There he was, in a different suit than I’d last seen him. His hands were wrapped around my good one, tracing light circles on my skin.
He’d gone back to work that week on a reduced hours capacity. Caroline and Andrew filled me in on the meeting Jack had on Friday describing how Owen, the intern Kelly accosted with a coat rack while leaving our office one day, was filling in for me.
They also mentioned how Jack made up an interesting story as to why Nathan was out and working less over the next few weeks.
It fell very much in line with real life, including telling people he’d been in an accident where he almost died, and hearing I was in a bad accident sparked the memory and induced a panic attack.
Once again, I wondered how much Jack knew.
Jack had come to visit once, when Nathan wasn’t there, to check up on me. He let me know that while things weren’t quite up to my standards, they were chugging along and I needed to concentrate on getting better and not worry about the office. I also was informed I would not be returning to work for at least two weeks, and even when I did it would be part-time for a few more. I had plenty of sick time built up over the last few years, but he said he already had the FMLA paperwork in the works if needed.
“Morning?” I asked in a scratchy voice. Ah, yes, the sun coming from the left side of the window.
Nathan smirked. “Morning.”
He handed me my water, and I took multiple large, greedy gulps. “Thank you,” I said, handing him back the half empty cup.
“You’re welcome.”
“I probably stink.” The thought popped directly from my head to my mouth.
He chuckled. “Why do you say that?”
“I’ve been here for over a week and haven’t had a shower. I’m peeing through a tube. My hair has been washed with dry shampoo, and I’ve had a couple of sponge baths, but I just feel gross and can’t wait to get home,” I said while trying to be sly and sniff my hair, which he caught. I wanted a shower in the worst way.
“About that,” he began, his hand reaching up to rub his neck. “We’re working on getting everything ready for your release. We’ve mapped out a loose schedule so you’re never without anyone.”
“What?” I questioned, blinking up at him. Schedule? “We’re? Contraction for ‘we are.’ As in more than one. We as in a group of people?”
“That way someone will always be around if you need anything,” he replied.
I stared at him in disbelief. I was being babysat? “I don’t need anyone’s help. I can take care of myself.”
“Really?” His voice was laced with sarcasm and anger. His jaw tensed. “You can’t even walk! How are you going to get to the bathroom? How are you going to get your meds on time? How are you going to eat?”
“I can do it alone. I’ve taken care of myself my whole life, and I can do it now. I don’t need your help!” My lungs protested, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been. At least some part of me was getting a little bit better.
“Like f**king hell you don’t! The doctor says you won’t be able to walk on the crutches for about three weeks, which means you’re confined to a wheel chair to get around. How the hell are you going to get yourself in and out of the chair? You’ll end up ripping out your stitches, and you’ll be in pain from the exertion. Trust me on that.”
“I can do it on my own.”
It was stupid, I knew that. He was right, but I hated he’d decided everything without consulting me. I was still trying to sort out my feelings, and he was pushing himself into my life.
“Why the hell are you being so damn stubborn about this?” he asked in exasperation. Tears welled in my eyes, and his hand cupped my face to wipe them away. “Please, Lila. Let us take care of you. Let me take care of you. Pick another battle, but stop fighting me on this one.”
“Why? Why do you care?”
“You know why,” he replied, his forehead resting on mine. He took a deep breath and sat up, grabbed my hand, and placed it over his chest, over his heart. “I’m yours. All that I am, if you want it. I’m not much, but I know I can be so much more with you.”
I swallowed hard. I’d never been taken care of with the exception of the time I spent with Teresa and Armando. I wasn’t used to it. It felt…wrong on some level. Maybe that was because the few times my dad ever did anything like that was when we were in public, and I paid for it somehow when we got home. So, what would the price be here?
Logically, I knew there was none. Nathan and his family were doing things for me because they wanted me to get better. They all had a genuine care for my well-being, and not one born out of obligation.
Nathan’s gaze was locked on something outside the room, his expression blank. My eyes followed his to the opened door of the room across the way. The window shades were open, exposing another wing of the hospital.
“Nathan?” He still had my hand in his grip, but he was lost, his mind somewhere else.
“That wing is new. Before, you could see out to the interstate. There was a gap between the buildings, and when the leaves were down you could see a glint of the art museum in the distance.” His vision was still locked on the room, out the window. With a tight grip, and clenched jaw, his gaze moved back to me. “I spent six months in that room.”
“In that exact room?” My voice went up in pitch and my eyes widened.
He nodded. “After that, I was moved into my parents’ house where I spent almost a year. I hated having to depend on them, to depend on anyone. I got angry and lashed out at them on many occasions. I was lucky I had people who were willing and wanted to take care of me, to help me get better. You have that, too, Lila.” He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “You’re not alone in this, and it’s only for a couple of weeks until you’re able to get around on your own.”
“I…I need some time to think about it,” I said, staring up into his beautiful blue eyes. They were mesmerizing as he spoke, and if I wasn’t careful, he could have me agreeing to a lot more.
He smiled and sat back down, still holding my hand in his. It was an innocent enough gesture, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t bring me comfort.
I would also be lying if I said I didn’t want it and much, much more.
An hour later, Nathan left to get some food; I wasn’t alone for long though, because Teresa showed up to spend time with me. I could tell she wanted to talk about something, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it right then. So much had been going on over the previous days, and I had so many drugs in my system I didn’t even remember half of the conversations I had.
He’d gone back to work that week on a reduced hours capacity. Caroline and Andrew filled me in on the meeting Jack had on Friday describing how Owen, the intern Kelly accosted with a coat rack while leaving our office one day, was filling in for me.
They also mentioned how Jack made up an interesting story as to why Nathan was out and working less over the next few weeks.
It fell very much in line with real life, including telling people he’d been in an accident where he almost died, and hearing I was in a bad accident sparked the memory and induced a panic attack.
Once again, I wondered how much Jack knew.
Jack had come to visit once, when Nathan wasn’t there, to check up on me. He let me know that while things weren’t quite up to my standards, they were chugging along and I needed to concentrate on getting better and not worry about the office. I also was informed I would not be returning to work for at least two weeks, and even when I did it would be part-time for a few more. I had plenty of sick time built up over the last few years, but he said he already had the FMLA paperwork in the works if needed.
“Morning?” I asked in a scratchy voice. Ah, yes, the sun coming from the left side of the window.
Nathan smirked. “Morning.”
He handed me my water, and I took multiple large, greedy gulps. “Thank you,” I said, handing him back the half empty cup.
“You’re welcome.”
“I probably stink.” The thought popped directly from my head to my mouth.
He chuckled. “Why do you say that?”
“I’ve been here for over a week and haven’t had a shower. I’m peeing through a tube. My hair has been washed with dry shampoo, and I’ve had a couple of sponge baths, but I just feel gross and can’t wait to get home,” I said while trying to be sly and sniff my hair, which he caught. I wanted a shower in the worst way.
“About that,” he began, his hand reaching up to rub his neck. “We’re working on getting everything ready for your release. We’ve mapped out a loose schedule so you’re never without anyone.”
“What?” I questioned, blinking up at him. Schedule? “We’re? Contraction for ‘we are.’ As in more than one. We as in a group of people?”
“That way someone will always be around if you need anything,” he replied.
I stared at him in disbelief. I was being babysat? “I don’t need anyone’s help. I can take care of myself.”
“Really?” His voice was laced with sarcasm and anger. His jaw tensed. “You can’t even walk! How are you going to get to the bathroom? How are you going to get your meds on time? How are you going to eat?”
“I can do it alone. I’ve taken care of myself my whole life, and I can do it now. I don’t need your help!” My lungs protested, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been. At least some part of me was getting a little bit better.
“Like f**king hell you don’t! The doctor says you won’t be able to walk on the crutches for about three weeks, which means you’re confined to a wheel chair to get around. How the hell are you going to get yourself in and out of the chair? You’ll end up ripping out your stitches, and you’ll be in pain from the exertion. Trust me on that.”
“I can do it on my own.”
It was stupid, I knew that. He was right, but I hated he’d decided everything without consulting me. I was still trying to sort out my feelings, and he was pushing himself into my life.
“Why the hell are you being so damn stubborn about this?” he asked in exasperation. Tears welled in my eyes, and his hand cupped my face to wipe them away. “Please, Lila. Let us take care of you. Let me take care of you. Pick another battle, but stop fighting me on this one.”
“Why? Why do you care?”
“You know why,” he replied, his forehead resting on mine. He took a deep breath and sat up, grabbed my hand, and placed it over his chest, over his heart. “I’m yours. All that I am, if you want it. I’m not much, but I know I can be so much more with you.”
I swallowed hard. I’d never been taken care of with the exception of the time I spent with Teresa and Armando. I wasn’t used to it. It felt…wrong on some level. Maybe that was because the few times my dad ever did anything like that was when we were in public, and I paid for it somehow when we got home. So, what would the price be here?
Logically, I knew there was none. Nathan and his family were doing things for me because they wanted me to get better. They all had a genuine care for my well-being, and not one born out of obligation.
Nathan’s gaze was locked on something outside the room, his expression blank. My eyes followed his to the opened door of the room across the way. The window shades were open, exposing another wing of the hospital.
“Nathan?” He still had my hand in his grip, but he was lost, his mind somewhere else.
“That wing is new. Before, you could see out to the interstate. There was a gap between the buildings, and when the leaves were down you could see a glint of the art museum in the distance.” His vision was still locked on the room, out the window. With a tight grip, and clenched jaw, his gaze moved back to me. “I spent six months in that room.”
“In that exact room?” My voice went up in pitch and my eyes widened.
He nodded. “After that, I was moved into my parents’ house where I spent almost a year. I hated having to depend on them, to depend on anyone. I got angry and lashed out at them on many occasions. I was lucky I had people who were willing and wanted to take care of me, to help me get better. You have that, too, Lila.” He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “You’re not alone in this, and it’s only for a couple of weeks until you’re able to get around on your own.”
“I…I need some time to think about it,” I said, staring up into his beautiful blue eyes. They were mesmerizing as he spoke, and if I wasn’t careful, he could have me agreeing to a lot more.
He smiled and sat back down, still holding my hand in his. It was an innocent enough gesture, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t bring me comfort.
I would also be lying if I said I didn’t want it and much, much more.
An hour later, Nathan left to get some food; I wasn’t alone for long though, because Teresa showed up to spend time with me. I could tell she wanted to talk about something, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it right then. So much had been going on over the previous days, and I had so many drugs in my system I didn’t even remember half of the conversations I had.
