“I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t want this between us. And I’m so sorry I lied to the club.” Her voice cracks, and it almost breaks me. “You all gave me a second chance, made me feel safe. I didn’t want my ugliness to touch you.”
“You gotta know I still would have protected you either way, darlin’.” Yeah, I’m pissed she kept it from me, but how could I be pissed at what she did? I couldn’t, not when I’m so fucking proud of her. Proud of what she did to save herself.
“I love you, Beau. I don’t deserve you. Everything you have done for me is too much.”
“Don’t speak that shit to me again,” I growl, pissed she doesn’t see herself the way I see her. “You deserve more. Fuck, you deserve everything, then some. If anyone doesn’t deserve this, it’s me. Now sleep.” I drop my head close to her until my nose finds her skin and I breathe her in.
Fuck, I could have lost her tonight. I nearly did.
Nausea swarms in my gut, and my heart struggles to keep a steady beat. The fact she was willing to walk out like that taunts me, her words replaying like an echo.
You deserve so much more.
I know she thinks she was doing the right thing, but she has to know by now I will never let her leave.
Ever.
Knowing this is far from over, I force myself to keep my head clear. Tomorrow, shit is going down, but tonight, I will hold her and comfort her until her tears dry up and every ounce of guilt she’s been carrying drifts away.
Maybe one day she will see just how much she deserves this and then realize I’m not enough, but until that day comes, I am going to give her what she needs. And right now, she needs grace. Grace for taking a monster’s life.
And I am going to give it to her.
If anyone deserves it, it’s her.
“So you want to go to Ohio, walk into some small town diner looking for a guy named Fred, and ask if he covered up a murder?” Jesse summarizes everything I just told the table, making it sound more fucking crazy than I am right now. It’s the morning after Mackenzie told me her secret. After tossing and turning all night, I decided I needed to bring the guys in on this to get their perspective. After all, Mayor Morre could know more than I think he knows and then we’d all be in more shit.
“Need to know this Fred can be trusted. I don’t want anything coming back on her.”
“You don’t want to call Jackson in on this?” he presses.
“Jesse, she fucking killed him then covered it up. Yeah, let’s bring the fucking cops in on this, asshole.” I shake my head, not in the mood for his shit today.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were back on the other side of the law,” he fires back with the same attitude.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I turn in my seat and give him my full attention. If he even suggests we call this in again, I’ll fucking lay him out.
“He means we all like Mackenzie, Beau. But she killed someone. The Mayor’s son at that. Then she came back and lied to us all. You really okay with this?” Sy enters the conversation.
“The fucker terrorized her. Beat her to the point she had to run. You think he was looking for her so they could have a fucking candle-lit dinner? He was going to kill her. Regardless of how you or I see it, she did what she felt she had to do in order to survive. So yes, I’m fucking okay with her taking the asshole’s life.”
“Yeah, and if she stayed, she could have had a better chance of fixing this,” Jesse keeps pushing. He just doesn’t comprehend it. How could he? His woman hasn’t been in Mackenzie’s shoes and never will be.
“But she didn’t, okay. You can fucking judge her all you want, but we’re still going to help her.”
“Boss?” Jesse turns to Nix. “You gonna weigh in on this clusterfuck anytime soon?”
“You know what, fuck you, Jesse.” I stand, pushing my chair back, done with his shit. I was stupid to think bringing them in on this would be good. Should have just handled it on my own without a single fucking word to them.
“Beau, wait—” Nix calls out, but I’m not hearing it. I didn’t come to them for a fucking vote. I came to them for help.
“No, I’m done. This club has done so much shit for everyone sitting at this table. I get it. I really fucking do. We’ve pulled ourselves out of hell. We don’t need this kind of heat. But we are not calling the cops. I’d take the fall before I see her do time for this.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” Jesse scoffs.
“No, he’s in love,” Hunter counters and my eyes fall on him.
Fuck me, the little fucker gets it.
“She was ready to run to keep us safe. I’m not okay with that. She fucking leaves, I go with her.” The table falls silent at my admission and I take the moment to calm my breathing. “You’d do the same for Holly.” I turn to Sy, already knowing his answer.
“Fucking A,” is his reply.
“Kadence?” I twist back to Nix.
“Don’t even have to ask.”
I look to Brooks and point him an expectant stare. He nods, giving me his answer. I skip over Hunter, knowing he doesn’t have a woman and look back to Jesse.
“I’d do the same for Bell, but she’s my woman.” He cocks his brow, just pushing me the only way he can.
“Mackenzie is my fucking woman, cockhead!” I all but scream at him.
“You gotta know I still would have protected you either way, darlin’.” Yeah, I’m pissed she kept it from me, but how could I be pissed at what she did? I couldn’t, not when I’m so fucking proud of her. Proud of what she did to save herself.
“I love you, Beau. I don’t deserve you. Everything you have done for me is too much.”
“Don’t speak that shit to me again,” I growl, pissed she doesn’t see herself the way I see her. “You deserve more. Fuck, you deserve everything, then some. If anyone doesn’t deserve this, it’s me. Now sleep.” I drop my head close to her until my nose finds her skin and I breathe her in.
Fuck, I could have lost her tonight. I nearly did.
Nausea swarms in my gut, and my heart struggles to keep a steady beat. The fact she was willing to walk out like that taunts me, her words replaying like an echo.
You deserve so much more.
I know she thinks she was doing the right thing, but she has to know by now I will never let her leave.
Ever.
Knowing this is far from over, I force myself to keep my head clear. Tomorrow, shit is going down, but tonight, I will hold her and comfort her until her tears dry up and every ounce of guilt she’s been carrying drifts away.
Maybe one day she will see just how much she deserves this and then realize I’m not enough, but until that day comes, I am going to give her what she needs. And right now, she needs grace. Grace for taking a monster’s life.
And I am going to give it to her.
If anyone deserves it, it’s her.
“So you want to go to Ohio, walk into some small town diner looking for a guy named Fred, and ask if he covered up a murder?” Jesse summarizes everything I just told the table, making it sound more fucking crazy than I am right now. It’s the morning after Mackenzie told me her secret. After tossing and turning all night, I decided I needed to bring the guys in on this to get their perspective. After all, Mayor Morre could know more than I think he knows and then we’d all be in more shit.
“Need to know this Fred can be trusted. I don’t want anything coming back on her.”
“You don’t want to call Jackson in on this?” he presses.
“Jesse, she fucking killed him then covered it up. Yeah, let’s bring the fucking cops in on this, asshole.” I shake my head, not in the mood for his shit today.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were back on the other side of the law,” he fires back with the same attitude.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I turn in my seat and give him my full attention. If he even suggests we call this in again, I’ll fucking lay him out.
“He means we all like Mackenzie, Beau. But she killed someone. The Mayor’s son at that. Then she came back and lied to us all. You really okay with this?” Sy enters the conversation.
“The fucker terrorized her. Beat her to the point she had to run. You think he was looking for her so they could have a fucking candle-lit dinner? He was going to kill her. Regardless of how you or I see it, she did what she felt she had to do in order to survive. So yes, I’m fucking okay with her taking the asshole’s life.”
“Yeah, and if she stayed, she could have had a better chance of fixing this,” Jesse keeps pushing. He just doesn’t comprehend it. How could he? His woman hasn’t been in Mackenzie’s shoes and never will be.
“But she didn’t, okay. You can fucking judge her all you want, but we’re still going to help her.”
“Boss?” Jesse turns to Nix. “You gonna weigh in on this clusterfuck anytime soon?”
“You know what, fuck you, Jesse.” I stand, pushing my chair back, done with his shit. I was stupid to think bringing them in on this would be good. Should have just handled it on my own without a single fucking word to them.
“Beau, wait—” Nix calls out, but I’m not hearing it. I didn’t come to them for a fucking vote. I came to them for help.
“No, I’m done. This club has done so much shit for everyone sitting at this table. I get it. I really fucking do. We’ve pulled ourselves out of hell. We don’t need this kind of heat. But we are not calling the cops. I’d take the fall before I see her do time for this.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” Jesse scoffs.
“No, he’s in love,” Hunter counters and my eyes fall on him.
Fuck me, the little fucker gets it.
“She was ready to run to keep us safe. I’m not okay with that. She fucking leaves, I go with her.” The table falls silent at my admission and I take the moment to calm my breathing. “You’d do the same for Holly.” I turn to Sy, already knowing his answer.
“Fucking A,” is his reply.
“Kadence?” I twist back to Nix.
“Don’t even have to ask.”
I look to Brooks and point him an expectant stare. He nods, giving me his answer. I skip over Hunter, knowing he doesn’t have a woman and look back to Jesse.
“I’d do the same for Bell, but she’s my woman.” He cocks his brow, just pushing me the only way he can.
“Mackenzie is my fucking woman, cockhead!” I all but scream at him.
