“Well, tell the truth, Jace. I don’t get it. I mean, how can you want someone like that in your life?”
I shake my head. “He’s our dad.”
“He was our dad,” he corrects quickly. “He was stripped of that when he decided some whore was more important than us and his wife. When he raised a hand to our mother and then came at us. Did you forget that?”
Closing my eyes, I swallow hard. “No.”
“Then, what’s the problem? Are you really that spoiled that you can’t care for yourself?”
“No, I can. I am, but I feel shitty just cutting him off when he helped me out at the start of the year.”
“But you don’t feel shitty you’re hurting Mom?”
“No, I do, Jude. Come on, man, you know I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“I do know that,” he says and then inhales. “I think that’s what I’m so mad about, because you don’t want to hurt anyone. But the thing is, you’re gonna be the one hurt, and all of us are gonna have to watch it. I won’t tell you I told you so because there is no need, you’ll know it. But, man, separate yourself now before it’s too late.”
“Okay,” I say softly, my heart pounding in my chest. “I hear you.”
“Good.”
“I should have called you and told you.”
“You should have. But whatever, it’s fine,” he says offhandedly and shame drowns me. “Just be careful, Jace.”
“I hear you.”
“I told Jayden and he told me to handle it ’cause he was worried he’d say something that really hurts you.”
“Well, thanks,” I say because I know that to be true. Jayden’s temper is something scary, especially when it comes to my dad.
“Okay, I love you. See you tomorrow.”
“Love you, bye.”
Hanging up, I don’t feel better. I know calling Jayden will probably only make me feel worse, but I dial his number anyway.
“Hey,” he barks and my heart drops. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this.
“Listen, I know Jude told you, and I wanted to call and say I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Jace. We’ll deal as a family. He doesn’t matter. All that matters is watching you kick ass.”
I smile because it’s so unlike him to say that when it comes to our dad. He would rather cuss me out than say something like that. “Did Baylor tell you to say that?”
He laughs. “No, Mom.”
That only makes my heart hurt more. “Maybe I should tell him not to come.”
“No point. He’ll come anyway, and Mom doesn’t care. Really. But listen, I’m walking into practice. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Cool. I really am sorry, and I love you.”
I can hear the grin in his voice. “Yeah, you’re lucky I still love you too.”
“I am,” I say and he laughs before saying good-bye. Why don’t I feel better? Pulling my phone from my face, I see a message came through while I was on the phone.
Mom: Don’t beat yourself about your dad. I love you more than anything in this world, and I promise I’m not upset. He has nothing over me anymore. My main concern is you, your brothers, Lucy, Angie, and my daughters-in-law. I love you, don’t be upset.
I let out a long breath as I shake my head. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, but I am. I should have told him he couldn’t come.
Me: I don’t deserve such a great mom like you.
Mom: I say the same thing about you and your brothers and sister. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have four beautiful children who bring me such joy, but I am. Trust and believe, my love, you deserve the best. So don’t you think at all about what is going on in the stands tomorrow. All you worry about is being the best. Because you are just that, the best damn player ever… Don’t tell your brothers I said that.
Me: Oh no, I am.
Mom: I can still take you over my knee.
Me: Lips are sealed.
Mom: Better. All right, I love you, Jace.
Me: I love you.
And while I’m sure that was supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t.
I only feel worse.
Slipping my phone into my pocket, I start for the coffee shop, but I don’t get far before Markus is walking beside me.
“Ready to tell me what has you all icky?”
“Icky? I’m pretty sure men don’t use that word,” I say and he grins.
“I do, so stop changing the subject and tell me what’s going on.”
Shrugging, I know I can’t tell him about Avery, but I can tell him about my family. He’s basically a part of it. “I talked to Lucy yesterday, and she said she was gonna talk to my mom about my dad coming to the game tomorrow.”
Concern fills his features as his caramel eyes burn into mine. “Is she okay?”
Like I said, he’s pretty much family and loves my mom like I do. “Yeah, she said it isn’t about him, it’s about me. He has no hold on her.”
“That’s good,” Markus says with a nod. “So what’s wrong?”
“Well, Jude was mad and so was Jayden. But not because I invited him or, really, just told him when the game is. They’re mad that I’m setting myself up to get hurt.”
Crossing his arms, he looks at me. “I mean, he is a douche.”
“I know, but I haven’t taken anything from him since the first week of classes. He told me to quit my job, that he’d pay for anything I need, and I’m not going to do that. I don’t plan on telling him about any more games. I’m gonna distance myself.”
“Are you okay with that?”
I shrug, unsure. “I mean, I don’t know. I guess if I really wanted a relationship with him, I wouldn’t feel bad every time I get off the phone with him. It’s almost like I’m being fake with him just to get what I need, and I don’t like that. I’m not that person, you know?”
“Yeah, I agree.”
“So I’m gonna keep my distance.”
“Cool, I support this decision. But I’m gonna need you to let it go because we have a game tomorrow and we are winning, Sinclair.”
Grinning, I bump shoulders with him. “Got you, Reeves.”
“Okay, hit me up if you need anything. I’ve got class, and then I’m meeting Mekena for dinner.”
I shake my head. “He’s our dad.”
“He was our dad,” he corrects quickly. “He was stripped of that when he decided some whore was more important than us and his wife. When he raised a hand to our mother and then came at us. Did you forget that?”
Closing my eyes, I swallow hard. “No.”
“Then, what’s the problem? Are you really that spoiled that you can’t care for yourself?”
“No, I can. I am, but I feel shitty just cutting him off when he helped me out at the start of the year.”
“But you don’t feel shitty you’re hurting Mom?”
“No, I do, Jude. Come on, man, you know I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“I do know that,” he says and then inhales. “I think that’s what I’m so mad about, because you don’t want to hurt anyone. But the thing is, you’re gonna be the one hurt, and all of us are gonna have to watch it. I won’t tell you I told you so because there is no need, you’ll know it. But, man, separate yourself now before it’s too late.”
“Okay,” I say softly, my heart pounding in my chest. “I hear you.”
“Good.”
“I should have called you and told you.”
“You should have. But whatever, it’s fine,” he says offhandedly and shame drowns me. “Just be careful, Jace.”
“I hear you.”
“I told Jayden and he told me to handle it ’cause he was worried he’d say something that really hurts you.”
“Well, thanks,” I say because I know that to be true. Jayden’s temper is something scary, especially when it comes to my dad.
“Okay, I love you. See you tomorrow.”
“Love you, bye.”
Hanging up, I don’t feel better. I know calling Jayden will probably only make me feel worse, but I dial his number anyway.
“Hey,” he barks and my heart drops. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this.
“Listen, I know Jude told you, and I wanted to call and say I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Jace. We’ll deal as a family. He doesn’t matter. All that matters is watching you kick ass.”
I smile because it’s so unlike him to say that when it comes to our dad. He would rather cuss me out than say something like that. “Did Baylor tell you to say that?”
He laughs. “No, Mom.”
That only makes my heart hurt more. “Maybe I should tell him not to come.”
“No point. He’ll come anyway, and Mom doesn’t care. Really. But listen, I’m walking into practice. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Cool. I really am sorry, and I love you.”
I can hear the grin in his voice. “Yeah, you’re lucky I still love you too.”
“I am,” I say and he laughs before saying good-bye. Why don’t I feel better? Pulling my phone from my face, I see a message came through while I was on the phone.
Mom: Don’t beat yourself about your dad. I love you more than anything in this world, and I promise I’m not upset. He has nothing over me anymore. My main concern is you, your brothers, Lucy, Angie, and my daughters-in-law. I love you, don’t be upset.
I let out a long breath as I shake my head. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, but I am. I should have told him he couldn’t come.
Me: I don’t deserve such a great mom like you.
Mom: I say the same thing about you and your brothers and sister. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have four beautiful children who bring me such joy, but I am. Trust and believe, my love, you deserve the best. So don’t you think at all about what is going on in the stands tomorrow. All you worry about is being the best. Because you are just that, the best damn player ever… Don’t tell your brothers I said that.
Me: Oh no, I am.
Mom: I can still take you over my knee.
Me: Lips are sealed.
Mom: Better. All right, I love you, Jace.
Me: I love you.
And while I’m sure that was supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t.
I only feel worse.
Slipping my phone into my pocket, I start for the coffee shop, but I don’t get far before Markus is walking beside me.
“Ready to tell me what has you all icky?”
“Icky? I’m pretty sure men don’t use that word,” I say and he grins.
“I do, so stop changing the subject and tell me what’s going on.”
Shrugging, I know I can’t tell him about Avery, but I can tell him about my family. He’s basically a part of it. “I talked to Lucy yesterday, and she said she was gonna talk to my mom about my dad coming to the game tomorrow.”
Concern fills his features as his caramel eyes burn into mine. “Is she okay?”
Like I said, he’s pretty much family and loves my mom like I do. “Yeah, she said it isn’t about him, it’s about me. He has no hold on her.”
“That’s good,” Markus says with a nod. “So what’s wrong?”
“Well, Jude was mad and so was Jayden. But not because I invited him or, really, just told him when the game is. They’re mad that I’m setting myself up to get hurt.”
Crossing his arms, he looks at me. “I mean, he is a douche.”
“I know, but I haven’t taken anything from him since the first week of classes. He told me to quit my job, that he’d pay for anything I need, and I’m not going to do that. I don’t plan on telling him about any more games. I’m gonna distance myself.”
“Are you okay with that?”
I shrug, unsure. “I mean, I don’t know. I guess if I really wanted a relationship with him, I wouldn’t feel bad every time I get off the phone with him. It’s almost like I’m being fake with him just to get what I need, and I don’t like that. I’m not that person, you know?”
“Yeah, I agree.”
“So I’m gonna keep my distance.”
“Cool, I support this decision. But I’m gonna need you to let it go because we have a game tomorrow and we are winning, Sinclair.”
Grinning, I bump shoulders with him. “Got you, Reeves.”
“Okay, hit me up if you need anything. I’ve got class, and then I’m meeting Mekena for dinner.”
