We get on the elevator and I push the button for the lobby. “I can see what kind of boss you are. You’re amazing."
She waves the compliment away. "We all cover for each other when needed."
Once the elevator stops moving, she peers at the elevator panel, as if just realizing that we’ve gone down instead of up. “Aren’t we going back to your place? I still haven’t cleaned.”
I shake my head. “You don’t need to. We both know that wasn't why I hired you."
She doesn't exit the elevator so I sigh and walk out into the lobby. If she won't leave then I will. I can hear her shoes squeaking on the floor as she hurries behind me.
"Mr. Stevens originally told me that the entire building had gone through a recent upgrade and redesign. I assumed the owner was planning to sell the building not keep it. But there's no way normal people could afford this kind of real estate."
"You're right. The people who most deserve these apartments can't afford them. Not without a little help, anyway."
“That’s why you’ve been renovating this building. You’re donating all these apartments?” She turns to me, her eyes bright. "That’s why you insisted that we concentrate on one floor at a time. You've been lining up tenants and scheduling them to move in."
“Not all of them will be donated but at least a third. I know what it’s like to leave the military and wonder if you can make it.”
“That’s really nice of you.”
I grunt at that. “I’m not a nice guy. Don’t fool yourself. I brought you here to get payback for how you left me. My plan was to hurt you and I succeeded. I’m not a nice guy. I’m an asshole.”
She shakes her head. "Don't try to make it seem like you were just pretending this whole time. I know you and you meant every single thing you said to me. You love me."
It would be kinder to just lie to her. To pretend that this was all part of my plan from the beginning and to make her hate me. Then she could go on with her life without a backward glance. But when I look over at her, her eyes glow with knowledge. She smiles like she knows what I'm about to do and is already amused by it.
She always sees everything.
"You're right. I meant every word. That doesn't mean that I'm good for you though. We need to slow down and I definitely need to figure my shit out. Because I can't take the chance that I'll ever scare you like that again. Or that I might hurt you. I'm more determined now but I'm also more cautious. I'm not as reckless as I used to be because I know now how much I have to lose."
"You told me that you weren't going to let me go so easily this time. Was that a lie, too?"
Now that bothers me so I take her by the arm and pull her over to the small lobby area so we aren't giving the concierge such a show. "I wasn't lying. I've never lied to you. I'm just taking a step away."
She shakes her head. Her disappointment cuts like a knife. “I never thought I'd see the day when you gave up without a fight. Did I make you this way, Finn?”
“Losing you made me a lot of things, angel. But none of that is your fault."
CHAPTER TWELVE
RISSA
A couple of days later, I'm in the office early to get a head start on some paperwork. I'm not a fan of paperwork under any circumstances but my level of cranky this morning has nothing to do with all the tax forms on my screen. It's because I've been sleeping at my mom's house all week instead of at Finn's place.
I hit one of the keys too hard and chip a nail. My frustration is more than just sexual. It's that I'm not on board with this stupid plan of Finn's to take things slowly. His definition of slowly is staying away from me. For the last few days I've only seen him when I'm there to clean. And cleaning the random vacant apartments that he wants move-in ready isn't the same as cleaning his place where I get to see him. Talk to him.
I feel like I'm going through withdrawal and I need a Finn fix.
After ten minutes, I get up and take some aspirin. Staring at a computer screen for hours on end has the tendency to trigger my headaches and I don't have time to be sidelined today. Daphne, Tara and I had a long talk about delegating and trust. Eventually we decided to start the paperwork to bring three of the girls who've been with us the longest into management positions. With three others who can supervise the bigger jobs it will free up some of our time and allow us to have lives again. For the first time in ages, I have a weekday evening free.
My goal is to make it so that none of us work more than ten hours a day. Maybe after a while we can see about cutting it back even more. We might even achieve this mysterious work-life balance that I've heard so much about.
After I've been working for about an hour, I take a break and massage my eyes. I'm going to have to double-check everything I just did since my mind keeps wandering. How can I concentrate on something as mundane as tax regulations when Finn has my mind all twisted? He scares me one minute and then he does something thoughtful the next. How can one man be so sweet and so infuriating at the same time?
The upside to Finn being on his best behavior is that we're talking more and more. What he did for Major Halliwell is part of a bigger program that he's started to help get homeless veterans off the street. It's a nice feeling to be a part of something so important. My crankiness subsides a little as I remember that day. Maybe that's what I need, to focus on the good things. I smile remembering how pleased he looked as he welcomed some of the new tenants. The joy on their faces and his was an honor to witness.
She waves the compliment away. "We all cover for each other when needed."
Once the elevator stops moving, she peers at the elevator panel, as if just realizing that we’ve gone down instead of up. “Aren’t we going back to your place? I still haven’t cleaned.”
I shake my head. “You don’t need to. We both know that wasn't why I hired you."
She doesn't exit the elevator so I sigh and walk out into the lobby. If she won't leave then I will. I can hear her shoes squeaking on the floor as she hurries behind me.
"Mr. Stevens originally told me that the entire building had gone through a recent upgrade and redesign. I assumed the owner was planning to sell the building not keep it. But there's no way normal people could afford this kind of real estate."
"You're right. The people who most deserve these apartments can't afford them. Not without a little help, anyway."
“That’s why you’ve been renovating this building. You’re donating all these apartments?” She turns to me, her eyes bright. "That’s why you insisted that we concentrate on one floor at a time. You've been lining up tenants and scheduling them to move in."
“Not all of them will be donated but at least a third. I know what it’s like to leave the military and wonder if you can make it.”
“That’s really nice of you.”
I grunt at that. “I’m not a nice guy. Don’t fool yourself. I brought you here to get payback for how you left me. My plan was to hurt you and I succeeded. I’m not a nice guy. I’m an asshole.”
She shakes her head. "Don't try to make it seem like you were just pretending this whole time. I know you and you meant every single thing you said to me. You love me."
It would be kinder to just lie to her. To pretend that this was all part of my plan from the beginning and to make her hate me. Then she could go on with her life without a backward glance. But when I look over at her, her eyes glow with knowledge. She smiles like she knows what I'm about to do and is already amused by it.
She always sees everything.
"You're right. I meant every word. That doesn't mean that I'm good for you though. We need to slow down and I definitely need to figure my shit out. Because I can't take the chance that I'll ever scare you like that again. Or that I might hurt you. I'm more determined now but I'm also more cautious. I'm not as reckless as I used to be because I know now how much I have to lose."
"You told me that you weren't going to let me go so easily this time. Was that a lie, too?"
Now that bothers me so I take her by the arm and pull her over to the small lobby area so we aren't giving the concierge such a show. "I wasn't lying. I've never lied to you. I'm just taking a step away."
She shakes her head. Her disappointment cuts like a knife. “I never thought I'd see the day when you gave up without a fight. Did I make you this way, Finn?”
“Losing you made me a lot of things, angel. But none of that is your fault."
CHAPTER TWELVE
RISSA
A couple of days later, I'm in the office early to get a head start on some paperwork. I'm not a fan of paperwork under any circumstances but my level of cranky this morning has nothing to do with all the tax forms on my screen. It's because I've been sleeping at my mom's house all week instead of at Finn's place.
I hit one of the keys too hard and chip a nail. My frustration is more than just sexual. It's that I'm not on board with this stupid plan of Finn's to take things slowly. His definition of slowly is staying away from me. For the last few days I've only seen him when I'm there to clean. And cleaning the random vacant apartments that he wants move-in ready isn't the same as cleaning his place where I get to see him. Talk to him.
I feel like I'm going through withdrawal and I need a Finn fix.
After ten minutes, I get up and take some aspirin. Staring at a computer screen for hours on end has the tendency to trigger my headaches and I don't have time to be sidelined today. Daphne, Tara and I had a long talk about delegating and trust. Eventually we decided to start the paperwork to bring three of the girls who've been with us the longest into management positions. With three others who can supervise the bigger jobs it will free up some of our time and allow us to have lives again. For the first time in ages, I have a weekday evening free.
My goal is to make it so that none of us work more than ten hours a day. Maybe after a while we can see about cutting it back even more. We might even achieve this mysterious work-life balance that I've heard so much about.
After I've been working for about an hour, I take a break and massage my eyes. I'm going to have to double-check everything I just did since my mind keeps wandering. How can I concentrate on something as mundane as tax regulations when Finn has my mind all twisted? He scares me one minute and then he does something thoughtful the next. How can one man be so sweet and so infuriating at the same time?
The upside to Finn being on his best behavior is that we're talking more and more. What he did for Major Halliwell is part of a bigger program that he's started to help get homeless veterans off the street. It's a nice feeling to be a part of something so important. My crankiness subsides a little as I remember that day. Maybe that's what I need, to focus on the good things. I smile remembering how pleased he looked as he welcomed some of the new tenants. The joy on their faces and his was an honor to witness.
