared the shit out him. She’d be insane to take him back, but maybe telling her the truth would help that. Not that he deserved her. “I lost my mom when I was six, like I had told you. She died giving birth to Nathan.”
Her smile fell as she looked up at him. “Oh, that’s horrible.”
“Yeah, it was. And when Nathan came out, a wiggly Down syndrome kiddo, I remember falling in love with him because he looked just like my mom, and I had this crazy protective feeling over him.”
“Yeah. I have that.”
He nodded with a smile. “But my dad hated him. He blamed him for my mom’s death, and it was ugly. He sent Nathan away to my grandma’s, and I got so mad, I went with him.”
She gasped. “How can a man hate his child?”
“I don’t know, he loved his wife more, I guess.”
Shaking her head as she watched him, she lowered herself onto the bench. “I would have done the same as you. You love your brother.”
Coming to sit beside her, he opened the box and offered her some of the pizza inside. “More than I can describe. I think that once we left, my dad realized he was lonely and he missed us. So we went back, and things were good. I mean, as good as they could be. Nathan was a lot lower functioning than Rodney, worse than Amy too. He had really bad outbursts and he couldn’t talk really well, and it was hard for him. My dad had a difficult time taking care of him, but it was easy for me. I did everything. It amazed me how he wanted to be more—he used to write me these letters about wanting his own life, one where he was independent like me, and it used to gut me. I promised him the world, and I intended to give it to him. He was my best friend, my biggest fan, and I loved him. But when I got this awesome full ride to Nebraska, I almost turned it down. Even though I knew I needed it to give Nathan the world, I still couldn’t leave him.” He paused, shaking his head. It all seemed like yesterday, but it was really eons ago. “Jensen and our best friend, Wells, got in too. They pushed me to go, and so did my dad, and even Nathan. He wanted me to go because he wanted his NHL jersey with our name on it. Everyone promised he would be taken care of, but—”
When he paused, it was because his throat was closing up. The only other person he had shared this with was Hazel, and…
But Brie wasn’t Hazel.
“I was almost done with my freshman year when I got a frantic phone call from Dawn. Nathan had been in an accident. My dad wasn’t handling him right, and he had a horrible outburst, which resulted in him taking off into a busy road.”
Her eyes widened, and he had to look away. “Oh, God.”
He nodded as her hand took his, gripping it. “He was hit and killed instantly by a bus. When I came back, it was to bury him. I wasn’t there for him. I hadn’t cared for him the way I should. I trusted my dad to do that. My dad let me down, and because of that, Nathan was dead.”
“Vaughn, please, you know it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, and it’s taken me a long time to let go of that guilt, but sometimes, it flares up.”
“I’m so incredibly sorry, but he would be so proud of you. You’ve done so much for people with his condition, and you’re so kind to them,” she whispered, her eyes full of compassion. “I’ve never in my life seen someone like you love these adults the way you do. You are amazing with them. I promise you that. I know that what you do can’t bring him back, but know you are honoring him in the best way possible.”
“I do it for him.”
“And it’s a beautiful thing, Vaughn, it is,” she urged, her eyes filling with tears, and he smiled.
“Thank you, but that’s not why I’m telling you this. No one knows about Nathan but the people who experienced it with me—and my ex.”
Her brows rose as her head tipped to the side. “Your ex? I thought you didn’t do relationships.”
He nodded, sucking in a deep breath. “That’s why I brought you out here. I wanted to share Nathan and my mom with you, but above all, I wanted to share the reason why I don’t do relationships—or haven’t wanted to do them until now.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
And as he held her gaze, he wasn’t sure what would happen once he opened his mouth. The fear in his heart was something he had never experienced in his life.
Pulling through the gate after putting in the code, he entered the property and then pulled off the road by the trail. When his phone rang, he laughed. “It’s Dawn.”
When he answered, Dawn said, “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I’m not. I going to Nathan’s spot.”
“Oh, okay, honey. Love you.”
“Love you.” Hanging up, he shut the car off and then took the pizza from Brie. “We have to walk from here.”
She only nodded as she got out of the car, and they started down the trail. It was chilly, but they both had bundled up pretty well. He hoped the sun was shining down on his spot. As they entered the woods, Brie looked over at him. “Taking me out here to kill me?”
He laughed. “Nah. Not today,” he said with a wink, and she rolled her eyes, a grin playing on her lips.
It took another five minutes before they came to another set of gates. They weren’t locked, though, and he pushed them open, letting her in first. When she saw the pergola and the garden that was covered in rose bushes, her breath caught and he smiled. In the middle of the enclosed area sat a birdbath with a beautiful statue of a woman holding a child. Vaughn knew that inside the bath it said, “For Freya and Nathan Johansson.” Flower bushes were everywhere, though they weren’t blooming at this time of year.
Brie looked back at Vaughn, and her eyes were wide as she said, “This is stunning.”
He smiled. “It’s prettier in the spring, but yeah, it was the first thing I built when I got here. There is a matching spot at NateWay One where I buried my mom’s and Nathan’s ashes with a statue just like that above it.”
“Wow. It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.” He watched as she moved around the birdbath, her lips curved as she took in the statue of his mother and brother. It was like seeing Brie with fresh eyes. She was so breathtaking, and he wanted nothing more than to try. Try to be hers. Try to be in a relationship, even if it scared the shit out him. She’d be insane to take him back, but maybe telling her the truth would help that. Not that he deserved her. “I lost my mom when I was six, like I had told you. She died giving birth to Nathan.”
Her smile fell as she looked up at him. “Oh, that’s horrible.”
“Yeah, it was. And when Nathan came out, a wiggly Down syndrome kiddo, I remember falling in love with him because he looked just like my mom, and I had this crazy protective feeling over him.”
“Yeah. I have that.”
He nodded with a smile. “But my dad hated him. He blamed him for my mom’s death, and it was ugly. He sent Nathan away to my grandma’s, and I got so mad, I went with him.”
She gasped. “How can a man hate his child?”
“I don’t know, he loved his wife more, I guess.”
Shaking her head as she watched him, she lowered herself onto the bench. “I would have done the same as you. You love your brother.”
Coming to sit beside her, he opened the box and offered her some of the pizza inside. “More than I can describe. I think that once we left, my dad realized he was lonely and he missed us. So we went back, and things were good. I mean, as good as they could be. Nathan was a lot lower functioning than Rodney, worse than Amy too. He had really bad outbursts and he couldn’t talk really well, and it was hard for him. My dad had a difficult time taking care of him, but it was easy for me. I did everything. It amazed me how he wanted to be more—he used to write me these letters about wanting his own life, one where he was independent like me, and it used to gut me. I promised him the world, and I intended to give it to him. He was my best friend, my biggest fan, and I loved him. But when I got this awesome full ride to Nebraska, I almost turned it down. Even though I knew I needed it to give Nathan the world, I still couldn’t leave him.” He paused, shaking his head. It all seemed like yesterday, but it was really eons ago. “Jensen and our best friend, Wells, got in too. They pushed me to go, and so did my dad, and even Nathan. He wanted me to go because he wanted his NHL jersey with our name on it. Everyone promised he would be taken care of, but—”
When he paused, it was because his throat was closing up. The only other person he had shared this with was Hazel, and…
But Brie wasn’t Hazel.
“I was almost done with my freshman year when I got a frantic phone call from Dawn. Nathan had been in an accident. My dad wasn’t handling him right, and he had a horrible outburst, which resulted in him taking off into a busy road.”
Her eyes widened, and he had to look away. “Oh, God.”
He nodded as her hand took his, gripping it. “He was hit and killed instantly by a bus. When I came back, it was to bury him. I wasn’t there for him. I hadn’t cared for him the way I should. I trusted my dad to do that. My dad let me down, and because of that, Nathan was dead.”
“Vaughn, please, you know it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, and it’s taken me a long time to let go of that guilt, but sometimes, it flares up.”
“I’m so incredibly sorry, but he would be so proud of you. You’ve done so much for people with his condition, and you’re so kind to them,” she whispered, her eyes full of compassion. “I’ve never in my life seen someone like you love these adults the way you do. You are amazing with them. I promise you that. I know that what you do can’t bring him back, but know you are honoring him in the best way possible.”
“I do it for him.”
“And it’s a beautiful thing, Vaughn, it is,” she urged, her eyes filling with tears, and he smiled.
“Thank you, but that’s not why I’m telling you this. No one knows about Nathan but the people who experienced it with me—and my ex.”
Her brows rose as her head tipped to the side. “Your ex? I thought you didn’t do relationships.”
He nodded, sucking in a deep breath. “That’s why I brought you out here. I wanted to share Nathan and my mom with you, but above all, I wanted to share the reason why I don’t do relationships—or haven’t wanted to do them until now.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
And as he held her gaze, he wasn’t sure what would happen once he opened his mouth. The fear in his heart was something he had never experienced in his life.
