From Twinkle, with Love
Page 36
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Then, on impulse, I decided to check my e-mail. I mean, today was the day. The day N and I were meeting at Perk. I’d been feeling this low level of excitement/nerves all day, but that was all it was: a low level. I figured rereading his old e-mails might make me feel something more. And when I logged in to my account, I had one new e-mail from late last night. Pasted below.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Perk
Hi Twinkle,
I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can meet you at Perk today. I will explain soon. I hope you can forgive me.
—N
That was it. That’s all he said. Not even the courtesy of a plausible excuse! What the heck? Am I not even worth an “I’ve got swimmer’s ear” or “My house is on fire”??
I sat there and stared at the e-mail for the longest time, feeling my cheeks burning. I could feel the rage bubbling up again. First Lewis, now N? Did Neil think I was another disposable girl from the long line snaking outside his door? Did he feel that, as a groundling, I should just be grateful for any attention he threw my way? I may have flown off the handle with Lewis, but I felt fully justified in my anger toward N now. Here’s the thing: I was a freaking filmmaker. I was a director. I had talent, and I was out to change the world. I did not deserve to be treated this way and I wouldn’t stand for it anymore.
I balled my fists on the table in frustration. And then I pounded out a reply.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Perk
Fine, N. We don’t have to meet. I want you to know, though—this is totally uncool. You do not just cancel on someone at the last minute. What if I hadn’t seen your e-mail? And what sort of a non-explanation is “I’ll explain soon”? But you know what? If this is how you treat people, good luck ever being happy in life.
—Twinkle
I wavered a second before hitting send, but then I did and sat back, breathing hard. Neil had to know I wouldn’t stand for his crap. I wasn’t that person anymore.
Friday, June 19
My room
Dear Haifaa al-Mansour, I was in a bad mood when I got home. I mean, I had planned to go downtown to the library and hang out reading romance novels to put me in the mood until it was time to meet N at Perk. But instead I’d ridden the bus home and had a whole afternoon of hanging out with Dadi to look forward to.
I walked in the door and Dadi looked up from her book (Who Moved My Tofu?) and immediately said, “Uh-oh, someone has a thundercloud face.”
I glared at her and walked to the kitchen to get a snack. “I do not.” Outside, Maggie the dog was barking her little head off, probably pining for Oso. “Does that dog ever shut up?” I slammed the drawer shut after I got a spoon for my yogurt.
Dadi waited till I was back in the living room to respond. She had set her book aside and was watching me with her head cocked. “Are you all right, Twinkle?”
“Fine. I’m just gonna be in my room.”
“But there’s a documentary film I thought we could watch together,” Dadi said. “The TV guide said it’s ‘essential viewing for anyone interested in a career in films.’”
I sighed. “No offense, Dadi, but I think I know everything about what a career in films entails. I don’t need to watch some documentary made for laypeople. Okay?”
Dadi shook her head. “Ghamand achcha nahin hota, Twinkle. Arrogance is not a worthwhile friend.”
I threw my hands up. “God, I’m so tired of hearing that. I’m not arrogant! I just know that I’m good. Okay? For the first time in my life, my self-esteem doesn’t resemble rotting roadkill. Why can’t everyone just let me be?” I stalked off to my room and closed the door.
I felt immediately sorry Dadi had become collateral damage; I’ve never spoken to her that way. But I’d spent my entire life feeling less than those other people at school. And now I was finally in a position to call the shots. Why was everyone in such a hurry to take that away from me? It’s so messed up! Do they think I’m just going to stand idly by and let them walk all over me?
Love,
Twinkle
Saturday, June 20
Sahil’s car
Dear Jane Campion, Sahil and I made a plan that he’d pick me up at six o’clock. There was no way Papa, Mummy, and Dadi were going to allow me to go to an unchaperoned party at someone’s parents’ cabin in Aspen, so I was a little nervous about what I should say. Would they believe I was going to a sleepover at Maddie’s? She hadn’t slept over at my house in a long time. And Papa would be sure to drop me off at Maddie’s house, so should I have Sahil pick me up there? Would that be too weird since Maddie and I weren’t even on speaking terms?
But in the end, I didn’t have to worry about it. Papa took an extra shift at the youth home, Mummy wasn’t home (she sometimes goes off on these day trips by herself and no one knows where she is), and Dadi went to some drum circle conference thingy with her friends from the Dharamshala Temple and told me she wouldn’t be back till late.
I dressed in my glittery black skirt, my Sofia Coppola T-shirt (it has her picture and a quote that says, I’M ALWAYS A SUCKER FOR A LOVE STORY), and my DIY glitter Keds. My camera bag banged on my hip as I walked past Oso, who was curled up on the couch—sleeping on sentry duty. He picked up his head, but when he saw I didn’t have any food, he huffed and lay back down. I took one look around the empty house before I opened the front door. It wasn’t that I was lonely, exactly. It was more like I was missing someone without even knowing who I was missing.
I walked out the driveway just as Sahil’s SUV rolled up. “Hey,” I said, pulling the door open and hopping in. I glanced at him, wondering if things would still be prickly between us after what had happened with Lewis. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Sure, no worries.” He looked super cute, I noticed in spite of myself, dressed in a Cabin in the Woods T-shirt and dark-wash jeans. I smirked, trying for a joke to taste the air between us. “Are you trying to freak everyone out with that T-shirt or what?”
He laughed. “Just trying to be on theme, T.”
I leaned back against the seat, relieved. Sahil, at least, seemed to be past the weirdness that had happened at Victoria’s house. The others had still been subdued when we’d filmed the next day, but at least they’d all shown up, said their lines, and acted well. That was all I needed. I could deal with them thinking I was a pompous freak if they’d just play their roles like I told them to. I suspect every great director has had to deal with that at some point. And as long as I still had Sahil and my new friends, what did I care what Maddie or the others thought?
“So, you ready for the most epic road trip of all time?” Sahil asked, grinning at me as he pulled onto the interstate.
“Urgh. I’m more the type of person who just falls asleep waiting for the road trip to be over,” I said. “Being stuck in a metal bullet hurtling alongside other metal bullets at eighty miles per hour is not my idea of fun.”
Sahil snorted. “You know what I like about you? Your refreshing view on life.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to have to start charging you for my gems. Anyway, I don’t think that’s ‘refreshing’ so much as an accurate, objective observation.”
“Okay, but you’ve never been on a road trip with me as your guide. That’s what the problem is. I promise, by the time we get to Aspen, you’re going to be begging me to go on another road trip with you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Challenge accepted.”
Sahil grinned. “Okay, so the first thing we’re going to do?”
“Yes?”
“Reach in that bag behind your seat.”
I did as he asked, and found a plastic grocery bag. When I pulled it into the front seat with me, I found a bag of Cow Tales, some Doritos in assorted flavors, and a bag of Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cups. Grinning, I pulled those out. “Oh, yeah. Thank you.”
Sahil reached for the Cow Tales. I tried not to notice that his fingers accidentally brushed against my bare thigh. But obviously I noticed. What am I supposed to do? Get rid of all the nerve endings in my body? “The first rule of road tripping is—”
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Perk
Hi Twinkle,
I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can meet you at Perk today. I will explain soon. I hope you can forgive me.
—N
That was it. That’s all he said. Not even the courtesy of a plausible excuse! What the heck? Am I not even worth an “I’ve got swimmer’s ear” or “My house is on fire”??
I sat there and stared at the e-mail for the longest time, feeling my cheeks burning. I could feel the rage bubbling up again. First Lewis, now N? Did Neil think I was another disposable girl from the long line snaking outside his door? Did he feel that, as a groundling, I should just be grateful for any attention he threw my way? I may have flown off the handle with Lewis, but I felt fully justified in my anger toward N now. Here’s the thing: I was a freaking filmmaker. I was a director. I had talent, and I was out to change the world. I did not deserve to be treated this way and I wouldn’t stand for it anymore.
I balled my fists on the table in frustration. And then I pounded out a reply.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Perk
Fine, N. We don’t have to meet. I want you to know, though—this is totally uncool. You do not just cancel on someone at the last minute. What if I hadn’t seen your e-mail? And what sort of a non-explanation is “I’ll explain soon”? But you know what? If this is how you treat people, good luck ever being happy in life.
—Twinkle
I wavered a second before hitting send, but then I did and sat back, breathing hard. Neil had to know I wouldn’t stand for his crap. I wasn’t that person anymore.
Friday, June 19
My room
Dear Haifaa al-Mansour, I was in a bad mood when I got home. I mean, I had planned to go downtown to the library and hang out reading romance novels to put me in the mood until it was time to meet N at Perk. But instead I’d ridden the bus home and had a whole afternoon of hanging out with Dadi to look forward to.
I walked in the door and Dadi looked up from her book (Who Moved My Tofu?) and immediately said, “Uh-oh, someone has a thundercloud face.”
I glared at her and walked to the kitchen to get a snack. “I do not.” Outside, Maggie the dog was barking her little head off, probably pining for Oso. “Does that dog ever shut up?” I slammed the drawer shut after I got a spoon for my yogurt.
Dadi waited till I was back in the living room to respond. She had set her book aside and was watching me with her head cocked. “Are you all right, Twinkle?”
“Fine. I’m just gonna be in my room.”
“But there’s a documentary film I thought we could watch together,” Dadi said. “The TV guide said it’s ‘essential viewing for anyone interested in a career in films.’”
I sighed. “No offense, Dadi, but I think I know everything about what a career in films entails. I don’t need to watch some documentary made for laypeople. Okay?”
Dadi shook her head. “Ghamand achcha nahin hota, Twinkle. Arrogance is not a worthwhile friend.”
I threw my hands up. “God, I’m so tired of hearing that. I’m not arrogant! I just know that I’m good. Okay? For the first time in my life, my self-esteem doesn’t resemble rotting roadkill. Why can’t everyone just let me be?” I stalked off to my room and closed the door.
I felt immediately sorry Dadi had become collateral damage; I’ve never spoken to her that way. But I’d spent my entire life feeling less than those other people at school. And now I was finally in a position to call the shots. Why was everyone in such a hurry to take that away from me? It’s so messed up! Do they think I’m just going to stand idly by and let them walk all over me?
Love,
Twinkle
Saturday, June 20
Sahil’s car
Dear Jane Campion, Sahil and I made a plan that he’d pick me up at six o’clock. There was no way Papa, Mummy, and Dadi were going to allow me to go to an unchaperoned party at someone’s parents’ cabin in Aspen, so I was a little nervous about what I should say. Would they believe I was going to a sleepover at Maddie’s? She hadn’t slept over at my house in a long time. And Papa would be sure to drop me off at Maddie’s house, so should I have Sahil pick me up there? Would that be too weird since Maddie and I weren’t even on speaking terms?
But in the end, I didn’t have to worry about it. Papa took an extra shift at the youth home, Mummy wasn’t home (she sometimes goes off on these day trips by herself and no one knows where she is), and Dadi went to some drum circle conference thingy with her friends from the Dharamshala Temple and told me she wouldn’t be back till late.
I dressed in my glittery black skirt, my Sofia Coppola T-shirt (it has her picture and a quote that says, I’M ALWAYS A SUCKER FOR A LOVE STORY), and my DIY glitter Keds. My camera bag banged on my hip as I walked past Oso, who was curled up on the couch—sleeping on sentry duty. He picked up his head, but when he saw I didn’t have any food, he huffed and lay back down. I took one look around the empty house before I opened the front door. It wasn’t that I was lonely, exactly. It was more like I was missing someone without even knowing who I was missing.
I walked out the driveway just as Sahil’s SUV rolled up. “Hey,” I said, pulling the door open and hopping in. I glanced at him, wondering if things would still be prickly between us after what had happened with Lewis. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Sure, no worries.” He looked super cute, I noticed in spite of myself, dressed in a Cabin in the Woods T-shirt and dark-wash jeans. I smirked, trying for a joke to taste the air between us. “Are you trying to freak everyone out with that T-shirt or what?”
He laughed. “Just trying to be on theme, T.”
I leaned back against the seat, relieved. Sahil, at least, seemed to be past the weirdness that had happened at Victoria’s house. The others had still been subdued when we’d filmed the next day, but at least they’d all shown up, said their lines, and acted well. That was all I needed. I could deal with them thinking I was a pompous freak if they’d just play their roles like I told them to. I suspect every great director has had to deal with that at some point. And as long as I still had Sahil and my new friends, what did I care what Maddie or the others thought?
“So, you ready for the most epic road trip of all time?” Sahil asked, grinning at me as he pulled onto the interstate.
“Urgh. I’m more the type of person who just falls asleep waiting for the road trip to be over,” I said. “Being stuck in a metal bullet hurtling alongside other metal bullets at eighty miles per hour is not my idea of fun.”
Sahil snorted. “You know what I like about you? Your refreshing view on life.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to have to start charging you for my gems. Anyway, I don’t think that’s ‘refreshing’ so much as an accurate, objective observation.”
“Okay, but you’ve never been on a road trip with me as your guide. That’s what the problem is. I promise, by the time we get to Aspen, you’re going to be begging me to go on another road trip with you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Challenge accepted.”
Sahil grinned. “Okay, so the first thing we’re going to do?”
“Yes?”
“Reach in that bag behind your seat.”
I did as he asked, and found a plastic grocery bag. When I pulled it into the front seat with me, I found a bag of Cow Tales, some Doritos in assorted flavors, and a bag of Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cups. Grinning, I pulled those out. “Oh, yeah. Thank you.”
Sahil reached for the Cow Tales. I tried not to notice that his fingers accidentally brushed against my bare thigh. But obviously I noticed. What am I supposed to do? Get rid of all the nerve endings in my body? “The first rule of road tripping is—”
