I shake my head as I look away. “Do you love me, Jace?”
“Yes. You know I do.”
“Then what is the problem?
“I’m scared, Avery. I can’t lose my career.”
It’s like he’s cutting me. Like he’s the one with the blade now.
Closing my eyes, I don’t know why I even ask the next question. I know the answer—I’ve always known it, yet I need to hear it from his lips. “So hockey is more important than me?”
His eyes are angry. “Don’t do that. Don’t make me choose. That’s not right.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing? Trying to figure out if I’m worth the risk? When there isn’t even a fucking risk because my dad doesn’t fucking care who I am dating!”
“The proof is right here,” he says, holding his phone up. “Your dad does care, and I don’t know what that means for me.”
“What it means is that you are choosing hockey over me.”
“That’s not what I fucking said. I just need some time. Give me some fucking time!”
“Fine, take all the time you need because I’m breaking up with you.”
Fuck, did I really say that? When his eyes widen, I know I did. Instantly, I regret it, but I refuse to let him know that. I won’t be second fucking best.
“What the fuck, Avery?” he yells, but I know I’m doing the right thing.
Or at least, I think I am.
Lifting my bag, I put it on my shoulder and look at him. “I’ve been second fucking best to that sport my whole life, and I won’t be any longer. I love you, Jace, I do. And this hurts more than I can even explain, but there is nothing else to say.” My voice breaks and tears still trickle down my face. I don’t want this. I don’t want to break up. But damn it, I said I wanted more. I want to be important.
I go to walk around him, but he takes me by my arm, stopping me. “There is plenty to fucking say.”
“No, there isn’t.” I pull my arm from his and reach for my car door. “Good luck to you.”
Despite his protests, I get in, slamming the door and starting my car. I ignore when he starts beating on the window, demanding I get out and talk to him. Because I can’t. I can’t do this to me. I matter too much. I hit reverse as he hobbles back from the car, shaking his head. Without even looking at him, I pull away as my heart breaks even more. I don’t know how that happened. I can only ask why.
But I can’t help myself, and I look in the mirror to see him with his hands on his head, his elbows in the air, and tears in his eyes.
And all I can think is…
This is what true heartbreak feels like.
Jace: Really? Come on, talk to me.
Jace: Don’t be like this.
Jace: Are you really ignoring me? I’ve called you seven times.
Jace: Avery, this isn’t fair. You have to get what I’m saying here. I don’t want to lose you, I love you.
Jace: Come on. I was trying to be honest.
Jace: You know that thing you have a hard time with.
Jace: Ignore that last message, I’m just pissed. I keep calling. You won’t answer. Just answer me.
Jace: Avery. For real. This is insane.
Jace: I went to your dorm, you aren’t there and you aren’t answering my calls. Are you okay?
Jace: Okay, really? You can text Mekena to tell her to tell me to leave, but you can’t text me?
Jace: I can’t believe you are acting like this. I thought you loved me.
I do. I love him so much I’m surprised I was able to get to Stu’s office and back without crashing my car. The pain I’m feeling is completely indescribable. It hurts. Everywhere. I can’t believe this has happened. My day had started off so well. I was actually okay with going home, but now, I’m so fucking mad and hurt that my brothers better watch out.
I’m out for blood.
And not mine.
Theirs.
Throwing my phone into the bottom of my bag, I turn off my car and pause when it starts to ring.
It’s him.
Again.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the steering wheel and let my tears fall onto my legs. I shouldn’t have broken up with him. Maybe I should have given him the time he asked for, but I can’t. I want to be number one. I deserve to be number one, and for the last month, I thought I was his number one. Sitting up, I wipe my face and push the door open, getting out.
“Why can’t you just talk to me?”
Whipping my head to the left, I find Jace coming toward me and I shake my head. “Take a hint, Jace. I don’t want to talk to you.”
I start for my dorm, walking a little faster than I normally would, but I can’t do this. He hurt me. He went behind my back, contacted an ex to catch me in a so-called lie? I didn’t do anything wrong. I know what happened—hell, I’m the only one who knows the damn truth—and he didn’t believe me.
“I love how you’re mad at me when I did nothing wrong. You’re the one who lied.”
“I didn’t lie,” I yell back at him. “I didn’t volunteer it. And I’m not mad, I’m hurt. You broke my heart. Now leave me the hell alone.”
Walking a little faster, I hear him trying to catch up. But bless him, his leg is injured and I feel bad. I wanted to spend the day taking care of him, loving him, before I left. Instead, that all went to shit.
“Are you really gonna make me chase you? My leg is hurt, Avery. Take pity on the disabled.”
He’s trying to be funny. Trying to make me laugh so I’ll talk to him, but no. Just no. “Leave me alone, Jace. You wanted time, you got it.”
“I don’t want time without you. I just wanted to think it through.”
“Good luck with that,” I yell back at him, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm.
“I don’t get it. I mean, shit, don’t you understand that this is scary? Like, the whole thing. I fell so hard, and after I fell, I find all your dirty laundry. It’s insane.”
“Whatever, Jace. Dirty laundry or not, you said you loved me. Who is the one who’s really lying?”
As I reach the door, I hear him dragging his leg like a zombie. I want to laugh at the hilarity of him hobbling after me, dragging his bum leg, but I can’t. It only makes me cry harder. If he loves me this much, then why is he scared? What the hell is there to be scared of when all we need is each other? He’s right; it isn’t fair.
“Yes. You know I do.”
“Then what is the problem?
“I’m scared, Avery. I can’t lose my career.”
It’s like he’s cutting me. Like he’s the one with the blade now.
Closing my eyes, I don’t know why I even ask the next question. I know the answer—I’ve always known it, yet I need to hear it from his lips. “So hockey is more important than me?”
His eyes are angry. “Don’t do that. Don’t make me choose. That’s not right.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing? Trying to figure out if I’m worth the risk? When there isn’t even a fucking risk because my dad doesn’t fucking care who I am dating!”
“The proof is right here,” he says, holding his phone up. “Your dad does care, and I don’t know what that means for me.”
“What it means is that you are choosing hockey over me.”
“That’s not what I fucking said. I just need some time. Give me some fucking time!”
“Fine, take all the time you need because I’m breaking up with you.”
Fuck, did I really say that? When his eyes widen, I know I did. Instantly, I regret it, but I refuse to let him know that. I won’t be second fucking best.
“What the fuck, Avery?” he yells, but I know I’m doing the right thing.
Or at least, I think I am.
Lifting my bag, I put it on my shoulder and look at him. “I’ve been second fucking best to that sport my whole life, and I won’t be any longer. I love you, Jace, I do. And this hurts more than I can even explain, but there is nothing else to say.” My voice breaks and tears still trickle down my face. I don’t want this. I don’t want to break up. But damn it, I said I wanted more. I want to be important.
I go to walk around him, but he takes me by my arm, stopping me. “There is plenty to fucking say.”
“No, there isn’t.” I pull my arm from his and reach for my car door. “Good luck to you.”
Despite his protests, I get in, slamming the door and starting my car. I ignore when he starts beating on the window, demanding I get out and talk to him. Because I can’t. I can’t do this to me. I matter too much. I hit reverse as he hobbles back from the car, shaking his head. Without even looking at him, I pull away as my heart breaks even more. I don’t know how that happened. I can only ask why.
But I can’t help myself, and I look in the mirror to see him with his hands on his head, his elbows in the air, and tears in his eyes.
And all I can think is…
This is what true heartbreak feels like.
Jace: Really? Come on, talk to me.
Jace: Don’t be like this.
Jace: Are you really ignoring me? I’ve called you seven times.
Jace: Avery, this isn’t fair. You have to get what I’m saying here. I don’t want to lose you, I love you.
Jace: Come on. I was trying to be honest.
Jace: You know that thing you have a hard time with.
Jace: Ignore that last message, I’m just pissed. I keep calling. You won’t answer. Just answer me.
Jace: Avery. For real. This is insane.
Jace: I went to your dorm, you aren’t there and you aren’t answering my calls. Are you okay?
Jace: Okay, really? You can text Mekena to tell her to tell me to leave, but you can’t text me?
Jace: I can’t believe you are acting like this. I thought you loved me.
I do. I love him so much I’m surprised I was able to get to Stu’s office and back without crashing my car. The pain I’m feeling is completely indescribable. It hurts. Everywhere. I can’t believe this has happened. My day had started off so well. I was actually okay with going home, but now, I’m so fucking mad and hurt that my brothers better watch out.
I’m out for blood.
And not mine.
Theirs.
Throwing my phone into the bottom of my bag, I turn off my car and pause when it starts to ring.
It’s him.
Again.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the steering wheel and let my tears fall onto my legs. I shouldn’t have broken up with him. Maybe I should have given him the time he asked for, but I can’t. I want to be number one. I deserve to be number one, and for the last month, I thought I was his number one. Sitting up, I wipe my face and push the door open, getting out.
“Why can’t you just talk to me?”
Whipping my head to the left, I find Jace coming toward me and I shake my head. “Take a hint, Jace. I don’t want to talk to you.”
I start for my dorm, walking a little faster than I normally would, but I can’t do this. He hurt me. He went behind my back, contacted an ex to catch me in a so-called lie? I didn’t do anything wrong. I know what happened—hell, I’m the only one who knows the damn truth—and he didn’t believe me.
“I love how you’re mad at me when I did nothing wrong. You’re the one who lied.”
“I didn’t lie,” I yell back at him. “I didn’t volunteer it. And I’m not mad, I’m hurt. You broke my heart. Now leave me the hell alone.”
Walking a little faster, I hear him trying to catch up. But bless him, his leg is injured and I feel bad. I wanted to spend the day taking care of him, loving him, before I left. Instead, that all went to shit.
“Are you really gonna make me chase you? My leg is hurt, Avery. Take pity on the disabled.”
He’s trying to be funny. Trying to make me laugh so I’ll talk to him, but no. Just no. “Leave me alone, Jace. You wanted time, you got it.”
“I don’t want time without you. I just wanted to think it through.”
“Good luck with that,” I yell back at him, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm.
“I don’t get it. I mean, shit, don’t you understand that this is scary? Like, the whole thing. I fell so hard, and after I fell, I find all your dirty laundry. It’s insane.”
“Whatever, Jace. Dirty laundry or not, you said you loved me. Who is the one who’s really lying?”
As I reach the door, I hear him dragging his leg like a zombie. I want to laugh at the hilarity of him hobbling after me, dragging his bum leg, but I can’t. It only makes me cry harder. If he loves me this much, then why is he scared? What the hell is there to be scared of when all we need is each other? He’s right; it isn’t fair.
