“And most of it is positive,” she kept going, scrolling through her phone again. She was beaming down at it. “With Erica’s name on it, I know you just made her career.” She paused to glance up, and waved to my eyes. “And those are breathtaking. You’re going to be a hit.” If our station can do anything further for you, please let us know. We just want to support you.”
Wanker grunted.
She glanced to me, frowning slightly. “What?”
“Nothing.” Wanker said as his hand curled around my shoulder, and he pulled me to his side.
For right now, he was shielding me from her. That much registered with me. I leaned against him, so damn thankful I had gone back to the apartment. She gave us another smile and wandered back to Erica and the camera guy.
Wanker muttered under his breath, “Oh, yes. I’m sure they’d love to support you, and reap the benefits from it, too.”
I closed my eyes. “We had to use someone.”
“I know. Erica said they were the best ones to work with, but still. They’re using Erica, her friendship with you, and you most of all. I’ll be happy when all of this is over.”
I looked up, the corner of my mouth turning down. “You don’t get it.” I pulled away, facing him directly.
“Get what?”
I shook my head. “There’s no going back, Wanker. This is it for me.” I gestured to the camera and where I sat moments ago. “I did all of that for one reason. I need to make things just a tiny bit better. That’s it.” I wasn’t dumb. I knew how people would react. I was known. I’d always be known. “I did that to maybe get people to do things not as much. Not hate me as much. Not bother me as much. Not want to call me names when they see me in person as much. That’s it. I’m not fooling myself. It won’t all go away, but I want some of it to go away. Just a little part of it.” That was all I could ask for, that was all that would realistically happen.
“What about you and Kian?”
I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I saw the looks between you two. You’re together.”
It wasn’t a question. He knew, just like he had known before.
I let out a sigh. “When did you figure it out?”
“When you both came to the apartment—”
I waved that off, shaking my head. “No, not that.”
“Oh.” His head straightened up, and his shoulders rolled back. “I knew you had a secret. You didn’t like crowds or people in the beginning. I figured something happened. You looked a little more like your old self our freshman year, but not enough where I’d put two and two together. I mean, who would? That case was talked about in every house, and why would I question a girl who looks a tiny bit similar to her?” His glasses slid down, and he pushed them back up. “Your contact fell out one day.”
“My contact?”
He nodded. “It was real quick. It came out in the library when we were studying. You took off right away, and you kept your head down, but I saw the color of your eyes. It’s unmistakable.”
I frowned, remembering that day. “That was a year ago. You’ve known for this long?”
He never said a word.
“Yeah. I mean, I understood why you were keeping quiet.” He lifted a shoulder before looking at Erica over my shoulder. “I was going to tell her. I had it all planned out, then a story about you came on the television. It was a coincidence. They were running those stories more often back then, but I watched it differently that time. I knew you and I put myself in your shoes. I got it. I did. I knew why you were hiding, but Erica started going off about you. She thought there was more to the story, how you must’ve manipulated the whole thing and I knew I couldn’t say a word. She wouldn’t have understood back then.” He paused, skirting from me to her and to me again before saying, “She still doesn’t, you know.”
“What?”
I went still. Erica had said she was okay with it, understood why I lied…but she got over it so quickly. I was surprised, but I didn’t wanted to press my luck.
He nodded, taking off his glasses. I noticed the bags under his eyes then.
He murmured, “She’s trying to be a supportive friend, but she’s hurt.”
Erica was shaking the reporter’s hand and then the camera guy’s. Everyone was smiling. They seemed almost giddy. I didn’t see a hurt friend, but if Wanker said it, it was true. He knew her the best.
“Well, shit.”
“Erica loves you. She’s hurt that you lied to her, but she understands why you lied.” He peered over my shoulder, also watching the woman he loved. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think it will take much to make her feel better. Probably an extra few words about how your friendship means the world to you.”
“It does.” She was family. I realized that now. “It really does.”
“Tell her, and she’ll love you forever.” His voice dropped, filled with pride. “She’s a good person like that.”
I looked up at him and saw the love for her in his eyes. “You need to tell her how you feel.”
He looked down, meeting my gaze. He let out his own sigh. “I know. Maybe one day. Maybe when I think she’ll return the words.” His hand squeezed my shoulder. “I’m going to wait outside, talk to the officers, and see where they suggest we head to now.”
I nodded as he slipped out the door, and I didn’t wait for long. Erica came over right after. She saw Wanker leaving. Although sounding out of breath, she was glowing. “Where’s he going?”
“He left, so I could tell you how much—”
“Ah.” She held up a hand, stopping me. Her head bobbed up and down. “I got it. And I know what you’re going to say, but you don’t have to.”
Well, damn.
She added, “I was hurt, yes, but I get it. I do. After hearing what you said just now, how could I not get it? I’m just hurt that you were hurt and felt like you couldn’t trust me, if that makes any sense.” A rueful grin appeared, and she rolled her eyes. “Not to toot my own horn, but I did good with that interview. I was on point, and now listen to me. Bumbling idiot”—she pointed to herself—“right here.”
And I wouldn’t have her any other way. “Thank you.”
Wanker grunted.
She glanced to me, frowning slightly. “What?”
“Nothing.” Wanker said as his hand curled around my shoulder, and he pulled me to his side.
For right now, he was shielding me from her. That much registered with me. I leaned against him, so damn thankful I had gone back to the apartment. She gave us another smile and wandered back to Erica and the camera guy.
Wanker muttered under his breath, “Oh, yes. I’m sure they’d love to support you, and reap the benefits from it, too.”
I closed my eyes. “We had to use someone.”
“I know. Erica said they were the best ones to work with, but still. They’re using Erica, her friendship with you, and you most of all. I’ll be happy when all of this is over.”
I looked up, the corner of my mouth turning down. “You don’t get it.” I pulled away, facing him directly.
“Get what?”
I shook my head. “There’s no going back, Wanker. This is it for me.” I gestured to the camera and where I sat moments ago. “I did all of that for one reason. I need to make things just a tiny bit better. That’s it.” I wasn’t dumb. I knew how people would react. I was known. I’d always be known. “I did that to maybe get people to do things not as much. Not hate me as much. Not bother me as much. Not want to call me names when they see me in person as much. That’s it. I’m not fooling myself. It won’t all go away, but I want some of it to go away. Just a little part of it.” That was all I could ask for, that was all that would realistically happen.
“What about you and Kian?”
I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I saw the looks between you two. You’re together.”
It wasn’t a question. He knew, just like he had known before.
I let out a sigh. “When did you figure it out?”
“When you both came to the apartment—”
I waved that off, shaking my head. “No, not that.”
“Oh.” His head straightened up, and his shoulders rolled back. “I knew you had a secret. You didn’t like crowds or people in the beginning. I figured something happened. You looked a little more like your old self our freshman year, but not enough where I’d put two and two together. I mean, who would? That case was talked about in every house, and why would I question a girl who looks a tiny bit similar to her?” His glasses slid down, and he pushed them back up. “Your contact fell out one day.”
“My contact?”
He nodded. “It was real quick. It came out in the library when we were studying. You took off right away, and you kept your head down, but I saw the color of your eyes. It’s unmistakable.”
I frowned, remembering that day. “That was a year ago. You’ve known for this long?”
He never said a word.
“Yeah. I mean, I understood why you were keeping quiet.” He lifted a shoulder before looking at Erica over my shoulder. “I was going to tell her. I had it all planned out, then a story about you came on the television. It was a coincidence. They were running those stories more often back then, but I watched it differently that time. I knew you and I put myself in your shoes. I got it. I did. I knew why you were hiding, but Erica started going off about you. She thought there was more to the story, how you must’ve manipulated the whole thing and I knew I couldn’t say a word. She wouldn’t have understood back then.” He paused, skirting from me to her and to me again before saying, “She still doesn’t, you know.”
“What?”
I went still. Erica had said she was okay with it, understood why I lied…but she got over it so quickly. I was surprised, but I didn’t wanted to press my luck.
He nodded, taking off his glasses. I noticed the bags under his eyes then.
He murmured, “She’s trying to be a supportive friend, but she’s hurt.”
Erica was shaking the reporter’s hand and then the camera guy’s. Everyone was smiling. They seemed almost giddy. I didn’t see a hurt friend, but if Wanker said it, it was true. He knew her the best.
“Well, shit.”
“Erica loves you. She’s hurt that you lied to her, but she understands why you lied.” He peered over my shoulder, also watching the woman he loved. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think it will take much to make her feel better. Probably an extra few words about how your friendship means the world to you.”
“It does.” She was family. I realized that now. “It really does.”
“Tell her, and she’ll love you forever.” His voice dropped, filled with pride. “She’s a good person like that.”
I looked up at him and saw the love for her in his eyes. “You need to tell her how you feel.”
He looked down, meeting my gaze. He let out his own sigh. “I know. Maybe one day. Maybe when I think she’ll return the words.” His hand squeezed my shoulder. “I’m going to wait outside, talk to the officers, and see where they suggest we head to now.”
I nodded as he slipped out the door, and I didn’t wait for long. Erica came over right after. She saw Wanker leaving. Although sounding out of breath, she was glowing. “Where’s he going?”
“He left, so I could tell you how much—”
“Ah.” She held up a hand, stopping me. Her head bobbed up and down. “I got it. And I know what you’re going to say, but you don’t have to.”
Well, damn.
She added, “I was hurt, yes, but I get it. I do. After hearing what you said just now, how could I not get it? I’m just hurt that you were hurt and felt like you couldn’t trust me, if that makes any sense.” A rueful grin appeared, and she rolled her eyes. “Not to toot my own horn, but I did good with that interview. I was on point, and now listen to me. Bumbling idiot”—she pointed to herself—“right here.”
And I wouldn’t have her any other way. “Thank you.”
