“If I can’t have you, Mackenzie, then no one will.” His words are laced with venom and instead of letting them pass, my mind rebuts them.
Why does he get to decide that?
The inky swirls darken, trying to blanket me, but my mind fights it.
This isn’t what I’ve been fighting for, just to give up when he says I have to. All the people who helped me survive deserved more. I deserve more.
My stomach lurches and adrenaline swirls. The once comforting darkness instead smothers me, like a musty damp blanket clinging to me. I want to scream out, not in fear or panic, but in a roar of victory.
I can’t let him win.
I won’t let him win.
With fierce resolution, I point the gun at his chest and fire.
Bang.
The recoil shocks me, vibrating through my body as the sound gets lost in the jolting resonance coming from Max’s apartment above me.
I fire again.
Bang.
My chest heaves as if bound by rope, straining to inflate my lungs. Everything stills, almost frozen in time and our life together flashes through my eyes.
Each physical and emotional hit to my very being holds me in the past.
“You’re a slut, Mackenzie. A whore of a wife. You make me crazy. Why do you make me do this to you? No one will ever love you like me. I will never let you go. I will always find you.”
Bang.
Chad’s fingers relax, and I drag large gasps of air down. He makes no move for the gun. He just hovers over me, a lost faraway look settling in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp, wishing it didn’t have to come to this, wishing I hadn’t just become the same monster as him.
“Ma—Macken—Mackenzie,” he gurgles. Deep red blood drips from his mouth and rolls down his chin.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” My body racks in sobs as his full weight pushes into me. I shove him off and roll away from him. The tears continue to roll down my cheeks, the wine and cheese I had earlier comes up in violent waves, burning my throat like acid.
I’m so sorry.
I repeat the words over and over, but I’m not sure if I’m saying them because I’m truly sorry for shooting him or if I’m apologizing to myself for becoming a killer.
“I’m so sorry.”
I say the words aloud this time, but they’re a lie, just like our marriage. Just like our love.
Twenty-Six
Beau
“I did it, Beau. I killed him.” Her breathing becomes erratic as she paces in front of me. “I pulled the trigger.”
“Calm your breathing, Kenz. Slow it down.” She doesn’t listen. Her panic grows as she revisits the night in her head.
“I didn’t know what to do. He had a gun, Beau. He had the gun pointing right at me.” Not wanting to lose her to a panic attack, I reach forward and pick her up. “Come on, darlin’. Let’s get you back inside.” She folds into my chest as sobs rip through her.
Jesus, fuck. What the fuck is happening here?
I knew something was up. I didn’t know what, but when I felt her shift off me, I waited to see what she was going to do. The last thing I expected her to do was run.
“Beau, I have to go.” I ignore her as we step back inside the house. I make sure I lock up before taking her back to my room.
“Please, Beau. You don’t understand.” She’s right. I can barely understand her past the sobbing. I know she thinks this is what she needs, but the woman can barely walk.
“No, you’re right. I don’t. You’re going to make me understand, though.” We walk down the hall and into my bedroom, and then move over to my bed.
“I killed him, Beau. I took a man’s life.” Her tears come faster as she starts to fight my hold on her.
“I have that part, darlin’. Now tell me what happened after you shot him?” I shift her off me so I can see her face.
“I freaked out. There was so much blood. He wasn’t breathing. I only had Fred to turn to.”
“Fred? Who’s Fred?” My mind zeros in on the name Fred as I try to piece everything together. To say I’m fucking shocked would be an understatement. I think back over the past few months and her comments about Chad, about moving on, her reaction whenever he was brought up. And it all starts to make sense. How I didn’t see it before now is beyond me, but now the truth is looking right at me.
“My boss at the diner. He’s good people. Him and his wife, Carly, took me under their wing like a daughter. He came right away and said he would help me. He told me to pack a bag and he put me on the next bus out of town.”
Fucking hell.
“Jesus, Mackenzie. You just left?” I barely manage to rein in my shock, anger and disappointment that she didn’t call me, but somehow I do.
“I was scared, Beau.” She shakes her head. “I was worried someone would find me. I told Fred about Chad’s connections, about his dad and everything he’s covered up in the past and he thought it was best to get out of there.”
“So what happened then? Why would you come here?”
“I wasn’t going to at first, but then Fred didn’t think I would be okay on my own, so he said to come back to you for help. He was right. I wouldn’t have been able to go it alone. I needed help. I was going to tell you. I swear, but then I thought if Fred did what he said he would, I would be safe. I wanted to wait, see if anyone came for me. So I waited, and I waited some more, and when they didn’t, I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Why does he get to decide that?
The inky swirls darken, trying to blanket me, but my mind fights it.
This isn’t what I’ve been fighting for, just to give up when he says I have to. All the people who helped me survive deserved more. I deserve more.
My stomach lurches and adrenaline swirls. The once comforting darkness instead smothers me, like a musty damp blanket clinging to me. I want to scream out, not in fear or panic, but in a roar of victory.
I can’t let him win.
I won’t let him win.
With fierce resolution, I point the gun at his chest and fire.
Bang.
The recoil shocks me, vibrating through my body as the sound gets lost in the jolting resonance coming from Max’s apartment above me.
I fire again.
Bang.
My chest heaves as if bound by rope, straining to inflate my lungs. Everything stills, almost frozen in time and our life together flashes through my eyes.
Each physical and emotional hit to my very being holds me in the past.
“You’re a slut, Mackenzie. A whore of a wife. You make me crazy. Why do you make me do this to you? No one will ever love you like me. I will never let you go. I will always find you.”
Bang.
Chad’s fingers relax, and I drag large gasps of air down. He makes no move for the gun. He just hovers over me, a lost faraway look settling in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp, wishing it didn’t have to come to this, wishing I hadn’t just become the same monster as him.
“Ma—Macken—Mackenzie,” he gurgles. Deep red blood drips from his mouth and rolls down his chin.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” My body racks in sobs as his full weight pushes into me. I shove him off and roll away from him. The tears continue to roll down my cheeks, the wine and cheese I had earlier comes up in violent waves, burning my throat like acid.
I’m so sorry.
I repeat the words over and over, but I’m not sure if I’m saying them because I’m truly sorry for shooting him or if I’m apologizing to myself for becoming a killer.
“I’m so sorry.”
I say the words aloud this time, but they’re a lie, just like our marriage. Just like our love.
Twenty-Six
Beau
“I did it, Beau. I killed him.” Her breathing becomes erratic as she paces in front of me. “I pulled the trigger.”
“Calm your breathing, Kenz. Slow it down.” She doesn’t listen. Her panic grows as she revisits the night in her head.
“I didn’t know what to do. He had a gun, Beau. He had the gun pointing right at me.” Not wanting to lose her to a panic attack, I reach forward and pick her up. “Come on, darlin’. Let’s get you back inside.” She folds into my chest as sobs rip through her.
Jesus, fuck. What the fuck is happening here?
I knew something was up. I didn’t know what, but when I felt her shift off me, I waited to see what she was going to do. The last thing I expected her to do was run.
“Beau, I have to go.” I ignore her as we step back inside the house. I make sure I lock up before taking her back to my room.
“Please, Beau. You don’t understand.” She’s right. I can barely understand her past the sobbing. I know she thinks this is what she needs, but the woman can barely walk.
“No, you’re right. I don’t. You’re going to make me understand, though.” We walk down the hall and into my bedroom, and then move over to my bed.
“I killed him, Beau. I took a man’s life.” Her tears come faster as she starts to fight my hold on her.
“I have that part, darlin’. Now tell me what happened after you shot him?” I shift her off me so I can see her face.
“I freaked out. There was so much blood. He wasn’t breathing. I only had Fred to turn to.”
“Fred? Who’s Fred?” My mind zeros in on the name Fred as I try to piece everything together. To say I’m fucking shocked would be an understatement. I think back over the past few months and her comments about Chad, about moving on, her reaction whenever he was brought up. And it all starts to make sense. How I didn’t see it before now is beyond me, but now the truth is looking right at me.
“My boss at the diner. He’s good people. Him and his wife, Carly, took me under their wing like a daughter. He came right away and said he would help me. He told me to pack a bag and he put me on the next bus out of town.”
Fucking hell.
“Jesus, Mackenzie. You just left?” I barely manage to rein in my shock, anger and disappointment that she didn’t call me, but somehow I do.
“I was scared, Beau.” She shakes her head. “I was worried someone would find me. I told Fred about Chad’s connections, about his dad and everything he’s covered up in the past and he thought it was best to get out of there.”
“So what happened then? Why would you come here?”
“I wasn’t going to at first, but then Fred didn’t think I would be okay on my own, so he said to come back to you for help. He was right. I wouldn’t have been able to go it alone. I needed help. I was going to tell you. I swear, but then I thought if Fred did what he said he would, I would be safe. I wanted to wait, see if anyone came for me. So I waited, and I waited some more, and when they didn’t, I didn’t know how to tell you.”
