Laces and Lace
Page 158
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“You didn’t do anything. It’s me.”
“Really? You are going to do the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing?”
“I just don’t want to waste your time.”
“Let me make that fucking decision.”
“No, because if I stay with you, I’ll fall harder than ever, and then when you decide you’re done, I’ll be broken. Every second I’m with you, I fall deeper in love with you. I can’t be broken again. It was the worst thing I have ever been through.”
“So you aren’t broken now?” he asked, completely and utterly pissed off. “Because I am.”
Swallowing loudly, she let out a sob, and he wanted to reach through the phone and shake her. This was killing her, so why was she still doing it?
“You know I don’t care about the kid thing, right?”
“That’s a lie,” she snapped. “A fucking lie. Don’t lie to me to make me feel better.”
“No, I love you. I don’t need anything else but you,” he reiterated. “Come home and I’ll show you that.”
“No, you don’t understand. You don’t know what it is like to sit here and know that I can’t be the woman you deserve. To know that I’ll never hold my own child, feed it with my own milk, and give it the world. I want to be everything you deserve, but I can’t be. That’s why I am ending this.”
It was like she’d struck him. “Oh wow. Really? So you are ending it?”
“It’s what’s best.”
“It’s bullshit,” he snapped. “I don’t care about the baby stuff. Yeah, I want kids, but I want you more than that. You think you are less of a woman, but you are the woman for me. I don’t need anything, anyone, but you, Lacey. Do you need counseling? I will go with you. Please don’t do this to me.”
She sniffed loudly before letting go of another sob as his body shook with anger. He didn’t understand any of this, and he hated more than anything that they were doing it over the phone. He wanted to help, he wanted to make things better, and he couldn’t do it long-distance. He needed to be with her. “Just come home, Lacey. We can fix this. It isn’t lost yet.”
“You can’t fix everything.”
“Yes, I can, or I’ll fucking die trying. Come home.”
“No,” she answered and that was when the tear rolled down his cheek. “I can’t.”
“You can, but you won’t.”
“Just give me some time to think.”
“There is nothing to think about. You either love me, or you don’t. You either want to fight for us, or you don’t.”
Clearing her throat, she sucked in a deep breath and he was dying inside. Wiping the tear away, he sucked in his own breath and begged, “Please come home, Lacey.”
“I can’t,” she answered again, further breaking his heart. “But I do love you. Don’t forget that.”
It was the same thing he’d said to her nine years ago, but this time, it wasn’t Nate Martin who’d broken them up. Or so she said. But before he could say anything more, she hung up the phone. Anger and frustration coursed through his body as he stared down at the display of his phone. It was a picture of her, of course. Lying in bed, with her blond locks around her face, a bright grin on her face, and her eyes full of such love.
She did love him. He knew that, but he didn’t understand how she could think that she wasn’t the woman he deserved. How stupid was that? She was everything he needed. She was his life. As the tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, he didn’t know what to do as he looked around the home they’d built together. She was supposed to be there. Not in Chicago, not with her family who would plant more seeds of doubt in her mind.
Why was she doing this?
Hitting his mom’s number, he wiped away his tears as he waited for her to answer. When his dad answered instead, he said, “Hey, Dad. Where’s Ma?”
“Busy, what’s wrong? You sound weird.”
“I need to talk to Ma,” he said, holding back his sobs.
“She’s busy. What is wrong?” he asked again and Karson shook his head.
“Please, I need to talk to her.”
“Talk to me,” Karl King said with his booming voice. “You aren’t crying, are you? What’s wrong?”
His dad was the last person he wanted to talk to about this. He didn’t do emotion well, but Karson needed someone to talk to. He needed some kind of guidance. “Lacey went back to Chicago. She left me.”
“Why the fuck would she do that? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything,” Karson answered, a little taken aback by the question.
“She wouldn’t leave if it was nothing. She’s all googly-eyed for you.”
“Yeah, well, she left, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Go fucking get her. If you love her, you don’t stop trying. You lost her once because you were too much of a damn coward to go for what you want. Are you really going to do it again?”
“I couldn’t before,” Karson said, wiping away another damn tear. He hated this.
“But now you can. Go get on a damn plane, fly up there, and bring your wife home. Fix it, Karson, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life like you have for the last nine. Don’t lose this girl. She’s a good one.”
“Really? You are going to do the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing?”
“I just don’t want to waste your time.”
“Let me make that fucking decision.”
“No, because if I stay with you, I’ll fall harder than ever, and then when you decide you’re done, I’ll be broken. Every second I’m with you, I fall deeper in love with you. I can’t be broken again. It was the worst thing I have ever been through.”
“So you aren’t broken now?” he asked, completely and utterly pissed off. “Because I am.”
Swallowing loudly, she let out a sob, and he wanted to reach through the phone and shake her. This was killing her, so why was she still doing it?
“You know I don’t care about the kid thing, right?”
“That’s a lie,” she snapped. “A fucking lie. Don’t lie to me to make me feel better.”
“No, I love you. I don’t need anything else but you,” he reiterated. “Come home and I’ll show you that.”
“No, you don’t understand. You don’t know what it is like to sit here and know that I can’t be the woman you deserve. To know that I’ll never hold my own child, feed it with my own milk, and give it the world. I want to be everything you deserve, but I can’t be. That’s why I am ending this.”
It was like she’d struck him. “Oh wow. Really? So you are ending it?”
“It’s what’s best.”
“It’s bullshit,” he snapped. “I don’t care about the baby stuff. Yeah, I want kids, but I want you more than that. You think you are less of a woman, but you are the woman for me. I don’t need anything, anyone, but you, Lacey. Do you need counseling? I will go with you. Please don’t do this to me.”
She sniffed loudly before letting go of another sob as his body shook with anger. He didn’t understand any of this, and he hated more than anything that they were doing it over the phone. He wanted to help, he wanted to make things better, and he couldn’t do it long-distance. He needed to be with her. “Just come home, Lacey. We can fix this. It isn’t lost yet.”
“You can’t fix everything.”
“Yes, I can, or I’ll fucking die trying. Come home.”
“No,” she answered and that was when the tear rolled down his cheek. “I can’t.”
“You can, but you won’t.”
“Just give me some time to think.”
“There is nothing to think about. You either love me, or you don’t. You either want to fight for us, or you don’t.”
Clearing her throat, she sucked in a deep breath and he was dying inside. Wiping the tear away, he sucked in his own breath and begged, “Please come home, Lacey.”
“I can’t,” she answered again, further breaking his heart. “But I do love you. Don’t forget that.”
It was the same thing he’d said to her nine years ago, but this time, it wasn’t Nate Martin who’d broken them up. Or so she said. But before he could say anything more, she hung up the phone. Anger and frustration coursed through his body as he stared down at the display of his phone. It was a picture of her, of course. Lying in bed, with her blond locks around her face, a bright grin on her face, and her eyes full of such love.
She did love him. He knew that, but he didn’t understand how she could think that she wasn’t the woman he deserved. How stupid was that? She was everything he needed. She was his life. As the tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, he didn’t know what to do as he looked around the home they’d built together. She was supposed to be there. Not in Chicago, not with her family who would plant more seeds of doubt in her mind.
Why was she doing this?
Hitting his mom’s number, he wiped away his tears as he waited for her to answer. When his dad answered instead, he said, “Hey, Dad. Where’s Ma?”
“Busy, what’s wrong? You sound weird.”
“I need to talk to Ma,” he said, holding back his sobs.
“She’s busy. What is wrong?” he asked again and Karson shook his head.
“Please, I need to talk to her.”
“Talk to me,” Karl King said with his booming voice. “You aren’t crying, are you? What’s wrong?”
His dad was the last person he wanted to talk to about this. He didn’t do emotion well, but Karson needed someone to talk to. He needed some kind of guidance. “Lacey went back to Chicago. She left me.”
“Why the fuck would she do that? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything,” Karson answered, a little taken aback by the question.
“She wouldn’t leave if it was nothing. She’s all googly-eyed for you.”
“Yeah, well, she left, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Go fucking get her. If you love her, you don’t stop trying. You lost her once because you were too much of a damn coward to go for what you want. Are you really going to do it again?”
“I couldn’t before,” Karson said, wiping away another damn tear. He hated this.
“But now you can. Go get on a damn plane, fly up there, and bring your wife home. Fix it, Karson, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life like you have for the last nine. Don’t lose this girl. She’s a good one.”
