Laces and Lace
Page 157
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Just his name. And it felt like knives going into his chest, one by one.
Billions of them.
“Lacey, where are you? I’ve called a few times, and I just got home and you aren’t here,” he said, panicked.
“I’m still in Chicago,” she answered, taking in a sharp breath.
“Why? Do you have something tonight or tomorrow? I thought you said you were coming home?”
Silence stretched between them and he could hear her trying to hold in her tears. He knew the truth before she uttered the words. “I’m not coming back.”
Glaring at the wall, he swallowed past the lump that was his heart and asked, “What do you mean?”
“It just isn’t working.”
“Again, what do you mean?”
“I mean, we are two different people now. You want kids, and I don’t. You’re beyond messy, and I’m not. I’m not adjusting to Nashville, it’s hard to be away from my family, and I just don’t think this was a good idea.”
“Do you really believe that?” he asked, unable to breathe as he waited for her answer.
“I don’t want to lose you, I really don’t, but I also don’t want you to break it off with me because I’m not everything you thought I was.”
“Who said you aren’t everything I want, Lacey? I never said that, did I?”
“No, but I just feel like I’m not. I bet you thought you were getting a wife who would adjust beautifully, who was made to be a hockey wife, and who was able to give you an abundance of children, but that’s not me. I hate when you are gone, I hate being away from the only place I know, and I refuse to have a child. How am I good for you?”
He was going to wring her neck. “How is it that someone who I think is so beautiful and amazing and perfect can be so fucking insecure about our relationship? This is new. We have to fight to get through the shit, but we are meant to be together—”
“But I’m not—”
“No, I’m not done—”
“But I am. I don’t know how to live with the constant fear that you will wake up and decide I’m not the one for you.”
“Lacey, I haven’t done that in the last nine years! Every day I wake up, I think of you and think of how much I love you. I’ve never fucking stopped, so how in the world, even after living without you for so long, am I going to wake up and do that when I have the chance to wake up to you? It doesn’t make any fucking sense!”
“We aren’t who we were though. You were in love with someone else.”
He laughed. “Are you freaking kidding me? You still are hardheaded, a pain in my ass, and a clean freak who loves hockey and loves helping people. You make me laugh, you turn me on so fucking bad, and I honestly think that just the last twenty-four hours I’ve been away from you is too long apart. I need you, Lacey, like I need to breathe. I am in love with you, only you—nothing will ever change that. Not even your little running stint you’ve done.”
As she cried softly in his ear, his heart broke as he asked, “Do you love me, Lacey?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “But I’ve loved you my whole life, and maybe love isn’t enough.”
“No, it is. If you love me, come home and everything else will fall into place. Together we can do anything.”
He waited for her to agree. It was a simple request, an easy one, and it was the right thing to do. Yeah, things were rough right now, but everyone went through rough patches. They would figure everything out and they would be just fine. She just had to trust him. Believe in them.
“I just don’t think I can because, no matter how much I love you, it won’t give you everything you need.”
“As long as you love me, that’s all I need. I just need your love.”
“No, you need more, and I don’t think I can give it to you.”
“Come home, Lacey. It will all work out.”
“I don’t think it will,” she whispered. “Maybe we just need some time apart, some time to think.”
“That’s the last fucking thing we need,” he exclaimed. “Stop this. Come home to me.”
“I can’t.”
The two words became his undoing. Swallowing hard, past the lump in his throat and the tears that threatened to fall, he begged, “Yes, you can. Where is the woman who I married? Because I don’t know this person. This coward I am talking to. You promised you’d never leave me.”
“And so did you, all those years ago. So I guess we both broke our promises.”
“I had no choice. You have a choice, or maybe this is your dad’s doing again. Is he sitting there coaching you on how to leave me?” he snapped, tears welling up in his eyes.
“No, he doesn’t even know,” she cried. “Only Rachel knows and even she didn’t try to talk me into this. I made this decision myself.”
“Bullshit,” he sneered. “If you love me, you wouldn’t want to leave me.”
“I am trying to protect us from a world of hurt later. If we continue this and later decide that it was a waste, then what?”
“Then at least we fucking tried. At least we fought for what we believed in. I believe in us, in you, and I don’t think we will ever break up. I think we will live a great life because I am going to do everything I can to guarantee that,” he begged. “Lacey, I thought you believed in us too. What happened? What did I do wrong?”
Billions of them.
“Lacey, where are you? I’ve called a few times, and I just got home and you aren’t here,” he said, panicked.
“I’m still in Chicago,” she answered, taking in a sharp breath.
“Why? Do you have something tonight or tomorrow? I thought you said you were coming home?”
Silence stretched between them and he could hear her trying to hold in her tears. He knew the truth before she uttered the words. “I’m not coming back.”
Glaring at the wall, he swallowed past the lump that was his heart and asked, “What do you mean?”
“It just isn’t working.”
“Again, what do you mean?”
“I mean, we are two different people now. You want kids, and I don’t. You’re beyond messy, and I’m not. I’m not adjusting to Nashville, it’s hard to be away from my family, and I just don’t think this was a good idea.”
“Do you really believe that?” he asked, unable to breathe as he waited for her answer.
“I don’t want to lose you, I really don’t, but I also don’t want you to break it off with me because I’m not everything you thought I was.”
“Who said you aren’t everything I want, Lacey? I never said that, did I?”
“No, but I just feel like I’m not. I bet you thought you were getting a wife who would adjust beautifully, who was made to be a hockey wife, and who was able to give you an abundance of children, but that’s not me. I hate when you are gone, I hate being away from the only place I know, and I refuse to have a child. How am I good for you?”
He was going to wring her neck. “How is it that someone who I think is so beautiful and amazing and perfect can be so fucking insecure about our relationship? This is new. We have to fight to get through the shit, but we are meant to be together—”
“But I’m not—”
“No, I’m not done—”
“But I am. I don’t know how to live with the constant fear that you will wake up and decide I’m not the one for you.”
“Lacey, I haven’t done that in the last nine years! Every day I wake up, I think of you and think of how much I love you. I’ve never fucking stopped, so how in the world, even after living without you for so long, am I going to wake up and do that when I have the chance to wake up to you? It doesn’t make any fucking sense!”
“We aren’t who we were though. You were in love with someone else.”
He laughed. “Are you freaking kidding me? You still are hardheaded, a pain in my ass, and a clean freak who loves hockey and loves helping people. You make me laugh, you turn me on so fucking bad, and I honestly think that just the last twenty-four hours I’ve been away from you is too long apart. I need you, Lacey, like I need to breathe. I am in love with you, only you—nothing will ever change that. Not even your little running stint you’ve done.”
As she cried softly in his ear, his heart broke as he asked, “Do you love me, Lacey?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “But I’ve loved you my whole life, and maybe love isn’t enough.”
“No, it is. If you love me, come home and everything else will fall into place. Together we can do anything.”
He waited for her to agree. It was a simple request, an easy one, and it was the right thing to do. Yeah, things were rough right now, but everyone went through rough patches. They would figure everything out and they would be just fine. She just had to trust him. Believe in them.
“I just don’t think I can because, no matter how much I love you, it won’t give you everything you need.”
“As long as you love me, that’s all I need. I just need your love.”
“No, you need more, and I don’t think I can give it to you.”
“Come home, Lacey. It will all work out.”
“I don’t think it will,” she whispered. “Maybe we just need some time apart, some time to think.”
“That’s the last fucking thing we need,” he exclaimed. “Stop this. Come home to me.”
“I can’t.”
The two words became his undoing. Swallowing hard, past the lump in his throat and the tears that threatened to fall, he begged, “Yes, you can. Where is the woman who I married? Because I don’t know this person. This coward I am talking to. You promised you’d never leave me.”
“And so did you, all those years ago. So I guess we both broke our promises.”
“I had no choice. You have a choice, or maybe this is your dad’s doing again. Is he sitting there coaching you on how to leave me?” he snapped, tears welling up in his eyes.
“No, he doesn’t even know,” she cried. “Only Rachel knows and even she didn’t try to talk me into this. I made this decision myself.”
“Bullshit,” he sneered. “If you love me, you wouldn’t want to leave me.”
“I am trying to protect us from a world of hurt later. If we continue this and later decide that it was a waste, then what?”
“Then at least we fucking tried. At least we fought for what we believed in. I believe in us, in you, and I don’t think we will ever break up. I think we will live a great life because I am going to do everything I can to guarantee that,” he begged. “Lacey, I thought you believed in us too. What happened? What did I do wrong?”
