“Yeah, I know. I will. It’s just there’s no other place as close to my mother’s house.”
He sighed, clearly unhappy. “Please be careful.”
“I am careful. Don’t worry about me.” From my peripheral I saw a tense movement from Jaxon, but when I snuck a glance at him, he looked motionless and blank faced.
“I worry about you because I need you. Who else keeps my bed warm at night?”
“Haven’t replaced me yet, have you?” I teased, though half of me wondered if he might have gotten tempted.
“Can’t get enough of you. How about you? Not tempted by anyone?” There was a strange tightness in his tone, and I detected that’s where his concern stemmed from.
“There’s just you,” I whispered, not wanting to sour the intimate moment all because Jaxon was sitting next to me.
“I like that. Call me before bed, okay?”
“Okay.”
“See ya, babe.”
“See you…” I paused and glanced again at Jaxon, “babe.” I hung up the phone and stuffed it back into my purse. If I wanted Jaxon to be bothered by my “babe” reference to Daniel, it was mission unaccomplished. By a long shot. In fact, I think a statue held more emotion than him.
“So tell me,” he suddenly said, and there was an edge in his voice as he glimpsed at me, “if your guy’s so serious about you, why’d he leave you to take care of all your personal shit on your own all the way out here?”
“He offered to come with me. I said no.”
“Always getting your way, huh? Is this guy some passive pussy or something?”
“What?”
“I mean, he must be, right? Those are the only fuckers that can hack your bullshit.”
My heart quickened. “Excuse me?”
He smirked. “Well, I mean, either he’s a fucking pussy, or he’s a fucking pussy. It has to be either of those. Did you hit him to get your way?”
My breathing came faster. What the fuck was his problem? I didn’t respond, and stared out the window instead. Just breathe, I told myself. Breathe because he’s trying to hurt you—
“You must have been nice to begin with,” he continued on, and I could feel the heat of his gaze. “He must have thought, ‘fuck, this girl’s perfect’ and then willingly had himself wrapped around your little finger, right? Then the trying stops and the insults come out–”
“Okay, Jaxon,” I interrupted, feeling my lips tremble. “You’ve made your point, okay?”
But he pretended he didn’t hear me. “And then you bring him down every damn day until he feels like a worthless piece of shit. Or maybe we’re not at that stage yet. Judging by the little ‘babe’ reference there, I think you’re still in that honeymoon phase. Aw, how precious. I remember our little honeymoon phase–”
“I thought it was highly forgettable.”
“Everything was forgettable. I don’t even remember why the fuck I touched you to begin with. For one, I could get hotter girls on tap every fucking day of my life. For another, the fucking was bland as hell. Nothing voyeuristic about you one bit, but fuck, maybe you’ve changed with this pussy whipped loser you’re with now.” Sneer. “Doubt it, though, seeing as how you never tried anything new. See with chicks like Christy, they’ll bend over fucking backwards to touch me. Hell, I can bend her over in front of a crowd and she’ll take it without a problem.”
“Can you stop, please?” I was shaking now, but I kept my voice calm and even.
“What, am I making you angry? I haven’t even gotten to the best bit. See, you’re so fucking forgettable, I came home that night and basked in the companion of silence. I couldn’t even remember why the fuck I pissed away all that time with you.”
I’d been waiting for the opportunity, and it was finally approaching. The car slowed down at a stop light, and I quickly opened the door and jumped out, slamming it shut behind me. I didn’t know exactly where I was, but I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I was immediately drenched again, caught in the storm that was so thick, I could hardly see anything around me. I took off down the side of the deserted road, holding tight my purse, in search of a bus stop or even an open store that I could duck into the shelter of. My heart was heavy in my chest, weighed down by the cruelty of his words. Such venom, I couldn’t hold back. I opened my mouth to let the sob out, but it was soundless, like my pain. The tears fell fast as I looked around. Then a hand grabbed my arm and yanked me back into Jaxon’s chest.
“Get in the car,” he demanded, looking down at me with thunderous eyes.
I ripped my arm out of his grip. “Leave me alone. Just go back home.”
“You’re a long way from a bus stop. We’re on a long strip of road–”
“I’ll be fine. Just go away.” I took off again before he could say a word.
Both arms wrapped around my waist and I was lifted up into the air and carried back. I violently shook my body, trying to get him to put me down, but he was massive, and with my legs a few feet off the ground, it was a feeble action that only exhausted me. He set me down and caged me in against the passenger door of the car, with arms splayed out on either side of me.
“Get away from me,” I said, and maybe it was the pain mingled with the freezing cold water drenching the two of us, but that anger I’d been trying so damn hard to internalize had broken through, firing adrenaline throughout my body.
“Get in the car and I’ll take you to the motel,” he snapped back. His voice was so fucking cold. Why was he doing this? He could have been on his way right now.
“No.”
“Do I have to force you in the fucking car?”
“No! You can get into that car and drive away from me. I don’t want you near me--”
“If I tell you to get into that fucking car, you’re going to get into it!”
“You can’t make me!”
He leaned down so that his face was level to mine; the anger seeped out of him as he said, “You wanna see me try? Don’t be a fucking bitch about this, Sara. I won’t be held responsible if something happens to you all because you’re being a stubborn little bitch--”
I hurriedly ducked under his arm, but he quickly wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed me back. This was feeling all too familiar.
“Don’t touch me!” I barked out.
“Get in the car!”
“Now why the hell would I do that? You’re just going to sit there and make me feel like nothing! I get why you’re doing it! I know you think I deserve it, and for the longest time, I thought so too. But you can’t! You can hate me all you bloody want, but you have no fucking right to talk to me like I’m scum!”
“But only you can do that, right?”
I stepped to the side of him, but he moved quickly and was immediately in front of me. I felt cornered, confused, and angry – like I was back there again, five years ago, trying to get him to go away. I don’t know how I managed it, but I wriggled past him and hurried. I made it four steps before he gripped my arm again and pulled me back to him. My face hit his hard chest, and I really lost my patience this time. Every bit of me wanted to claw his eyes out, to kick him in the balls, to bite the hand that was gripping my arm. I wanted violence, and although every part of my body felt like it was a hundred missiles on standby, I mentally could not bring myself to do it. I would not piss away five years of change after two encounters with Jaxon. But that didn’t mean my words had to be tame, either.
“Fuck, Jaxon! Let go of me!” I screamed out.
“Or what?”
“I fucking hate you!” I pulled away from his grip, but it only intensified. “I hate you!”
He looked down at me with a wicked gleam in his eye and leaned forward until he was so close to my face, our noses touched. “Go on. Hit me.” My eyes widened at those words. “Come on, then. Fucking hit me! Do it! I know you want to! Stop pretending you don’t!”
“I’m not going to hit you! That’s not who I am.”
He let go of me suddenly, and I stepped back in surprise. Even with all the rage roaring inside of me, and even though he was staring daggers into my face, I couldn’t look past his beauty. For a flash of a second, I saw a pained look on his face, and I watched it immediately hide away into the coldness that had become Jaxon.
“Get in the car,” he said flatly.
“No.”
“Sara, this town isn’t the same anymore. There are really fucked up people, and I can’t have you get to the motel in this weather alone. Do you understand?”
“I’ll catch the bus, just go away.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere. Get in the fucking car now, and I won’t say a word to you. I promise.” He was looking me in the eyes as he spoke with the rain sliding down his face, soaking every part of his body. I knew he was telling the truth. I also knew he wouldn’t quit until I did what he wanted.
I walked over, opened the door and slid in. My instincts told me it was the wrong thing to do even though he was doing it for the right reasons, but I loved the guy. Even if he was different. I let out a few tears, knowing they would be hidden by the wetness of the falling rain that had cascaded on me from head to toe and left me looking like a walking puddle. I watched him slowly make his way to the driver’s seat. When he slid in, he didn’t look at me once. We were both breathing hard, unspoken thoughts thick in the air, and an intense anger that would make it impossible to speak cordially if we tried.
He drove the entire way to the motel honouring his promise, and I hated myself for already missing the sound of his voice.
Sixteen
He had the heater in the car on all the way back, but it made little difference. My bones felt heavy and stiff from the cold. When he parked in front of the motel, I took a moment to rest each hand on the vents to soak up every bit of heat I could before having to wade back out there, even though it’d only be for a minute or so. He patiently waited without casting me a glance. Then I opened the door and hurried out, running through the rain and to the room. I had the key in my hand when I got to the door, and risked a glance back at the parking lot where Jaxon was now pulling out.
I entered the room and shut it before hurrying to my bed and collapsing. Shaking wildly from the cold and the adrenaline coursing through me, I bundled myself up in the covers and hid my face under them. It was totally the dumbest thing to do because I was now soaking the sheets, but I didn’t care.
A loud knock startled me. Wondering what Jaxon could possibly want, I reluctantly pushed the covers off of me and walked over. I unlocked the door and opened it an inch when a heavy weight shoved it back. I jumped back in surprise, heart in my throat, as the bearded man from next door hurried inside. I opened my mouth to scream but his hand went around my neck, squeezing tightly, and then shoved my back into the nearby wall.
He was drenched from the rain, so close to me his beard was dripping water on to my chest. With dilated brown eyes, and smelling of alcohol in his trench coat and heavy jeans, he pushed his whole body into me.
“Scream and I cut you,” he threatened, in a rough voice. When I saw the blade of a knife in his other hand nearing my neck, I went limp with fear. I could hardly breathe much less scream with his hand buried against my throat.
Tears fell from my eyes, and the lack of breathing along with the tightness against my vocal cords had my head feeling light and dizzy.
“Jaxon Barlow dropped you off, didn’t he?” he spoke. I shuddered when the blade skimmed my jaw line. “I saw him. You’re just another one of his sluts, aren’t you?” He loosened his hold against my throat, but held the knife firmly against my cheek now.
“I don’t… I don’t…” Fuck, I was stammering. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He-he-he…”
“You whoring for him?”
“No!”
“Lying slut.”
“I’m-I’m not lying. I’m-I’m…”
His hand left my throat and skimmed down my chest. He unbuttoned the jacket and yanked it down until it freely fell to the floor. When he looked heatedly down my body, I knew exactly what he wanted. With the knife against me, and the clear hopelessness in fighting against a man who was twice my size, I could do nothing but cry and pray I’d make it out alive at the least. Judging by his dilated eyes and the stench of alcohol, he was both drunk and high as a kite, but he was still sure on his feet.
He took a step back and motioned to the bed. “Get on there. I’ll show that fucker I can fuck what I want… You get on there now…” He was mumbling all kinds of things that didn’t make any sense. I peeked at the door of my room – it was still opened - but he was standing in the way. Quivering, I somehow made my way to the bed, looking around as I went for any kind of weapon I could use. There was nothing.
“I’ll fucking show him… Like I can show everyone else. Fucking Finley and the fucking Scorpians and Jackals can kiss my ass, those fucking… Get on the bed, on all fours, slut.”
“Please,” I begged, but he shoved me forward until my knees hit the bed and I fell over, stomach flat on the mattress and my legs dangling out.
“All fours now.” I couldn’t comply, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to, it was because my body was too paralysed to. He grabbed me by the collar of my sweater and tugged me forward until my legs were completely on the mattress. “All fours now or I’ll cut your throat.” There was a deadly look about him that had me believing every word he was saying. He knew too well what he was doing, like he’d done it before.
He sighed, clearly unhappy. “Please be careful.”
“I am careful. Don’t worry about me.” From my peripheral I saw a tense movement from Jaxon, but when I snuck a glance at him, he looked motionless and blank faced.
“I worry about you because I need you. Who else keeps my bed warm at night?”
“Haven’t replaced me yet, have you?” I teased, though half of me wondered if he might have gotten tempted.
“Can’t get enough of you. How about you? Not tempted by anyone?” There was a strange tightness in his tone, and I detected that’s where his concern stemmed from.
“There’s just you,” I whispered, not wanting to sour the intimate moment all because Jaxon was sitting next to me.
“I like that. Call me before bed, okay?”
“Okay.”
“See ya, babe.”
“See you…” I paused and glanced again at Jaxon, “babe.” I hung up the phone and stuffed it back into my purse. If I wanted Jaxon to be bothered by my “babe” reference to Daniel, it was mission unaccomplished. By a long shot. In fact, I think a statue held more emotion than him.
“So tell me,” he suddenly said, and there was an edge in his voice as he glimpsed at me, “if your guy’s so serious about you, why’d he leave you to take care of all your personal shit on your own all the way out here?”
“He offered to come with me. I said no.”
“Always getting your way, huh? Is this guy some passive pussy or something?”
“What?”
“I mean, he must be, right? Those are the only fuckers that can hack your bullshit.”
My heart quickened. “Excuse me?”
He smirked. “Well, I mean, either he’s a fucking pussy, or he’s a fucking pussy. It has to be either of those. Did you hit him to get your way?”
My breathing came faster. What the fuck was his problem? I didn’t respond, and stared out the window instead. Just breathe, I told myself. Breathe because he’s trying to hurt you—
“You must have been nice to begin with,” he continued on, and I could feel the heat of his gaze. “He must have thought, ‘fuck, this girl’s perfect’ and then willingly had himself wrapped around your little finger, right? Then the trying stops and the insults come out–”
“Okay, Jaxon,” I interrupted, feeling my lips tremble. “You’ve made your point, okay?”
But he pretended he didn’t hear me. “And then you bring him down every damn day until he feels like a worthless piece of shit. Or maybe we’re not at that stage yet. Judging by the little ‘babe’ reference there, I think you’re still in that honeymoon phase. Aw, how precious. I remember our little honeymoon phase–”
“I thought it was highly forgettable.”
“Everything was forgettable. I don’t even remember why the fuck I touched you to begin with. For one, I could get hotter girls on tap every fucking day of my life. For another, the fucking was bland as hell. Nothing voyeuristic about you one bit, but fuck, maybe you’ve changed with this pussy whipped loser you’re with now.” Sneer. “Doubt it, though, seeing as how you never tried anything new. See with chicks like Christy, they’ll bend over fucking backwards to touch me. Hell, I can bend her over in front of a crowd and she’ll take it without a problem.”
“Can you stop, please?” I was shaking now, but I kept my voice calm and even.
“What, am I making you angry? I haven’t even gotten to the best bit. See, you’re so fucking forgettable, I came home that night and basked in the companion of silence. I couldn’t even remember why the fuck I pissed away all that time with you.”
I’d been waiting for the opportunity, and it was finally approaching. The car slowed down at a stop light, and I quickly opened the door and jumped out, slamming it shut behind me. I didn’t know exactly where I was, but I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I was immediately drenched again, caught in the storm that was so thick, I could hardly see anything around me. I took off down the side of the deserted road, holding tight my purse, in search of a bus stop or even an open store that I could duck into the shelter of. My heart was heavy in my chest, weighed down by the cruelty of his words. Such venom, I couldn’t hold back. I opened my mouth to let the sob out, but it was soundless, like my pain. The tears fell fast as I looked around. Then a hand grabbed my arm and yanked me back into Jaxon’s chest.
“Get in the car,” he demanded, looking down at me with thunderous eyes.
I ripped my arm out of his grip. “Leave me alone. Just go back home.”
“You’re a long way from a bus stop. We’re on a long strip of road–”
“I’ll be fine. Just go away.” I took off again before he could say a word.
Both arms wrapped around my waist and I was lifted up into the air and carried back. I violently shook my body, trying to get him to put me down, but he was massive, and with my legs a few feet off the ground, it was a feeble action that only exhausted me. He set me down and caged me in against the passenger door of the car, with arms splayed out on either side of me.
“Get away from me,” I said, and maybe it was the pain mingled with the freezing cold water drenching the two of us, but that anger I’d been trying so damn hard to internalize had broken through, firing adrenaline throughout my body.
“Get in the car and I’ll take you to the motel,” he snapped back. His voice was so fucking cold. Why was he doing this? He could have been on his way right now.
“No.”
“Do I have to force you in the fucking car?”
“No! You can get into that car and drive away from me. I don’t want you near me--”
“If I tell you to get into that fucking car, you’re going to get into it!”
“You can’t make me!”
He leaned down so that his face was level to mine; the anger seeped out of him as he said, “You wanna see me try? Don’t be a fucking bitch about this, Sara. I won’t be held responsible if something happens to you all because you’re being a stubborn little bitch--”
I hurriedly ducked under his arm, but he quickly wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed me back. This was feeling all too familiar.
“Don’t touch me!” I barked out.
“Get in the car!”
“Now why the hell would I do that? You’re just going to sit there and make me feel like nothing! I get why you’re doing it! I know you think I deserve it, and for the longest time, I thought so too. But you can’t! You can hate me all you bloody want, but you have no fucking right to talk to me like I’m scum!”
“But only you can do that, right?”
I stepped to the side of him, but he moved quickly and was immediately in front of me. I felt cornered, confused, and angry – like I was back there again, five years ago, trying to get him to go away. I don’t know how I managed it, but I wriggled past him and hurried. I made it four steps before he gripped my arm again and pulled me back to him. My face hit his hard chest, and I really lost my patience this time. Every bit of me wanted to claw his eyes out, to kick him in the balls, to bite the hand that was gripping my arm. I wanted violence, and although every part of my body felt like it was a hundred missiles on standby, I mentally could not bring myself to do it. I would not piss away five years of change after two encounters with Jaxon. But that didn’t mean my words had to be tame, either.
“Fuck, Jaxon! Let go of me!” I screamed out.
“Or what?”
“I fucking hate you!” I pulled away from his grip, but it only intensified. “I hate you!”
He looked down at me with a wicked gleam in his eye and leaned forward until he was so close to my face, our noses touched. “Go on. Hit me.” My eyes widened at those words. “Come on, then. Fucking hit me! Do it! I know you want to! Stop pretending you don’t!”
“I’m not going to hit you! That’s not who I am.”
He let go of me suddenly, and I stepped back in surprise. Even with all the rage roaring inside of me, and even though he was staring daggers into my face, I couldn’t look past his beauty. For a flash of a second, I saw a pained look on his face, and I watched it immediately hide away into the coldness that had become Jaxon.
“Get in the car,” he said flatly.
“No.”
“Sara, this town isn’t the same anymore. There are really fucked up people, and I can’t have you get to the motel in this weather alone. Do you understand?”
“I’ll catch the bus, just go away.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere. Get in the fucking car now, and I won’t say a word to you. I promise.” He was looking me in the eyes as he spoke with the rain sliding down his face, soaking every part of his body. I knew he was telling the truth. I also knew he wouldn’t quit until I did what he wanted.
I walked over, opened the door and slid in. My instincts told me it was the wrong thing to do even though he was doing it for the right reasons, but I loved the guy. Even if he was different. I let out a few tears, knowing they would be hidden by the wetness of the falling rain that had cascaded on me from head to toe and left me looking like a walking puddle. I watched him slowly make his way to the driver’s seat. When he slid in, he didn’t look at me once. We were both breathing hard, unspoken thoughts thick in the air, and an intense anger that would make it impossible to speak cordially if we tried.
He drove the entire way to the motel honouring his promise, and I hated myself for already missing the sound of his voice.
Sixteen
He had the heater in the car on all the way back, but it made little difference. My bones felt heavy and stiff from the cold. When he parked in front of the motel, I took a moment to rest each hand on the vents to soak up every bit of heat I could before having to wade back out there, even though it’d only be for a minute or so. He patiently waited without casting me a glance. Then I opened the door and hurried out, running through the rain and to the room. I had the key in my hand when I got to the door, and risked a glance back at the parking lot where Jaxon was now pulling out.
I entered the room and shut it before hurrying to my bed and collapsing. Shaking wildly from the cold and the adrenaline coursing through me, I bundled myself up in the covers and hid my face under them. It was totally the dumbest thing to do because I was now soaking the sheets, but I didn’t care.
A loud knock startled me. Wondering what Jaxon could possibly want, I reluctantly pushed the covers off of me and walked over. I unlocked the door and opened it an inch when a heavy weight shoved it back. I jumped back in surprise, heart in my throat, as the bearded man from next door hurried inside. I opened my mouth to scream but his hand went around my neck, squeezing tightly, and then shoved my back into the nearby wall.
He was drenched from the rain, so close to me his beard was dripping water on to my chest. With dilated brown eyes, and smelling of alcohol in his trench coat and heavy jeans, he pushed his whole body into me.
“Scream and I cut you,” he threatened, in a rough voice. When I saw the blade of a knife in his other hand nearing my neck, I went limp with fear. I could hardly breathe much less scream with his hand buried against my throat.
Tears fell from my eyes, and the lack of breathing along with the tightness against my vocal cords had my head feeling light and dizzy.
“Jaxon Barlow dropped you off, didn’t he?” he spoke. I shuddered when the blade skimmed my jaw line. “I saw him. You’re just another one of his sluts, aren’t you?” He loosened his hold against my throat, but held the knife firmly against my cheek now.
“I don’t… I don’t…” Fuck, I was stammering. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He-he-he…”
“You whoring for him?”
“No!”
“Lying slut.”
“I’m-I’m not lying. I’m-I’m…”
His hand left my throat and skimmed down my chest. He unbuttoned the jacket and yanked it down until it freely fell to the floor. When he looked heatedly down my body, I knew exactly what he wanted. With the knife against me, and the clear hopelessness in fighting against a man who was twice my size, I could do nothing but cry and pray I’d make it out alive at the least. Judging by his dilated eyes and the stench of alcohol, he was both drunk and high as a kite, but he was still sure on his feet.
He took a step back and motioned to the bed. “Get on there. I’ll show that fucker I can fuck what I want… You get on there now…” He was mumbling all kinds of things that didn’t make any sense. I peeked at the door of my room – it was still opened - but he was standing in the way. Quivering, I somehow made my way to the bed, looking around as I went for any kind of weapon I could use. There was nothing.
“I’ll fucking show him… Like I can show everyone else. Fucking Finley and the fucking Scorpians and Jackals can kiss my ass, those fucking… Get on the bed, on all fours, slut.”
“Please,” I begged, but he shoved me forward until my knees hit the bed and I fell over, stomach flat on the mattress and my legs dangling out.
“All fours now.” I couldn’t comply, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to, it was because my body was too paralysed to. He grabbed me by the collar of my sweater and tugged me forward until my legs were completely on the mattress. “All fours now or I’ll cut your throat.” There was a deadly look about him that had me believing every word he was saying. He knew too well what he was doing, like he’d done it before.
