“So, how are things going?” Erin asked, diving right into it.
Trent groaned, and our faces fell. Darren shook his head before saying, “Erin, I don’t think that topic is appropriate dinner table conversation.”
“I’m only asking a simple question.”
Darren chuckled. “Always the inquisitor.”
“What?”
“You know that question isn’t going to get a simple answer, and you’re being nosey,” Nathan said, pointing a chip at his cousin.
Erin pursed her lips, unhappy about not knowing what was going on. “Well, then, what can I talk about? What is a safe topic, Nate?”
I was munching on some of the chips and guacamole Erin made. “Oh, what about Erin’s cooking skills? This guacamole is fantastic!”
Trent mouthed a “thank you,” while Darren and Nathan chuckled. Erin’s face lit up and she went into telling me all about the ingredients she used.
It was a Mexican-themed meal with enchiladas as the main course—Erin’s specialty.
After dinner Darren led us into the den, directing us to the couch before closing the door and then sitting in one of the chairs. I pulled Nathan’s dream journal from my purse and handed it to Nathan, who in turn handed it to Darren.
We were both anxious as he turned on his doctor mode and spent the following fifteen minutes reading over Nathan’s dream, his face void of emotion the entire time. Every once in a while he would look up to Nathan and then turn to me before returning his attention back to the journal.
“Hmm,” was all he said, the only noise he uttered as he read the intricate details of Nathan’s subconscious.
He set it down and sat back in his chair, staring at the journal. It sat there for a few minutes before he picked it back up and read through it again.
My brow scrunched together. That’s it?
That was when he turned to me. No, that was not it. “I assume you’ve read this. How does this make you feel? Do you have doubts about the sincerity? Are you scared? Tell me what’s going through your head.”
I clasped Nathan’s hand in mine and took a deep breath before spilling every thought that was running through my head since the previous evening. “I love Nathan, and I want to believe this is what we’ve been waiting for, but at the same time I don’t know if I can trust it. Do I take it at face value? I mean…can it really be true?”
Dr. Morgenson nodded. “It can, if you allow it.”
“How does one dream change a man overnight? He could wake up tomorrow and regret it, or decide I’m not enough. What do I have that holds him? Nothing. Because despite how much I try and how much I’ve healed, I still don’t have very much self-worth. So, why would this one dream make everything okay, make him want me, and want to stay with me? I’m afraid of what it could or couldn’t mean, and I’m afraid… ” I trailed off, my head dropping, tears stinging my eyes.
Nathan squeezed my hand as his other hand tilted my face up to his. “I can’t let go of all my guilt, but I’m ready to move forward. I think that’s what it means. I need to live again, and I want to do that with you. I can’t keep going the way I’ve been heading, and I can’t lose you. Honeybear, after everything that’s happened, I know I can’t be without you.” His thumb began to make small circles on my cheek, wiping away the tear that fell. I leaned into his touch. “I love you, and I want us to move forward and out of this purgatory we’ve created.”
I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. He pressed into me, his lips parting.
“I want that too, but you have to remember I’m always going to need constant confirmation you want me.”
“Then I’ll tell you every single day how much I love and adore you, how much I want you in every single way a man could want a woman.”
There was a throat clearing, knocking us out of the little bubble we were hiding in. We both turned to find Dr. Morgenson studying us. He leaned forward and placed the journal back on the table and tapped on it. “This? This has rendered me speechless. I mean…wow. I’m astonished, Nathan. This is the largest breakthrough I’ve ever seen with you, next to admitting you were in love with Lila. You seem to be doing well on your own. I almost feel like my children are leaving the nest,” he said, joking with us a bit before asking the question we wanted the answer to. “So, what’s the next step?”
Nathan turned to look at Dr. Morgenson. “We were hoping you would tell us that.”
“Well, you two have made quite a lot of progress over the past few months. While you both still have a long journey ahead of you, I believe you both may have passed your greatest hurdles.” He sat back, contemplating his next statement. “If you were ready to try a conventional relationship, I would encourage it. You two have only made the progress you have because of one another. The love and support you provide one another is healthy, even if your past relationship was not. I have faith in you two. It won’t be easy, but you’re moving in the right direction.”
Dr. Morgenson left us after that to check on dessert, closing the door to the study behind him. We sat there for a moment going over what he had said in silence.
Out therapist thought we were good for one another, that we helped each other. He was surprised by Nathan’s breakthrough and believed it to be true.
He’s the expert, so I should believe him… right?
I was so lost in my thoughts with my hand lying limp in Nathan’s, I almost missed the statement that would solidify my decision to be with him.
“I need lovey hugs.”
It was then I realized I was acting distant, that he needed almost as much reassurance as I did. I launched myself as best I could from my position on the couch and onto his lap. My arms wrapped tightly around him, my hands fisting into his shirt.
“I love you, Nate. I love you so much.”
“Lila, Lila, baby, you are my everything.”
We stayed that way for a few minutes before he helped me stand and walk back out to the dining room. Darren, Trent, and Erin were waiting for us. We ate cheesecake with cherries and caught up on idle gossip for about an hour.
It was nice to be with people in a normal setting, doing normal things, and I didn’t want the rest of the evening to seem rushed, but I was dying to get out of there and get home. I wanted nothing more than to be in bed, with Nathan between my thighs, his body surrounding mine.
Trent groaned, and our faces fell. Darren shook his head before saying, “Erin, I don’t think that topic is appropriate dinner table conversation.”
“I’m only asking a simple question.”
Darren chuckled. “Always the inquisitor.”
“What?”
“You know that question isn’t going to get a simple answer, and you’re being nosey,” Nathan said, pointing a chip at his cousin.
Erin pursed her lips, unhappy about not knowing what was going on. “Well, then, what can I talk about? What is a safe topic, Nate?”
I was munching on some of the chips and guacamole Erin made. “Oh, what about Erin’s cooking skills? This guacamole is fantastic!”
Trent mouthed a “thank you,” while Darren and Nathan chuckled. Erin’s face lit up and she went into telling me all about the ingredients she used.
It was a Mexican-themed meal with enchiladas as the main course—Erin’s specialty.
After dinner Darren led us into the den, directing us to the couch before closing the door and then sitting in one of the chairs. I pulled Nathan’s dream journal from my purse and handed it to Nathan, who in turn handed it to Darren.
We were both anxious as he turned on his doctor mode and spent the following fifteen minutes reading over Nathan’s dream, his face void of emotion the entire time. Every once in a while he would look up to Nathan and then turn to me before returning his attention back to the journal.
“Hmm,” was all he said, the only noise he uttered as he read the intricate details of Nathan’s subconscious.
He set it down and sat back in his chair, staring at the journal. It sat there for a few minutes before he picked it back up and read through it again.
My brow scrunched together. That’s it?
That was when he turned to me. No, that was not it. “I assume you’ve read this. How does this make you feel? Do you have doubts about the sincerity? Are you scared? Tell me what’s going through your head.”
I clasped Nathan’s hand in mine and took a deep breath before spilling every thought that was running through my head since the previous evening. “I love Nathan, and I want to believe this is what we’ve been waiting for, but at the same time I don’t know if I can trust it. Do I take it at face value? I mean…can it really be true?”
Dr. Morgenson nodded. “It can, if you allow it.”
“How does one dream change a man overnight? He could wake up tomorrow and regret it, or decide I’m not enough. What do I have that holds him? Nothing. Because despite how much I try and how much I’ve healed, I still don’t have very much self-worth. So, why would this one dream make everything okay, make him want me, and want to stay with me? I’m afraid of what it could or couldn’t mean, and I’m afraid… ” I trailed off, my head dropping, tears stinging my eyes.
Nathan squeezed my hand as his other hand tilted my face up to his. “I can’t let go of all my guilt, but I’m ready to move forward. I think that’s what it means. I need to live again, and I want to do that with you. I can’t keep going the way I’ve been heading, and I can’t lose you. Honeybear, after everything that’s happened, I know I can’t be without you.” His thumb began to make small circles on my cheek, wiping away the tear that fell. I leaned into his touch. “I love you, and I want us to move forward and out of this purgatory we’ve created.”
I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. He pressed into me, his lips parting.
“I want that too, but you have to remember I’m always going to need constant confirmation you want me.”
“Then I’ll tell you every single day how much I love and adore you, how much I want you in every single way a man could want a woman.”
There was a throat clearing, knocking us out of the little bubble we were hiding in. We both turned to find Dr. Morgenson studying us. He leaned forward and placed the journal back on the table and tapped on it. “This? This has rendered me speechless. I mean…wow. I’m astonished, Nathan. This is the largest breakthrough I’ve ever seen with you, next to admitting you were in love with Lila. You seem to be doing well on your own. I almost feel like my children are leaving the nest,” he said, joking with us a bit before asking the question we wanted the answer to. “So, what’s the next step?”
Nathan turned to look at Dr. Morgenson. “We were hoping you would tell us that.”
“Well, you two have made quite a lot of progress over the past few months. While you both still have a long journey ahead of you, I believe you both may have passed your greatest hurdles.” He sat back, contemplating his next statement. “If you were ready to try a conventional relationship, I would encourage it. You two have only made the progress you have because of one another. The love and support you provide one another is healthy, even if your past relationship was not. I have faith in you two. It won’t be easy, but you’re moving in the right direction.”
Dr. Morgenson left us after that to check on dessert, closing the door to the study behind him. We sat there for a moment going over what he had said in silence.
Out therapist thought we were good for one another, that we helped each other. He was surprised by Nathan’s breakthrough and believed it to be true.
He’s the expert, so I should believe him… right?
I was so lost in my thoughts with my hand lying limp in Nathan’s, I almost missed the statement that would solidify my decision to be with him.
“I need lovey hugs.”
It was then I realized I was acting distant, that he needed almost as much reassurance as I did. I launched myself as best I could from my position on the couch and onto his lap. My arms wrapped tightly around him, my hands fisting into his shirt.
“I love you, Nate. I love you so much.”
“Lila, Lila, baby, you are my everything.”
We stayed that way for a few minutes before he helped me stand and walk back out to the dining room. Darren, Trent, and Erin were waiting for us. We ate cheesecake with cherries and caught up on idle gossip for about an hour.
It was nice to be with people in a normal setting, doing normal things, and I didn’t want the rest of the evening to seem rushed, but I was dying to get out of there and get home. I wanted nothing more than to be in bed, with Nathan between my thighs, his body surrounding mine.
