I cleared my throat. “I am sorry for just showing up here. I…um…thought…I was just dropping in on Bettina. I had wanted to surprise Callie. I didn’t mean to startle you I—”
Cedric licked his lips and shook his head and interrupted me. “Don’t apologize…don’t ever apologize…God…It’s so good to see you,” he said as he continued to stare at me as his mouth turned slowly upward into a genuine smile that tugged at my heart.
But why were both of them just standing there and not inviting me in?
A few seconds later, I heard a female voice say, “Cedric, hon…where did you go?” and got my answer when an attractive Asian woman walked in the room.
CHAPTER 35
CEDRIC
“Ugh…I’m gonna be sick,” Denise said as the smell of the roasting pig wafted in the air. Denise was three months pregnant and the aroma of the meat was making her nauseous.
I was helping my mother rotate it as it sat on the stake over flames. This porker was going to taste damn good though, when the roasting was done and I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into it.
“I can’t believe you guys do this every year,” Stephanie laughed.
My mother smiled, salted the pig and said, “Twice a year, actually…Labor Day and Memorial Day weekends. You’ll see how good it tastes.”
“Well, this is definitely a first for me. Thank you for letting me experience it with you.” Stephanie smiled.
“You’re very welcome. Don’t thank me until you taste it.”
I was happy Mom was being cordial to Stephanie. Even though I hadn’t wanted to bring a woman I was only seeing casually here, I was finally relaxing, thanks to the passage of time and the passage of beer down my throat. I knew my mother was going to be shocked to see me show up here with someone because she knew how torn up I still was over Allison, but I think even she realized that I needed a distraction.
Allison had all but disappeared from our lives. Even Callie had finally stopped asking about her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about her today, though, and wondering how she was spending the holiday, whether she was alone or whether she had found someone else by now. Every time I had even a little alcohol in my system, the longing got worse, my hazy thoughts immediately would shift to her, to her beautiful face and eyes and to memories of the way she tasted. Sometimes, it was downright painful to remember and I could feel my chest tighten.
My mother interrupted my daydreaming. “Looks about done. What do you think, Cedric?”
“I say about ten more minutes. But it is time for another cold one.”
Stephanie laughed and shook her head. “Will you get me one too?”
Caleb stood up from the lawn chair he was sitting in. “You guys stay. I’ll get them. I have some Octoberfest in Mom’s fridge. I wanna break into those. Looking over at a pregnant Denise, he added with a wink, “For you, an O’Doul’s.”
Caleb sauntered through the sliding glass door into the house. After a few minutes passed and he hadn’t returned, I decided to go in and help myself to the beers deciding that he was probably stuck in the john.
I walked through the empty kitchen down the hall toward the bathroom, where I was going to taunt him if he was taking a shit, when I saw him standing instead at the front door.
“Caleb, what the hell is taking so long? I’m f**king thirsty. Who’s at the door?”
Caleb moved to the side and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
Allison was standing at the threshold looking more beautiful than I imagined in my dreams. He dark flowing hair had grown longer, almost to her waist and it was blowing in the breeze. Her green eyes were sparkling, made brighter by the sexy bluish green tank top she was wearing that hugged her br**sts tightly. It took all of my strength to stop myself from rushing toward her.
I could barely get the words out and uttered, “Allison.”
She looked nervous, but sweet. Her eyes seemed to be welcoming the sight of me. This was not at all the enraged person I saw leave my condo many months ago. This was not the distant person I left at her doorstep when I delivered the letter. Something had changed, or rather…returned.
She looked down at her shoes briefly and then straight up into my eyes. “I am sorry for just showing up here. I…um…thought…I was just dropping in on Bettina. I had wanted to surprise Callie. I didn’t mean to startle you I—.”
I shook my head. God, she was beautiful. “Don’t apologize…don’t ever apologize…God…it’s so good to see you.” I smiled and just stared at the stunning sight before me.
My body ached to touch her, to hug her, but I wasn’t sure if that’s what she wanted, so I painfully stayed put as we just stared at each other.
I needed to know what she was thinking.
What the f**k was I going to do when she saw Stephanie back there?
Before I could come up with a solution, a few seconds later, Stephanie entered the house and broke the silence.
“Cedric, hon…where did you go?”
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I looked back at Stephanie and then over at Allison frantically trying to telepathically tell her with my eyes that Stephanie was not my girlfriend, was not important to me, like she was.
Allison looked sad, but then suddenly put on a fake smile and stuck out her hand in Stephanie’s direction as she stepped through the threshold. “Hi, I’m Allison, Callie’s therapist.”
My heart nearly stopped when I saw the ring I had given her gleaming on her right hand.
Holy shit, she was wearing the ring.
Stephanie shook Allison’s hand and looked over at me, probably curious about whether there was any relation to the Allison I called out in my dream last night. If she did suspect it, she let it go at that point.
“I’m Stephanie, nice to meet you.”
The four of us continued to awkwardly stand in silence until we heard the words “PIG IS READY!”
My mother was calling from the backyard and when we lingered, she burst through the sliding glass doors. “Didn’t you guys hear me, the pig is—Allison!”
My mother ran over to Allison, wiping her hands on an apron and hugged her.
Allison returned the hug. “Hi Bettina, sorry to barge in, I wanted to come by and say hello.”
My mother gazed at her. “Honey, don’t be silly. The door is always open here. I hope you’ll stay and join us for the pig roast? I absolutely insist.”
Allison looked like she was thinking about it, then while looking straight over at me said, “Yes, that’d be nice.”
She was staying.
As awkward as this was going to be, I could get through anything, as long she didn’t run from me again.
The five of us: Mom, Caleb, Stephanie, Allison and myself walked out to the yard.
Allison immediately snuck behind Callie, who turned around and squealed louder than ever at the sight of her long lost friend.
“Allison! Allison!” she yelled jumping up and down. I guess she hadn’t forgotten Allison after all.
“Callie, I missed you so much,” Allison said as she hugged my sister.
I wanted to hug Allison, too…so badly.
Stephanie was looking over at Allison and Callie, then gauging my reaction. “So, she works with your sister?” she asked.
“Yeah…yup…she does.” I said flatly, immediately picking up my beer and taking a swig.
Stephanie was looking Allison up and down as she sipped her white wine.
My mother waved everyone over to the table where a dozen side dishes flanked the gigantic roast pig, which had now been carefully sliced into individual pieces of savory pork, garnished with herbs. Thankfully for Denise and Stephanie, the head had been discarded. As good as it looked, I had lost my appetite the second Allison walked through the door.
Stephanie sat next to me while Allison was diagonally across the table from us, next to Callie. I watched as Allison carefully tucked a napkin into the front of Callie’s shirt and carefully placed slices of pork and sides onto my sister’s plate. God, she was so good with her and Callie looked so happy to have Allison back.
Allison glanced over at me, catching me watching her. I didn’t even try to pretend like I wasn’t and kept my gaze on her. To my surprise, she gave me a slight smile, which I returned. My fists were clenched into balls of frustration under the table.
Everyone was unusually quiet throughout the meal until my mother broke the silence. “Allison, when did you get back into town, honey?”
“Last night. I called Bright Horizons about getting reassigned to Callie, but haven’t heard back yet. I’ll keep on them until they get back to me.”
She didn’t offer any information on where she had returned from and even though I wondered so badly where she had been and what she was doing these past few months, I couldn’t bring it up right then and there.
I nearly spit out my food when Stephanie decided to ask Allison a question. “So, Allison, how long have you worked with Callie?”
Allison seemed startled before answering. “I had worked with her about six months before I took a leave of absence. We get along really well, don’t we Callie?” Allison turned to Callie who still had her head face down in her food and then laughed nervously.
Stephanie nodded. “That’s so nice.”
You could cut the tension in the air with a knife as everyone continued to eat, with only my mother and her friends at the far end of the table making small talk amongst themselves.
After about fifteen minutes, after Callie had cleaned her plate and left the table, Allison excused herself and walked into the house alone.
Stephanie had been trying to engage me in a conversation about her law firm’s upcoming yearly banquet that she wanted me to attend, but the corner of my eyes were all too aware of Allison’s absence and my brother Caleb’s swift exit to follow her.
CHAPTER 36
ALLISON
I had to get out of there and take a breather, so I locked myself in Bettina’s bathroom as a million thoughts ran through my mind.
Who was this Stephanie and how serious were they? She’s clearly all over Cedric…who could blame her…but I couldn’t help but feel like he only had eyes for me out there. They seemed to follow my every move, while she was going on and on about her job. I wanted to scream while Cedric pretended to listen to her while he clearly wanted to say something to me.
I had also forgotten just how painfully good looking that man is; he is hotter than ever. His hair has gotten a little longer and is parted and pieced so perfectly together framing his beautiful face. And his scent had been killing me from across the table. Let’s just say, the pork wasn’t the reason my mouth was watering.
This was all so awkward and frustrating. I can understand the predicament he is in. He could have never imagined I would show up out of the blue after disappearing for months and never contacting him. Who could blame him for moving on? I might have done the same thing if I were him. Taking a deep breath and grabbing my bearings, I opened the bathroom door to return outside.
As I exited the bathroom, I was startled to see Caleb standing there waiting for me with his arms crossed. “We need to talk, real quick, Allison. Let’s go out front.”
I nodded, took a deep breath and followed Caleb out to the front steps, as he gently closed the door behind us.
“Listen, I know this has got to be awkward for you,” he said.
I shook my head in agreement. “Obviously, I wasn’t expecting this when I came here.”
Caleb blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Where have you been for three months?”
I hesitated for a second, unsure about whether I wanted to tell him where I was before I had a chance to explain it to Cedric, but caved. “I was in Chicago actually…with my sister’s parents.”
Caleb looked stunned. “No shit…Wow. I didn’t expect you to say that. Cedric had no clue where you went and you told him not to contact you, so—”
“Yes, it’s a long story, but the Thompsons and I have really gotten close. That’s part of what I wanted to talk to Cedric about. I was going to contact him later today, before I knew he was here. I really did come here to see Callie and I didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.”
Caleb quickly looked back to check if anyone was coming and then said, “Listen, we don’t have much time. People are gonna start to wonder where we are. I just wanted you to know that Cedric has been really broken up over everything that happened between you two. It’s taken him all the time you have been away to only somewhat recover and even though it may look like he has moved on, I know for a fact that he hasn’t. I just talked to him this morning on the phone and he was still talking about you, okay? I didn’t want you using the fact that he is here with a date as an excuse to run away from him again. They are not serious. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”
Relief washed over me. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” I couldn’t contain my smile upon hearing that.
He looked back again and spoke softly. “And Allison, listen…I know he hurt you really badly by not telling you the truth right away, but he didn’t mean to cause you pain. His feelings for you were as true as I have ever witnessed. But let me tell you, if your plan was to come back here and ream him out face to face about what happened, I would appreciate it if you didn’t. Just walk away from him instead and let him try to move on. Believe me, he understands his mistakes.”
Walk away? No.
“Caleb, I wasn’t planning on doing that. I had a lot of time to think in Illinois about his reasons for doing what he did. Amanda’s parents really helped me through it. I know now that he didn’t mean to hurt me and I still care about him a lot. I just wish I could talk to him right now.”
Cedric licked his lips and shook his head and interrupted me. “Don’t apologize…don’t ever apologize…God…It’s so good to see you,” he said as he continued to stare at me as his mouth turned slowly upward into a genuine smile that tugged at my heart.
But why were both of them just standing there and not inviting me in?
A few seconds later, I heard a female voice say, “Cedric, hon…where did you go?” and got my answer when an attractive Asian woman walked in the room.
CHAPTER 35
CEDRIC
“Ugh…I’m gonna be sick,” Denise said as the smell of the roasting pig wafted in the air. Denise was three months pregnant and the aroma of the meat was making her nauseous.
I was helping my mother rotate it as it sat on the stake over flames. This porker was going to taste damn good though, when the roasting was done and I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into it.
“I can’t believe you guys do this every year,” Stephanie laughed.
My mother smiled, salted the pig and said, “Twice a year, actually…Labor Day and Memorial Day weekends. You’ll see how good it tastes.”
“Well, this is definitely a first for me. Thank you for letting me experience it with you.” Stephanie smiled.
“You’re very welcome. Don’t thank me until you taste it.”
I was happy Mom was being cordial to Stephanie. Even though I hadn’t wanted to bring a woman I was only seeing casually here, I was finally relaxing, thanks to the passage of time and the passage of beer down my throat. I knew my mother was going to be shocked to see me show up here with someone because she knew how torn up I still was over Allison, but I think even she realized that I needed a distraction.
Allison had all but disappeared from our lives. Even Callie had finally stopped asking about her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about her today, though, and wondering how she was spending the holiday, whether she was alone or whether she had found someone else by now. Every time I had even a little alcohol in my system, the longing got worse, my hazy thoughts immediately would shift to her, to her beautiful face and eyes and to memories of the way she tasted. Sometimes, it was downright painful to remember and I could feel my chest tighten.
My mother interrupted my daydreaming. “Looks about done. What do you think, Cedric?”
“I say about ten more minutes. But it is time for another cold one.”
Stephanie laughed and shook her head. “Will you get me one too?”
Caleb stood up from the lawn chair he was sitting in. “You guys stay. I’ll get them. I have some Octoberfest in Mom’s fridge. I wanna break into those. Looking over at a pregnant Denise, he added with a wink, “For you, an O’Doul’s.”
Caleb sauntered through the sliding glass door into the house. After a few minutes passed and he hadn’t returned, I decided to go in and help myself to the beers deciding that he was probably stuck in the john.
I walked through the empty kitchen down the hall toward the bathroom, where I was going to taunt him if he was taking a shit, when I saw him standing instead at the front door.
“Caleb, what the hell is taking so long? I’m f**king thirsty. Who’s at the door?”
Caleb moved to the side and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
Allison was standing at the threshold looking more beautiful than I imagined in my dreams. He dark flowing hair had grown longer, almost to her waist and it was blowing in the breeze. Her green eyes were sparkling, made brighter by the sexy bluish green tank top she was wearing that hugged her br**sts tightly. It took all of my strength to stop myself from rushing toward her.
I could barely get the words out and uttered, “Allison.”
She looked nervous, but sweet. Her eyes seemed to be welcoming the sight of me. This was not at all the enraged person I saw leave my condo many months ago. This was not the distant person I left at her doorstep when I delivered the letter. Something had changed, or rather…returned.
She looked down at her shoes briefly and then straight up into my eyes. “I am sorry for just showing up here. I…um…thought…I was just dropping in on Bettina. I had wanted to surprise Callie. I didn’t mean to startle you I—.”
I shook my head. God, she was beautiful. “Don’t apologize…don’t ever apologize…God…it’s so good to see you.” I smiled and just stared at the stunning sight before me.
My body ached to touch her, to hug her, but I wasn’t sure if that’s what she wanted, so I painfully stayed put as we just stared at each other.
I needed to know what she was thinking.
What the f**k was I going to do when she saw Stephanie back there?
Before I could come up with a solution, a few seconds later, Stephanie entered the house and broke the silence.
“Cedric, hon…where did you go?”
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I looked back at Stephanie and then over at Allison frantically trying to telepathically tell her with my eyes that Stephanie was not my girlfriend, was not important to me, like she was.
Allison looked sad, but then suddenly put on a fake smile and stuck out her hand in Stephanie’s direction as she stepped through the threshold. “Hi, I’m Allison, Callie’s therapist.”
My heart nearly stopped when I saw the ring I had given her gleaming on her right hand.
Holy shit, she was wearing the ring.
Stephanie shook Allison’s hand and looked over at me, probably curious about whether there was any relation to the Allison I called out in my dream last night. If she did suspect it, she let it go at that point.
“I’m Stephanie, nice to meet you.”
The four of us continued to awkwardly stand in silence until we heard the words “PIG IS READY!”
My mother was calling from the backyard and when we lingered, she burst through the sliding glass doors. “Didn’t you guys hear me, the pig is—Allison!”
My mother ran over to Allison, wiping her hands on an apron and hugged her.
Allison returned the hug. “Hi Bettina, sorry to barge in, I wanted to come by and say hello.”
My mother gazed at her. “Honey, don’t be silly. The door is always open here. I hope you’ll stay and join us for the pig roast? I absolutely insist.”
Allison looked like she was thinking about it, then while looking straight over at me said, “Yes, that’d be nice.”
She was staying.
As awkward as this was going to be, I could get through anything, as long she didn’t run from me again.
The five of us: Mom, Caleb, Stephanie, Allison and myself walked out to the yard.
Allison immediately snuck behind Callie, who turned around and squealed louder than ever at the sight of her long lost friend.
“Allison! Allison!” she yelled jumping up and down. I guess she hadn’t forgotten Allison after all.
“Callie, I missed you so much,” Allison said as she hugged my sister.
I wanted to hug Allison, too…so badly.
Stephanie was looking over at Allison and Callie, then gauging my reaction. “So, she works with your sister?” she asked.
“Yeah…yup…she does.” I said flatly, immediately picking up my beer and taking a swig.
Stephanie was looking Allison up and down as she sipped her white wine.
My mother waved everyone over to the table where a dozen side dishes flanked the gigantic roast pig, which had now been carefully sliced into individual pieces of savory pork, garnished with herbs. Thankfully for Denise and Stephanie, the head had been discarded. As good as it looked, I had lost my appetite the second Allison walked through the door.
Stephanie sat next to me while Allison was diagonally across the table from us, next to Callie. I watched as Allison carefully tucked a napkin into the front of Callie’s shirt and carefully placed slices of pork and sides onto my sister’s plate. God, she was so good with her and Callie looked so happy to have Allison back.
Allison glanced over at me, catching me watching her. I didn’t even try to pretend like I wasn’t and kept my gaze on her. To my surprise, she gave me a slight smile, which I returned. My fists were clenched into balls of frustration under the table.
Everyone was unusually quiet throughout the meal until my mother broke the silence. “Allison, when did you get back into town, honey?”
“Last night. I called Bright Horizons about getting reassigned to Callie, but haven’t heard back yet. I’ll keep on them until they get back to me.”
She didn’t offer any information on where she had returned from and even though I wondered so badly where she had been and what she was doing these past few months, I couldn’t bring it up right then and there.
I nearly spit out my food when Stephanie decided to ask Allison a question. “So, Allison, how long have you worked with Callie?”
Allison seemed startled before answering. “I had worked with her about six months before I took a leave of absence. We get along really well, don’t we Callie?” Allison turned to Callie who still had her head face down in her food and then laughed nervously.
Stephanie nodded. “That’s so nice.”
You could cut the tension in the air with a knife as everyone continued to eat, with only my mother and her friends at the far end of the table making small talk amongst themselves.
After about fifteen minutes, after Callie had cleaned her plate and left the table, Allison excused herself and walked into the house alone.
Stephanie had been trying to engage me in a conversation about her law firm’s upcoming yearly banquet that she wanted me to attend, but the corner of my eyes were all too aware of Allison’s absence and my brother Caleb’s swift exit to follow her.
CHAPTER 36
ALLISON
I had to get out of there and take a breather, so I locked myself in Bettina’s bathroom as a million thoughts ran through my mind.
Who was this Stephanie and how serious were they? She’s clearly all over Cedric…who could blame her…but I couldn’t help but feel like he only had eyes for me out there. They seemed to follow my every move, while she was going on and on about her job. I wanted to scream while Cedric pretended to listen to her while he clearly wanted to say something to me.
I had also forgotten just how painfully good looking that man is; he is hotter than ever. His hair has gotten a little longer and is parted and pieced so perfectly together framing his beautiful face. And his scent had been killing me from across the table. Let’s just say, the pork wasn’t the reason my mouth was watering.
This was all so awkward and frustrating. I can understand the predicament he is in. He could have never imagined I would show up out of the blue after disappearing for months and never contacting him. Who could blame him for moving on? I might have done the same thing if I were him. Taking a deep breath and grabbing my bearings, I opened the bathroom door to return outside.
As I exited the bathroom, I was startled to see Caleb standing there waiting for me with his arms crossed. “We need to talk, real quick, Allison. Let’s go out front.”
I nodded, took a deep breath and followed Caleb out to the front steps, as he gently closed the door behind us.
“Listen, I know this has got to be awkward for you,” he said.
I shook my head in agreement. “Obviously, I wasn’t expecting this when I came here.”
Caleb blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Where have you been for three months?”
I hesitated for a second, unsure about whether I wanted to tell him where I was before I had a chance to explain it to Cedric, but caved. “I was in Chicago actually…with my sister’s parents.”
Caleb looked stunned. “No shit…Wow. I didn’t expect you to say that. Cedric had no clue where you went and you told him not to contact you, so—”
“Yes, it’s a long story, but the Thompsons and I have really gotten close. That’s part of what I wanted to talk to Cedric about. I was going to contact him later today, before I knew he was here. I really did come here to see Callie and I didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.”
Caleb quickly looked back to check if anyone was coming and then said, “Listen, we don’t have much time. People are gonna start to wonder where we are. I just wanted you to know that Cedric has been really broken up over everything that happened between you two. It’s taken him all the time you have been away to only somewhat recover and even though it may look like he has moved on, I know for a fact that he hasn’t. I just talked to him this morning on the phone and he was still talking about you, okay? I didn’t want you using the fact that he is here with a date as an excuse to run away from him again. They are not serious. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”
Relief washed over me. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” I couldn’t contain my smile upon hearing that.
He looked back again and spoke softly. “And Allison, listen…I know he hurt you really badly by not telling you the truth right away, but he didn’t mean to cause you pain. His feelings for you were as true as I have ever witnessed. But let me tell you, if your plan was to come back here and ream him out face to face about what happened, I would appreciate it if you didn’t. Just walk away from him instead and let him try to move on. Believe me, he understands his mistakes.”
Walk away? No.
“Caleb, I wasn’t planning on doing that. I had a lot of time to think in Illinois about his reasons for doing what he did. Amanda’s parents really helped me through it. I know now that he didn’t mean to hurt me and I still care about him a lot. I just wish I could talk to him right now.”
