I gestured to my face. “I have colored contacts, but my real eye color is unique. He would think I was a demon when he was really drunk. He’d rant about it and how I was sent to tempt him.” My gut shifted, sinking low. I felt sick. “Some days, he’d say I was a goddess, and other days, Lucifer sent me. But that day—” I stopped. My mouth grew dry. I was almost too scared to continue. “He wasn’t saying any of that on that day.”
“What happened, Jo?”
Jo. Not Jordan.
I shook myself awake. I was doing a live interview. Wake up. I had to focus.
Drawing in a short breath, I shoved the memories aside and concentrated on the camera again. “He was saying things about how he needed to eradicate his temptation once and for all. He wouldn’t be unfaithful. He was a loyal servant, but he was at his end. He had to take care of me. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time, but then I heard the front door open. I thought someone was coming to save me, and I hoped. I looked, but—”
I felt something trickle down my cheek.
I gazed down. A tear fell to my arm.
“No one was coming. They were leaving. It was his wife and the kids. They were in a hurry because she always had them dressed nice whenever they left but not that day. They were in sweatpants and T-shirts. They didn’t even have their coats on.”
There was dead silence, both in the hotel room and that day in the bedroom.
She had abandoned me. “I was going to die. I knew it then.”
“How did—” Erica’s voice choked off before she coughed, clearing it. “How did Kian see you that day?”
“They left in the car the same time he was crossing the street. He saw them go. I thought that was what made him come and see what was going on.” I knew better now. “He looked up and saw me in the window.”
I flinched. It had only been for a second, but I still remembered when our eyes met.
He saw me, and something turned off in him. His mouth flattened. His face grew hard and impassive, but it was his eyes. I knew what he was going to do when he came, and when he started for the door, I turned back around.
Kian was coming.
Edmund didn’t realize it. He was behind me. He didn’t know whom I saw in that slight moment. But then he drew closer to me, bringing the knife up to my throat and whispered, “I cannot take you anymore.”
He bent close, so his breath was coating my face. I bit down on my lip to keep from cursing at him. I needed him to wait. I needed time to pause.
“He started cutting me.” I looked down to my lap. My nails were bleeding, so I tucked them under my legs. I couldn’t look into the lens anymore. “He was going to have fun torturing me. He wanted the demon in me to come out, and then he was going to pour salt into my wounds. He thought that would anger the demon even more.”
A small cut to the hands. A mild cut to the wrists. As he kept going, the cuts got deeper and deeper. The tops of my arms. Edmund lifted my shirt. He made me take it off, and he cut where my ribs were. Across my stomach. My hip bones. He turned me around then. At the same time, he reached around and pulled the curtain all the way down to the window frame. No one could see us.
Where’s that boy?
I remembered wondering that.
He began cutting my back. He was carving a pattern into my skin. When he was done, he turned me around again, and stepped back to admire his work.
His gaze fell to my breasts.
“I think he would’ve cut them off.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That was when Kian burst into the room.”
He saw the blood.
“What happened then?”
I didn’t want to remember, but I forced myself to look back up to the camera. “He killed Edmund. That was what he did. Edmund threatened to kill me if Kian didn’t leave. He grabbed me and brought the knife to my throat. He was going to slice my throat then and there.”
“But he didn’t?”
I shook my head. Everything was so painful. “Kian lunged for Edmund, and they fought.” I closed my eyes. Kian knocked him down, then he moved so fast. He grabbed the knife and sliced Edmund’s throat instead. I said, “Kian was alive. I was alive. Edmund was dead.” No one needed to hear me recite what happened after that.
“The police reports say that Kian stabbed Edmund seventeen times.”
“I don’t care.” That was the truth. “Kian saved my life. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t seduce him. I didn’t even really know him before that day. I had no idea that he even knew I existed, but I am thankful he did. He saved my life.
“Everyone wants to spin this so it’s something more, but it’s not. Even if Kian hadn’t killed him, Edmund might’ve killed someone else. He was sick.” And twisted. He deserved to die. “Kian probably saved someone else’s life, too, that day. That’s it. That’s all there is.”
The silence was so deafening. It was thick, heavy like my heart.
Erica pointed to the camera and asked softly, “Is there anything else you want to say? A nation is listening.”
Was there? A resounding yes sounded in my head. I made sure I was looking right into the camera, and I sat up. I wanted people to hear this. It was my one-time plea to them, but there was something missing, something else I needed to do. It hit me then. My eyes. I was still hiding, and I couldn’t. Without letting myself second guess myself, I reached up and took my contacts out. There was a soft gasp in the room. I skimmed a fleeting glance at Erica, whose eyes widened, but I looked steadily into the camera. I couldn’t mince words. “This is me. This is all of me.” I waved a hand to my face. “I’m not hiding anymore, and I’m not going to be blamed for what happened to me anymore. From here on out, I would like to live as normal of a life as possible. That’s all I want. I just want to be normal.”
“And,” the other reporter moved forward, signaling to the camera guy, “that’s a wrap.”
Erica still had to finish something up with the camera guy so Wanker and I were waiting by the door when the reporter came over. She smiled, looking up from her phone. “You did so well. Honestly, you were amazing. I checked, and your interview is already trending on social media.”
I nodded. She was saying words, and they had meaning, but I was hollow. Nothing was getting inside and staying there. It was all bouncing around and then leaving me again. I supposed I would care later after I could process what I just did.
“What happened, Jo?”
Jo. Not Jordan.
I shook myself awake. I was doing a live interview. Wake up. I had to focus.
Drawing in a short breath, I shoved the memories aside and concentrated on the camera again. “He was saying things about how he needed to eradicate his temptation once and for all. He wouldn’t be unfaithful. He was a loyal servant, but he was at his end. He had to take care of me. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time, but then I heard the front door open. I thought someone was coming to save me, and I hoped. I looked, but—”
I felt something trickle down my cheek.
I gazed down. A tear fell to my arm.
“No one was coming. They were leaving. It was his wife and the kids. They were in a hurry because she always had them dressed nice whenever they left but not that day. They were in sweatpants and T-shirts. They didn’t even have their coats on.”
There was dead silence, both in the hotel room and that day in the bedroom.
She had abandoned me. “I was going to die. I knew it then.”
“How did—” Erica’s voice choked off before she coughed, clearing it. “How did Kian see you that day?”
“They left in the car the same time he was crossing the street. He saw them go. I thought that was what made him come and see what was going on.” I knew better now. “He looked up and saw me in the window.”
I flinched. It had only been for a second, but I still remembered when our eyes met.
He saw me, and something turned off in him. His mouth flattened. His face grew hard and impassive, but it was his eyes. I knew what he was going to do when he came, and when he started for the door, I turned back around.
Kian was coming.
Edmund didn’t realize it. He was behind me. He didn’t know whom I saw in that slight moment. But then he drew closer to me, bringing the knife up to my throat and whispered, “I cannot take you anymore.”
He bent close, so his breath was coating my face. I bit down on my lip to keep from cursing at him. I needed him to wait. I needed time to pause.
“He started cutting me.” I looked down to my lap. My nails were bleeding, so I tucked them under my legs. I couldn’t look into the lens anymore. “He was going to have fun torturing me. He wanted the demon in me to come out, and then he was going to pour salt into my wounds. He thought that would anger the demon even more.”
A small cut to the hands. A mild cut to the wrists. As he kept going, the cuts got deeper and deeper. The tops of my arms. Edmund lifted my shirt. He made me take it off, and he cut where my ribs were. Across my stomach. My hip bones. He turned me around then. At the same time, he reached around and pulled the curtain all the way down to the window frame. No one could see us.
Where’s that boy?
I remembered wondering that.
He began cutting my back. He was carving a pattern into my skin. When he was done, he turned me around again, and stepped back to admire his work.
His gaze fell to my breasts.
“I think he would’ve cut them off.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That was when Kian burst into the room.”
He saw the blood.
“What happened then?”
I didn’t want to remember, but I forced myself to look back up to the camera. “He killed Edmund. That was what he did. Edmund threatened to kill me if Kian didn’t leave. He grabbed me and brought the knife to my throat. He was going to slice my throat then and there.”
“But he didn’t?”
I shook my head. Everything was so painful. “Kian lunged for Edmund, and they fought.” I closed my eyes. Kian knocked him down, then he moved so fast. He grabbed the knife and sliced Edmund’s throat instead. I said, “Kian was alive. I was alive. Edmund was dead.” No one needed to hear me recite what happened after that.
“The police reports say that Kian stabbed Edmund seventeen times.”
“I don’t care.” That was the truth. “Kian saved my life. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t seduce him. I didn’t even really know him before that day. I had no idea that he even knew I existed, but I am thankful he did. He saved my life.
“Everyone wants to spin this so it’s something more, but it’s not. Even if Kian hadn’t killed him, Edmund might’ve killed someone else. He was sick.” And twisted. He deserved to die. “Kian probably saved someone else’s life, too, that day. That’s it. That’s all there is.”
The silence was so deafening. It was thick, heavy like my heart.
Erica pointed to the camera and asked softly, “Is there anything else you want to say? A nation is listening.”
Was there? A resounding yes sounded in my head. I made sure I was looking right into the camera, and I sat up. I wanted people to hear this. It was my one-time plea to them, but there was something missing, something else I needed to do. It hit me then. My eyes. I was still hiding, and I couldn’t. Without letting myself second guess myself, I reached up and took my contacts out. There was a soft gasp in the room. I skimmed a fleeting glance at Erica, whose eyes widened, but I looked steadily into the camera. I couldn’t mince words. “This is me. This is all of me.” I waved a hand to my face. “I’m not hiding anymore, and I’m not going to be blamed for what happened to me anymore. From here on out, I would like to live as normal of a life as possible. That’s all I want. I just want to be normal.”
“And,” the other reporter moved forward, signaling to the camera guy, “that’s a wrap.”
Erica still had to finish something up with the camera guy so Wanker and I were waiting by the door when the reporter came over. She smiled, looking up from her phone. “You did so well. Honestly, you were amazing. I checked, and your interview is already trending on social media.”
I nodded. She was saying words, and they had meaning, but I was hollow. Nothing was getting inside and staying there. It was all bouncing around and then leaving me again. I supposed I would care later after I could process what I just did.
