“So you made me believe Chad was going to hurt you?” She looks up, eyes red, nose running and I have to stand from the bed before I take her in my arms and tell her it’s okay. Because it’s not okay. She fucking lied to me, right to my face. Not only me, but all my brothers as well. “We had people looking out for you, darlin’. Had eyes on you. The fucking club pulled so much shit to keep you out of his sight.” I’m angry, fucking furious, but at the same time, I understand it. Fuck, I understand it. You wanted her to fight and she did.
“It was wrong. I know. I’ll never forgive myself, but I needed someone who would help me. I had nowhere else to go and the last thing you said to me was if I needed anything…” She stands and reaches for my hand. I let her take it, knowing she is right. I did tell her if she needed anything to find me. I meant it then just like I still mean it now.
“I know, darlin’. But fuck, Kenz. You should have told me this. Straight out.”
“I know. I screwed up, Beau, which is why I was leaving. I didn’t want you in on any of this. Now someone knows.”
“Who knows?”
“At the club tonight, I was paid a visit.”
“By who?” I press for more.
“A man, I don’t know who. He said Mr. Morre had a message. He said, ‘You’re not going to get away with it.’ He knows, he knows Chad’s missing. He must know I had something to do with it.” The man Jesse told me about.
Jesus, fuck.
I drop her hand and take a seat back on the bed.
Could this situation be any more fucked up?
“How well do you know this Fred? You think he talked?” Kenzie takes a seat next to me.
“No, he wouldn’t. I only spoke to him a couple of weeks ago.”
“You’ve been keeping in contact?” I remember her talking to someone one night on the phone, but she told me it was her old landlord.
Jesus, fuck, the woman has been lying with everything.
“I’ve checked in twice since being here. He took me in, made sure I was protected. He covered it up. He wouldn’t do that to me.” I can see how much she believes it, but I don’t know the fucker from a bar of soap. Who knows who he could have told already.
“So if he didn’t say anything, then who?” I put it back on her.
“I haven’t told a soul. No one knows but Fred, and now you.”
“So why run tonight if Fred cleaned it up and the Mayor has nothing on you? He’s fucking with you then.”
“What else can I do, Beau?” Her hands drop by her side.
“I don’t know, darlin’. Fucking fight? Keep fighting.” I want to fucking shake her. Kiss her. Fuck her. I don’t fucking know, but I need her to see where I am coming from.
“I’m so over fighting, Beau. I don’t know if I can do it anymore.”
“Kenzie.” I place my hands on either side of her face and force her to stop talking and listen. “Don’t ever say that. Ever. You hear me.” I shake her a little and her hands cover mine.
“He’s always going to be inside here.” She presses down over my hands, indicating her head.
“Only if you let him, baby, only if you let him. You did what you had to do. You fought. And you won. He can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let him.”
“But I’ve done a horrible thing. I’m not even sorry, Beau. He deserved it. He deserved more. And it just makes me sick to my stomach. It eats at me because I’m no better than him.”
I close my eyes to gather myself. This woman. Fuck, this woman.
“Darlin’, you didn’t choose that. Your choice was taken from you. He took it from you when he pointed the gun at you. You fought to stay alive. Anyone would say the same. You didn’t have to run.”
“Beau, but his family—”
“I understand why you did it.” I cut her off. She didn’t have to run, but I know why she did. All the corruption this family lives in I don’t blame her. Fuck, no one would. “You’re not an evil person. You survived. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” My thumb wipes away at a lone tear as it rolls down her cheek. I press my lips to hers. They’re wet from her tears, but I kiss her anyway, wanting to take it all away from her.
“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” She closes her eyes, almost like it hurts her to hear it. “Look at me.”
Her eyes open and I pull back a little.
“I love you, Mackenzie. I fell in love with you the second you walked back into my life.”
“You don’t have to say it back to me.” She tries to pull out of my hold, but I don’t let her.
“I fucking love you, darlin’. You amaze me every day. You’re the strongest woman I know. I’m not letting this beat you. I’m going to fix this.” Her tears fall freely and it fucking guts me. Kissing each of them, I continue to take them away.
“How? This isn’t going to go away.” She thinks it won’t, but I’ll make it. Now I know Chad is dead, I don’t give a fuck what I have to do to keep this covered up. This shit won’t come back to her. Not by the time I’m done.
“Well, first off, I need to go visit this Fred. Make sure he’s as trustworthy as you say he is.” I release her face then take her hand, pulling her with me as I lay back on the bed.
“He is, Beau. I swear.”
“I believe you, darlin’, but I’m still going to visit him. He covered this up for you. I need to meet this man, make sure we’re on the same page. From there, I’ll decide our next step. Until then you’re at the clubhouse.” She doesn’t argue with me on the clubhouse rule, and I’m grateful. I don’t think I can deal with it tonight. Not after everything we just went through. “Now sleep. I’m beat. Everything will look better in the morning.” I reach over and flick the lamp off, blanketing the room in darkness. She lets out a soft sigh, before snuggling in closer.
“It was wrong. I know. I’ll never forgive myself, but I needed someone who would help me. I had nowhere else to go and the last thing you said to me was if I needed anything…” She stands and reaches for my hand. I let her take it, knowing she is right. I did tell her if she needed anything to find me. I meant it then just like I still mean it now.
“I know, darlin’. But fuck, Kenz. You should have told me this. Straight out.”
“I know. I screwed up, Beau, which is why I was leaving. I didn’t want you in on any of this. Now someone knows.”
“Who knows?”
“At the club tonight, I was paid a visit.”
“By who?” I press for more.
“A man, I don’t know who. He said Mr. Morre had a message. He said, ‘You’re not going to get away with it.’ He knows, he knows Chad’s missing. He must know I had something to do with it.” The man Jesse told me about.
Jesus, fuck.
I drop her hand and take a seat back on the bed.
Could this situation be any more fucked up?
“How well do you know this Fred? You think he talked?” Kenzie takes a seat next to me.
“No, he wouldn’t. I only spoke to him a couple of weeks ago.”
“You’ve been keeping in contact?” I remember her talking to someone one night on the phone, but she told me it was her old landlord.
Jesus, fuck, the woman has been lying with everything.
“I’ve checked in twice since being here. He took me in, made sure I was protected. He covered it up. He wouldn’t do that to me.” I can see how much she believes it, but I don’t know the fucker from a bar of soap. Who knows who he could have told already.
“So if he didn’t say anything, then who?” I put it back on her.
“I haven’t told a soul. No one knows but Fred, and now you.”
“So why run tonight if Fred cleaned it up and the Mayor has nothing on you? He’s fucking with you then.”
“What else can I do, Beau?” Her hands drop by her side.
“I don’t know, darlin’. Fucking fight? Keep fighting.” I want to fucking shake her. Kiss her. Fuck her. I don’t fucking know, but I need her to see where I am coming from.
“I’m so over fighting, Beau. I don’t know if I can do it anymore.”
“Kenzie.” I place my hands on either side of her face and force her to stop talking and listen. “Don’t ever say that. Ever. You hear me.” I shake her a little and her hands cover mine.
“He’s always going to be inside here.” She presses down over my hands, indicating her head.
“Only if you let him, baby, only if you let him. You did what you had to do. You fought. And you won. He can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let him.”
“But I’ve done a horrible thing. I’m not even sorry, Beau. He deserved it. He deserved more. And it just makes me sick to my stomach. It eats at me because I’m no better than him.”
I close my eyes to gather myself. This woman. Fuck, this woman.
“Darlin’, you didn’t choose that. Your choice was taken from you. He took it from you when he pointed the gun at you. You fought to stay alive. Anyone would say the same. You didn’t have to run.”
“Beau, but his family—”
“I understand why you did it.” I cut her off. She didn’t have to run, but I know why she did. All the corruption this family lives in I don’t blame her. Fuck, no one would. “You’re not an evil person. You survived. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” My thumb wipes away at a lone tear as it rolls down her cheek. I press my lips to hers. They’re wet from her tears, but I kiss her anyway, wanting to take it all away from her.
“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” She closes her eyes, almost like it hurts her to hear it. “Look at me.”
Her eyes open and I pull back a little.
“I love you, Mackenzie. I fell in love with you the second you walked back into my life.”
“You don’t have to say it back to me.” She tries to pull out of my hold, but I don’t let her.
“I fucking love you, darlin’. You amaze me every day. You’re the strongest woman I know. I’m not letting this beat you. I’m going to fix this.” Her tears fall freely and it fucking guts me. Kissing each of them, I continue to take them away.
“How? This isn’t going to go away.” She thinks it won’t, but I’ll make it. Now I know Chad is dead, I don’t give a fuck what I have to do to keep this covered up. This shit won’t come back to her. Not by the time I’m done.
“Well, first off, I need to go visit this Fred. Make sure he’s as trustworthy as you say he is.” I release her face then take her hand, pulling her with me as I lay back on the bed.
“He is, Beau. I swear.”
“I believe you, darlin’, but I’m still going to visit him. He covered this up for you. I need to meet this man, make sure we’re on the same page. From there, I’ll decide our next step. Until then you’re at the clubhouse.” She doesn’t argue with me on the clubhouse rule, and I’m grateful. I don’t think I can deal with it tonight. Not after everything we just went through. “Now sleep. I’m beat. Everything will look better in the morning.” I reach over and flick the lamp off, blanketing the room in darkness. She lets out a soft sigh, before snuggling in closer.
