“But we’ve known each other forever,” he reminded me.
“I suppose. But a girl likes to be a little bit of a mystery.”
His gaze scanned me. “Oh, you mystify me plenty, Pepper.” The way his eyes rested on my mouth killed the lighthearted moment. I knew what he was thinking. It wasn’t hard to read his mind when he looked at me like that.
Since returning from Thanksgiving—since Reece—the extent of our making out had been kissing. Nothing more. The other night at his place he’d slipped a hand under my sweater. My reaction? Darting off his couch and inventing some excuse to get home. It wasn’t hard to figure out the question on his mind. Why was I so frigid?
It just felt too soon. Too fast.
You took things fast with Reece. Shaking off the annoying little whisper, I looked straight ahead, willing the line to move. That’s when I noticed the girl moving away from the cashier and off to the side to wait at the bar for her drink. She was hard to miss.
With sleek blond hair that fell to her waist, she was stunning. She wore a black fitted leather jacket, leggings, and heeled boots that reached her knees. Emerson would die for her jacket. The boots, too. I was still admiring her when Reece joined her.
My Reece. No. Not mine.
OhGodOhGodOhGod.
Everything slowed and ground to a halt. Except the two of them. Reece and this beautiful girl. He’d obviously just paid for their drinks. They didn’t touch, but their body language was familiar as they stood comfortably side by side. She leaned toward him as she talked, touching his arm.
He stood in his usual casual manner, one hand slipped halfway inside the back pocket of his jeans as he listened to her, watching her like he used to watch me. Intent and focused. As if whatever she was saying was riveting.
“Pepper, the line moved.” Hunter took my elbow and guided me forward.
My chest ached. Air felt too thick to drag into my raw lungs. They wouldn’t be able to leave without seeing me. Closer up in line now, we were just a few feet away from them. Panicked, I jerked around.
I was freaking out, but I had never counted on seeing him again. Stupid, I guess, thinking that he limited his life to the bar. Of course he did other things. He ran every morning. Played soccer and coached a boys’ league. Fixed the Campbells’ sink and whatever else broke in their house. He was out there, coexisting in the same world with me. I should have anticipated this moment. Just because I quit going to Mulvaney’s didn’t mean I was never going to come face-to-face with him again.
“Pepper?” Hunter stared down at me in concern, his forehead creased. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, commanding myself to get a grip. “Yeah.” Feeling calmer, I inhaled and turned back around, hoping that Reece and the gorgeous girl had slipped out the door by now.
Reece stood directly in front of me. “Hi, Pepper. How are you?”
His voice sounded exactly as I remembered. Deep. Calm and even. His face revealed none of the intense emotions that had been there the last time I saw him. He looked relaxed. Politely interested.
“Hi. I’m good. How are you?” Was that croak my voice?
He nodded. “Good.”
Check yes for useless pleasantries.
He reached out and lightly brushed the arm of the girl beside him. “This is Tatiana.”
Oh my God. Her name was Tatiana? Only supermodels and Russian ice skaters were named Tatiana. Which one was she?
“Hi.” She smiled warmly. I detected no accent.
Reece’s gaze traveled to Hunter, reminding me that it was my turn. “You remember Hunter?”
“Yeah. Hey, man.” The two shook hands, and the moment was even stranger than the last time at Gino’s. Hunter, my now-boyfriend, shaking hands with the guy I’d kicked out of my dorm room minutes after taking my virginity. I just didn’t think a latte was going to cut it for me. I needed something stronger. Like hemlock.
Reece’s gaze drifted back to me. “Well, see you around. Take care.”
I nodded numbly. “Bye. Merry Christmas.”
He hesitated, his gaze unreadable as it locked with mine, lingering. “You, too, Pepper.”
And then he was gone. With a hand on Tatiana’s back, he guided her outside. I couldn’t resist sneaking a look behind me as they departed and passed along the front windows. They made a beautiful couple, and that only made me want to throw up.
When I turned, it was to find Hunter watching me, a thoughtful look on his face.
I flashed him a pained smile and stepped up to the cashier. I ordered my scone and latte. “See,” I said as we moved over to the bar. “You do know me well.”
“I want to.”
Something in his voice drew my attention. He looked at me searchingly, his brown eyes probing. Like he wanted me to say something. Or do something.
I placed a hand on his chest and leaned in to give him a peck on the lips. He surprised me by pulling me closer and kissing me more exuberantly than he ever had in public.
When he pulled back, he said, “I want to know you. If you’ll let me.”
A sudden lump formed in my throat, making it impossible to speak. My latte and scone appeared at the bar and I stepped forward to claim them, wondering if I could even make that promise with any honesty. Because something was becoming increasingly clear to me. No matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise. No matter how much I tried to deny it.
Reece had ruined me for anyone else.
Closing the door on Madison’s room, I moved on to Sheridan’s bedroom at the top of the stairs. The seven-year-old slept, too, her thumb plugged into her mouth. We’d had a full evening. Both girls were wiped out. We’d colored and played Candy Land and hide-and-seek. All before dining on pizza and Rice Krispie Treats in the shape of Christmas trees. Satisfied that both were settled, I headed downstairs. The Campbells’ new puppy had its paws up on the coffee table in an attempt to chew on the corner of my notebook. Smiling, I scooped up the little fur ball and cuddled it for a moment as I admired the twinkling Christmas tree. I toed one of the bright packages and addressed the puppy. “All these shiny boxes, and you go for my stuff? I can just hear myself telling my prof now: but the dog ate my homework.”
The sweet little beast slapped my nose with a too big paw and licked my face.
“Aw, don’t try to sweet-talk me. Mrs. Campbell says you have to go in your crate after the girls go to bed.” I walked through the old farmhouse, past the kitchen and down the short hall into the laundry room where they kept the crate. Once inside, the puppy immediately began to cry.
I wagged a finger at his face peering at me through the cage door. “Now stop that. You know the drill by now.”
I closed the laundry room door so I didn’t have to hear the little Lab’s whimpers and took my place on the couch. A week before break and I had a paper due. That’s why I took the babysitting job when Mrs. Campbell called. Hunter had wanted me to go out with him and some of his other premed friends, but this way I figured I could at least knock out my first draft.
It had nothing to do with the fact that I had decided I needed to break up with Hunter. At least that’s what I told myself.
I sighed heavily. I couldn’t take it anymore. I cared about him too much. He was so good. I just didn’t appreciate him like he deserved. I didn’t want him. Not like I wanted Reece.
I could admit that to myself now. I wanted Reece. Wrong or right, there it was. Not that it mattered. He’d moved on. Even if I hadn’t been terrible to him, even if the idea of going to him didn’t still fill me with all my old anxieties, there was Tatiana now.
No. I wasn’t breaking up with Hunter to run after Reece. Sadly, that ship had sailed. I was doing it because it wasn’t fair to stay with Hunter feeling the way I did. Hunter wanted me. All of me. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give him that. I couldn’t give him me. I had to end it. I was just waiting for the right time. The right words.
Pushing thoughts of Hunter and Reece aside, I forced myself to concentrate on my notes and write. An hour went by. I was halfway through my draft and making progress when I laid my head down on the couch to rest my aching eyes. Just for a minute. Maybe if I was lucky, Reece would be waiting for me in my dreams.
I woke to a faint popping sound.
Pushing up on the couch, it took me a moment to remember where I was. I coughed, covering my mouth as my waking brain struggled to grasp why the room was so gray. The lights of the Christmas tree sparkled through the opaque air.
Smoke.
My heart jumped to my throat. I vaulted to my feet and looked around wildly, trying to process what was happening.
I heard the pop again.
Fire.
The smoke billowed thickly from the kitchen. I hurried that way, peering within, thinking that I needed to hurry and put out whatever was burning.
That’s when I saw that the stove was engulfed in flames that were spreading to the cabinets. The heat reached me where I stood, singeing my face. I immediately forgot about trying to put out the fire myself. I didn’t even know if they had an extinguisher in the house.
The kids. They were my only thought as I rushed for the stairs, charging through the rising smoke. I coughed violently, remembering that in the event of a fire you should crawl on the floor where the smoke was least dense.
Except the girls were on the second floor. I had no choice. I was going up.
I scrambled up the stairs, gasping and coughing my way through the haze. The smoke alarm went off then, loud and shrill. I prayed it was actually wired to a system that alerted the authorities and not just a warning for the inhabitants of the house.
I ran into Madison’s room and grabbed the two-year-old. She resisted at first, groggy and confused from sleep. Holding her tight, I kept moving, talking so she could recognize my voice, “It’s me, Maddy. We’ve got to get out of the house.”
Sheridan was already awake from the alarm, sitting up in bed with eyes wide in her little face. “C’mon!” I grabbed her hand and pulled her after me. When we reached the top of the stairs, the fire was a living, breathing beast below, snarling for us.
Sheridan pulled back in fear. I tightened my grip on her small hand, determined not to lose her. “We have to do this. Don’t let go of my hand!”
Maybe it was the panic in my voice, but she stopped pulling away. Madison buried her face in my sweater and tightened her thin arms around my neck. Holding them tightly, I descended the stairs. Just a few more steps to the front door. We were going to make it!
Somehow I had the presence of mind to grab my bag off the table right beside the front door. Unbolting the lock, I hurled us out into the fresh air, leaving the heat and smoke behind.
I made it several yards away from the house before passing Madison to her sister. My eyes had teared so badly it was hard to see, but I managed to recover my phone from my bag. Over the girls’ sobs, I dialed 911. This far outside the city, I knew it was going to take them a while to get here. I only hoped there was something left of the house when they arrived.
I’d just finished giving the address to the operator when Sheridan screamed loud enough to give me a heart attack. I dropped to my knees on the cold ground and grabbed her arms. “What? What is it? Are you hurt?”
She pointed to the house. “Jazz! Jazz is in there!”
I looked in horror back at the burning house. Oh. God. The puppy. I just acted. I shoved the phone at Sheridan. “Wait here! I mean it. Stay with your sister. Help is coming.”
I sprinted back into the house, convinced that I could do this. There was still time. The laundry room was on the other side of the kitchen. I could reach it. I could save the dog.
Dropping to my knees, I began crawling through the smoke. I knew the floor plan well. Coughing, I reached the room quickly and had the cage door open in a flash.
The puppy whimpered but came to me readily. I stuffed him inside my sweatshirt. When I turned around, ready to crawl back out, the fire had spread even more, a great wall ahead of me. In the blink of an eye, it had consumed half the living room, eating up the walls like some kind of red-orange river.
“I suppose. But a girl likes to be a little bit of a mystery.”
His gaze scanned me. “Oh, you mystify me plenty, Pepper.” The way his eyes rested on my mouth killed the lighthearted moment. I knew what he was thinking. It wasn’t hard to read his mind when he looked at me like that.
Since returning from Thanksgiving—since Reece—the extent of our making out had been kissing. Nothing more. The other night at his place he’d slipped a hand under my sweater. My reaction? Darting off his couch and inventing some excuse to get home. It wasn’t hard to figure out the question on his mind. Why was I so frigid?
It just felt too soon. Too fast.
You took things fast with Reece. Shaking off the annoying little whisper, I looked straight ahead, willing the line to move. That’s when I noticed the girl moving away from the cashier and off to the side to wait at the bar for her drink. She was hard to miss.
With sleek blond hair that fell to her waist, she was stunning. She wore a black fitted leather jacket, leggings, and heeled boots that reached her knees. Emerson would die for her jacket. The boots, too. I was still admiring her when Reece joined her.
My Reece. No. Not mine.
OhGodOhGodOhGod.
Everything slowed and ground to a halt. Except the two of them. Reece and this beautiful girl. He’d obviously just paid for their drinks. They didn’t touch, but their body language was familiar as they stood comfortably side by side. She leaned toward him as she talked, touching his arm.
He stood in his usual casual manner, one hand slipped halfway inside the back pocket of his jeans as he listened to her, watching her like he used to watch me. Intent and focused. As if whatever she was saying was riveting.
“Pepper, the line moved.” Hunter took my elbow and guided me forward.
My chest ached. Air felt too thick to drag into my raw lungs. They wouldn’t be able to leave without seeing me. Closer up in line now, we were just a few feet away from them. Panicked, I jerked around.
I was freaking out, but I had never counted on seeing him again. Stupid, I guess, thinking that he limited his life to the bar. Of course he did other things. He ran every morning. Played soccer and coached a boys’ league. Fixed the Campbells’ sink and whatever else broke in their house. He was out there, coexisting in the same world with me. I should have anticipated this moment. Just because I quit going to Mulvaney’s didn’t mean I was never going to come face-to-face with him again.
“Pepper?” Hunter stared down at me in concern, his forehead creased. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, commanding myself to get a grip. “Yeah.” Feeling calmer, I inhaled and turned back around, hoping that Reece and the gorgeous girl had slipped out the door by now.
Reece stood directly in front of me. “Hi, Pepper. How are you?”
His voice sounded exactly as I remembered. Deep. Calm and even. His face revealed none of the intense emotions that had been there the last time I saw him. He looked relaxed. Politely interested.
“Hi. I’m good. How are you?” Was that croak my voice?
He nodded. “Good.”
Check yes for useless pleasantries.
He reached out and lightly brushed the arm of the girl beside him. “This is Tatiana.”
Oh my God. Her name was Tatiana? Only supermodels and Russian ice skaters were named Tatiana. Which one was she?
“Hi.” She smiled warmly. I detected no accent.
Reece’s gaze traveled to Hunter, reminding me that it was my turn. “You remember Hunter?”
“Yeah. Hey, man.” The two shook hands, and the moment was even stranger than the last time at Gino’s. Hunter, my now-boyfriend, shaking hands with the guy I’d kicked out of my dorm room minutes after taking my virginity. I just didn’t think a latte was going to cut it for me. I needed something stronger. Like hemlock.
Reece’s gaze drifted back to me. “Well, see you around. Take care.”
I nodded numbly. “Bye. Merry Christmas.”
He hesitated, his gaze unreadable as it locked with mine, lingering. “You, too, Pepper.”
And then he was gone. With a hand on Tatiana’s back, he guided her outside. I couldn’t resist sneaking a look behind me as they departed and passed along the front windows. They made a beautiful couple, and that only made me want to throw up.
When I turned, it was to find Hunter watching me, a thoughtful look on his face.
I flashed him a pained smile and stepped up to the cashier. I ordered my scone and latte. “See,” I said as we moved over to the bar. “You do know me well.”
“I want to.”
Something in his voice drew my attention. He looked at me searchingly, his brown eyes probing. Like he wanted me to say something. Or do something.
I placed a hand on his chest and leaned in to give him a peck on the lips. He surprised me by pulling me closer and kissing me more exuberantly than he ever had in public.
When he pulled back, he said, “I want to know you. If you’ll let me.”
A sudden lump formed in my throat, making it impossible to speak. My latte and scone appeared at the bar and I stepped forward to claim them, wondering if I could even make that promise with any honesty. Because something was becoming increasingly clear to me. No matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise. No matter how much I tried to deny it.
Reece had ruined me for anyone else.
Closing the door on Madison’s room, I moved on to Sheridan’s bedroom at the top of the stairs. The seven-year-old slept, too, her thumb plugged into her mouth. We’d had a full evening. Both girls were wiped out. We’d colored and played Candy Land and hide-and-seek. All before dining on pizza and Rice Krispie Treats in the shape of Christmas trees. Satisfied that both were settled, I headed downstairs. The Campbells’ new puppy had its paws up on the coffee table in an attempt to chew on the corner of my notebook. Smiling, I scooped up the little fur ball and cuddled it for a moment as I admired the twinkling Christmas tree. I toed one of the bright packages and addressed the puppy. “All these shiny boxes, and you go for my stuff? I can just hear myself telling my prof now: but the dog ate my homework.”
The sweet little beast slapped my nose with a too big paw and licked my face.
“Aw, don’t try to sweet-talk me. Mrs. Campbell says you have to go in your crate after the girls go to bed.” I walked through the old farmhouse, past the kitchen and down the short hall into the laundry room where they kept the crate. Once inside, the puppy immediately began to cry.
I wagged a finger at his face peering at me through the cage door. “Now stop that. You know the drill by now.”
I closed the laundry room door so I didn’t have to hear the little Lab’s whimpers and took my place on the couch. A week before break and I had a paper due. That’s why I took the babysitting job when Mrs. Campbell called. Hunter had wanted me to go out with him and some of his other premed friends, but this way I figured I could at least knock out my first draft.
It had nothing to do with the fact that I had decided I needed to break up with Hunter. At least that’s what I told myself.
I sighed heavily. I couldn’t take it anymore. I cared about him too much. He was so good. I just didn’t appreciate him like he deserved. I didn’t want him. Not like I wanted Reece.
I could admit that to myself now. I wanted Reece. Wrong or right, there it was. Not that it mattered. He’d moved on. Even if I hadn’t been terrible to him, even if the idea of going to him didn’t still fill me with all my old anxieties, there was Tatiana now.
No. I wasn’t breaking up with Hunter to run after Reece. Sadly, that ship had sailed. I was doing it because it wasn’t fair to stay with Hunter feeling the way I did. Hunter wanted me. All of me. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give him that. I couldn’t give him me. I had to end it. I was just waiting for the right time. The right words.
Pushing thoughts of Hunter and Reece aside, I forced myself to concentrate on my notes and write. An hour went by. I was halfway through my draft and making progress when I laid my head down on the couch to rest my aching eyes. Just for a minute. Maybe if I was lucky, Reece would be waiting for me in my dreams.
I woke to a faint popping sound.
Pushing up on the couch, it took me a moment to remember where I was. I coughed, covering my mouth as my waking brain struggled to grasp why the room was so gray. The lights of the Christmas tree sparkled through the opaque air.
Smoke.
My heart jumped to my throat. I vaulted to my feet and looked around wildly, trying to process what was happening.
I heard the pop again.
Fire.
The smoke billowed thickly from the kitchen. I hurried that way, peering within, thinking that I needed to hurry and put out whatever was burning.
That’s when I saw that the stove was engulfed in flames that were spreading to the cabinets. The heat reached me where I stood, singeing my face. I immediately forgot about trying to put out the fire myself. I didn’t even know if they had an extinguisher in the house.
The kids. They were my only thought as I rushed for the stairs, charging through the rising smoke. I coughed violently, remembering that in the event of a fire you should crawl on the floor where the smoke was least dense.
Except the girls were on the second floor. I had no choice. I was going up.
I scrambled up the stairs, gasping and coughing my way through the haze. The smoke alarm went off then, loud and shrill. I prayed it was actually wired to a system that alerted the authorities and not just a warning for the inhabitants of the house.
I ran into Madison’s room and grabbed the two-year-old. She resisted at first, groggy and confused from sleep. Holding her tight, I kept moving, talking so she could recognize my voice, “It’s me, Maddy. We’ve got to get out of the house.”
Sheridan was already awake from the alarm, sitting up in bed with eyes wide in her little face. “C’mon!” I grabbed her hand and pulled her after me. When we reached the top of the stairs, the fire was a living, breathing beast below, snarling for us.
Sheridan pulled back in fear. I tightened my grip on her small hand, determined not to lose her. “We have to do this. Don’t let go of my hand!”
Maybe it was the panic in my voice, but she stopped pulling away. Madison buried her face in my sweater and tightened her thin arms around my neck. Holding them tightly, I descended the stairs. Just a few more steps to the front door. We were going to make it!
Somehow I had the presence of mind to grab my bag off the table right beside the front door. Unbolting the lock, I hurled us out into the fresh air, leaving the heat and smoke behind.
I made it several yards away from the house before passing Madison to her sister. My eyes had teared so badly it was hard to see, but I managed to recover my phone from my bag. Over the girls’ sobs, I dialed 911. This far outside the city, I knew it was going to take them a while to get here. I only hoped there was something left of the house when they arrived.
I’d just finished giving the address to the operator when Sheridan screamed loud enough to give me a heart attack. I dropped to my knees on the cold ground and grabbed her arms. “What? What is it? Are you hurt?”
She pointed to the house. “Jazz! Jazz is in there!”
I looked in horror back at the burning house. Oh. God. The puppy. I just acted. I shoved the phone at Sheridan. “Wait here! I mean it. Stay with your sister. Help is coming.”
I sprinted back into the house, convinced that I could do this. There was still time. The laundry room was on the other side of the kitchen. I could reach it. I could save the dog.
Dropping to my knees, I began crawling through the smoke. I knew the floor plan well. Coughing, I reached the room quickly and had the cage door open in a flash.
The puppy whimpered but came to me readily. I stuffed him inside my sweatshirt. When I turned around, ready to crawl back out, the fire had spread even more, a great wall ahead of me. In the blink of an eye, it had consumed half the living room, eating up the walls like some kind of red-orange river.
