“Are you the one who has been leaving all these flowers?”
He nodded. “Yeah…well, not just me. Me and my Mom.”
“Who is your Mom?”
The boy didn’t say anything…his hands started to shake and he took out a cigarette and nervously lit it, blowing the smoke away from me. He then slowly turned to look at me and I got the first real look at his eyes. They were amazing…green with gold speckles.
They were my eyes.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you my brother?”
He paused, took a long drag of his cigarette, and then blew it out slowly.
“Yeah.”
***
I had a brother…a brother…Jake. And he was a badass.
He figured out right away what was wrong with the car and had it fixed well before AAA ever showed up.
We stood outside leaning against the parked cars, just staring at each other and without the distraction of the broken down vehicle, we were faced to discuss the inevitable.
“How did you find out about Amanda, Jake?”
“About six months ago, this investigator guy came to our house. We live on the south side of Chicago. His last name was Samuels. He asked my mother if she had given birth to twin girls in 1984. I was like…what?”
“So, what did your mother say?”
“She just looked at me, like she was afraid to say anything, like she wanted me to leave the room. And then I nearly shit my pants, because she started crying…like really hard and told him, that yeah, she had. I was like…holy shit. She told him she was messed up then, ran away from home and was on drugs and that some dealer had gotten her pregnant.”
I nearly fell to the ground at that revelation and felt like I was going to vomit. That answered one of my questions. My birth father was a drug dealer.
Jake continued as I listened stunned. “She wanted to know why he was looking for her and asked if they…you know…you…the girls were okay. The investigator told her that one of the girls had died in an accident a long time ago and that the other one lived in Boston. That’s you?”
“Yeah…that’s me,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
“So, Mom was like hysterical because he said Amanda was dead. Then she asked, how he found us and the investigator explained that Amanda’s parents hired him to find the other sister and that in the middle of all that he found my mother, even though they hadn’t asked him to.”
“Your mom…what’s she like?”
“She’s cool, Allison, really cool. It’s just her and me now. She was real messed up when she was young, like when she was my age, but she ended up getting clean, went to school, became a medical assistant and met my dad, but he died in a motorcycle accident when I was five, so it’s just us.”
“I am so sorry about your dad.”
“Thanks.”
“What’s is your mother’s name?”
“Vanessa…Vanessa Green. Well, Green was my dad’s last name. Before that, she was Vanessa Bologna. She’s Italian. She looks just like you, actually, it’s freaky. That’s how I knew you were definitely my sister.”
Wow.
I smiled at Jake. He seemed like a really good kid.
“Jake, do you think your mother wants to meet me?”
“I know she does. She told the investigator that when he found you to let her know. But he never got back to her. We don’t have a lot of money, so it’s not like we could have come to Boston, but I know she wants to meet you…she’s just afraid of what you’ll think of her, I think. That you’ll judge her for giving you up and separating the twins and stuff.”
“Do you know if she chose to separate us, the twins?”
“She told me that the adoption people pressured her to do it…something about no family wanting to take on two…she didn’t really want to…but they told her the babies were going to two good homes, so she gave in.”
I tried to process what he was saying. “I see.”
“She begged the investigator let her know where Amanda was buried and he did, so we come out here once a week. We take turns…sometimes she comes, sometimes I do and sometimes we come together. It makes her feel better to come here.”
“That’s nice, Jake.”
Jake put his hands in his pockets and gave me a crooked smile. “You seem really cool,” he said.
“You too. Hey…give me your phone,” I said.
I grabbed his flip phone and added my name into his contacts. “I leave to go back to Boston tomorrow. You tell your mom when she’s ready, I’d be willing to meet her if she wanted to...no pressure, though, okay? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything. I’ll be back here in a couple of months for Thanksgiving. If she wants to meet me, then I can come to you. If not, that’s okay too. But…you…you can call me anytime, okay?”
“That’s cool, Allison. Really cool,” Jake said.
“It was really nice to meet you Jake.”
“You too, Allison.”
We stood in silence for a bit before we both opened our respective car doors.
Before getting in, I waved goodbye to him again as he faced me looking hesitant to get into his car.
Something came over me as he stood there and it really hit me that this awkward tattooed tobacco smelling teenager was my kid brother.
I had a living sibling.
I impulsively ran over to him and pulled him into a hug. When we separated, his eyes were watering and I knew at that moment that he was thinking the same thing.
***
On the plane ride back to Boston, I thought about how different my life is now, compared to last time I was on a plane headed to Chicago. I had felt so alone then and so confused.
The two months spent with the Thompsons in Naperville had given me a new perspective on my past, on life, on what truly matters and most of all, forgiveness.
I looked down at my phone to the series of texts that I had received last night from Jake.
Jake: Just checking to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.
Allison: Hey there!! Nope…it was surreal, though, wasn’t it?
Jake: I told Mom. She really wants to meet you when you come back.
Allison: Really?
Jake: Yeah…she was disappointed that you left so soon, but she was happy the two of us got to meet.
Allison: I am happy we got to meet too.
Jake: Talk to you later…Sis. Sounds weird to say it.
Allison: Please keep in touch, Jake. xo
Jake was a sweetheart, but I was glad that I wouldn’t be meeting my birth mother for another couple of months. It would give us both time to prepare for that face-to-face encounter and give me time to think about what I want to say to her and ask her. She couldn’t be that bad of a person because Jake seemed to turn out okay. He was very sweet actually. I really looked forward to getting to know him more than anything.
Before I faced my Chicago relatives, though, there were more pressing matters back home in Boston that have been waiting long enough to be dealt with.
It was time to face Cedric. It was time to let him know where I have been and to finally let him know how I have been feeling all of these weeks since he poured his heart out to me in that letter.
I had been very careful not to let him know where I was all of this time. For all he knew, I had run away, never to return. I was a little nervous about what I would find out tomorrow. A lot can happen in five months. Has Cedric moved on with someone else? Would he forgive me for leaving town and not saying a word to him about where I was going?
By the time the plane lands in Boston, it will be too late to do anything or see anyone. But tomorrow is Labor Day and no one is working, so I had vowed to track down Cedric and get this over with. It couldn’t wait any longer.
I would start by going to Bettina’s house to check on Callie and to apologize for leaving them high and dry. Then, I would find out where Cedric is and arrange to meet him to let out all of the feelings I have been keeping bottled up.
The anticipation of what I was going to say to him made me nervous but the memories of both his stunning face and the warmth of his touch comforted me, made me frustrated and giddy.
***
Optimize the fire Moon today, Dear Gemini, as this is a day to be constructive and finish those projects that have been difficult to complete. This is a day to advance in the direction of your goals and tackle unfinished business.
The sun was shining and the air was warm and dry on Monday morning. It was the perfect weather for good hair and I celebrated by giving myself a long blowout.
I also picked out the prettiest aqua tank top and matching skirt I had bought at the mall in Naperville on a rare outing with Elaine during my trip. I finished off the outfit with gray wedges and a thin gray half cardigan. I made up my face and even tried the smoky eye that the mall cosmetologist showed me how to do.
It might have been the peace I had found in Illinois or it might have been the fact that I was happy to be home in Boston, but even I had to admit, I looked and felt really good when I saw myself in the mirror.
There was no answer when I called Bettina’s house from my apartment to see if she and Callie would be home today. I decided I would just head over there anyway in the middle of the afternoon. Hopefully, she and Callie would be home since it was Labor Day. I kind of wanted to surprise Callie anyway. It was possible Bettina would be having something at the house to celebrate the holiday or that she might not be home at all. I would have to take my chances. After I saw Bettina, I planned to text Cedric to find out where we might be able to meet up and talk.
“Damn, you are one hot bitch,” Sonia said as she got a look at me.
“Thanks. I want to look decent in case I see Cedric later and don’t have time to come back here to change.”
Sonia started fluffing my hair. “You’re really going to confront him tonight? You just got back. Maybe wait a few days?”
“This can’t wait anymore, Sonia. It’s been five months since he wrote me that letter. I owe him an explanation of my feelings. It’s time.”
“And what exactly are you feeling these days?”
I thought about that for a second and the really it came down to one thing.
“I miss him.”
Sonia sighed. “Are you prepared for the possibility that he may have moved on?”
“Honestly? No,” I said, putting my head in my hands and rubbing my temples.
“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Sonia said.
“I know, but after all that’s happened this past year, I owe it to myself to see this through even if I risk getting hurt. I mean, come on. I finally meet the man of my dreams, found a meaningful career path, got attacked by my ex-boyfriend, found out I had a twin, found out she died, found out the man I was falling in love with was said twin’s boyfriend and that they conceived a child. Then, I fell in love with my sister’s parents and saw her Dad through cancer. And to top it all off, I randomly meet my biological brother in a cemetery! I think it’s safe to say, I’ve built up a little strength to handle what might come my way today.”
Sonia hugged me. “Agreed and I am so proud of how you have survived all this. You know, you really should write a book. This would make a hell of a story.”
“Seriously,” I said as we both broke into laughter.
“Really. You could call it Gemini…you know, it’s your sign and symbolizes twins.
“That’s freaky. I never thought of that,” I said.
***
The train ride to Bettina’s house went by quickly and I walked the several blocks from the station to her door, noticing a handful of cars parked in front of the house. Cedric’s Audi was not among them, so I breathed a small sigh of relief. I wasn’t quite ready to see him yet today. For all I knew, these cars could have also been visitors of the neighbors.
I knocked on the front door and waited for about three minutes before ringing the doorbell, which I wasn’t sure worked anyway. I seemed to hear people out back, but couldn’t tell if it was the neighbor’s yard or Bettina’s.
Just when I was about to turn away, the door opened. I was surprised to see Cedric’s brother Caleb open the door.
“Allison. My God,” he said, seemingly taken aback.
“Hi, Caleb.”
Caleb’s bright blue eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost and he briefly looked behind his own back and whispered, “What are you doing here?”
“I tried to call earlier, but there was no answer. I…uh…just got back from an extended leave and was hoping to talk to your mother and visit Callie. Is she home?”
“Yeah…um…” he said, looking behind his shoulders again briefly.
Caleb just stayed in front of me speechless.
What was going on?
Before I could think, I heard footsteps and a male voice come up from behind him and say, “Caleb, what the hell is taking so long? I’m f**king thirsty. Who’s at the door?”
I knew that voice anywhere.
Caleb closed his eyes defeated and moved out of the way.
Cedric stood frozen behind him and placed his hand over his heart upon seeing me.
The sight of him nearly knocked me down. Still standing in the doorway, I lifted my hand in a small wave and whispered, “Hi.”
Cedric looked at Caleb who continued to say nothing, then looked back at me and swallowed.
“Allison,” Cedric said so softly it was almost inaudible.
My heart skipped a beat at the sight of his handsome face, piercing eyes and the immediate recognition of his familiar scent. My body tingled in sudden awareness as if it found a connecting part that had been missing for five months.
He nodded. “Yeah…well, not just me. Me and my Mom.”
“Who is your Mom?”
The boy didn’t say anything…his hands started to shake and he took out a cigarette and nervously lit it, blowing the smoke away from me. He then slowly turned to look at me and I got the first real look at his eyes. They were amazing…green with gold speckles.
They were my eyes.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you my brother?”
He paused, took a long drag of his cigarette, and then blew it out slowly.
“Yeah.”
***
I had a brother…a brother…Jake. And he was a badass.
He figured out right away what was wrong with the car and had it fixed well before AAA ever showed up.
We stood outside leaning against the parked cars, just staring at each other and without the distraction of the broken down vehicle, we were faced to discuss the inevitable.
“How did you find out about Amanda, Jake?”
“About six months ago, this investigator guy came to our house. We live on the south side of Chicago. His last name was Samuels. He asked my mother if she had given birth to twin girls in 1984. I was like…what?”
“So, what did your mother say?”
“She just looked at me, like she was afraid to say anything, like she wanted me to leave the room. And then I nearly shit my pants, because she started crying…like really hard and told him, that yeah, she had. I was like…holy shit. She told him she was messed up then, ran away from home and was on drugs and that some dealer had gotten her pregnant.”
I nearly fell to the ground at that revelation and felt like I was going to vomit. That answered one of my questions. My birth father was a drug dealer.
Jake continued as I listened stunned. “She wanted to know why he was looking for her and asked if they…you know…you…the girls were okay. The investigator told her that one of the girls had died in an accident a long time ago and that the other one lived in Boston. That’s you?”
“Yeah…that’s me,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
“So, Mom was like hysterical because he said Amanda was dead. Then she asked, how he found us and the investigator explained that Amanda’s parents hired him to find the other sister and that in the middle of all that he found my mother, even though they hadn’t asked him to.”
“Your mom…what’s she like?”
“She’s cool, Allison, really cool. It’s just her and me now. She was real messed up when she was young, like when she was my age, but she ended up getting clean, went to school, became a medical assistant and met my dad, but he died in a motorcycle accident when I was five, so it’s just us.”
“I am so sorry about your dad.”
“Thanks.”
“What’s is your mother’s name?”
“Vanessa…Vanessa Green. Well, Green was my dad’s last name. Before that, she was Vanessa Bologna. She’s Italian. She looks just like you, actually, it’s freaky. That’s how I knew you were definitely my sister.”
Wow.
I smiled at Jake. He seemed like a really good kid.
“Jake, do you think your mother wants to meet me?”
“I know she does. She told the investigator that when he found you to let her know. But he never got back to her. We don’t have a lot of money, so it’s not like we could have come to Boston, but I know she wants to meet you…she’s just afraid of what you’ll think of her, I think. That you’ll judge her for giving you up and separating the twins and stuff.”
“Do you know if she chose to separate us, the twins?”
“She told me that the adoption people pressured her to do it…something about no family wanting to take on two…she didn’t really want to…but they told her the babies were going to two good homes, so she gave in.”
I tried to process what he was saying. “I see.”
“She begged the investigator let her know where Amanda was buried and he did, so we come out here once a week. We take turns…sometimes she comes, sometimes I do and sometimes we come together. It makes her feel better to come here.”
“That’s nice, Jake.”
Jake put his hands in his pockets and gave me a crooked smile. “You seem really cool,” he said.
“You too. Hey…give me your phone,” I said.
I grabbed his flip phone and added my name into his contacts. “I leave to go back to Boston tomorrow. You tell your mom when she’s ready, I’d be willing to meet her if she wanted to...no pressure, though, okay? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything. I’ll be back here in a couple of months for Thanksgiving. If she wants to meet me, then I can come to you. If not, that’s okay too. But…you…you can call me anytime, okay?”
“That’s cool, Allison. Really cool,” Jake said.
“It was really nice to meet you Jake.”
“You too, Allison.”
We stood in silence for a bit before we both opened our respective car doors.
Before getting in, I waved goodbye to him again as he faced me looking hesitant to get into his car.
Something came over me as he stood there and it really hit me that this awkward tattooed tobacco smelling teenager was my kid brother.
I had a living sibling.
I impulsively ran over to him and pulled him into a hug. When we separated, his eyes were watering and I knew at that moment that he was thinking the same thing.
***
On the plane ride back to Boston, I thought about how different my life is now, compared to last time I was on a plane headed to Chicago. I had felt so alone then and so confused.
The two months spent with the Thompsons in Naperville had given me a new perspective on my past, on life, on what truly matters and most of all, forgiveness.
I looked down at my phone to the series of texts that I had received last night from Jake.
Jake: Just checking to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.
Allison: Hey there!! Nope…it was surreal, though, wasn’t it?
Jake: I told Mom. She really wants to meet you when you come back.
Allison: Really?
Jake: Yeah…she was disappointed that you left so soon, but she was happy the two of us got to meet.
Allison: I am happy we got to meet too.
Jake: Talk to you later…Sis. Sounds weird to say it.
Allison: Please keep in touch, Jake. xo
Jake was a sweetheart, but I was glad that I wouldn’t be meeting my birth mother for another couple of months. It would give us both time to prepare for that face-to-face encounter and give me time to think about what I want to say to her and ask her. She couldn’t be that bad of a person because Jake seemed to turn out okay. He was very sweet actually. I really looked forward to getting to know him more than anything.
Before I faced my Chicago relatives, though, there were more pressing matters back home in Boston that have been waiting long enough to be dealt with.
It was time to face Cedric. It was time to let him know where I have been and to finally let him know how I have been feeling all of these weeks since he poured his heart out to me in that letter.
I had been very careful not to let him know where I was all of this time. For all he knew, I had run away, never to return. I was a little nervous about what I would find out tomorrow. A lot can happen in five months. Has Cedric moved on with someone else? Would he forgive me for leaving town and not saying a word to him about where I was going?
By the time the plane lands in Boston, it will be too late to do anything or see anyone. But tomorrow is Labor Day and no one is working, so I had vowed to track down Cedric and get this over with. It couldn’t wait any longer.
I would start by going to Bettina’s house to check on Callie and to apologize for leaving them high and dry. Then, I would find out where Cedric is and arrange to meet him to let out all of the feelings I have been keeping bottled up.
The anticipation of what I was going to say to him made me nervous but the memories of both his stunning face and the warmth of his touch comforted me, made me frustrated and giddy.
***
Optimize the fire Moon today, Dear Gemini, as this is a day to be constructive and finish those projects that have been difficult to complete. This is a day to advance in the direction of your goals and tackle unfinished business.
The sun was shining and the air was warm and dry on Monday morning. It was the perfect weather for good hair and I celebrated by giving myself a long blowout.
I also picked out the prettiest aqua tank top and matching skirt I had bought at the mall in Naperville on a rare outing with Elaine during my trip. I finished off the outfit with gray wedges and a thin gray half cardigan. I made up my face and even tried the smoky eye that the mall cosmetologist showed me how to do.
It might have been the peace I had found in Illinois or it might have been the fact that I was happy to be home in Boston, but even I had to admit, I looked and felt really good when I saw myself in the mirror.
There was no answer when I called Bettina’s house from my apartment to see if she and Callie would be home today. I decided I would just head over there anyway in the middle of the afternoon. Hopefully, she and Callie would be home since it was Labor Day. I kind of wanted to surprise Callie anyway. It was possible Bettina would be having something at the house to celebrate the holiday or that she might not be home at all. I would have to take my chances. After I saw Bettina, I planned to text Cedric to find out where we might be able to meet up and talk.
“Damn, you are one hot bitch,” Sonia said as she got a look at me.
“Thanks. I want to look decent in case I see Cedric later and don’t have time to come back here to change.”
Sonia started fluffing my hair. “You’re really going to confront him tonight? You just got back. Maybe wait a few days?”
“This can’t wait anymore, Sonia. It’s been five months since he wrote me that letter. I owe him an explanation of my feelings. It’s time.”
“And what exactly are you feeling these days?”
I thought about that for a second and the really it came down to one thing.
“I miss him.”
Sonia sighed. “Are you prepared for the possibility that he may have moved on?”
“Honestly? No,” I said, putting my head in my hands and rubbing my temples.
“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Sonia said.
“I know, but after all that’s happened this past year, I owe it to myself to see this through even if I risk getting hurt. I mean, come on. I finally meet the man of my dreams, found a meaningful career path, got attacked by my ex-boyfriend, found out I had a twin, found out she died, found out the man I was falling in love with was said twin’s boyfriend and that they conceived a child. Then, I fell in love with my sister’s parents and saw her Dad through cancer. And to top it all off, I randomly meet my biological brother in a cemetery! I think it’s safe to say, I’ve built up a little strength to handle what might come my way today.”
Sonia hugged me. “Agreed and I am so proud of how you have survived all this. You know, you really should write a book. This would make a hell of a story.”
“Seriously,” I said as we both broke into laughter.
“Really. You could call it Gemini…you know, it’s your sign and symbolizes twins.
“That’s freaky. I never thought of that,” I said.
***
The train ride to Bettina’s house went by quickly and I walked the several blocks from the station to her door, noticing a handful of cars parked in front of the house. Cedric’s Audi was not among them, so I breathed a small sigh of relief. I wasn’t quite ready to see him yet today. For all I knew, these cars could have also been visitors of the neighbors.
I knocked on the front door and waited for about three minutes before ringing the doorbell, which I wasn’t sure worked anyway. I seemed to hear people out back, but couldn’t tell if it was the neighbor’s yard or Bettina’s.
Just when I was about to turn away, the door opened. I was surprised to see Cedric’s brother Caleb open the door.
“Allison. My God,” he said, seemingly taken aback.
“Hi, Caleb.”
Caleb’s bright blue eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost and he briefly looked behind his own back and whispered, “What are you doing here?”
“I tried to call earlier, but there was no answer. I…uh…just got back from an extended leave and was hoping to talk to your mother and visit Callie. Is she home?”
“Yeah…um…” he said, looking behind his shoulders again briefly.
Caleb just stayed in front of me speechless.
What was going on?
Before I could think, I heard footsteps and a male voice come up from behind him and say, “Caleb, what the hell is taking so long? I’m f**king thirsty. Who’s at the door?”
I knew that voice anywhere.
Caleb closed his eyes defeated and moved out of the way.
Cedric stood frozen behind him and placed his hand over his heart upon seeing me.
The sight of him nearly knocked me down. Still standing in the doorway, I lifted my hand in a small wave and whispered, “Hi.”
Cedric looked at Caleb who continued to say nothing, then looked back at me and swallowed.
“Allison,” Cedric said so softly it was almost inaudible.
My heart skipped a beat at the sight of his handsome face, piercing eyes and the immediate recognition of his familiar scent. My body tingled in sudden awareness as if it found a connecting part that had been missing for five months.
