“Yeah?” he finally sounded out, impatiently.
“Your mom–”
“She’s not here.”
I looked down at the time on my phone. “She said she would be here. We arranged dinner for 5:30.”
“Well, she’s not here.” The edginess in his tone freaked the hell out of me. So did his eyes: grim and cold as he regarded me with that same loathing as last night.
“Jaxon,” Christy sounded from behind him. There was a warning in her tone. He turned around to look at her. When she raised her brows, he exhaled in irritation and walked away from the door, leaving it open.
When he was well out of view, Christy walked over to me with a smile on her face. “Hey, Sara, come in.”
I hesitantly stood for a few seconds, debating whether to just turn around and go back to the motel instead.
“Come on,” she gestured me inside with her head.
I noticed, with great relief as I stepped inside, that her hair was not wet. So she must not have showered with him. Because showering with him would have required her to get naked with him, and that thought made my stomach queasy and my inner bitch jealous.
“You’re really wet,” she said.
Well, duly noted, Christy.“Yeah, I had to take the bus.”
“How come?”
“Car was stolen.”
Her mouth dropped. “That’s awful. Called the police?”
“Yeah, I did all that.”
“I hope they find it.” She shut the door and began walking through the foyer. When she noticed I wasn’t following, she stopped and looked over at me, green eyes twinkling under the foyer light. “You coming?”
“I’ll just give Lucinda a call.” Good excuse.
“Okay, well, we’ll be in the living room.”
I nodded despite thinking, as if I would join you two. I walked over to the spiral staircase and took a seat on the bottom step. I closed my eyes for a minute. I was angry. Lucinda had said it would just be the two of us. Why was he here? And why the hell didn’t she tell me she wasn’t home yet? I had my little mini-meditation, and then I rang Lucinda.
“Oh, shit!” she cursed as she picked up. “Shit, I totally lost track of time. Where are you? Shit. You’re not standing out front of the house, are you?”
“No, Jaxon let me in.”
“Oh, double shit. I don’t know what he’s doing there.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m doing Loraine Chidley’s hair. Remember her?” No. “I put the colour in and everything, but her damn hair didn’t take to it. So I’ve had to re-do it. I didn’t think it was past five in the afternoon already. God damn it.”
See, Sara, she didn’t mean any of it! “That’s alright. I’ve had a pretty long day. I wouldn’t have been good company, anyway.”
“But I really wanted to see you. How about you stay the night? That way you’ll be there when I get home in the next hour or so.”
“I can’t. I’ve got to get back to my room.” And I desperately wanted to be away from her son.
She sighed, clearly disappointed. “Alright, then. Well, look, I’ll make it up to you, okay?”
“Okay. I gotta get going.”
“Alright, hon.”
After our goodbyes, I put the phone in my purse and stood up. I looked at the front door and then at the hallway leading to the living room. Would it be rude if I just walked out without letting them know? Yes, it would be. Fuck.
I grabbed the bag of tightly packed Chinese food and inched my way there. I heard the television blaring in the background and other voices when I neared. It sounded like the brothers I’d met last night, and they were all having a hushed conversation of some kind. Eavesdropping couldn’t be helped, especially now that I was hovering just out of view in front of the living room entrance.
“Weren’t you with her all those years ago?” Josh asked curiously.
“I don’t remember,” Jaxon mumbled.
“Fucking liar.”
“What happened?” Christy hesitantly asked.
“I don’t remember,” Jaxon repeated. “She was that fucking forgettable.”
“She’s hot,” remarked Kurt. “If she was that forgettable, you won’t mind me nearing that, hey?”
“She’s taken, you fucking idiot. God help the guy she’s with, too. She’s a psychotic bitch, and I’d have nothing to do with her if it weren’t for my mom.”
Wow. I didn’t know what to say, but my body heaved forward, as if registering with that old flame of anger I’d extinguished all those years ago through therapy. I was mentally aware of my actions, and I wasn’t going to say anything out of that anger from catching someone say those things about me. Over time I had done remarkably well building restraint.
They were seated on the couch. One couch was facing my way, and the other the opposite way, with its back to me. The first one to see me was Kurt. His face fell and his eyes popped out of his thin head. Josh followed, and then Christy. They all looked suddenly pale, like they’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Jaxon was the last to look my way, and his body stiffened slightly at my appearance, but out of disgust or surprise, I didn’t know.
“I’m heading off,” I said, putting on a fake smile. “Was just wondering where the bathroom was.”
“Beside the stairs,” Christy squeaked.
“I’ve also got this Chinese food here that I won’t be having. It’s still fresh and hot, if anyone’s hungry.”
Josh jumped off the couch and walked over to me. He couldn’t look me in the eye, but he attempted a smile and said, “Awesome. Thanks, Sara. I’m starving.”
I handed him the bag. “See you, guys.” I left before anyone had a chance to respond.
I didn’t bother going to the bathroom. I didn’t need to, and I only said it so they didn’t think I was snooping on them. I stepped out of the house and stood there for a long moment, hating life all the more because the rain had started picking up.
“You serious?” I called out to the sky above. “You barely rain all fucking day, and now it’s got to start?”
My jacket didn’t even have a damn hood. Damn this shit and my stupid shallowness in buying designer jackets that did me no favours in crappy weather. I made sure my purse was zipped tight; the last thing I needed was my phone to get wet and ruined. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised stepping into an invisible sinkhole and dying a horrible death at the bottom.
Would anyone miss me? I mused to myself as I walked down the rainy sidewalk. If I died, I think I’d have three people show at my funeral: Lexi, Daniel, and Lucinda. Jaxon might actually stop by and piss on my grave just to prove all the more that he hated my guts even when they were rotting six feet beneath him. I abruptly stopped imagining that, quite disturbed by my train of thought. I just wanted to get into the shelter of a bus, even though I was probably going to have to wait a while at the stop; the stop that was brand new and had no overhead cover, I recalled. Fuck my life.
Forgettable. Psychotic bitch. I gritted my teeth. Sure, I expected for him to think badly of me, but what about all those memories of us together, of how happy we used to be? Forgettable apparently. I wished they were to me, too. It’d spare me the pain. I’d spent God knows how many nights in bed pining for the good times because they were solidified in my memory.
I choked out a sob and shook my head roughly. No, stop being a cry baby. Toughen up.
The chill in the air had me wrapping my arms tightly across my chest and sinking half my face in the collar of my jacket. The rain was pouring down now, and the tranquil suburban streets were deserted. The sky began to darken, so I picked up my pace. Two more long ass blocks to go...
The sound of my heavy breathing and of the rain had muffled out the sound of the car I was oblivious of suddenly cruising at my pace beside me. When I heard the honk of that car, I jumped and looked over. It was a sleek black Mercedes-Benz, but the window of the passenger seat was too tinted for me to know who was behind the wheel. As if answering to my thoughts, the window was electronically wound down, and I bent down to see Jaxon in the driver’s seat, looking over at me with a blank face.
“Need a ride?” he asked flatly.
I stopped, shivering under the cold drops splattering all over me. Get in with him and only him? Was this a trap? He waited patiently for me to decide, looking ahead at the road in front of him. I was too cold to stand around and debate his offer. I opened the door and slid into the black leather seat next to him. He closed the window and started driving again, but then he made a U-turn and we were en route to his house.
“What are you doing?”
“Mom said you were staying at the Manor Motel.”
“So?”
“That part of town is dangerous.”
I sighed, irritated already that Lucinda would put him up to this. “Stop the car, please.”
He flashed me a confused look. “What?”
“I need to go back to that motel–”
“Motel is dangerous. Your car got stolen for fuck’s sake.”
“How do you know that it was stolen there?”
He sneered. “Where else would it have been taken than in that part of town?”
“Stop the car, please.” When he didn’t, I opened the passenger door and he immediately pressed down on the brakes, halting us right there on the spot. Car has good breaks, I idly thought.
“The fuck you think you’re doing?” He looked solemnly at me, bunching his eyebrows up in frustration. “You gonna hop out of a moving car? Is that what you do when you don’t get your way now?”
Ignoring his dig, I muttered, “I’ll just walk to the stop. Good night.”
I took a step out when he grabbed me tightly by the arm. “Fine, I’ll take you to your fucking motel.”
Staring down at the physical contact he was giving me for the first time in five years, I felt a strange euphoria wash over me. Yeah, it was tight and there was absolutely no affection behind it, but it was his touch, and I suddenly wished my jacket wasn’t in the way of his bare skin. I gulped, and shut the door again, buckling up my seat belt as he let go of me and made another U-turn in the right direction.
We were quiet for a few minutes, and it was an incredibly uncomfortable few minutes at that. I peeked over at him several times, hardly able to believe this solemn, fuming man was Jaxon. But not your Jaxon.
“So what do you do for yourself now?” I kindly asked. I just wanted to break the ice, find a middle ground where we could be amicable with one another without the constant death glares.
“I’m in business,” he answered gruffly. This was good. He was talking, albeit like I was the biggest inconvenience in the world, but talking nonetheless.
“What sort of business?”
“Nothing illegal if that’s what you’re getting at.” Now that sounded defensive as hell.
“That’s not what I meant at all.”
“Yeah, sure,” he sceptically replied.
“I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”
He flashed me an odd look then. “I bet you are.”
I sighed in hopelessness. “You know, I’m just trying to be nice–”
“I don’t give a fuck. I didn’t ask you to be nice. I don’t even want to fucking talk to you. So how about you sit there and shut up so I can concentrate on the fucking road and not you yammering away like we’re the best of fucking buds, huh?”
My jaw dropped. Did I really deserve that kind of backlash? “If I’m such an irritation to you, then why’d you come after me?” I responded tightly. I refused to let the anger set in, though. “I didn’t ask you to drive me back.”
“Believe me, I didn’t fucking want to.”
“Then why did you?”
“My girlfriend thinks you deserved a lift.”
“Why didn’t she give me the lift then?”
“What the fuck are you trying to get at right now?” He looked over at me as he spoke, flaring his nostrils as if I smelled vile to him.
I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
He scoffed, smiling cruelly at me. “You can stop this charade of being all nice. You can go back to being your normal self now.”
“This is me,” I said quietly, looking away from the hardness of his eyes. I would never get my Jaxon back; that was for certain now. “I’m not putting on a charade. Why would I bother when I know perfectly what you think of me?”
He pressed his lips together. He knew exactly what I was referring to.
“In any case,” I continued on, casually, “tell your girlfriend I said thanks. She seems like a very lovely woman.”
He couldn’t look more disinterested if he tried.
My phone rang in my purse. I quickly retrieved it. A phone call was exactly what I needed right now to diffuse my negative emotions because it was most likely from Lexi or Daniel.
“Hey Daniel,” I answered, smiling brightly as I nibbled the skin around my thumb.
“Hey booty call, I haven’t heard from you. I’ve texted you a few times now.” The sound of his concerned voice mellowed my irritated mood immediately.
“Sorry, I’ve been busy today.”
“Did you get a rental car?”
“No. What if that one gets stolen too? The last thing I need is two stolen cars in under two days.”
“You’re still at the motel? I told you to check in somewhere else.”
“Your mom–”
“She’s not here.”
I looked down at the time on my phone. “She said she would be here. We arranged dinner for 5:30.”
“Well, she’s not here.” The edginess in his tone freaked the hell out of me. So did his eyes: grim and cold as he regarded me with that same loathing as last night.
“Jaxon,” Christy sounded from behind him. There was a warning in her tone. He turned around to look at her. When she raised her brows, he exhaled in irritation and walked away from the door, leaving it open.
When he was well out of view, Christy walked over to me with a smile on her face. “Hey, Sara, come in.”
I hesitantly stood for a few seconds, debating whether to just turn around and go back to the motel instead.
“Come on,” she gestured me inside with her head.
I noticed, with great relief as I stepped inside, that her hair was not wet. So she must not have showered with him. Because showering with him would have required her to get naked with him, and that thought made my stomach queasy and my inner bitch jealous.
“You’re really wet,” she said.
Well, duly noted, Christy.“Yeah, I had to take the bus.”
“How come?”
“Car was stolen.”
Her mouth dropped. “That’s awful. Called the police?”
“Yeah, I did all that.”
“I hope they find it.” She shut the door and began walking through the foyer. When she noticed I wasn’t following, she stopped and looked over at me, green eyes twinkling under the foyer light. “You coming?”
“I’ll just give Lucinda a call.” Good excuse.
“Okay, well, we’ll be in the living room.”
I nodded despite thinking, as if I would join you two. I walked over to the spiral staircase and took a seat on the bottom step. I closed my eyes for a minute. I was angry. Lucinda had said it would just be the two of us. Why was he here? And why the hell didn’t she tell me she wasn’t home yet? I had my little mini-meditation, and then I rang Lucinda.
“Oh, shit!” she cursed as she picked up. “Shit, I totally lost track of time. Where are you? Shit. You’re not standing out front of the house, are you?”
“No, Jaxon let me in.”
“Oh, double shit. I don’t know what he’s doing there.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m doing Loraine Chidley’s hair. Remember her?” No. “I put the colour in and everything, but her damn hair didn’t take to it. So I’ve had to re-do it. I didn’t think it was past five in the afternoon already. God damn it.”
See, Sara, she didn’t mean any of it! “That’s alright. I’ve had a pretty long day. I wouldn’t have been good company, anyway.”
“But I really wanted to see you. How about you stay the night? That way you’ll be there when I get home in the next hour or so.”
“I can’t. I’ve got to get back to my room.” And I desperately wanted to be away from her son.
She sighed, clearly disappointed. “Alright, then. Well, look, I’ll make it up to you, okay?”
“Okay. I gotta get going.”
“Alright, hon.”
After our goodbyes, I put the phone in my purse and stood up. I looked at the front door and then at the hallway leading to the living room. Would it be rude if I just walked out without letting them know? Yes, it would be. Fuck.
I grabbed the bag of tightly packed Chinese food and inched my way there. I heard the television blaring in the background and other voices when I neared. It sounded like the brothers I’d met last night, and they were all having a hushed conversation of some kind. Eavesdropping couldn’t be helped, especially now that I was hovering just out of view in front of the living room entrance.
“Weren’t you with her all those years ago?” Josh asked curiously.
“I don’t remember,” Jaxon mumbled.
“Fucking liar.”
“What happened?” Christy hesitantly asked.
“I don’t remember,” Jaxon repeated. “She was that fucking forgettable.”
“She’s hot,” remarked Kurt. “If she was that forgettable, you won’t mind me nearing that, hey?”
“She’s taken, you fucking idiot. God help the guy she’s with, too. She’s a psychotic bitch, and I’d have nothing to do with her if it weren’t for my mom.”
Wow. I didn’t know what to say, but my body heaved forward, as if registering with that old flame of anger I’d extinguished all those years ago through therapy. I was mentally aware of my actions, and I wasn’t going to say anything out of that anger from catching someone say those things about me. Over time I had done remarkably well building restraint.
They were seated on the couch. One couch was facing my way, and the other the opposite way, with its back to me. The first one to see me was Kurt. His face fell and his eyes popped out of his thin head. Josh followed, and then Christy. They all looked suddenly pale, like they’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Jaxon was the last to look my way, and his body stiffened slightly at my appearance, but out of disgust or surprise, I didn’t know.
“I’m heading off,” I said, putting on a fake smile. “Was just wondering where the bathroom was.”
“Beside the stairs,” Christy squeaked.
“I’ve also got this Chinese food here that I won’t be having. It’s still fresh and hot, if anyone’s hungry.”
Josh jumped off the couch and walked over to me. He couldn’t look me in the eye, but he attempted a smile and said, “Awesome. Thanks, Sara. I’m starving.”
I handed him the bag. “See you, guys.” I left before anyone had a chance to respond.
I didn’t bother going to the bathroom. I didn’t need to, and I only said it so they didn’t think I was snooping on them. I stepped out of the house and stood there for a long moment, hating life all the more because the rain had started picking up.
“You serious?” I called out to the sky above. “You barely rain all fucking day, and now it’s got to start?”
My jacket didn’t even have a damn hood. Damn this shit and my stupid shallowness in buying designer jackets that did me no favours in crappy weather. I made sure my purse was zipped tight; the last thing I needed was my phone to get wet and ruined. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised stepping into an invisible sinkhole and dying a horrible death at the bottom.
Would anyone miss me? I mused to myself as I walked down the rainy sidewalk. If I died, I think I’d have three people show at my funeral: Lexi, Daniel, and Lucinda. Jaxon might actually stop by and piss on my grave just to prove all the more that he hated my guts even when they were rotting six feet beneath him. I abruptly stopped imagining that, quite disturbed by my train of thought. I just wanted to get into the shelter of a bus, even though I was probably going to have to wait a while at the stop; the stop that was brand new and had no overhead cover, I recalled. Fuck my life.
Forgettable. Psychotic bitch. I gritted my teeth. Sure, I expected for him to think badly of me, but what about all those memories of us together, of how happy we used to be? Forgettable apparently. I wished they were to me, too. It’d spare me the pain. I’d spent God knows how many nights in bed pining for the good times because they were solidified in my memory.
I choked out a sob and shook my head roughly. No, stop being a cry baby. Toughen up.
The chill in the air had me wrapping my arms tightly across my chest and sinking half my face in the collar of my jacket. The rain was pouring down now, and the tranquil suburban streets were deserted. The sky began to darken, so I picked up my pace. Two more long ass blocks to go...
The sound of my heavy breathing and of the rain had muffled out the sound of the car I was oblivious of suddenly cruising at my pace beside me. When I heard the honk of that car, I jumped and looked over. It was a sleek black Mercedes-Benz, but the window of the passenger seat was too tinted for me to know who was behind the wheel. As if answering to my thoughts, the window was electronically wound down, and I bent down to see Jaxon in the driver’s seat, looking over at me with a blank face.
“Need a ride?” he asked flatly.
I stopped, shivering under the cold drops splattering all over me. Get in with him and only him? Was this a trap? He waited patiently for me to decide, looking ahead at the road in front of him. I was too cold to stand around and debate his offer. I opened the door and slid into the black leather seat next to him. He closed the window and started driving again, but then he made a U-turn and we were en route to his house.
“What are you doing?”
“Mom said you were staying at the Manor Motel.”
“So?”
“That part of town is dangerous.”
I sighed, irritated already that Lucinda would put him up to this. “Stop the car, please.”
He flashed me a confused look. “What?”
“I need to go back to that motel–”
“Motel is dangerous. Your car got stolen for fuck’s sake.”
“How do you know that it was stolen there?”
He sneered. “Where else would it have been taken than in that part of town?”
“Stop the car, please.” When he didn’t, I opened the passenger door and he immediately pressed down on the brakes, halting us right there on the spot. Car has good breaks, I idly thought.
“The fuck you think you’re doing?” He looked solemnly at me, bunching his eyebrows up in frustration. “You gonna hop out of a moving car? Is that what you do when you don’t get your way now?”
Ignoring his dig, I muttered, “I’ll just walk to the stop. Good night.”
I took a step out when he grabbed me tightly by the arm. “Fine, I’ll take you to your fucking motel.”
Staring down at the physical contact he was giving me for the first time in five years, I felt a strange euphoria wash over me. Yeah, it was tight and there was absolutely no affection behind it, but it was his touch, and I suddenly wished my jacket wasn’t in the way of his bare skin. I gulped, and shut the door again, buckling up my seat belt as he let go of me and made another U-turn in the right direction.
We were quiet for a few minutes, and it was an incredibly uncomfortable few minutes at that. I peeked over at him several times, hardly able to believe this solemn, fuming man was Jaxon. But not your Jaxon.
“So what do you do for yourself now?” I kindly asked. I just wanted to break the ice, find a middle ground where we could be amicable with one another without the constant death glares.
“I’m in business,” he answered gruffly. This was good. He was talking, albeit like I was the biggest inconvenience in the world, but talking nonetheless.
“What sort of business?”
“Nothing illegal if that’s what you’re getting at.” Now that sounded defensive as hell.
“That’s not what I meant at all.”
“Yeah, sure,” he sceptically replied.
“I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”
He flashed me an odd look then. “I bet you are.”
I sighed in hopelessness. “You know, I’m just trying to be nice–”
“I don’t give a fuck. I didn’t ask you to be nice. I don’t even want to fucking talk to you. So how about you sit there and shut up so I can concentrate on the fucking road and not you yammering away like we’re the best of fucking buds, huh?”
My jaw dropped. Did I really deserve that kind of backlash? “If I’m such an irritation to you, then why’d you come after me?” I responded tightly. I refused to let the anger set in, though. “I didn’t ask you to drive me back.”
“Believe me, I didn’t fucking want to.”
“Then why did you?”
“My girlfriend thinks you deserved a lift.”
“Why didn’t she give me the lift then?”
“What the fuck are you trying to get at right now?” He looked over at me as he spoke, flaring his nostrils as if I smelled vile to him.
I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
He scoffed, smiling cruelly at me. “You can stop this charade of being all nice. You can go back to being your normal self now.”
“This is me,” I said quietly, looking away from the hardness of his eyes. I would never get my Jaxon back; that was for certain now. “I’m not putting on a charade. Why would I bother when I know perfectly what you think of me?”
He pressed his lips together. He knew exactly what I was referring to.
“In any case,” I continued on, casually, “tell your girlfriend I said thanks. She seems like a very lovely woman.”
He couldn’t look more disinterested if he tried.
My phone rang in my purse. I quickly retrieved it. A phone call was exactly what I needed right now to diffuse my negative emotions because it was most likely from Lexi or Daniel.
“Hey Daniel,” I answered, smiling brightly as I nibbled the skin around my thumb.
“Hey booty call, I haven’t heard from you. I’ve texted you a few times now.” The sound of his concerned voice mellowed my irritated mood immediately.
“Sorry, I’ve been busy today.”
“Did you get a rental car?”
“No. What if that one gets stolen too? The last thing I need is two stolen cars in under two days.”
“You’re still at the motel? I told you to check in somewhere else.”
