“That’s the problem.” And then he sipped his tea and didn’t say more.
“What’s the problem now?”
“I hardly know where to begin,” he said, and he looked down into his glass. “I’ve made so many mistakes....”
“There’s a mouthful....”
He met her eyes. “Your boyfriend isn’t here, is he?”
“He’ll be along shortly,” she lied. “If I were you, I’d make this quick. What is it you want now?”
“Leslie, I’m sorry. I made a mess of our lives. I’m not sure what happened. But I’m now a man with many regrets.”
She was a little surprised to hear this. “What’s the matter, Greg? New marriage not working out so well?”
“It’s exactly what I thought I wanted, and now, I’m very embarrassed to say, it’s not what I want at all. I was a fool. I made a terrible mistake letting you go. I’m still in love with you.”
She was stunned speechless. She struggled to recover. There’d been a time, not very long ago, she would’ve given the earth to hear that. “I’m afraid that ship has sailed....”
“Has it? Because it’s never too late to repair the damage, if we handle ourselves appropriately. It’s time to put the cards on the table, Leslie. I’m not sure what happened to me—I was seduced, I guess. I was vulnerable for some reason and seduced and look what a fool I made of myself.”
She took a fortifying sip of her Merlot and then leaned forward in her chair. “You’ve fathered a child! Regrets or not, you have obligations!”
“Absolutely. And I intend to honor them. Allison makes a good living—she doesn’t need alimony from me but I will insist on supporting my child, both financially and emotionally. The sad truth is, I can’t stay in that marriage. It was a mistake, Leslie. I never really let you go and you’re the soul mate I should be with for the rest of my life. I want you to give me another chance.”
She actually gasped. “Are you crazy?”
“No, sweetheart, I was crazy. I was crazy when I thought an affair with a pretty young woman made sense, but I’m recovered now. I came to my senses. Late, I admit, but I finally see how wrong it was to leave you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am or how much I want another chance. We were so happy—”
“No, we weren’t,” she said, though she said it softly. And to her surprise, he turned his head to meet her eyes. “We weren’t. In fact, that’s what you told me when you were leaving me—that you weren’t happy. That you couldn’t live a lie. That you were really in love for the first time! And now that it’s in the past and I have some perspective, I can see that I wasn’t happy, either. I gave up so much to be your wife.” She shook her head. “I’ll never be that foolish again.”
“What?” he said, scooting forward in his chair. “What did you give up? I gave you everything!”
“No, you gave nothing and I gave up everything. We both worked tirelessly for your success and never discussed what was important to me. I wanted children, Greg. How many times did I tell you I wanted a family? You were so busy talking about yourself and your ambitions, you never listened to a word I said.”
“You want children? Fine, then. We’ll have children.”
She shook her head. “No, Greg. You’re much, much too late.”
“Don’t be hasty, Leslie. Don’t make the same mistake I made. We had a good life, you and me. You begged me to stay and I was the idiot who didn’t take you seriously when I should have.” He tried to reach for her arm.
“No,” she said again. “I’m over you. Completely. In fact, I have no respect for you.”
“God!” he said. “How can you say that to me?”
“Easily. It’s time for you to get over yourself. You didn’t honor your vows. You betrayed me and left me and went on your merry way to a new life. Made a mistake there, did you?” She shook her head. “Well, there are consequences, Greg. I guess you’re going to have to live with that.”
“Leslie!”
She shook her head, though she was not completely unmoved. She couldn’t imagine what he must be thinking and feeling. She couldn’t guess what it might be like to be him right now. Greg wasn’t used to being rejected. “I wish you’d leave so I can enjoy my wine.”
“Is this about him? The man you’ve been seeing?”
“Did I trade you in for a new man? Absolutely not—I was completely faithful while we were married. I didn’t so much as go out for coffee with a man for a year and a half after you left me. Have I found someone worthy now? Oh, yes,” she assured him. “In fact, in about thirty seconds I’m going to go inside and phone around to see if I can find him. I’m going to ask him to hurry up and get you off my porch. Seriously. Because if you have regrets, it’s your own damn fault and I’m not even slightly interested in giving you another chance to hurt me.”
“I would never—”
“Listen to me,” she said. “You don’t even tempt me. For the past few months I’ve been trying to remember what I saw in you in the first place.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me,” he said. “We were so good together!”
“Go. Please, go. Ask Allison to forgive you for being stupid and take good care of her and your child.”
“Leslie, if you think about this—”
She slowly stood and went into the house. She threw the dead bolt and then went around to the back door to be sure it was locked. She took her glass of wine with her to the bedroom and sat on her bed, leaning back on the pillows. Using the cordless phone, she dialed Conner’s cell. It was about eight-thirty on the East Coast. When he answered, she said, “I miss you so much.”
“Not much longer, baby.”
“Are you in the middle of things?”
“I was doing dishes,” he said with a laugh. “Katie’s getting the boys showered and ready for bed. I was going to call you the minute the house got quiet. What I really want is to roll over and grab you and pull you closer. And make you beg…”
“I want that, too.”
“What’s wrong, Les? Something’s wrong.”
“How can you tell?”
“Your voice—it’s in your voice. Tell me. Don’t make me worry.”
“It’s just Greg. I found him on my porch when I got home from work. He’s sorry—how about that? He’d like another chance. He’d like us to try again.”
Conner was quiet for a long beat. “Is that so?” he finally said.
“Have you ever heard anything so absurd?”
“And what do you want, Les?” he asked softly.
“I want to take a shower with you, that’s what I want. I want to roll around in the bed with you. I want to feel your prickly mustache against my neck.” She sighed. “I want to be with you because I understand you, because I’m understood by you. Because I trust you and love you.”
“But he screws up your head,” Conner said.
“I can’t for my life figure out why,” she said. “He has only one agenda. It’s all about him. Why does it even distract me? I’m finished with him.”
“Maybe not quite,” Conner said. “Something is unfinished....”
She thought for a second. “Conner, I’m going to go see my parents this weekend. I’ll drive up early Saturday morning and come back here on Sunday. I’ll have my cell phone with me. It works just fine on the road to Oregon. I’m not going to see Greg, I promise you that.”
“I didn’t ask. Les, if you have to see him, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it. Do what you have to do. I’ve told you before—when we move on together, I don’t want you to have any doubts. I want you to be sure.”
“I am sure, Conner. I love you.”
“But something’s eating at you....”
“And I’m not sure what it is. All I’m completely sure about is that I want to be with you. Only you. I just have this baggage.... How do I dump the baggage?”
“I don’t know him like you know him. I can tell you what I did. I wrote Samantha a letter.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I did it right before I left,” he said. “I told her I was happy in a way I’d never been happy before and it had nothing to do with her. I wished her well and said I was moving on and hoped she would, too. I didn’t give an address for her to respond to—but I said goodbye in the only way I knew how.”
“I keep saying goodbye to Greg and he just won’t go!” she protested.
“You’ll figure this out. And I’ll be with you soon.”
“I need my mother,” she said. “I’m going to go home, see my mom and get her to help me with this. My mom never liked him to start with! God, I wish she’d have told me and saved me the time!”
“If not for your marriage and divorce, we’d never have met,” he said.
That stopped her. She thought about that for a second. “Isn’t it funny,” she said, “that our biggest blunders can end up being the best thing that ever happened to us.”
When Leslie looked outside again, the shiny Caddy was gone, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Then she walked three doors down to Nora’s house and made her apologies—she had to cancel their Saturday trip into Fortuna together. “I have to take a drive up to Grants Pass to see my mother.”
“No problem, we’ll do it another time,” she said. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m not sure. My ex-husband showed up again. He’s a complete pest. But I need to talk to my mother about him. My mom is kind of…well…opinionated would be a mild description. I think she might have some advice for me. I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“I saw the car,” Nora said. “Wow.”
“It’s a very pretty car,” Leslie confirmed. “It’s not making him at all happy right now. But it used to. Things like clothes, cars, country-club memberships, all that stuff used to get him all excited. Not me,” she said. “Never me.”
Leslie hadn’t exactly lied to Conner, but there was a little more to her agenda than a nice visit with her mother. She called her mother on Friday morning and said, “I hope you don’t have really big weekend plans because I need you on Saturday—I want to come up to Grants Pass.”
“Sure, darling,” Candace said. “We have a kickboxing class in the afternoon, but we can miss it, I suppose.”
“Kickboxing?”
“You just can’t imagine how much fun it is. There’s a group of us who go to the community center for the class. And you know what? We’re not terrible!”
“I’m not at all surprised. But listen—I’m having issues with Greg. He is still bothering me. He was down here again. Can you do a little detective work for me? Make a phone call or two? I’d like to see Allison. Can you call her and maybe set something up? I’ll meet her wherever, but I have to talk to her about Greg, who is driving me crazy. And I’d like to talk to her alone. Tell her it’s very personal and important.”
“Sweetheart, what is it?” Candace asked.
“It’s just that I don’t understand myself, Mom. How did I not notice this about him for the eight years of our marriage? Does the whole town think I’m just an idiot? And why didn’t I know I was being used?”
“Oh, crap, Leslie—you’re overthinking the whole thing. The ‘town’ thinks you were the best thing that every happened to Greg Adams and he was a damn fool to let you get away! As for Allison, I doubt she’ll confirm that for you. But I’ll call her and try to set up an appointment with her. Maybe you can meet her at the mall or something. Get it all off your chest, then we’ll go out for sushi.”
“What’s the problem now?”
“I hardly know where to begin,” he said, and he looked down into his glass. “I’ve made so many mistakes....”
“There’s a mouthful....”
He met her eyes. “Your boyfriend isn’t here, is he?”
“He’ll be along shortly,” she lied. “If I were you, I’d make this quick. What is it you want now?”
“Leslie, I’m sorry. I made a mess of our lives. I’m not sure what happened. But I’m now a man with many regrets.”
She was a little surprised to hear this. “What’s the matter, Greg? New marriage not working out so well?”
“It’s exactly what I thought I wanted, and now, I’m very embarrassed to say, it’s not what I want at all. I was a fool. I made a terrible mistake letting you go. I’m still in love with you.”
She was stunned speechless. She struggled to recover. There’d been a time, not very long ago, she would’ve given the earth to hear that. “I’m afraid that ship has sailed....”
“Has it? Because it’s never too late to repair the damage, if we handle ourselves appropriately. It’s time to put the cards on the table, Leslie. I’m not sure what happened to me—I was seduced, I guess. I was vulnerable for some reason and seduced and look what a fool I made of myself.”
She took a fortifying sip of her Merlot and then leaned forward in her chair. “You’ve fathered a child! Regrets or not, you have obligations!”
“Absolutely. And I intend to honor them. Allison makes a good living—she doesn’t need alimony from me but I will insist on supporting my child, both financially and emotionally. The sad truth is, I can’t stay in that marriage. It was a mistake, Leslie. I never really let you go and you’re the soul mate I should be with for the rest of my life. I want you to give me another chance.”
She actually gasped. “Are you crazy?”
“No, sweetheart, I was crazy. I was crazy when I thought an affair with a pretty young woman made sense, but I’m recovered now. I came to my senses. Late, I admit, but I finally see how wrong it was to leave you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am or how much I want another chance. We were so happy—”
“No, we weren’t,” she said, though she said it softly. And to her surprise, he turned his head to meet her eyes. “We weren’t. In fact, that’s what you told me when you were leaving me—that you weren’t happy. That you couldn’t live a lie. That you were really in love for the first time! And now that it’s in the past and I have some perspective, I can see that I wasn’t happy, either. I gave up so much to be your wife.” She shook her head. “I’ll never be that foolish again.”
“What?” he said, scooting forward in his chair. “What did you give up? I gave you everything!”
“No, you gave nothing and I gave up everything. We both worked tirelessly for your success and never discussed what was important to me. I wanted children, Greg. How many times did I tell you I wanted a family? You were so busy talking about yourself and your ambitions, you never listened to a word I said.”
“You want children? Fine, then. We’ll have children.”
She shook her head. “No, Greg. You’re much, much too late.”
“Don’t be hasty, Leslie. Don’t make the same mistake I made. We had a good life, you and me. You begged me to stay and I was the idiot who didn’t take you seriously when I should have.” He tried to reach for her arm.
“No,” she said again. “I’m over you. Completely. In fact, I have no respect for you.”
“God!” he said. “How can you say that to me?”
“Easily. It’s time for you to get over yourself. You didn’t honor your vows. You betrayed me and left me and went on your merry way to a new life. Made a mistake there, did you?” She shook her head. “Well, there are consequences, Greg. I guess you’re going to have to live with that.”
“Leslie!”
She shook her head, though she was not completely unmoved. She couldn’t imagine what he must be thinking and feeling. She couldn’t guess what it might be like to be him right now. Greg wasn’t used to being rejected. “I wish you’d leave so I can enjoy my wine.”
“Is this about him? The man you’ve been seeing?”
“Did I trade you in for a new man? Absolutely not—I was completely faithful while we were married. I didn’t so much as go out for coffee with a man for a year and a half after you left me. Have I found someone worthy now? Oh, yes,” she assured him. “In fact, in about thirty seconds I’m going to go inside and phone around to see if I can find him. I’m going to ask him to hurry up and get you off my porch. Seriously. Because if you have regrets, it’s your own damn fault and I’m not even slightly interested in giving you another chance to hurt me.”
“I would never—”
“Listen to me,” she said. “You don’t even tempt me. For the past few months I’ve been trying to remember what I saw in you in the first place.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me,” he said. “We were so good together!”
“Go. Please, go. Ask Allison to forgive you for being stupid and take good care of her and your child.”
“Leslie, if you think about this—”
She slowly stood and went into the house. She threw the dead bolt and then went around to the back door to be sure it was locked. She took her glass of wine with her to the bedroom and sat on her bed, leaning back on the pillows. Using the cordless phone, she dialed Conner’s cell. It was about eight-thirty on the East Coast. When he answered, she said, “I miss you so much.”
“Not much longer, baby.”
“Are you in the middle of things?”
“I was doing dishes,” he said with a laugh. “Katie’s getting the boys showered and ready for bed. I was going to call you the minute the house got quiet. What I really want is to roll over and grab you and pull you closer. And make you beg…”
“I want that, too.”
“What’s wrong, Les? Something’s wrong.”
“How can you tell?”
“Your voice—it’s in your voice. Tell me. Don’t make me worry.”
“It’s just Greg. I found him on my porch when I got home from work. He’s sorry—how about that? He’d like another chance. He’d like us to try again.”
Conner was quiet for a long beat. “Is that so?” he finally said.
“Have you ever heard anything so absurd?”
“And what do you want, Les?” he asked softly.
“I want to take a shower with you, that’s what I want. I want to roll around in the bed with you. I want to feel your prickly mustache against my neck.” She sighed. “I want to be with you because I understand you, because I’m understood by you. Because I trust you and love you.”
“But he screws up your head,” Conner said.
“I can’t for my life figure out why,” she said. “He has only one agenda. It’s all about him. Why does it even distract me? I’m finished with him.”
“Maybe not quite,” Conner said. “Something is unfinished....”
She thought for a second. “Conner, I’m going to go see my parents this weekend. I’ll drive up early Saturday morning and come back here on Sunday. I’ll have my cell phone with me. It works just fine on the road to Oregon. I’m not going to see Greg, I promise you that.”
“I didn’t ask. Les, if you have to see him, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it. Do what you have to do. I’ve told you before—when we move on together, I don’t want you to have any doubts. I want you to be sure.”
“I am sure, Conner. I love you.”
“But something’s eating at you....”
“And I’m not sure what it is. All I’m completely sure about is that I want to be with you. Only you. I just have this baggage.... How do I dump the baggage?”
“I don’t know him like you know him. I can tell you what I did. I wrote Samantha a letter.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I did it right before I left,” he said. “I told her I was happy in a way I’d never been happy before and it had nothing to do with her. I wished her well and said I was moving on and hoped she would, too. I didn’t give an address for her to respond to—but I said goodbye in the only way I knew how.”
“I keep saying goodbye to Greg and he just won’t go!” she protested.
“You’ll figure this out. And I’ll be with you soon.”
“I need my mother,” she said. “I’m going to go home, see my mom and get her to help me with this. My mom never liked him to start with! God, I wish she’d have told me and saved me the time!”
“If not for your marriage and divorce, we’d never have met,” he said.
That stopped her. She thought about that for a second. “Isn’t it funny,” she said, “that our biggest blunders can end up being the best thing that ever happened to us.”
When Leslie looked outside again, the shiny Caddy was gone, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Then she walked three doors down to Nora’s house and made her apologies—she had to cancel their Saturday trip into Fortuna together. “I have to take a drive up to Grants Pass to see my mother.”
“No problem, we’ll do it another time,” she said. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m not sure. My ex-husband showed up again. He’s a complete pest. But I need to talk to my mother about him. My mom is kind of…well…opinionated would be a mild description. I think she might have some advice for me. I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“I saw the car,” Nora said. “Wow.”
“It’s a very pretty car,” Leslie confirmed. “It’s not making him at all happy right now. But it used to. Things like clothes, cars, country-club memberships, all that stuff used to get him all excited. Not me,” she said. “Never me.”
Leslie hadn’t exactly lied to Conner, but there was a little more to her agenda than a nice visit with her mother. She called her mother on Friday morning and said, “I hope you don’t have really big weekend plans because I need you on Saturday—I want to come up to Grants Pass.”
“Sure, darling,” Candace said. “We have a kickboxing class in the afternoon, but we can miss it, I suppose.”
“Kickboxing?”
“You just can’t imagine how much fun it is. There’s a group of us who go to the community center for the class. And you know what? We’re not terrible!”
“I’m not at all surprised. But listen—I’m having issues with Greg. He is still bothering me. He was down here again. Can you do a little detective work for me? Make a phone call or two? I’d like to see Allison. Can you call her and maybe set something up? I’ll meet her wherever, but I have to talk to her about Greg, who is driving me crazy. And I’d like to talk to her alone. Tell her it’s very personal and important.”
“Sweetheart, what is it?” Candace asked.
“It’s just that I don’t understand myself, Mom. How did I not notice this about him for the eight years of our marriage? Does the whole town think I’m just an idiot? And why didn’t I know I was being used?”
“Oh, crap, Leslie—you’re overthinking the whole thing. The ‘town’ thinks you were the best thing that every happened to Greg Adams and he was a damn fool to let you get away! As for Allison, I doubt she’ll confirm that for you. But I’ll call her and try to set up an appointment with her. Maybe you can meet her at the mall or something. Get it all off your chest, then we’ll go out for sushi.”
