I blinked. “Come again?”
“You heard me. Most women are too close-minded, dumb, and selfish to be understanding about this, but I hope you’re not one of them. Are you?”
I leaned back in my chair. I wasn’t even sure what to say.
All those weeks he’d teased me with message after message about how “huge and rock hard” his cock was, how he planned to “fill [my] pussy,” and now he was pulling the “I don’t have a penis” card?
“Did you or did not not say that your cock was the size of a huge sausage?” I asked. “Didn’t you say that to me, just last week?”
“Maybe. Or maybe the message cut off before I could finish typing. Maybe I meant to say my cock was more like a sausage patty.” He deadpanned. “And now it looks like you’re judging me,” he said, sighing. “Looks like you’re just as judgmental and closed-minded as the other women I’ve met.
“This isn’t about you not having a cock,” I said, I raising my voice. “This is about you lying to me. I was looking forward to fucking you!”
The entire restaurant fell silent, and my cheeks turned bright red but I didn’t stop talking. “But you know what? I lied to you, too. Today was a shitty day for me. A really, really shitty day that was the cherry on top of a shitty week because my hospital decided to transfer me to a private practice before my residency could even begin.”
“That sounds so very awful, Natalie.” He tried to reach over the table and caress my hand, but I jerked back.
“Yeah, and you know what else is awful?” I stood up from the table. “Wasting all those weeks talking online, just to come all the way out here to meet someone who blatantly lied to me. We could’ve been friends, if you’d just told me the truth from the start.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Well, is it too late to be friends now? And are you really going to leave without offering to pay for half of your drink?”
I didn’t answer him. I turned away and stormed out of the restaurant, hailing the first cab I saw.
“Hoboken, New Jersey, please,” I said to the driver. “Green Garden Condos.”
“Right away, Miss.”
I pulled out my phone so I could vent about this mess of a night to my roommate, but before I could scroll down to her name, I noticed a new instant message from D-Doctor.
D-DOCTOR: Has your date “slurped” your pussy yet? Am I interrupting?
JERSEYGIRL7: No, and you’re not interrupting anything ... If I tell you about what happened on my date tonight, can you promise that you won’t laugh?
D-DOCTOR: Probably not.
JERSEYGIRL7: I’m being serious.
D-DOCTOR: As am I. Tell me what happened and I’ll tell you whether it’s something worth laughing about or not.
JERSEYGIRL7: Well, it’s not! The date was amazing and the sex was everything I expected and more!
D-DOCTOR: Your date was supposed to be at 7:00 and it’s just now 7:35. This speaks volumes about the level of your expectations ...
JERSEYGIRL7: Okay, fine. He lied to me about everything ... He even lied about having a penis.
D-DOCTOR: Come again?
JERSEYGIRL7: You read my message. It means exactly what I wrote.
D-DOCTOR: Call me. 555-1874.
I stared at his message, in utter disbelief that he gave me his phone number. I know we’d agreed to a phone call after I lost the bet, but this soon? The same day?
JERSEYGIRL7: How about we renegotiate the phone call thing? Don’t you think we should continue keeping things in ‘virtual reality,’ so we can remain friends?
D-DOCTOR: 555-1874.
I swallowed and stared at his number again, finally hitting call after a few minutes.
“Yes?” he answered on the first ring, and with that single word, his deep and sexy voice took me completely aback.
I waited to see if he would say something else, but the line was silent.
“Hello?” I said. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who asked me to call you ... Hello?”
“Hello,” he said, and then seconds later, deep laughter came over the line.
“You asked me to call you, so you could laugh about my situation?”
“I wanted you to call me so I could put you on speaker phone. I’m double checking some of my nurses’ reports tonight and I’ll have to multitask, if I’m going to get them done by morning.”
Right ... I thought it was cute that he continued to put up the sham of being a doctor with me, but given my night tonight, I couldn’t even make fun of him right now.
“Did your date at least apologize to you for wasting your time?” He finally stopped laughing.
“No, I left after he asked if I was going to split the cost of a four-dollar drink. He said he only invited me there so we could take in the ambiance, and he probably thought I wouldn’t cause a scene after he told me about his penile agenesis. He was actually planning to take me to Burger King for the real dinner afterwards.”
“I see.” His laughter returned, and it turned me on completely. “I think you and I should meet, JERSEYGIRL7.”
Silence.
“Um ... You just want us to meet?”
“I want us to fuck. But I thought saying that first would be rude. Nonetheless, if you agree to that, I think you would finally end your months of misery.”
“No,” I said firmly, even though every word he’d said dampened my panties. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t even know you.”
“You don’t have to know me to fuck me.” He paused. “You clearly didn’t know the man you just went out with. You didn’t even know he was born without a penis.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You haven’t managed to get past a date with any of the men you’ve met on the app. Last time I checked, they’ve all been failures.”
“So?”
“How many of them were a one hundred percent match to you, like I am?”
I was silent.
“Exactly,” he said. “I think it’s in both of our best interests if you let me fuck you the way you’ve been wishing for after all these months. I can guarantee I won’t be a disappointment, and I actually know how to eat pussy.”
“You heard me. Most women are too close-minded, dumb, and selfish to be understanding about this, but I hope you’re not one of them. Are you?”
I leaned back in my chair. I wasn’t even sure what to say.
All those weeks he’d teased me with message after message about how “huge and rock hard” his cock was, how he planned to “fill [my] pussy,” and now he was pulling the “I don’t have a penis” card?
“Did you or did not not say that your cock was the size of a huge sausage?” I asked. “Didn’t you say that to me, just last week?”
“Maybe. Or maybe the message cut off before I could finish typing. Maybe I meant to say my cock was more like a sausage patty.” He deadpanned. “And now it looks like you’re judging me,” he said, sighing. “Looks like you’re just as judgmental and closed-minded as the other women I’ve met.
“This isn’t about you not having a cock,” I said, I raising my voice. “This is about you lying to me. I was looking forward to fucking you!”
The entire restaurant fell silent, and my cheeks turned bright red but I didn’t stop talking. “But you know what? I lied to you, too. Today was a shitty day for me. A really, really shitty day that was the cherry on top of a shitty week because my hospital decided to transfer me to a private practice before my residency could even begin.”
“That sounds so very awful, Natalie.” He tried to reach over the table and caress my hand, but I jerked back.
“Yeah, and you know what else is awful?” I stood up from the table. “Wasting all those weeks talking online, just to come all the way out here to meet someone who blatantly lied to me. We could’ve been friends, if you’d just told me the truth from the start.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Well, is it too late to be friends now? And are you really going to leave without offering to pay for half of your drink?”
I didn’t answer him. I turned away and stormed out of the restaurant, hailing the first cab I saw.
“Hoboken, New Jersey, please,” I said to the driver. “Green Garden Condos.”
“Right away, Miss.”
I pulled out my phone so I could vent about this mess of a night to my roommate, but before I could scroll down to her name, I noticed a new instant message from D-Doctor.
D-DOCTOR: Has your date “slurped” your pussy yet? Am I interrupting?
JERSEYGIRL7: No, and you’re not interrupting anything ... If I tell you about what happened on my date tonight, can you promise that you won’t laugh?
D-DOCTOR: Probably not.
JERSEYGIRL7: I’m being serious.
D-DOCTOR: As am I. Tell me what happened and I’ll tell you whether it’s something worth laughing about or not.
JERSEYGIRL7: Well, it’s not! The date was amazing and the sex was everything I expected and more!
D-DOCTOR: Your date was supposed to be at 7:00 and it’s just now 7:35. This speaks volumes about the level of your expectations ...
JERSEYGIRL7: Okay, fine. He lied to me about everything ... He even lied about having a penis.
D-DOCTOR: Come again?
JERSEYGIRL7: You read my message. It means exactly what I wrote.
D-DOCTOR: Call me. 555-1874.
I stared at his message, in utter disbelief that he gave me his phone number. I know we’d agreed to a phone call after I lost the bet, but this soon? The same day?
JERSEYGIRL7: How about we renegotiate the phone call thing? Don’t you think we should continue keeping things in ‘virtual reality,’ so we can remain friends?
D-DOCTOR: 555-1874.
I swallowed and stared at his number again, finally hitting call after a few minutes.
“Yes?” he answered on the first ring, and with that single word, his deep and sexy voice took me completely aback.
I waited to see if he would say something else, but the line was silent.
“Hello?” I said. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who asked me to call you ... Hello?”
“Hello,” he said, and then seconds later, deep laughter came over the line.
“You asked me to call you, so you could laugh about my situation?”
“I wanted you to call me so I could put you on speaker phone. I’m double checking some of my nurses’ reports tonight and I’ll have to multitask, if I’m going to get them done by morning.”
Right ... I thought it was cute that he continued to put up the sham of being a doctor with me, but given my night tonight, I couldn’t even make fun of him right now.
“Did your date at least apologize to you for wasting your time?” He finally stopped laughing.
“No, I left after he asked if I was going to split the cost of a four-dollar drink. He said he only invited me there so we could take in the ambiance, and he probably thought I wouldn’t cause a scene after he told me about his penile agenesis. He was actually planning to take me to Burger King for the real dinner afterwards.”
“I see.” His laughter returned, and it turned me on completely. “I think you and I should meet, JERSEYGIRL7.”
Silence.
“Um ... You just want us to meet?”
“I want us to fuck. But I thought saying that first would be rude. Nonetheless, if you agree to that, I think you would finally end your months of misery.”
“No,” I said firmly, even though every word he’d said dampened my panties. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t even know you.”
“You don’t have to know me to fuck me.” He paused. “You clearly didn’t know the man you just went out with. You didn’t even know he was born without a penis.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You haven’t managed to get past a date with any of the men you’ve met on the app. Last time I checked, they’ve all been failures.”
“So?”
“How many of them were a one hundred percent match to you, like I am?”
I was silent.
“Exactly,” he said. “I think it’s in both of our best interests if you let me fuck you the way you’ve been wishing for after all these months. I can guarantee I won’t be a disappointment, and I actually know how to eat pussy.”
