Brenna rolls her eyes. "Sasha, you know she means well. We just want you to be happy. Find a nice guy, have a steady job. You know, start living your life."
"I am living my life, Bren. Even if my life doesn't look like yours, that doesn't mean it's not valid."
She sits back and closes the magazine. "You know what I mean."
I clamp my lips shut to block the angry words that threaten to spill out. This is a familiar argument and every time we both spout the same words and end up upset. There's no point to hashing out the same things over and over. We have very different ideas about what my life should look like.
"Look, I know you guys have been worried about me. After the show—" A sudden rush of emotion steals my voice and I reach over to take a sip from the glass of iced tea on the coffee table to soothe my suddenly scratchy throat. Thinking about that day, the single most humiliating day of my life, will never be easy.
"After the show, I was a mess. I know I was. But I'm fine now and I've got a plan to get myself back on track. Maybe I'm not meant to tour the country and perform in front of large crowds but I've always enjoyed performing in smaller venues. I have a plan to open the club on time and I've even gotten a few new investors." I don't bother telling her that the new investors are Dad and Uncle Tommy.
Brenna looks surprised. "Really? That's wonderful. But I'm not worried about your career, I'm worried about you. You deserve to be with a great guy and not these losers you normally pick. I can't believe that fool Chaz had the nerve to dump you right before the show. Bastard."
"I haven't even thought of him at all."
She falls silent. Then gasps. "You have a new boyfriend and you didn't tell me?"
"No, I don't." But even as I say it, I flush and Brenna knows me too well to let that pass.
“Okay, what’s wrong with this one?”
I wrinkle my nose at her. “It’s nothing. It’s just … what would you have done if Evan hadn’t wanted anything serious?"
Brenna pauses, a thoughtful look on her face. "I don't know. I guess that depends on why he was keeping me at a distance. Is he not attracted to me?"
"He's definitely attracted." Physical chemistry has never been an issue with Gabe.
"Then it probably means he's got something going on in his personal life. That's a tough one because I hate to think that I would have just let Evan go without even fighting for him."
"So you think I should fight?" Her answer means more to me than I'm willing to admit.
"I'm never a big fan of trying to push people where they don't want to go. But there's nothing wrong with making a man an offer is there? Just watch it because that's how I got that one." She gestures to Carter as he runs past screaming again.
We laugh and start talking about other things. But in the back of my mind, I'm wondering if I dare risk pushing Gabe. Pushing him for more might mean pushing him away.
* * * * *
That evening, Brenna's words are still running through my mind, but I have to push them aside because I have a gig. Usually, I look forward to this all month. Singing is the only thing that makes me feel alive sometimes. Even when I’m tired, even when I’m stressed, being on stage and letting music flow through me is my favorite thing in the world.
But tonight, I’m just not feeling it.
Crooning the second verse of My Funny Valentine, I look out over the crowded ballroom of the Piedmont Hotel at the elegant crowd. When Finn told me he knew the owner of the Piedmont, Ethan Marks, I’d been amazed. Their jazz night is legendary. Upscale. They only hire the best and even then Ethan has a reputation for being picky. I figured he gave me a chance because he’s friends with Finn but friendship only goes so far. It honestly never occurred to me that I would actually get this gig.
Performing here is usually the highlight of my month. Instead, I’m struggling to get through until I can go back home and curl up in my pajamas.
The crowd shifts and that’s when I see him. I momentarily stumble over the words I know so well. I blink and then he’s gone, the crowd shifting again, swallowing up the gentleman in the striking midnight blue tuxedo. I finish off the song, grateful that it’s the last of my set. Thoughts of Gabe have been distracting me all day and now I’m imagining that I see him everywhere.
Then I step off stage and he’s there.
Gabe holds out a hand to help me down the stairs and I accept it out of shock more than anything else. I smile as I pass Ethan, who nods in approval before continuing his conversation with the man he’s talking to. Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I refuse to acknowledge Gabe again. I just told him that I need space and now he shows up here? I don't believe for one minute that it's a coincidence. Damn him for how he throws me off guard!
Gabe speeds up until he’s walking by my side. I walk faster, desperate to reach the bar.
The bartender, Clary, hands over my usual drink as soon as I arrive. “Vodka tonic.”
“You are a saint.” I take a sip and then groan when Gabe leans against the bar next to me.
“I’ve never seen you sing before. You sing the same way you do everything else. With everything you have. It was incredible.”
Every part of me blooms under his attention. I hate that I’m so parched for his attention, drinking up every drop of his admiration like it’s the sustenance I’ve been waiting for.
"I am living my life, Bren. Even if my life doesn't look like yours, that doesn't mean it's not valid."
She sits back and closes the magazine. "You know what I mean."
I clamp my lips shut to block the angry words that threaten to spill out. This is a familiar argument and every time we both spout the same words and end up upset. There's no point to hashing out the same things over and over. We have very different ideas about what my life should look like.
"Look, I know you guys have been worried about me. After the show—" A sudden rush of emotion steals my voice and I reach over to take a sip from the glass of iced tea on the coffee table to soothe my suddenly scratchy throat. Thinking about that day, the single most humiliating day of my life, will never be easy.
"After the show, I was a mess. I know I was. But I'm fine now and I've got a plan to get myself back on track. Maybe I'm not meant to tour the country and perform in front of large crowds but I've always enjoyed performing in smaller venues. I have a plan to open the club on time and I've even gotten a few new investors." I don't bother telling her that the new investors are Dad and Uncle Tommy.
Brenna looks surprised. "Really? That's wonderful. But I'm not worried about your career, I'm worried about you. You deserve to be with a great guy and not these losers you normally pick. I can't believe that fool Chaz had the nerve to dump you right before the show. Bastard."
"I haven't even thought of him at all."
She falls silent. Then gasps. "You have a new boyfriend and you didn't tell me?"
"No, I don't." But even as I say it, I flush and Brenna knows me too well to let that pass.
“Okay, what’s wrong with this one?”
I wrinkle my nose at her. “It’s nothing. It’s just … what would you have done if Evan hadn’t wanted anything serious?"
Brenna pauses, a thoughtful look on her face. "I don't know. I guess that depends on why he was keeping me at a distance. Is he not attracted to me?"
"He's definitely attracted." Physical chemistry has never been an issue with Gabe.
"Then it probably means he's got something going on in his personal life. That's a tough one because I hate to think that I would have just let Evan go without even fighting for him."
"So you think I should fight?" Her answer means more to me than I'm willing to admit.
"I'm never a big fan of trying to push people where they don't want to go. But there's nothing wrong with making a man an offer is there? Just watch it because that's how I got that one." She gestures to Carter as he runs past screaming again.
We laugh and start talking about other things. But in the back of my mind, I'm wondering if I dare risk pushing Gabe. Pushing him for more might mean pushing him away.
* * * * *
That evening, Brenna's words are still running through my mind, but I have to push them aside because I have a gig. Usually, I look forward to this all month. Singing is the only thing that makes me feel alive sometimes. Even when I’m tired, even when I’m stressed, being on stage and letting music flow through me is my favorite thing in the world.
But tonight, I’m just not feeling it.
Crooning the second verse of My Funny Valentine, I look out over the crowded ballroom of the Piedmont Hotel at the elegant crowd. When Finn told me he knew the owner of the Piedmont, Ethan Marks, I’d been amazed. Their jazz night is legendary. Upscale. They only hire the best and even then Ethan has a reputation for being picky. I figured he gave me a chance because he’s friends with Finn but friendship only goes so far. It honestly never occurred to me that I would actually get this gig.
Performing here is usually the highlight of my month. Instead, I’m struggling to get through until I can go back home and curl up in my pajamas.
The crowd shifts and that’s when I see him. I momentarily stumble over the words I know so well. I blink and then he’s gone, the crowd shifting again, swallowing up the gentleman in the striking midnight blue tuxedo. I finish off the song, grateful that it’s the last of my set. Thoughts of Gabe have been distracting me all day and now I’m imagining that I see him everywhere.
Then I step off stage and he’s there.
Gabe holds out a hand to help me down the stairs and I accept it out of shock more than anything else. I smile as I pass Ethan, who nods in approval before continuing his conversation with the man he’s talking to. Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I refuse to acknowledge Gabe again. I just told him that I need space and now he shows up here? I don't believe for one minute that it's a coincidence. Damn him for how he throws me off guard!
Gabe speeds up until he’s walking by my side. I walk faster, desperate to reach the bar.
The bartender, Clary, hands over my usual drink as soon as I arrive. “Vodka tonic.”
“You are a saint.” I take a sip and then groan when Gabe leans against the bar next to me.
“I’ve never seen you sing before. You sing the same way you do everything else. With everything you have. It was incredible.”
Every part of me blooms under his attention. I hate that I’m so parched for his attention, drinking up every drop of his admiration like it’s the sustenance I’ve been waiting for.
