Hard to Love You
Page 15

Smirking at her I say, “Well let’s get this party started.”
“Hails,” MacKenzie whines. “You promised nothing crazy.”
I stop walking and look over my shoulder, “Nothing crazy is gonna happen, just a little fun and something to help you relax and sleep.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it.” Jaylinn mumbles.
All four of us make our way downstairs to our bags. Each of the girls only brought one bag while I have two.
“Did you really need to bring so many clothes, Hails? You do realize we are only staying two nights, right?” Chloe asks me.
I fling my huge suitcase on the coffee table. I start to unzip it and I feel the girls’ eyes on me. Once it’s all the way unzipped I flip it open and I see them all look dumbfounded.
“You didn’t think I could let my girl down the night before her wedding did you?”
Jaylinn bumps MacKenzie shoulder, “You’re in for it tonight.”
Chloe walks over and starts pulling out shot glasses, different flavored vodka, Sunny D, shakers, plastic cups, mini umbrellas, penis straws. Jaylinn pulls out the movies I brought along too, Dirty Dancing, Sweet Home Alabama and Pretty Woman.
MacKenzie takes a seat on the sofa. “I can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow.”
We all stop what we are doing and look over at her. She has tears running down her face. Chloe, Jaylinn and I look at each other and then over at MacKenzie. I know she wants this, she isn’t crying sad tears. They are definitely happy tears. Jaylinn and Chloe each sit on either side of her while I start making drinks. Everyone needs a drink right now, especially me. It’s so hard to look at MacKenzie without thinking of Mason. I see so much of him in her, the dark hair, the sparkling blue eyes, the smile; even their noses are the same. I also feel like I’m not going to be her first anymore, not now that she has Hunter. With everything she went through, I was always the one she called first. A lot is changing but some things will always be the same.
When I finish with all of our drinks we all settle in and watch our all-time favorite movies and talk about what the game plan is for tomorrow morning.
While the movie plays, I get lost in my own memories about the first time I snuck into Mason’s bedroom eight years ago.
My parents got into the biggest fight that I’ve ever witnessed. They always fought, I don’t think there was ever a day when they didn’t. Mom was always crying. Tara was always telling me they were fighting because of me. If I was never born, they wouldn’t be fighting.
I was sitting in my room doing my homework, trying to hurry so that Mom could take me to MacKenzie’s since it was a Friday night and I could sleep over. Tara being the goodie-goodie that she is, was already at her friend’s house. Someone slammed the front door and caused me to jump. I knew what was about to happen. I ran to my bed, hugged my pillow and started rocking back and forth. The yelling began. Normally I would lie down in bed, stick my fingers in my ears and hum my favorite song, I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston, tuning everything out. But tonight, I didn’t. I wanted to see if Tara was telling the truth.
There was lots of slamming, glass breaking, and screaming. I couldn’t hear every word they were saying with all the commotion going on but I was able to pick up bits and pieces of it. Mom was complaining about Dad being drunk and telling him this was the cause of all their problems. Then I heard a loud bang and Mom shouting at him to stop destroying the house. I heard Mom yelling for him not to leave because he was too drunk to drive. Someone came stomping up the steps and then more stomping came down the hall. They were right outside my door.
“It’s all your fault. I told you I didn’t want any kids. We had Tara and I got over it but you just weren’t happy with her.” My dad yelled.
“Stop it; you know that’s not true.” Mom replied back.
“I never wanted that other brat and you knew this. She f**ked our lives up, Claire. We have been struggling ever since.” Dad roared.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My own dad didn’t want me, Tara was right. He hated me. I destroyed his life, his marriage.
“That’s not true and you know it. You love her just as much as Tara. That’s your flesh and blood.” Mom cried back.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I stuck my fingers in my ears and started humming as I cried. My dad hated me. He didn’t love me. My stupid sister was right; no wonder she blamed everything on me. I was the cause of all the fights.
I knew we didn’t have a lot of money growing up. I couldn’t always get all the stuff that the other kids at school had. We didn’t live in a huge house like MacKenzie did. We lived in a small, two bedroom house, and Tara and I had to share a room. Dad had to work two jobs and Mom worked a lot, too. But we were ok; I had both of my parents. Some of the kids at school didn’t. I thought I had everything since I had a whole family. Now I felt like all of this was my fault. If I wasn’t born they wouldn’t be fighting.
I stopped humming and listened to see if the fighting stopped. It had. I was wiping my face as my mom came into my room.
She took one look at me and knew I heard everything. “Oh Hailey, don’t listen to him. He’s drunk.”
I nodded. “Can you take me to Kenzie’s now?”
She gave me a small smile, “Yes Sweetie, let’s get you packed up.”
When I arrived at MacKenzie’s a little while later, Mason and Cooper were out front shooting hoops. Cooper waved to me but Mason didn’t. He stopped bouncing the ball and looked intently at me. I waved goodbye to Mom and made my way up the walkway to the front door but someone grabbed my wrist. I turned and was met with Mason’s stormy blue eyes.
“Why are you crying?” he asked.
I looked down, “Mom and Dad got into another fight.”
He pulled me into a hug and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I just nodded and begged the tears not to start up again. He let me go and went back to his game with Cooper.
MacKenzie knew the second she saw me that something had happened, and, her being the best friend that she was, put on my favorite movie and made popcorn. Cooper and Mason had joined us as well. And that was how the night ended.
When I was making my bed on MacKenzie’s futon she asked what happened. I just shrugged my shoulders not wanting to talk about it. She let it go, she knew what battles to fight and this wasn’t one of them.
I tossed and turned for hours. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was the fact my dad didn’t love me, didn’t want me. I finally decided to get up to get a glass of water. I stepped out into the hallway, all was dark and quiet. I passed the bathroom door but then stopped at Mason’s. I looked back at MacKenzie’s door then down the hallway to her parents’. No one was around. I knocked lightly, turned the door knob and opened the door.